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Lydeen Dec 2020
Nighttime.
Cars light up my room.

I count.

The moon keeps me awake,
Beaconing.

I can hear you.

Telling me to do it-
Hurt me, you, them...

Everyone.

Thoughts SCREAMING.
Words begging to become actions.

I close my eyes.

Deep, deep, deep breath.
It's just a thought.

Grounded.

Soft sheets, pillows...
Moon, stars, lights.

It's quiet.
:-)
Lydeen Nov 2020
One
Two
Three

One
Two
Three

One
One
One...

Oh
See
Dee

O
C
D

­One
Two
Three

Count
The
Tiles

Pick
Your
Cuticles

twitch
Twitch
TWITCH

tick
Tick
T­ICK

too
loud
Too

Loud
TOO
LOUD

Stop!
Stop!
Stop!

Intrusive
Th­oughts...
They're

way
too
loud...

They
Control
Me

One
Two
Thre­e

One
Two
Three

Count
With
Me

Cracks
and
Imperfections

Count
­With
Me

O
C
D
I guess consider this a part two to the first poem I ever wrote on here, which was about seven. I've moved on from seven to three since then.
Raven Nov 2020
Thoughts racing, my minds all over.
Scattered, never at ease.
How do I control it?
Deceitful to my own feelings.
Agenda of different formalities.
Agitated, restless, confused, conflicted.
I feel nothing

Detached and running away from familiarity.
I don’t want you to know me
Attachment is detrimental to my own intense feelings... once connected, I get obsessed, compulsive thoughts piling up and over analyzing everything until I go ****** insane and it never stops and I keep spinning around in circles and I keep doing the same thing and I stay in the trap of my own ****** crazy mind.

I change so naturally, adapting like a chameleon and pretending I am not who I am like it comes so naturally, like who I am in that moment is the real me.

Who am I?
People make me sick.
I sit in my room wanting the be alone.
Abnormal speed of racing thoughts like I am permanently on coke.
But I’m not, it’s just me.

I’m a Taurus ***** with crazy twisted sense of writing that comes from my inability to express myself outwardly.
I express in writing with my Gemini Lilith and Ascendant showing it’s true rawest form in my words.
My Pisces moon hides itself and I have nothing left but to isolate and escape.
But intense feelings and obsessive thoughts arise with my Scorpio North Node and Pluto.

Astro *** and psychic.
Tarot reader and empath...
I am my own ****** nightmare
noelle Nov 2020
everything is lined up perfectly, except my mind.
the urge to fix that blanket consumes me
because if i don't clean,
something bad will happen.

obsessive: unwelcome thoughts, images, urges, worries or doubts that repeatedly appear in my mind

compulsive: repetitive activities that i do to reduce the anxiety caused by the obsession

i am constantly submerged
in an overwhelming amount of anxiety
caused by little things normal people
would never notice.
indistinctively I took a hasty step
the ground below my feet rumbled
balancing my way on a thread like lawn
comprehending how it's like to be free

thoughts corrupting my mind
compulsive actions I do like mime
I ask myself countless of times
is there an end to this
once upon a time?
Nylee Oct 2020
My inability to stop my self, it is showing
It is a compulsive disorder, nothing can stop me now
I cannot control my self, I've tried million times
Resisting this urge, it is increasingly difficult
Mind won't listen, and hands don't too
I've searched your name in every space of internet
Learn new things is an accomplishment,
Look through the same old, to understand you
I am obsessed, I admit
Find me cure of this addiction now
I cannot go on like this forever, or can I?
Let me know.
Äŧül May 2020
Some parents try to control their children,
There's nothing wrong with controlling them,
No, there's nothing wrong with it, they think,
And they keep on doing it and dictating them.
As they find nothing wrong with it, they do it.
They satisfy the unrelinquished egos of their own,
Suffocating the children even after they grow up.
My HP Poem #1844
©Atul Kaushal
shelly May 2020
All I have to do is go around the corner
To the other entrance to the parking lot
This should be easy
Driving is easy
I pull up to the road and look both ways
And horror strikes me to my core
The street isn’t empty

My knuckles turn pale as I grip the steering wheel
Like a cross to keep myself from shaking
My foot is on the gas pedal
The direction that this 3,000 pound machine goes
Is under my control
I lose control of my breath

I pull out onto the street

Swerve into the left lane
My mind says
There’s a family next to you
A mother singing along to the radio
A father stressing about his job
A little girl playing video games in the back
Next to her baby brother, still in a car seat
Their lives are fragile
My mind tells me
Slaughter them

I stop at the stop sign and look both ways

Humans are made of paper and glass
They collapse and shatter in a gentle breeze
And with this car I am Prospero
I can call tempests
I can crush their ribcages
Beneath the weight of metal and horsepower
Even if mother and father live
They must live with the empty space
Left behind by their much more tenuous children
I am collapsing under the weight of the power I hold
I am overwhelmed with visions of what I could do
What I might do
What I fear I will do

I turn the corner

I want to reach into my skull
And rip my brain free from its cavity
I do not want it to control me
I have no power over these obsessions
Despite the cocktail of medications I am prescribed
Despite the therapy
The conditioning
I can always pull the steering wheel
These intrusive thoughts will always infect me
They spread from my head to the rest of my body like a disease
I am sick

I pull back into the parking lot
wrote this at a writer's retreat a while ago c:
Lydeen Feb 2020
Maybe I hurt myself...

To keep myself from hurting you...

With the thoughts begging to become actions...
It's been a rough week
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