I fell for it
I fell for you again
I didn't want to
I knew I shouldn't
But I couldn't resist you
As always
Why am I so weak
To fall for the words
I know aren't anything
Not worth my time
My energy
I deleted eighty percent
Of whatever happened
From my drunken brain
My phone
But I remember
I wished you a
"Mediocre New Year"
And with your responses
I was entrapped
Ensnared
And clothes came off
Prematurely with our words
And I kept telling you
"You're a bad idea"
You wanted pictures
I'm glad my friends
Didn't let me send
Because I want love
And you want lust
Last night
I think I pretended
I wanted it too
But I don't
"I shouldn't want you"

Where is my heart?
I can hear it
I can't feel it
I can't see it
But I hear it
I don't know what that means.

I left feathers on your pillow
           and you threw them away

I whistled a song outside your window
           and you closed the blinds

I tried to build a soft place for you to lay
           but you stepped on it

I thought you loved birds

When I'm crying at Two in the morning
The one who promised to be there
Told me to stop dumping my problems on him
Because they came from my head

Do you see me,
right here in front of you?

I'm the girl who's not even 115 pounds
but wants to lose twenty.
I'm the girl wearing pale-pink lipstick Monday
and black by Saturday.
I'm the girl who hates how I look in my glasses
but hides behind the glass and frames.
I'm the girl constantly creating picassos on my arms
and books in my mind.
I'm the girl who is constantly daydreaming
because she never sleeps.

I'm waiting on you
Do you see me?

I'm just tired. Of everything.

Lay your head on my shoulder and rest

Kind and tender offer, truly touches my heart, but my head is too heavy a burden for me to rest on anyone.

I will take that burden as I hold my own. If I were Atlas the Titan holding the sky above I would still take that weight

You are beautiful.
Please don't stop being beautiful, love.
I no longer have a sky,
But you make me want to rebuild mine.
If only a piece.
You are a star,
Shining at night.
You are a lamp,
Shedding some light.
You are a hope,
Making me want to fight.
Want to fight.
But to weak to stand.

I will be your shoulder to cry on
I will be your arm to lean on
I will hold your hand when things get rough
I will light the way in your darkest times
I will be here to the end

I just want to cry but the tears won't come.

Why cry darling? You have no reason to shed tears

I'm so broken, ***, I'm two shards away from gone.

I can be the glue that holds you together. < holds you close > I will be here

Glue always seems to wash away with me
< curls into a ball >

Then I'm industrial welding. I'll be here for as long as you need and longer

Darling... you are a lovely piece of humanity, never lose that about you.

*Please just hang on [my real name]. I couldn't bear losing you.

Why isn't the sky crying?
When the most beautiful soul has reached up to meet it?
Shouldn't such an embrace bring tears?
Or sunshine?
Why now, is all black and quiet?
Traffic continues when my heart has stopped.
The sky holds the love of my heart
That I never could.
And I'm crying,
And the sky is quiet.
I just hope the sky knows how lucky it is.
And I hope my love, my darling, can see me from somewhere
And know how much I love him still.

I'm sick
I'm illness
I'm incurable

I'm the vile thing inside your mind that crawls out one ear and in the other
I'm your filthy little fantasy that comes running after you with a knife
I'm bloodthirsty butterflies you naively tried to catch in your "innocence"

I'm sick
I'm dark
I'm twisted

I'm the current under the still water calm dragging you down with me
I'm ash after the fire that clings to your clothes and sticks inside your lungs
I'm your reflection in the mirror of the parts you don't want to see magnified

I'm sick
I'm poison
I'm the broken
                    pieces of souls, collected

***** little *******
Get your hands off her
She gave birth to you
She brought you into this world
And she's on her way out
At least he doesn't hit her
He only hits you
I suppose that's why
You take everything out on me
And your mother too

I'm tired of the sad songs
And the watercolor paintings
I can't stop writing about you
I promised her I was done
Agreed you were no good for me
You're the opposite of everything
I tell myself I want and need
But you won't leave leave my heart
And for the first time in years
I want to draw all the time
I started dancing again
And I don't know what it is about you
But I can't seem to let you go
So I'm writing and singing songs
And art is everywhere again
And my pointe shoes are taking a beating
My beating heart won't stop
Calling out your name

Once, I looked into your eyes and I saw arrogance, a layer coating sincerity.
Twice, I looked into your eyes and I saw fear and strength waging war.
Thrice, I looked into your eyes and I saw a desire to repair the broken.

But now I no longer see depth, turmoil, or compassion.
I see another broken soul pretending for the audience,
To play the part they're expected to live.

Occasionally I've seen you break the second wall,
And connect to the spectators looking in on your life.
And your character's mask did fall to the floor at times --
Long enough to get a good look at the boy inside --
Before we both resumed our true professions
As tricksters and jokers, jesters and puppets.
The lights are dimmed now, so they can't see our bursting seems.

I never asked you to be the exception to all my rules
But it's happened and I don't know how to take it back

So I'm asking you to come find me tonight
I'll be the one waiting under the bright lights
The girl singing off key, hoping you'll find it in you

          To just maybe love me
          Is there any chance you could love me

I never asked you to come along and charm me that first day
Talking in charades with those striking blue eyes

So I'm hoping that perhaps you'll think of me tonight
I'll be the dancer waltzing through your dreams
Praying you just might take a second glance at me

          To just maybe love me
          Is there any chance you could love me

I never asked you to make me fall in love with you
There isn't any grand thing about you that draws me in

It's your little idiosyncrasies that are my addictions
I know I'm bad luck and poor company
And I'm unfortunately terrified of my infatuation

          Oh, but I do love you
          Is there any chance you could love me

I dip my finger in the still water
the ripples move away like pulses

I step foot into a room
the people drift away from me like I'm diseased

I call out your name and can barely wave
'till you see me and flee

Why are you my lion that shies away like prey?
Your doe eyes have taken this too far.

The bounce in your step has made you Tigger,
And I'm your Pooh bumbling after;

I'm the coyote continuously trying to catch up,
But you hit the ground running and you won't stop for me.

Oh, shooting star, I'm the one burning out it seems;
I'm jumping through wormholes, tearing myself in more than two.

In this garden you're the rosebud and I'm the thorns
Climbing my way up, only to never reach you.

If you're the life of the party, then I'm the death at a funeral.
Tragic how I can never quite seem to catch you for a moment.

You're the arctic wind whistling, calling me to you,
Though it seems my whole life I'll be stuck swimming with penguins.

My crazy little snowfall has become a blizzard,
But darling I was built for your sunshine.

The way you bring out my stars has made you my new moon,
And I fear I'm the uncommon eclipse consequently making day dark.

I'm the words and you're the melody;
I'm humming you all day, but you refuse to say my name.

I didn't know it was a crime to love you, I can't be caught now,
Can't stop, can't turn back, for it seems I've already committed my offense.

*******
And your adorable floppy hair
And your intoxicating brown (green!) eyes

*******
And that guitar that made me see you differently
And your ****** singing voice

*******
And your constant sickness
And your warm arms

*******
And **** me
Because all I've ever wanted was you

Your words are
           Laced with lead,
                       And I sink further
                                        Into the abyss of my heart
                                                                 The more you drape over me...

I was standing atop the mountain
and the wind blew west
and I could see the leaves follow after her

I was standing atop the mountain
and as the snow fell I could see the smoke rise
and the ash became angels

I was standing atop the mountain
and the rams were fighting where she used to stand
and as one fell I had to look away

I was standing atop the mountain
and the sun was setting
and I could see the colors bleeding all over the sky

I was laying in the valley
and the rain made me cry

His green eyes stare into mine
Glistening in the candlelight
Shifting their gaze as it flickers
He kisses my hands and up my arms
Melting my heart and the snow

please come talk to me
i need to hear something besides the voices in my head

please come hold me
i havent been held in a very very long time

please come stop me
i dont think i can do it myself this time

*. . .

Someone, please,
                                c
                                a
                                t
                                c
                                h

                                m
                                e

                                b
                                e
                                f
                                o
                                r
                                e

                                I

                                h
                                i
                                t
                                     the cool pavement.

I just want to be happy. I have countless reasons to be happy. But in the end it's just me every **** night, every ******* night, alone. And empty. And I hate myself. I hate myself with every atom of my being. And I hate myself for hating myself. I'm playing with needles. That's not really a metaphor. I'm just watching droplets form on my skin. Because I doubt the plausibility of my own happiness. And I've always loved body art.

Young man
Grown past us both
Having to carry
The world on his shoulders
Our suffering
Our torment
We force him to watch
In silence
While we scream

They reminded me
                            of all the ways
                                                you've      b  r  o  k  e  n      my      h  e  a  r  t
            and I should find
                                           someone new
                             but I can't seem
                                                    **to       l­  e  t       g  o

I was watching the rain
Hit the pavement and break
Into a million little droplets
It was so beautiful and sad
I wished it was me

Will I see you tonight
by the candle light,
where within the pews
I did pray with you?

Will you make time for me
in this winter heat,
or will I be with the breeze
left out to freeze?

One of the saddest things is
We never got to fly together.
You were the one I could turn to,
When the one I usually turned to
Became unbearably intolerable,
But you never got to roll 'em
While I popped caps off.
So, I ******* hope you're happy,
Because you flew yourself into a tower,
And I'm flapping circles.
And it's funny, because
Everything you did was for everyone else
But me? I just hate myself.