Your lips tasted
like the stars
i never got to see
because of the cities
bright lights.
And once our lips connected,
Meteors fell down to earth,
And the ground beneath us started crumbling.
For it was the end of the beginning,
And I couldn't have been more un-afraid.

the mirror that whispers,
the mirror that shouts,
words of hate
and torture
and spout.
the lies it speaks
are of disgust.
the thoughts it creates
turns 'should stop eating'
to a 'must'.
the mirrors lies are tempting
to try,
but a forewarning ;
the lies will control you,
and they will eat you alive.

my heart is always hurting.
sadness consumes my thoughts.
im sick of seeing smiling people
who's minds are pure from demons.
they will always be stronger than i ever was
and i think thats why i can never smile
because i know that i'll never be good enough.

I fell in love with the dark.
I found comfort in the sorrow-filled shadows .
selfish, I know.
but it is all I know.
you used to help me find beams of light,
but now there are no traces of hope remaining.
I have been consumed whole.

You don't care anymore.
But i guess you never really did.
Why would anybody
want to care about someone
who can't even care about herself?

thankful for my angels
thankful for my demons
thankful for the battle occurring in my mind.
I'm thankful to have experienced the torture
and the pain.
I'm thankful for the bad and the good
but mainly the terrible.
for if it weren't for the terrible,
I would not be where I am today.
whether that's alive, or a writer.
either way, my heart continues to grow and learn from my past mistakes.
i am a flower,
who's petals are sure to bloom soon.

I’m so sick of feeling alone.
I’m sick of this wanting, craving feeling towards love.
i want someone to give me the world,
without me asking for it.
i want someone to read me like the back of their hand,
to understand my thoughts and accept my past.
i just need someone
to need me.

i crave someone to finally open up their arms wide and let me inside,
to hold me and to never let go until the world has crumbled and fallen
apart and we have nothing left to stand on but each others feet,
and even then i’m not quite sure i would want them to let me go.
i want someone to finally acknowledge me and my differences
and fall in love with the way my eyes wrinkle in the corners when i laugh.
i want someone to sneak over late at night and talk about the stars and how majestic the color of trees look when a storm is approaching.
i want,
i crave,
i need,
someone
to need me.

Society is a murderer,
With its pictures and words;
Convincing girls they aren't pretty enough
For the entire world.
Making girls go thin,
By rejecting things to eat.
It shuts minds down,
And Ignites depression.
First a little flame,
Sure to turn to a roaring fire.
Society is a monster,
And it's hiding under everyone's beds.

don't fall victim to the snake.
for its venom will slice
through your blood stream
as smoothly
as a blade across skin.
don't let the snake's eyes fool you,
behind his sly tongue
lies sharp fangs
that are waiting
for your vulnerability to show.
and any minute,
the snake could turn you
from his prize,
to his feast.

Destroying myself just to feel something besides numbness.

Destroying myself to heal myself.

Destroying myself to finish the job you started.

Destroying myself to take away the pain you caused.

the first time i looked into your eyes,
i knew i was hooked.
you were a drug
i was the
addict.
you wanted,
i needed.
you said,
i did.
i was a puppet &
you were my
puppeteer.

my deepest fear
is being alone.
forever writing to a mysterious lover
who's name i shall never know.
forever craving warm hands
to envelop my soul,
to wipe the tears from my cheek
and speak words that only poets can create.
I wish to have a someone that
understands...
I wish, I wish, I wish ..
but now I'm starting to believe
wishing is for the weak minded,
and my mind cannot handle this torturous waiting any longer.

I have tasted darkness,
and oh how bitter-sweet it was on my tongue.
It electrified my taste buds
and sent my body numb.
I had never felt a rush vibrate my bones
from the eruption of tears
escaping from eye to cheek.
what an odd sensation
to smile for being weak.
i'm victim to my demons
and their persuasive way of speech.
hanging by my fingertips,
fascinated by how they bleed.
one slight movement and my spirit will soar.
tempting to not only try,
but succeed the evil deed.

the tears won't stop forming
my heart won't stop hurting
I'm loosing my mind
because I'm loosing you.
my flesh
my blood
my sister.
****** is the kidnapper,
it took the shine out of her eyes
and made her feel "better".
it handed her a needle and spoon
and told her
'I am what you need'
is love not enough to stop the pain from escalating?
were my tears false evidence that I actual care?
this drug took away my blood
my flesh
my sister.
this drug ripped apart our family
our flesh
our Jessica.
and now all we are left with are
our grieving souls
wishing to give her a second chance at life.

I've been waiting
and hoping
so patiently;
but my time is running out,
and my skin is starting to wrinkle,
and my heartbeat is starting to slow,
and my lips are starting to crack
from being without another pair to caress mine tenderly in so long.
I've been waiting for a someone to come save me;
but I never realized that sometimes you have
to be
your
own
hero.

why do my thoughts no longer create symphony's?
with metaphors as my orchestra,
I could release the information that crammed and over loaded my cerebrum.
it makes me confused as to why I would neglect that precious side of me.
the special gift that
saved my life.
how could I neglect you?
how could I forget myself?
my anorexic-like spirit is
so hungry for the taste of my memorie's return.

I yearn to feel complete,
whole,
and full.
For so long I have felt
empty,
weak,
and vulnerable.
I'm sick of this
disease.
I'm tired of this
tortuous thing that I have
so unluckily
recieved.
I'm done with trying to fight it;
for I am the champion of my mind.
Victory shall be mine;
forever and always
I
will
reign.

I'm begging to find a purpose
in this god-forsaken world.
I feel smaller than a particle of dust.
how could I possibly make a difference?
do I have the right to earn such a gift?
I do not believe I am worthy of so,
or worthy to walk where my feet have imprinted themselves onto the surface of earth.
could I be blind to my own awards?
is life a reward in itself?
weren't you and I each chosen to form in our mothers' womb?
this was clearly not ours to make,
so shouldn't we take the time day by day
to figure out why we
were made?

I need to stop this over indulging of thoughts..
I think too much.
my mind races with thoughts that have gone too far.
I eat too much.
my body image is disillusioned and I torture myself every day because of it.
I speak too much.
I do all the wrong things
at all the wrong times.
I'm an unlucky vurtue sent into this world to suffer.
and if I'm not quite sure how much longer I can continue this battle

now I realize why I smoke my cigarettes
because they taste like your mouth.
the nicotine courses through my veins
reminding me of your electric touch
making my body go numb
and my mind buzz.
these thoughts I can no longer ignore while inhaling the devil smoke into my charcoal lungs.
wishing I could forget how to inhale
because it only reminds me that
every breath is closer
to my last.

All I want is to go
back to that night
when our bodies intertwined.
The place where we became one
and our souls united.
And your hands explored
And my moans escaped.
Our bodies moved to a rhythm that even music couldn't make.
Our bodies tangled in the bed sheets,
the bed we claimed ours.

my beautiful sister,
why?
what made you plunge so deep into the darkness?
was the high just so enticing?
was it a craving for the sting of the needle
as you shoved it through your porcelain skin?
was our love not enough for you?
was it not enough for you to stay?
I wish I knew
why you hated yourself
so much
that your demons forced you
to crave the numbness
and you willingly listened.
I hate you for making my thoughts race,
Is she still alive?
Was there anything I could have done to
prevent this?
But I love you for leaving me with old childhood memories.
my beautiful sister,
please
I am begging
for you,
THE REAL YOU
to return home.

without the one you love
is like living in an eternity
of silence
while everyone else
is enjoying the music.

My eyes can no longer look at the picture frame you gave to me, the picture of us looking so happy and free.
And now my eyes are seeing you so happy with her.
You're hugging and kissing someone else.
I used to be the only one that would make your smile beam brighter than diamonds.
Now my bones feel weak
and I don't seem to breathe the same way i used to.
I can't get your eyes out of my mind and it's breaking me apart.
I'm not as strong as I once was with you to help lift me up,
now how are my brittle bones supposed to keep me alive?
I've lost you and now ...
I'm loosing myself..

We, as humans, were placed on this earth to become a high power. We were created to express the meaning of 'Unique' and 'Different' - yet in this day and age we are judged so harshly on merely the way we dress or talk. Humanity is destroying Humanity; we are creating a world full of breathing corpses who have no sense of joy for life anymore. Why do we continue to live this way? Life is not meant to be tortuous; instead of feeling trapped and judged, we should feel FREE and explore as many parts of the Earth as we can before our time here is over. Exploration of the world is the key to freedom, the key to the true feeling of being a human being. Living is a privilege, we need to value this token of gratitude from The Higher Power; whoever that truly may be.

a way to cleanse my soul,
a cure to my diseases.
writing is my angel.
when my mouth becomes at fault
to organize my words,
writing is my savior.

but sometimes a haze
covers my analytical abilities.
like a cloud casting shadows onto earth's ground.
writers block is poisonous to my fragile brain.

i hate that i forget how to rescue myself.
i'm drowning in my lack of awareness.
struggling to speak through my hands.
i'm afraid it is too late
to save my once poetic mind.

even this makes me horrified
that i may
have lost my voice

This 'you' that everybody writes about are
The tears that stain our cheeks late at night,
The eyes that haunt our dreams every night,
The scars that remain as devil-ish memories of our weak moments.

I'm sick of this 'him' I'm sick of this 'her' that torments people day after day,
Making then write until their brain is pulsing and their hands are shaking.
I just want to be an okay me.
And if I need a 'him' to help me feel okay,
Then may God help me.
For I have no purpose in this world
Other than to rely on others for my heart to continue to beat.

I want to be the reason that I am still here.
I do not want to rely on another human soul.
For we are all doomed at one point to be nothing if that is the case.
But I just pray that if
Nothing we once were,
Then may our memories of life forever remain.

Why would one let themselves be consumed by the darkness that they had been fighting for so long?
The darkness had slowly taken their soul, piece by piece, until only dust remained.
People do not understand that sadness is much easier to feel than happiness.
Why does it feels better to wallow in your own sorrows, to continue to be destroyed by your thoughts?
WHY DO WE CRAVE THE END OF OUR EXISTENCE?
Why do our demon's whispering sins tempt us to try?
Why are bad things so enticing?

it's a weird feeling, this emptiness. this feeling of existing, but not living. just walking, wandering. lost in life, with no destination in sight. I had one once, but now it seems that a goal that was once at my fingertips has moved miles and miles away from me. I feel like my mind has been tortured by words of negativity— my existence has been threatened by my own hands due to people voicing their "opinions". This Generation has turned the amendment 'freedom of speech' into 'freedom to destroy the soul of a human being.'
Words hurt just as much as being physically beaten, think twice before speaking your mind. Will your words build that person up, or crush their minimum amount of joy left in their frail bodies?

I have reached a resting stop in my life long journey towards complete and utter happiness. I am drained, weak, and nauseous. I can't do a single thing in life without worrying about a consequence, a mistake, a fear. If I move on; will I be wishing I stayed? If I stayed will I forever be regretting my decision? I need to see the world, but I also enjoy some things in this life. I crave adventure, but comfort is easy to find and 'home' it is easy to call.  I want to see what life has to offer, but what if it isn't as glorious as people proclaim? what if I am not the person I believe I am? a unique writer who craves inspiring scenery? Or am I just a little girl who's been thrown around by society, mind so hazed that I cannot figure out what I truly desire? Life; it's a living hell - but with an open mind and no pessimistic outlooks, it can be a best selling book waiting to be written. I might have the ability and opportunity to be the Author, through terrors, tortures, and turmoil... I might be able to make my hell into someone else's hope. I just have to keep going, moving forward, and stop looking back and dawning on the past.

I saw my nightmare today.
just a glimpse,
but if was enough to make my whole world come crashing down,
once again.
why is it that when I finally
find peace,
i find myself lower than I was before?
if this is a life test,
I'm not sure I want to continue to fight for breath in these dark waters.

when I feel the sensations
of words starting to make sense
in my mind;
this is when I feel high.
writing is my drug of choice.
it fufills my needs
and makes me feel "okay".
to keep the feelings trapped inside
my silenced mouth
and speeding mind
is like when a drug addict
comes down from the high.
it makes me feel
weak
numb
and uncontrollable.
I am nothing without a pencil
and paper;
I was destined for greater.
and greater
I shall become.

the scent of sadness lingers over your lips as you whisper the word;
"Goodbye."
and as I'm trying to move foward,
while forcing the stream of tears flowing down my cheek to never end,
I can't seem to fight the force
that wants me to
give up and understand that your tears shall never fall upon my hands again.

you're being is a closed exhibit in a forgotten museum,
a place i will never be able to find no matter how far and wide I search the depths of the earth.

you are a foreign stranger,
just another face in the sea of humanity.

BUT you were once my universe,
you once showed me how love can truly exist.
you had showed and reflected hope onto my life.
you marked a footprint in my life,
a milestone.
your heart cared similar to a mother caring for her first infant child.

my heart had continued to beat because of you,
you had showed me strength
and you taught me to never give up.
so here is my promise to you,
I shall never forget your promise to me;
*just keep pushing , no matter how much weight the universe is placing on your shoulders.

the craving of drugs,
the addiction of love
both will take you into another
dimension.
then once you loose
the high
or the lover
that is when reality sets in
and you feel numb
once again.

I can't stop these erupting voices from telling me;
YOU'RE DOING IT ALL WRONG
I try my best,
but the best is never enough.
I work till my hands are bleeding,
till my feet are swollen,
till my brain is pulsing.
but it's never enough blood,
not enough pain,
too little of suffering.
in order to get better
they say;
YOU MUST FEEL THE SAME PAIN YOU CAUSED THEM
but enough is never enough
and the pain is never ending.
i will die because of the result of my failure to accept love.

the words have left my brain
the pen has fallen out of my hand
and on to the floor.
the page is not blank however.
my tears are the new instruments
that paint the pretty picture.
I have lost the focus and ability to focus.
my motivation left the day
you completely faded away.
my heart pounded for you,
how could you be so deaf?
I nearly bursted with rage,
how could you be so heartless?
I've become crumbled ruins;
craving to be built up again.
this is my cry towards my happiness,
where did you go?
how could you leave me?