Kneeling down
        Speaking to God
        His black eyes scream forgiveness
        The sound gives me goosebumps

    You see
                  I've done things most would consider a bit unusual
  But I've always deserved it
     A razorblade horizontally drug across my lips reminded me to never talk back
     Embedding shards of glass in my legs one by one reminded me to never run away from my problems
              
            After everyone died there were questions I could never say the real answer to
          
        You were there to hear the truth, always were
        Beside me, behind me, beneath me
    You never loved me enough to be inside, but it was ok because your mystique kept me inebriated

    The questions never stopped the rooms got smaller and I had to run
       I had to leave. You came with me

    I hated myself for not staying. And when the pieces of glass weren't enough, I understood I deserved a worse punishment, I lit a cigarette and started my trusty chainsaw
   And after I was finished even you shrunk away from me, my flat friend made of blackness where did you go?

       Now all I have is God.
He listens okay, but he's not like you. With my decimated body leaning against my bed, I look into his two deep dark hollow eyes, I bring his eyes closer, into my mouth, and finally he talks back. He says *bang

Talking to the mirror I done learned some things
  About self preservation
Who I see myself as and if I'll make it
          I stand here naked
With no protection
    Just my reflection coaching me
      All I see is these scars
Vanity lights reminiscent of cars approaching me
     I traffick myself in words
You read every inch from the drivers side
A little sniff
My standard's stiff and I'm firm handed when I write
Guess it comes out ******* white
                            Paper
Lines later I'm in the shower sitting on the floor
The water hits and I'm gripping on the door but I'm slipping trying to soar
I can't escape, can't fly away
But I've given so much of myself there's not enough to sell
I can't reup on myself
      So I'll stand here staring at my face
And figure how to keep what's left of my heart in it's place.

Too alive to be allowed to live a lie
            I'm dry
    Even my tear ducts now subside
The rot inside me is so real
      Everything thats fake is how I feel
If I die with my truth laid out,
   Will you scream and shout I'm who you cared about?

Cut cut cutting* out the cardboard of my tongue
I can no longer taste your kiss as my body has gone numb
I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head
Chopped off at the root of me, my essence running red

Something stupid, clumsy and dark stumbles at my door
I told you to get out of here and not come back no more
But silly you you slit your throat and dont know how to sew
Looking in my window for answers, acting like I know

Choke me with a guitar string, this music will be the death of me
But it'll get me lots of ***, so I don't even sweat the heat
Time will stop ticking when the world has finally lost its rhythm
And I'll be sitting on an oil drum screaming out of tune at children

Old men die just to do it once and see if they survive
While im happy just popping pills to see if im alive
I can no longer taste your kiss as my body has gone numb
But I still feel my way around the barrel of my gun

I remember you saying*  *I'd never see the light
   The tightness of your tone made me admit that you were right
     Helicopters hovered to ensure your illusion
     The resulting wind kept me swept up in the depth of your confusion
      Lies turned to bars, bars into a prison
            It became so dark I started questioning my vision

      Are these visits?
      Or is this just for appearances?

    The choppers in the darkness kept a tight perimeter
Choking out my thoughts
                          I thought about giving up

     Hunger for something crept all the way up my spine
     A broken mirror in my abyss of a cell was well designed
     All the pieces aligned in a sharp little smile
      I ate and ate but instead of full, I felt vile
    Reflecting on the inside I see the illicitness of complicity
    Of allowing your words to get to me
    Of                  
                                 listening
    to the enemy

       It all clicked like the slamming of a door
    I close my useless eyes and I wasn't there anymore
        I listened to my own voice and slowly crept outside
      Now you're trapped without a button to press
   And you'll never see  my  *light.

We've carved tunnels through our hearts
   That led from lie to lie
  We've seen many forms of love,
But never eye to eye.**
      
     I lay hope with each breath
That you'll remain mine
         *My Shelter, my Renmar,
My Partner in Crime

I silently burn
But my ashes are just sweat
I drink from my urn
But all I taste's regret*

I dont think of you lately
I dont notice these changes
I've lost control of my anger
I feel us both start to hate me
I feel us both become strangers
My clothes are all cloaked in anguish
I use these ******* erasers
Everytime I'm mistaken
Take my loss and keep racing
To find out where this flame takes me
An absolute embrace
Of all of my damnation
Steady taking a step back
Surveying situations
Tired of *******
Finding where this flame may take him

I silently burn
But my ashes are just sweat
I drink from my urn
But all I taste's regret
I thank you for your time
And stumble before I fall
Weeping worlds into existence
Just incinerate it all

Oversaturated
The colors you provide are somehow tainted
I can't take it
Huffing paint makes me feel amazing
Green makes me feel jaded
Even though im homeless i pray i dont make it just to pledge allegiance to satan
Red makes me blue
Seeing her go
Disappear into hues
It had to be her
But i'd rather it you
I gather myself into a corner and blame myself
New
Allegations of chasing tail just to get head
Moments spent worthless as pennies when i'd rather be dead

Nero: Deep cover another 187 on these hoes with my flows ya know I riddle like little Italy Punisher life Frank castle I slice ******* up like cattle I'm a lover but undercover like Eddie Griffin my brother I'll slice up ******* and leave they men in the trunk nervous with trauma twitches I'll cement up your shoes I'll use my pen to get the message to you headless hunters I'll be the soul edge and slice the heavens asunder I can feel it in my head and soul I'll reap with the flow and grow the flowers on the tombstone I'll make ya ***** moan and groan while I **** her in your stead while she gives me head I'm deciding who's the next to be blessed from the deliverer of death

DaSH: Kept the switchblade in a balled up fist
Probly ******
Off a lot of *******
But got longer lists
Like ******* who tasted blood soon after my ******* gotten licked
Threw up on my ****
And promptly dipped to get the shotgun grip
***** spit
Got me not wantin to work these long *** shifts
I know im sick
Smell my aroma tell its ebola when
I walk up in the room
Shut up talking and get a stronger whiff
Im the kid who was too demented to have gotten picked
For any extra curricular
Anyway I was busy plottin how to get to ya
Radio waves confuse em make em **** themselves
Silly me Billy Madison was happenin
And i was in the back with Chris Farley doin smack again
Rappers get smacked with used **** pads
A ****** *****
Is all I'll ever be in their eyes
But in mine,
All I see is bodies burning alive

Some things never change
    


      The circular stains on the ceiling above my heart shaped bed didn't exist under that rule

  Sometimes they *seemed constant
           And sometimes that made me feel ok
            
        But other times, as I lay in bed,
            Somewhere near the halfway point between laying down and falling asleep,
       I stared up at them and they moved
         Left and right
Ellipsing each other,
    Becoming ovaloid in shape

Sometimes they simply flitted away, vanished


    I thought them gone,
But they continued to return.

They would not be so remorseless as to leave and not look back to see the blank space they had left.

     So my little circular stains stayed for a while.

    I was happy looking up in wonder at something I could never understand but never dared question.

   Until one day I simply wasn't. My interest in the stains steadily faded until I began to drift off on my side staring out the window, searching for owls I could hear but not see. These sounds made me hope.

They made me open the windows I had locked tight.
They made me breathe.
    
    Those sounds lull me to sleep even now.

*And I've stopped looking for the circles completely

Ripping the pages away from my brain
And out of eyesight
I focus in on the pain
Its waves are soothing
They wipe away the ink stains leaving a clean slate

I DO NOT focus on the memories of every single word
Only the important ones that seldomly occured
Love
Of course
Without which where would I be?
Weak and weary watching these waves wash over me.

But these words are just characters
They die off often and can be replaced
But the memories they brought with them,
The ones of your face...

Are gone.

But your love remained.

Boostin' and we're mobile
But we still don't see no bars
Laugh it off in the back of the car
Smoking cigars
Whole lotta trouble lately that's been creepin in my mind
Cash low ******* status when I get into a bind
Settle balances breaking tablets in half just to unwind
Knock over knock-offs inching my self from suicide
I told myself that I'd do this suppose it's do or die
Cause I'm cracking under pressure influenced youth who will ride
Down to make this money they don't want me to make
I'm prone to make mistakes taking steps that I hate
Toward the door with more in store than what they see on my plate
But how do they expect me to eat?
No one's feeding me grapes
Palm fronds fannin' my face
Can't relate
To the ******* they paint
Fade to gray










This has been a public broadcast

If I stood in our doorway
   With the light against my back
          Would you answer me a question
              If I gathered the courage to ask?

If I whispered to these four blank walls
Of how Time scared me more than death
Would you laugh at me in pale moonlight
As I draw ragged breath

                                   "That stuff kills you!" They all say
But by then they've failed to listen
           The hands are broken, the clock tipped over
*But I still hear it ticking!

Words fill the spaces you dont.
Black ink on a white page prove opposites attract
             And I fear we're too similar
   The familiarity causes too much comfort

Paranoia is a fine art

         But my confidence dries the inkwell in which you sit
      And now you're choking on my fumes
  Drowning in the silence of my non ambition
        I know you'll die,
   *But words will fill the spaces you don't.

Not ready to talk
So I keep
Walking into walls
That are too tough to fall
So they just wobble then stall
And they seem so tall
The suns just a memory
This winter is a death sentence
And everyone's dead to me
Just because I remember what has been said to me
Doesn't mean I have to scratch the words in my skin
I don't feel the wind
Because my walls block me in
And while the windows rattle
The walls won't bend

This isn't home.

Just because of an area code
Home is in the eyes that stare at these structures and see no demise besides acting surprised when they eat me alive
When I knew all along
Along for the ride
A **** or a pipe a priority
Above all
The majority **** y'all over anyway
So gimme good *** bud in plenty jays
And let my *** incinerate
No one to help inside this trap of myself
These walls become skin
When contemplating them

This isn't home.

Just because of an area code
Home is in the eyes that stare at these structures and see no demise
Just a task to adapt to
Blast through
And never come back to
Home is behind my eyes
Ones that don't need to know the what's or the why's
Or the length or the size
Just to get by
Ones that know I don't need to get high to see beyond these walls to know

*This isn't home.

Morning is a cold metal gun placed to my temple
Time is a trickle of blood I won't remember

Generation Information:
Running 'round, drugs in cases
Even if ya hate ya placement
Time moves faster with some patience
Seniles claim *conspiracy;
Wonder what kinda bombs we makin'
FOURTEEN MILLION DIVORCED PARENTS
Raising kids who feel forsaken
Walking round with Glocks, hoping they don't get blammed next,
No Christmas anymore;
Santa Claus is hooked on *Xanax
And once you get outta Hell
Get framed and put in jail
Its hard to crawl from the bottom back up to the place you fell
We say we work in retail
But shoes ain't what we sell,
So please cover your ears
Don't listen to what we tell.
Children taught to be pitiless
**** anybody with viciousness
Shot too high
Expecting adults
And that's where the militias went
Murdered by a lonely kid who got no Love
Trained to pull a weapon if push comes to shove
Look up in the sky
They made Ravens outta doves
*Sinned so much, afraid to ask forgiveness from above

Something real in my vision
This lifes a head on collision
Subtext and sybolism
Society, and religion
Begging me to beg forgiveness
I never listen
To anything but my heart
And the art on my wall
Hung a bit odd
If one's standing out in the hall
Not ready to evolve
And enter the fog
Gods get lost in this dark
This amusement park with chairs that spark
Where the lights always die
In your eyes
And you stay locked under your skin
Paying for every sin
By being broken
And bent

From head on collisions

Colliding head on with the song in my soul though my flow I let you know I'm an honest man but don't **** me off I'll still ******* up like you're wet and soft like Lara croft but it's not for naught I'm lost but always found mainstream yet underground I'm a heavyweight lyrical boxer I contend pound for pound each round

I feel life from the words I write despite them being words I slurred over night it's like I fight but my pen is the sword of course I force myself into creative prospects I expect to wreck what in front of me is set
I wondered what would happen if I ruled the world gimme a shot at the top I'm not Clinton I only need one girl but seriously I hate this place controlled by industry it's ****** me up the environment and desire for right went out the window when the dead presidents kept talking from beyond the grave the money you made won't matter so cut it like a beanstalk

DaSH:
And fall into a pool of tears
From all the single mothers over all these years
Tucking youngins under covers
Undercover trying not to let the pain show through
This is the same strong woman that still holds you
Even though you're older and make your own decisions
Its gotten colder in the later years just wishin
You could go back to the beginnin
Back to when **** was simple
And all you had to do was listen
To another bedtime story
Next thing you know you're drifting
Away from all these problems and all these lights
Fluoride will **** our dreams they tell us to brush our teeth and cringe when we say reality bites
But I'm just trying to figure what's more important
Being myself
Or being Your kid
Just another thought from the tortured
I can feel the flames lick my body 'fore the torch's lit
Society's trying to burn us
And if they think they can teach us before they learn us then its straight out the frying pan and flying into the furnace

Nero:
I'm all alone like a watchtower my life turned sour but I'll devour any chance to **** up fools with rhymes perchance I'll leave you entranced with my writings but I'm sliding off topic so dash if you're ready then go a ahead and rip because we're cyphering on some poetic mafia ****

DaSH:
**** clips in the toilet with the ******* safety off
******* blood royal flushing with my king homie Alucard
All your ******* are old and lack any kind of support
So I'll hang em make their back straight with that ******* IV cord
If this cipher is random
Hope they deal with what I hand em
Four grenades a box of tampons
Watch these ******* explode while standing above the commode
Uncan them
The whoopass they deserve
Then im swervin in their hearse
Hopping over every curb
Speeding through every sharp turn
I love to watch their bodies burn
I love to catch every single ash between my teeth and eat them
DaSH is such a beast you freed him
By acting like a priest
When youre a demon in the streets
*******, capish?

Nero:
Alucard the damphir ******* blood like canned beer I'm near my apex others are below I'll free flow like arkham you won't question in a session when I leave your ***** barkin rhyme sparring call me Ali all these fools stay trying to Rock me like cheap Versace but I'm high quality leather built for your pleasure linkin words together you'll take home and treasure like Sinbad I don't sling crack but my rhymes are the pipe because reading this I know your *** got addicted tonight

DaSH:
Slicing high up on their frame
Like I'm aimin for the throat
Lots of gore on the floor
Need a boat to stay afloat
The walls needed more paint
You donate another coat
But I don't need your ******* charity
I'll stumble and I choke
Before I ever let you get to me
Before you start ***** you'll be history
How you ******* plan on ending me?
Just get Gone, Girl, be a mystery

Step it up
Step it up to the bars
Break through so I dont break down
Quit asking how long it will take
Start paying attention to the steps as you escape now
That dungeon
Lonely cerebellum
Celebrity status dwelling
Inhaling stale stagnant smoke
A magnetizing choke
As the **** ties tantric knots iside your throat
Thoughts float from the dark
Poke and **** the slot to the key of happiness

Do I regress?*
If I regret my next step
Or do I stay in the night
Crying I wished I'd try
Into a broken mic
Downtrodden eyes
Staring at a life with my body nothing but a reason to build a shadow behind a hollow object

No.
There is a force inside of me
A silent tide in me
Feeding a violent seed
Raising a timeless tree
Etchings proclaiming I'm poetry
Lasting forever
Engrained internally
The grains absorbing the light
The limbs moving towards
The beautiful afternoon rays

Another tear falls in Tennessee
For a promise broken

       A moment's notice brings forth the painful revelation laying on your soul
    When you've lost all control thats when you're forced to get a grip
  We've been through it
     And you know I hold you in high regards
        I even tried to say "hi" to God for you
Still I'm unreligious but I pray to see you smile
     All the miles and trips and times I became distant from far away
  I know where my heart will stay
Where it started
A piece broken from a bigger vessel
   I could only dream to achieve
But still we both bleed the same

We've both seen the pain love can cause
We've both needed a pause

But couldn't remotely get a moment so we adapt and change
Channel all these strange emotions into our next step forward
       And though when I call, you try to claim you're standing still, I still hear you move back a few
       I wanna run back to you,
Fix your back for you and help you stand up
         All while trying to man up
  *This life I've created with the love of my life will find love in his life and become intertwined
       But before he does
I want him to know the amazing woman his grandmother is
       With or without a man
And the unconditional love her heart holds within

Turning the tide above my bed
Thoughts of you slosh around inside my head

    I smile and you smile
Looking at the future
And the way we come together
   Sewing the past up like a suture
Bandaids and burn scars could never stop our motion
     Not while these thoughts of you in my head, girl, are steady as an ocean
    We sway this way and that on the waves of our songs
        And though others call us different, we know we're not wrong
   How could we be?
         When we feel so right in each other's arms
           You're the tide in my head Renmar
      Protecting me from harm*




*I hope I never wash ashore

The light is struck away in a cold confusing slash of night
  Black creeping at my windowsill signifying the strangeness of unfamiliar surroundings
          Changed and twisted by the lack of sound the sleep of others brings
      I stay roused in the dark
      Silence biting at my ears
            My mind asking itself rhetorical questions
            

        Pacing and pacing and pacing
         and pacing and pacing

Staring out my window at slanted shadows that seem to smile back
           They're very telling
They want to get in, and bad.
  


       *I pray to God they don't.

Dont
        You
               Freaking
        Hate
Forgetting
        The
               Flipping
         Last
Word.......?

I've lost gallons of blood
Torn miles of skin
But the darkest of my scars
Started within
You called me a friend
Even called me your kin
I was there with you
To see every end
As the sun dipped way down
You told me you'd stay
It was only right
As you'd come to say
But as night gave way
And I lay awake
Opening my eyes
Was unearthing a grave
You died with what I saw in you
Withered and worn
And inside me something changed

*A scar was born

The room floated away
     Careening through street lamps and parked cars
    Flying through neighborhoods and dirt roads and green pastures
     It shot upward
A carpeted rocketship among dying stars

        I moved to touch you but you turned and left
     You opened the door and pushed yourself down
Hurtling toward Earth with reckless abandon and an annihilative smile
       I felt the shock of you hitting pay dirt way up here in my heart
You found peace in the rubble of the comfort of others
     And though it hurts my thoughts to know you're gone
   My soul knows I'm the same.

Way up here in this room shaped rocket I know we're both the same.

I hear the toll**
   *  Screaming through dry space
  Cracked and fragmented as my own face
Is the sound of fate
      That tolling
  Rolling and rolling
   Stopping and strolling
  Making its way nonetheless
        It played
      Hot and decayed
    Metallic song frayed
       Etching my bones in its stress
I stared at length
        My eyes unhinged
  Bathing in revelation
        The heat subsided
   As I realized
I was the sound's destination
      I layed down cold and did as told
And never asked anything
It was within myself the Fate Bell tolled
With an ever rising ring

This coffin
    I inhabit
         Floats along the nonexistence
    Of space
And time

        In such a way as to make me forget what comfort ever was
     Days become eons
Trapped in a box reeking of death and lacking in emotion
     I become nothing more than a trained chimp
            Acting out "living" as I see actual humans do

all for a few measly peanuts

*yes oh yes I wouldn't mind if this rolling coffin crashed and burned if for nothing more than to end this surreal nightmare of not existing

Looking through windows of my past and your present
I have to say I start to feel my confidence lessen
No doubt we all learn lessons that invoke progression
But as to my direction I'm stuck here guessing
You smile too big and I wonder if its the same I wore
But hearing that name, in this time frame I cant think anymore
So im stuck to looking through windows of your present and my past
Calling out that name and knocking on the glass

At one time I could see her and how we would grow
But all we did was grew apart
Remnants buried in snow

The winter of any love is cold and desolate
Wandering through white where once there was color
Frost bitten tears say you have to make the best of it
But your heart is stubborn and steadfast that you love her

I think hypothermia kicks in when she doesn't pick up
Her heart beating fine without mine
My body froze solid still trying to knock

On that window from the*         *outside

Hey girl
      *I caught you staring in the mirror again

       The same look of dissatisfaction painted clearly on your face
You look at your stomach and touch your waist
            Turn and look at your back with the same expression
       There may be wear and tear here and there, especially on your spirit, but that's not where you stare
          If you did you might see the most beautiful sight ever beheld by those big brown eyes
   
       See,
    A lot of men would see your thighs and to no surprise, try to get inside
      But I see your mind and what lies behind the obvious
           A question mark most would leave off the end of their sentence
            I could never forget it.
   I see the rocky road you've walked every time that we talk
        The gravel was never gentle on your soul
      But you continued until you came upon a house built from pain
  decided to stay and thought you'd be okay
      It slowly became a home where you grew into the furniture
    Your veins interlaced with fabric and every fabrication only wove you deeper
          And soon the drugs came to take you away only to fade and leave you to a fate stuck between these walls of abuse
     
                    I refuse
To let you go back
And even if you hate me now, I hope one day you'll understand and love me for that
                   See, I see a lot of things because I look past the mirror you fixate on
                    I've never had to see you as just a reflection
           But rather as perfection, because with every wrong direction you took to get to me it made the time we have together that much more meaningful
           And though your spirit may be bruised and tired, it refuses to give up,
It's gorgeous.
         


        
You've never had to see me as a reflection either. Every time you look at me, I'm anew. I'm not what's in a dusty mirror, and I'm not what's in a fading photograph. I'm a steady flame in your heart, and the most beautifully flawed smile I've ever seen. I could never thank you for all those small things you do without noticing. Nothing I write could touch upon the tip of the gratitude I hold in my heart for you. So I guess to come as close as I can in three simple words,

**I love you.

This
         *contained
                            energy
   Will be the
******* end of me
                      
     In my symphonic body I paint a note too hard to reach
     Still I speak as though im at the peak
    Staring down at fallen leaves

     Acknowledging to myself if I was to actually leap,
       I would already be on the ground

   No sound comes around as I scream from my mouth
           Temptation to change perceptions of me are too big to ignore
           They beget more of their own kind than before
       And now im staring up at that note from my bedroom floor
If I could reach it
       In the right key it might open a door
And let in fresh air to sink into my pores
  
This
         Contained
                              Energy
Could be the end of me
But I promise I wont let it
      I will strive to fly higher until I finally have spent it

Palms on the ground
     Sweat dripping down I know this is it
Never or now
                 Time's slowed to a drip
    I can hear laughter
     Such an overwhelming sound
    They won't laugh after
         I pick up this gun
    Life's had its run but now I'm done
          My mind has been won
    By depression and corruption
    Repression and reduction
        I've come to know and hate
      This bed that I woke up in
            Makes me wanna say **** this
        Tuck this in my backpack
And when one more ******* kid shoves me
          Then I'll attack back
      I'm tired of falling down
     Sweaty palms on the ground
          I can't take anymore
                Its never or


*RIGHT NOW!