I guess I am a little sorry,
but not really,
I mean, I try to be sorry.

You held onto me,
like a child in a store holding onto a toy
he can't possibly afford,
walking with it aisle to aisle,
playing with it for as long as he possibly can,
then hiding it in a corner,
out of sight,
so that it's there to play with the next time he pays a visit,

you see, it was his, even if it was just for a little while.

the days stay
the moments don’t

I am starting to feel it again,
an alarm going off, right after
a red flag if fluttered,
except my flight or flight is not quite excited,
I am stuck in-between,
contemplating flight or fight,
confused on what comes next,
dissonant about the rationality of my decisions,
and afraid of the consequences of my actions,
filled with thoughts, filling with thoughts,
and overflowing with thoughts.

why is it that you only care about my feelings,
when someone else is the cause?
you hurt my feelings more.

i have nothing left to lose
and so much more to gain

Growing up
means realizing
that sometimes
you hurt others
unintentionally
in an attempt
to save yourself
from that first

if you think
that you really
know who you are,
it most likely means
that you don't,
your body isnt
the only thing
that ages,
your experiences
grow bigger,
you're like sand
on a beach,
waiting for the wind
to pick your next
residence,
and it's all
too random.

little boat, I see you,
travelling through the subtle waves,
carrying a stranger across,
greeting the dandelions that are by,
underneath you, the creatures hide,
unable to peak through,
little boat, you aren't so little to life.

how can you love someone
and trust in them,
when you only carry love
for anyone but for yourself,
because you don't trust
in you,
and you can't love you.

when we first met
I finally understood
what all the songs, movies,
and stories tell about love,

but only now that our
paths may never
cross each other's,
I finally really understand.

looked for you
for 21 years,
wondered
what you were
up to when some
nights felt lonely,
saw you in
every person
I came across
everyday,
thought about
your existence
way too many times,
and many times
more I taught
myself not to,
and here you are,
a call away,
your touch;
a hug away,
your presence;
a heart beat away.

You were no sunshine
in a golden hour,
but you did blind me
from every golden thing

here i am,
once again,
knocking at the door
of adventure,
curious to know
what kind of love
awaits for me,
just to have it
collapse and
shatter all over
my heart, my mind,
my thoughts,
so my words
overspill
and my trust in
myself becomes extinct.

if you listen close enough to your soul
it will tell you how to heal,
just listen to what it has to say,
listen and you’ll find the way.

for i am a rose
blooming with the
colour of my blood
and thorned by
the wars i’ve battled,

for i am a rose,
with skin so thick,
even when it sheds petals,
there lies more strength,

for i am a rose,
placed with another
for the ones who want it all,
and preserved in my individuality
for the ones who look for the one,

for i am a rose,
climbing my way out with
eyes on the stars and feet on the ground.

all we need
is some sparks
and devotion
in our eyes,
and a little
bit of love
floating in a
pool of trust.

whenever this feeling
of uneasiness visits my skin,
i convince the goosebumps
that im just overthinking,
that im not in danger,
that they only show
because warmth is
a foreigner wandering
the premise of my heart,
but when I consult
my heart,
it tells me that this
warmth brings
back memories
of when it
was stone cold,
a feeling that is
now unbearable
to even imagine.

be safe my love,
treat the roads
as if you were to
caress my skin,
inhale the air
as if you were
to breathe for me,
remember to stay
warm as if we
were hugging on
a December day,
appreciate every
moment as if
you were to
lose me today.

she is the sunrise shining from the west,
and he is the sunset that lovers adore,
darkness was her enemy that resided in his mind,
and arrogance never allowed her to stay down,
sometimes,
they cant handle the hours
that keep them apart,
so their colors dim
and tears fall out of the sky

Sometimes I feel like you
seem to forget
that we're on the same team,

and where love lies,
egos die.

no one's past should
define who they are today,

unless their present
is merely an extension
of the supposedly
dead and buried.

I don't know
of any paths
that would
lead to you

trusting someone

is like

jumping in the middle of the ocean,

hoping you know how to swim.

thank you for
looking at me
with such kindness
in your eyes,
love in your veins
and warmth in
the wrinkles
surrounding
your eyelashes.

i did not leave
because i thought you
would eventually ask me to stay,

yet i spent the night
and you still had not asked

I don't miss you, and that scary

Is it that hard to be loyal?

hey you,
here’s a palace just for you
with all your favourite rights,
here’s a place for you to live,
to love, to learn, to fall, to grow,
here’s a sunset for you to turn into poetry,
and a sunrise to brighten your skies,
here’s someone for you to care for,
here’s someone who can hold onto all the feelings on your shoulders,
here’s an ocean for your thoughts to rest in,
here’s a breeze to remind you of the thick skin you have on which those goosebumps have formed,
here’s a nest of butterflies in your tummy for a change of scenery of all the imperfections you store inside of you,
here’s a shooting star to distract you from the darkness of the world and for you to look up to,
here’s your weight to hold you down to earth to keep you humble,
here’s a melody for you to reminisce on,
here’s a heart beat to help inspire you always.

my deepest fear is no longer
a bottomless ocean,
but rather feeling your love
when it was never really there.

I’ll stay for the afterparty of our conversations, but I know your party is for one.

anger should shoot out
but instead kindness drips
from my eyes onto
the palms of your hands

and so I caress the pain instead
as I push it to the corner
with the rest of emotions
that have gone unattended to.

I gave you something
that belongs to me,
and all you left for me
was the gift receipt.

I've been loving
the colour blue lately,
maybe a little too much,
because that's what I feel too.

when your own name starts to feel foreign,
and when the memories haunt you shortly after they’re made,
when you can’t convince yourself to feel something you would’ve easily felt a year ago,
when you can’t put the pieces together of how you ended up here,
in a state that’s not dissonance, not stability and not oblivion..

words keep on repeating
their echo fails to leave
this is the frequency
my thoughts are on,
thoughts please stop.

i don’t know
how to
embrace
these feelings
that have
knocked
down my
walls,
invading
my privacy
and the
most important
territory;
my heart

Is it really self-confidence
if it only emerges sometimes?

you make loving
unconditionally
my agenda for
everyday,
you make
living in the
moment a
feeling i’ve missed
on my entire life,
you make sunshine
seem dim in the
presence of your
warmth,
you make the
hours feel like
minutes
and make hours out
of minutes,
you make
rainbows replace
my thoughts,
you make the butterflies
in my stomach
work extra hard
and the blood rushing
too fast, too hard,
trying to catch up
with the rush
going through
my body
when i hold
your hand.

you make me feel beautiful
in three ways;

one - by calling me beautiful,
two - by looking at me with such
loving eyes,
and most importantly,
three - by being with you

i make mistakes everyday,
in my awakening and sleep,
i stumble upon easy traps,
willingly too,
i break down my own wall
just to build it back up,
sweat my heart off
and have more scars
to remind me of the pain
that can run through my veins.

I don't know what is easier,
staying in a burning house,
or watching it burn.

It's funny when 4 walls start to feel like 6

teach me how
to feel something
and keep it from
fading away

I was prepared for the classic
shoulder devil and angel
pulling me in different directions,
but nobody prepared me for
a guardian angel act from a devious devil,
pulling me into something I didn't sign up for.

It's okay if the directions
you follow are wrong,
you can always take
a U-turn and home
will always be there.

there has
never been
this much doubt
running through my mind,
i’m so used to
your hands against mine,
yet i’m so scared
to let you touch me
in ways i’ve never experienced,
but i’m also terrified
by the mere thought
of letting you go.

Pain's secret weapon
is numbing you
just enough
to barely be able to
feel anything,

taking away your rights to feel,
making you

pain's secret weapon

Pain is pro-abortion,

pain's secret weapon

No,
I don't wish you the best,

because that would be
getting to hold me
in your arms,
just like in the good old days,

rendering me
stuck in your trap.