New Day starts
As the clock strikes at midnight
Yet my heart fails to start
As it lingers to a woman
Who remains in the past.
Why can't my heart move forward?
Trap in the past which won't last
Casting away the future
Embracing the torture
Stubbornness eats me alive
Yet this kind of life never made me sad
Because for every second loving you
Gives me energy to love you more
Even if seeing you with someone else
Drags me to hell... Or not.
i'm falling alone
there's no hands to catch me,
only a foolish heart
with a glutton
for p u n i s h m e n t.
- ******* for your kiss.
i feel you pulling at me
drawing me back to you
with each whisper
my bones react,
your hand on my neck
my blood singing your name,
you're under my skin. you're in my bones.
The thought before shredding those tiny pieces
Knowing with everything in me that I was saying goodbye to the life I dreamed of having
Already seeing two consequences of those actions
Here appears Slater that lonely fool what I wish to be without you
Beside myself this is just another loop
It kills me inside to know that humanity will never recoup
Three trays and a bag to carry me through this week
Cant we please just keep the peace
I can almost walk unsteadily down this winding dirt road
Praying for a car, all I can see is the train heading straight for me
It seems my ankles have now become bound to this track... ...Heading straight for me
i said never again, but maybe this time
you would be different. maybe it would hurt less, when you handed my love back to me. maybe we were still made of stardust, desperate for another chance to make it. wanting to do better, to finish what we started. but you walked out the door and once again, i'm left alone with my ******* heart and the unwavering need to love that which can destroy me.
- i can't not love you but you **** me.
Cursed to this life
Everything pre decided for me
My happy and sad
My hate my love
We’re all just displays of skin and bone
Most with no souls
Crying about their five dollar latte
What should I wear today
Release from our lips sin and beauty
The sickness and desire it is going to take me
Hearts cold as ice freeing me from these emotions that are destroying me
Impaling metal and plastic just another facet
New to you another defect I see
Deep down my heart is still beating wishing my blood was seeping
Oxygen in everything wishing it would leave me
Break my bones putting chemicals in my veins
Once forever but nevermore
I’m in a sea of green and blue
Wishing something would set me free
Only pain pushes me to maintain
Step into my shoes just look see for a minute
Just a warning you will never come back the same maybe insane
Gold dust coursing through me never allowing me to feel the pain
With blue lips please just poison me
*you tell me constantly ‘go **** yourself’ let’s make it a reality*
Bruise me, beat me
Make me bleed and cry for more
Choke me till my breath escapes
Tell me to beg you on my knees
Pull my hair, whisper in my ear
"Don't forget, you belong to me."
Collar me, don't let me go
I am yours forever more.
Sometimes my mental illness makes me feel like I'm entirely submissive to it. It makes me feel stuck in a relationship I want to be in, but one that's to controlling.
When I feel something,
I just take a stab at it.
Like a 1-2 motion,
To make the most damage
In the least amount of time.
I want to draw blood
And make it last because
I’d rather feel that than nothing.
I think you could call me
Or maybe a sentimentalist.
Whichever you prefer.
i stole a cigarette.
no, this isn't a metaphor.
there's just times where I feel
like I deserve to be what falls in the ash tray.
I don't know why I keep trying to harm myself,
If things are going okay...
It's like, I'm so used to the torture and pain,
I don't ever want it to go away.
No wonder I had clung to my razor blades
No wonder I had clung to the trauma
No wonder I developed depression
and look at me now, stealing cigarettes.
Desperately trying to find a way to destroy myself
Fill my lungs with smoke
A stench that is more than just stuck on clothes.
It's the past, coming back to life
You want to smother these thoughts
Lose them in this smoke and fog
But no, there's no escape
Not even when the cigarette is done
The scars still string your skin
The pain woven deep into your veins
The ****** scabs you keep picking at
It's a coping mechanism
Or a way to slowly die
Is it that... I need to feel something, always?
Is it that... I have fallen in love with Death?
The couple of times, where he teasingly came
give me a fatal kiss.
Is this what I lust over?
Is this... what I want to feel?
In any case... this cigarette is still lit up.
Drifting me more out of myself.
And I disappear like the smoke in the wind.
I stole a cigarette.
Give everything you have,
Give it to them,
That’s what they deserve,
Not just their own happiness,
But yours as well.