In this aquarium of life
we are all swimming along
I luckily have found
just where I belong;
...beside you.

In my aquarium dream
you're next to me
we're floating
together, with no worries.

We're happy.

Close it.

You're the one that I want,
you're the one that I need.
You're the one that I see
when I close my eyes and dream.

I received a lot of praise
For my musical ways
and it caused waves
To crash around my heart-
Their expectations over my art
It ruined my passion
In a "Wonderwall" fashion
Singing over and over again
Into soulless eyes,
Made me feel like a type of prize
It was a lot of work to learn I'm not
I can sing and make music without being bought

I'm coming to see you
and not be so blue
but until then
I'm always missing you, my friend.

My special friend whom I'm in love with.

As I lay my head back on my pillow
Tears drop down my cheeks
They wash away my smile
Maybe if they'd stop...
My feelings would too.

My little sister, is bright.
My little sister is unique.
My little sister is confident.
My little sister is funny,
But she's a bully.

My little sister is a bully,
I can hear it in her words.
She's someone I would hide from,
If I were in the same school as her.

My little sister is a bully,
But she's still changing.
I think the reason she's so blunt,
Is because she's afraid of being like me.

My little sister is afraid,
She saw me crying everyday.
So she shields herself with words.
It makes me feel like I've ruined her.

My little sister is a fighter,
She is thin but strong.
She's someone I want to be.
Hopefully she's still smiling.

My little sister is depressed.
But her smile is still wide.
She knows not to hide.

You make me feel so sublime,
I wish we were closer,
All the time.
I don't want to fight,
I'm missing you a lot tonight.
We're different.
But it pulls us in together.
I want to know every inch of you.

"QUIT."
"QUIT."
"QUIT!"

Is all that I can think!

Quit stomping!
You're creating unwanted anxiety.
Why are you walking so harshly!?
Are you, maybe, angry?
I don't want to know.

I'm now at my personal high.
No more fighting; no more lies.
I'm readying myself for a brand new life.
A beginning that I myself couldn't pass.

Pull me under
with you into the sea
hold me close as we sink,
and don't let go of me.
You're still my octopus.

You say you'll send me away.
But I don't care, what you say.
I won't believe in it.
I won't believe in it.
I am my own person.
I know what I'm doing,
So why don't you be quiet,
and just let me live.

You people can be so strict.
I hate this house that I'm living in.
Sometimes I lose my cool and tend to
throw a fit..
But you can't tell me what to believe,
I have my own mind, and it's free.
Even if you send me away,
I swear up and down to stay the same

You say you'll send me away.
But I don't care, what you say.
I won't believe in it.
I won't believe in it.
I am my own person.
I know what I'm doing,
So why don't you be quiet,
and just let me live.

You can keep telling me,
that I'm acting like a fool.
But that doesn't mean I'll
change my ways,
Just for you.
So stop telling me that I'll lose.

You say you'll send me away.
But I don't care, what you say.
I won't believe in it.
I won't believe in it.
I am my own person.
I know what I'm doing,
So why don't you be quiet,
and just let me live.

My poetry
may appear to be
written goofily
but they mean a lot to me

Looking at this wall again
potato snack bag and necklaces
it's good to be back in this place
where I have no worries
and can stay calm in my own space.

I'm grasping my door by it's frame and
taking it off from the wall to reveal how
there's no way out of this room..
I'll shove it out the window soon.

I'm removing the window from my wall
picking it up and sliding underneath my
medium sized bed it'll never be seen again
and neither will the light that shined so
brightly through it's glass; only to light
up my main habitat.

*I don't want to see the light anymore..
Please don't make me endure it.

Now that you can see I am trapped
inside of my room that contains no
way out and has basically no space
inside it only contains me, myself
and I along with some personal be-
long-ings.

As well as my bed which has nothing
underneath it.. my room has no door,
no windows and for sure, no couture.

But water is somehow seeping inside
I have no where to run, I have no where
to hide.. I'd go under my bed but water
is now causing it to float

I'm standing on top of it and avoiding
this ocean of words..

d e p r e s s e d; s p e a r s; p r e s s
anxiety; axe tiny; a net..
suicidal; a lucid is; sail...

Why can I only think of anagrams for
some of the words that I see, I'm about
to drown.. the water is smothering me.

People just don't understand that my scars are part of what make me who I am,
I may have created them out of foolishness,
but they were debated over agony in the purist.
You may look at me differently because of them,
and of course I understand that,
they are not what make me pretty, nor friendly.
But they remind me that I am not always correct about everything.
They remind me that pain is real.
That I can feel whatever I want to feel in this insane world,
and even though I did make them myself,
I can remember the pain that was felt that in fact inspired them.

and now late at night when the silence creeps in,
I cannot sleep because I remember back then.
and the pain that you dealt may have been done in secret,
but either way you knew that I would hear it, and I will not say a word of hate towards you,
because we were small people in the middle of the sea.
And when I look down I have a constant reminder of that,
but I am stonger now, because of all the tears you caused me to cry.
I will stand taller now, because of your cruelties towards me.
I'll know not to cry next time.
Because in that situation it made things worse.

Family getting drunk,
Little sister out getting high,
and here I am, wishing for one thing
before I go to sleep tonight.

I touch the side of my face
as I shutdown my life,
my cheek is wet...
I stare straight ahead
as the screen goes black.
I sit for a moment
and cry.

10% and I feel tired and somewhat sad.
8% and things are stirring in my head,
I might take a nap.
5% and I plug my charger into the wall.
I'm not sure what just washed over me,
But I'm ready for the fall.

The racket that shakes the room.
It's loud and irrational too.
You see happy and hear tears.
You can even feel the fear.
Everyone's excited,
For the upcoming years.
But this noise..
It's not calming,
Nor cheerful,
It's confused.

I don't want you anymore,
You've left my heart cut open; sore.
My knees go weak after I'm done seeing,
You standing there with her kissing.
I feel my stomach start hurting.
I'm getting a lump in my throat,
I can't seem to focus.
I dropped the cup holder I was holding,
Warm coffee drowns my snowed on shoes.
And that is when I woke up,
My heart knows what you've done.
But it aches because it also knows,
What I myself had done.
I deserve this.

Am I allowed to miss you?
It seems that I'm really not.
I know everything now,
The things that you said,
That caused me to frown.
I often wonder if you even feel bad.
Do you know how many tears I had shed?
No, you don't.
It makes me feel somewhat ashamed,
How much I miss you.

I close my curtains once the sun comes up
I ignore the light and keep myself closed off.
I'm sick of the brightness when I'm in such
a dark place
Does no one understand, they should go away?
The darkness is soothing, but also leaves me
with a wanting; some special kind of craving
it nags at me even when I'm safely sleeping
Which should be a place where it leaves me
but sadly there is no such place
**It always finds me.

Even this subject to me is.. impure.
It's so agitating, why can I not forget?
Does the universe mean to keep it..
Locked inside of my head?

I want to forget the whole month,
Of that year.
I want to leave behind everything,
That I was too afraid to act out.
Everything that happened because,
I did not act out.
I was a weakling trapped inside of,
A lost girl.

Now I have been found,
In the best way possible.
Is it not supposed to be,
..easy now?

I suppose that's just not plausible.
After all I did somehow cause it all.
I kept it all shut inside for a while.
But it has to all spill out eventually.

It is so difficult to remain happy.
Or is it?
I shouldn't let this get to me,
But I am unclean.

What if no one truly wants me.
This is my greatest fear.

We're just people
it's the sad truth
we lose our minds
and don't know
what to do
where to go
what to say
to you?

You're hard for me
to expose myself to
because I don't want
you to see through me

Because honestly
underneath my boring
exterior, I'm really sad.
and it's like you don't know
but I am
and there's nothing that you
or anyone else could really do
that'd change that fact
The fact that I'm literally
going no where
I'm a walking piece of nothing.

I want to hide my face and cry,
I'm tired of no one understanding why.
I bluntly say what's on my mind
and yet you say that I've lost my mind.
Nothing will change, because really
my feelings don't matter.

I can't say that I'm proud
of the things that I've done
saying goodbye to you
wasn't something I found fun

you didn't make it easy
I didn't want to hurt your feelings

but I did in the end, didn't I?

You taught me how to be pro,
It's not like I was ever proficient,
Tibbers goes where he pleases.
But of course you knew that,

You've always been 100 percent-
Cheesey. And because of that,
You sound silly all the time.
Well, okay maybe that's a lie.

But you are a true goof ball.
And I know I'm a dork, but
You catch me when I fall.
And I love that about you.

Shh, that's supposed to be a secret.
Oh yeah, I mean.. it's not like I meant it.
We all know he's an idiot, right?
Wrong. But I won't keep going on.

What am I saying? My words are all over-
The place. Look me straight in the face.
I want you to know that I want to embrace-
You. But I'll give you your space, it's okay.

I don't need it.
My heart is
Complacent.
You are my-

Inspiration.

To land that stun.
You know I will.
We'll get the ****.
Don't say you're done.

We got this Thunder Lord,
Now don't be blunt.
Tell me your opinons,
You know I want to hear em'

Whether it's about past topics,
Or about what I'm writing.
Tell me what you think about-
Anything, just don't get toxic.

But where am I supposed to roam
when the bullying follows me
everywhere that I go, even *home?

Oh, you want to talk?
It's been months now
I almost had forgotten
how you changed me,
                     *back then.

The ocean,
I've only seen it once in my life
I've touched the world, once,
that holds the most beautiful creatures...
The ones who make me feel something
that I wish I could feel all the time.
These creatures that never
make me cry for the wrong reasons.
They're beautiful and helpless
I'm not sure if they can think or imagine
but if they could I'd want them to know
they mean more than they'll ever know, **to me.

I'm walkin' around my neighborhood,
Looking at all the different colors,
It's just that kind of October,
Where everything is pretty,
And it can get kind of chilly,
But that's okay,
I'm wearing my sweater today,

And today,
Is the day that I'm gonna see you again..
And I'm nervous,
But I'll be alright,
I'm just feeling my heart race on the inside,
And regardless of the consequences,
I'll be with you tonight,
I'm seeing you tonight.
In this October chill,
We'll feel all the right feels.

I see little kids over across the street,
They kind of remind me of how we use to be,
When we were young,
And life goes on,
And even though it gets scary,
Growing up and all,
We have eachother through the fall.

And today,
Is the day that I'm gonna see you again..
And I'm nervous,
But I'll be alright,
I'm just feeling my heart race on the inside,
And regardless of the consequences,
I'll be with you tonight,
I'm seeing you tonight.
In this October chill,
We'll feel all the right feels.

Do you ever wish you could turn it off?
Your mind, your heart, your saddest song?
The part of you that lays awake
until the crack of dawn in tears and shaking.
The part that wants to hide away
the one inside who stays
only to make your day horrible before it's even begun.
Don't you wish you could turn it off?

I cried the day you told me goodbye in the hallway where so many memories of mine were made sad, and I'm crying again now after learning about your death.

I no longer listen to those songs I once loved,
because I don't want to turn into
what could've been for you and her.
I always thought we'd find our own songs either way.

Do you ever have one of those smiles...
you know, the kind only someone special can cause.
The kind where your heart doesn't exactly drop,
but it's a similar feeling just way slowed down.
Maybe this sensation I'm trying to describe is called melt?
That kind of smile.
Where your heart just melts as the corners of your lips turn up and create the opposite of a frown.
That kind of smile where you receive chills,
not necessarily anywhere special
just scattered chills that make the whole thing feel even better.
A smile that you're excited to show,
a truly amazing smile.

I'm a poet,
You don't know it
I stay up writing...
My experience
It's kind of morbid
Lots of things have happened...
You'd be furious,
If you knew
Every thing you've done to me
Has been published...
My blog's my news.
Every bad day,
Every good thing,
has its own place...
In my station, Online.
Since I was fourteen
I've been taunting, you.

The jellyfish you drew
that are on my wall keep moving.
They float higher and higher
until they're on the ceiling, above me.
I can't stop thinking about you.

I hate my brain,
For not knowing what to say.
There are so many words,
Just waiting to be shared.
Yet my thoughts remain blurred.
Why?
I know that he cares.