The dark (k)night,
Cold and dreary,
The silver spot of light,
Soothing but scary,
Draping the shadows beneath the (k)night'sky
Running away from a reproachful eye,
Wolfs cry and leaves rustle
Sprinting feet quickly hustle,
(K)night's dark but the dawn breaks,
(K)Night sleeps deeper and deeper, it's insatiable,
Mother doesn't but son wakes,
The dystopian slumber doesn't quiver,
He's only one left awake in this rubble
He's only one left alone to flow away in his dreamy river.

I run fast to jump
Off the high and lofty cliff
To wake up from sleep.

I guess my future is oxymoron
Happy, lively, and slowly going on,
Not too fast, not slow
A bitter sweet symphony of, "Move on and go".

Just a little soft on the insides
And ******* outside
That's I want to be
You don't come and I'll be gone
I won't wait,
Yes, I'll be the exact oxymoron.

I'll be strong enough to fight
Not like now when that I am quiet
I'll open the mouth out wide
Someday you'll see the difference
You'll compare
It'll be the oxymoron of my present versus future
My shoulders will bear.

All the North-South feelings
Will go away
The whole confused person you see today
Will disappear into a void
And appear as hard-core asteroid
Burning fire more than ice
Melting water to suffice
The rage of my now would soon be gone
Making my present-future and oxymoron.

I tried to draw,
But my sketches are raw
I am imperfect in every way
I used to be good is all I say
Because then I hadn't heard of the word flaw.

My mind was never worried
My words never hurried
To say something worth it
Because my mind at that time was fit
To say, my mouth cleverly flurried.

But when time passes,
All the green grasses
Finally lose their sheen
But they still try to feign
That they are worth to be looked at carefully with glasses.

Just like that
I have changed, it's sad
I have become annoying
But I won't stop even if I'm knowing
That you don't want to talk 'cause I'm talking bad.

Ignore me
I am too blind
To see
What you mean
When you say,
"I don't want to see you anymore."

Ignore me
I am too deaf to hear
Your voice in the crowd
I can't even control my tears
When you shout out loud,
"I don't want to see you anymore"

Ignore me
I am too clingy
I don't know
When you don't want to see me
Because you're being polite,
So just don't talk to me.

Ignore me,
I don't deserve anything,
I don't deserve to get fake love
I don't deserve these useless white wings,
I am satan,
I don't deserve any kind of love.

Some pitches are so high
That when one shouts
No one could listen
Except for the animals.

Once.
It happened
I felt bad about it
But then washed that memory away.

Twice.
It happened,
A silly mistake
But then the weight built up on me
Still I didn't feel or see
And walked on the same path.

Thrice.
It happened again
My eyes slightly opened
But they were in deep meditation
For the wrong choice of words
That I still didn't realise.

Then the world collapsed beside me
And my eyes were half open
They were blurred up
So much by tears
That the crooked world in front me
Appeared to be straight.

Then the end came
And the world was gulped down
By the mysterious darkness
Created on my own.
I slowly drowned
And my eyes opened
I saw it all clearly
But it was too late
I saw it clearly
But now I am a clean slate.

I beg his eyes
To look at me for once
Even a glance would suffice this hungry soul
A link with those eyes, make me lost
They're no less than a black hole.

I beg his lips to turn up to heaven
Those pretty little teeth
Flash to burn the darkness around me
So I find my way in the sunless day
With his smile even a blind will start to see.

I beg his ears
To listen to my voice
When I try to sing in the sweetest way (im)possible
Just so he could hear my voice
So he could hear only me above all the noise.  

I beg his nose
To smell this cheap perfume I wear
Just for his receptors to be aware
Of my invisible presence in his life
So in his mind my cheap perfume runs rife.

I beg his skin
To feel the waves of my love
On his tiny hair which makes dots of goosebumps
And wave them as if a wind is blowing
Out on his skin my love is always flowing.

I beg him
To beg for me
The way I beg for him
If only his soul is as tattered as mine.

Falling in love, a pain
Wanting to love, a pain
Being in love, a pain
So I run.

Loving an outcaste, a shame
Helping an outcaste, a shame
Being an outcaste, a shame
So I hide.

Doing something for ourselves, selfishness
Staying happy for ourselves, selfishness
Raising voice for ourselves, selfishness
So I stay quite.

Just another daylight
Is what my eyes crave to see
Even though I ate poison
So that it could **** me
Just another daylight
Is all I want to see.

One can't get away
From the hold of one's life
You're bound to it on the surface
With the roots of your living
Stubborn to never forgiving
The ones who have tied you there
But when the last breath you breathe
You realise
Just another daylight is all you want to see.

One ounce of sunlight
To warm up the skin
One ray of the heat
To burn all the sins
Just another daylight is important for me
Just another daylight is all I want to see.

Breathing in the last time,
The last is the most special,
I don't want to die in darkness,
The way I lived my life
One second of happiness
Is all I need
Just another daylight is all I want to see.

Every night,
I pray to God,
Even though I am an atheist,
To erase my memory
So I don't
Feel the pain, the anguish
That I get whenever I realise
That you could never feel
The same about me.

An hour before midnight
On the night of 1930
Fire blazed in hearts to fight
For their Independence
And to attain their rights.

Yes, it was the night of 1930
And in the cold winds of 26th Jan
They declared to fight for our freedom
And they had a simple plan.

They promised to give Swaraj
To all of their natives
Something that was just a mirage
Until it really happened.

Yes, India got freedom
On 15th August, 1947
That was when they decided
To transform India into heaven.

They completed our Constitution
On 26th November 1949
And they had their contribution
In their hands but that date wasn't fine
To enact the book of laws.

To pay respect
To our fighters
The law was finally enacted
And was papered a bit nifty
On January 26th 1950.

(The End)

[Note: Happy Republic Day!!!]

A lot many times,
Constantly,
Innumerably,
Perpetually,
I am too handicapped to write
A sentence
Or
Two... words, one word, three words, four words...
Like a poet. I am too unconfident or inconfident or disconfident or... Is it unconfident? No, yes, no. Yes.
I am too broke, mentally, exhausted reserve of words, letters and alphabets that I am not native to, but are mine since I was born and my real language is lost amongst the chaos of my broken English. I can't be a good writer like this.
I can't be a poet, I am a person merely aware of a few things in life and can't express it clearly so I think vague poetry helps, even though I write it I can't interpret someone else's poems.
I am not qualified to be a poet. I haven't written 200 sonnets or a 1000 poems on various themes of life, not qualified to write poems on all stages of Human Development. I have only written a 100 poems... Actually, 150. But you can think it's 100.
I am not a poet. I am not old, I am not famous. I am not dead. Why should I be called a poet?
I am just a person who is expressing oneself, I shouldn't get so haughty and give myself a designation. Yet.
Let me grow old and decay in time, so when the earth swallows me up, provided people know me then by luck or chance, I might become a poet. I might.
I am not a poet.
But then, who IS poet?

A gamut of of tears
Surrounds our life
It hovers around us
All the time.

The tears of joy
Jump out
When we laugh
For a good reason
When our lips
Refused to take time off
And make a grip
On the opposite corner of your face,
Because someone has made you laugh
And has forever traced
The happiness in your heart.

The tears of pain
When you get hurt
And you tried a lot in vain
To be careful not to get bruises
But it hurts you so much
That your world fuses
Like a worn out bulb.

The tears of sadness
Blurring your vision
Taking you to a wrong path
And your mind has envisioned
That your life does not exist anymore
That you are not important
And you abhor
That you're still living.

Tears of death,
A complete mixture
Of sadness and joy
When your thoughts admixture
All your moments you enjoyed
With all the other moments
That a life could have.

The life I've lived
Has been a blissful sin
The blessings of God
Have always been an evil grin.
I don't know what he wants
I don't know if he's even there
I don't know if I believe
As the non-believers are rare.

I belong to the dummy group,
A group following one path
But someday I will break through
The waters of this gloomy bath
Which is told to free us
From the sins we've committed
And get us out of this fuss
But my thoughts about it are limited.

I don't know what I believe in
But I know I believe in myself
And trust my own decisions
That would lead me itself
To another track of life
Different from the one
I don't belong to.

..
......
.. .......      
           ..............
............
Sober hearts
        Drunk mind
Whiskey breaths
               The soul, kind
                       Soft whispering
        The head aching
                           Life hung up on string
But the body, faking
        Light up a cigar
          And forget the world
                            Let it all smoke
              Let the smoke whirl
Let the spirits rise
                    And leave for heaven
   Forget all the lies,
Just float up to the sky
         Like a free spirit
After being exiled
Put an end to your life
            Let the emotions evoke
   Let the weight be lifted
         .........And sway.....
Like   the      thoughtless      smoke
.................
               ­          ..............
...........
Fly away
   ....
..

How could everything be alright?

Life is scattered

Life is hard

It punches you on the face

With the utmost grace

It rips your heart away

Marking several traces

Of your pain.



It's hard to breathe

Even if it takes a second

It takes my soul

To fulfill my body's greed

To live

When I want to stop living.



All these scars aren't here for nothing

The kisses of blades,

With the redness blushing,

Opens my soul for a moment

But then that moment is soon replaced,

With the outburst of tears,

The heavy weight in me making some place

To bug me again

And again my heart is empty,

As if it was always a void

Just like my entwined mind.



Don't you see I pretend?

I pretend because impression matters

No one likes a sad person who tends

To make others sadder

I pretend because that's what I'm best at

I can be me

But if I continue my 'only me' chat

Then you'll probably see

The person in me.



I talk less

Because silence hides all flaws

It's a drape to hide all the mess,

The mind thinks about all the time making petty laws,

Of living the life

Which can't be applied or shared

But I would in future do everything

Adventurous I thought of if I dared

But there's no way I'll share

My life's not an open book

I won't let my thoughts lie bear.



Nothing's alright,

You already know

Just somehow dodge the questions

And try to show

Your happiness which is completely lost

Your smile which don't make your eyes crinkle

Your laughter which is deep in your heart scattered and tossed

Around the cruel sadness which gulped it down

Show your dull eyes as if they are shimmery

Just wait for that time

When you have your victory

Over the people talking who leave you at last

Like you're an old and dying tree

Which looks completely green

But is dark and weak from inside

Making you the best queen

For faking that happiness in you

Never died.

I have a heart
But it's completely hollow
No weight gets counted
Because I have nothing to follow.

When it pumps,
I hear the air getting pushed out
With little drops of blood
Splattered out of my mouth
I can't control it,
It's just my heart which is perforated
Into a perfect circle
Which I always hated.

I want it to get filled
And it would some day
When my world gets built
Around someone who says,
"I would love you the way
You've always been,
And a perfect heart
Will be perfectly filled
If you take my hand
And let me build
A world for you
Where we can stay
And live forever
Celebrating each day."

I stare at the mirror
A creature stares back at me
She has no features on her
But she keeps on banging her fist to be free.

I stare into the giant river
The ripples wrinkle her smooth face
Devoid of nose, devoid of eyes, devoid of lips,
Her face, I see, is the emptiest place.

I stare at my reflection,
But I'm acquainted with an unknown countenance,
Staring back at me like an empty piece of paper,
Begging words to be written on her to make sense.

But making sense wasn't enough.

My mind is like
The roots of a tree,
Entangled in a tight
Embrace,
Confused,
Searching for divine water
Deep beneath the dry ground.

My soul is like,
The clouds floating in sky,
Changing its shape
Every day,
Making people gape
If the sun shines behind me
But trying to escape
From the sight of everyone beneath.

My eyes are those,
Little stars,
Which shine the least,
And still watch the same ground beneath,
As the brightest keeps on,
Glowing,
Which are more noticed,
But are soon gone.

My heart is like a tamed lion
Trying to refrain from roaring
Trying to refrain from reacting
But the pain I am boring
Is the pain as if I have used my claws
Against my tamed heart
Which wants to be torn out
Which wants to be noticed again.

I am like a howling wolf,
Crying in my own language,
Telling everything,
Equal to telling nothing,
No one understands,
No one would,
And if you try taking my hand,
Then you should
Know the picture of me.

Let me write a sad limerick
Pouring out emotions from a skin so thick
Inking the pale page of no memories
Let me blow on it some gusty breeze
Let me write a sad limerick.

Let me write a sad limerick
Of my well being which sounds so sick
Hours of speculation make me famished
But I can't eat, my hunger has vanished
Let me write a sad limerick.

Let me write a sad limerick
I have a wall around built from dark brick
The trapped painful lonesome feelings
Tear me more, less healing
Let me write a sad limerick.

Let me write a sad limerick
You make me sadder you unhelpful *****
Leave my life, don't you see
There is no one that you can change me?
Let me write a sad limerick.

Let me write a sad limerick
Sick and tired of my mind's tricks
I want revenge then I'll be free
If I make him bleed I won't disagree
Let me now stop this limerick.

Every day, every second,
Every moment,
I try shutting you out of my mind.

But, every day, every second,
Every moment,
I see you when I shut my eyes.

So, every day, every second,
Every moment,
You shut me behind these mirrors
Of faithful reflection.

And, every day every second,
Every moment,
I shut myself behind these bars,
Resisting myself from reaching you

Why love when you're not allured?
Why run when walk could be preferred?
Why heal when you would be hurt?
Why act when you would look absurd?
Why wish when its fulfilment never occurred?
Why see when your vision would be blurred?
Why fight when you had already suffered?
**Why scream when you won't be heard?

It's not as if I am the sun
Without which the day is just as dark
I am not the needle which ****** your emotions
Without which you're just as empty
I am not your heart
Even though you say I am
I am not that thin brittle air you breathe
Maybe you don't know -yet- but I do clearly,
You wouldn't even notice
When I'm nowhere to be seen
You wouldn't even notice
That I have ever been,
You wouldn't even notice.

It isn't just a flame
Burning within me
(cannot extinguish with your loving words)
It isn't only the rotten smell of overcooked thoughts
(I'd still love to eat their bitterness away)
Although it is...

It is me and my love for thee,
You who makes me a poet,
Who makes me feel enough to feel human
Whether it's sadness, happiness, hatred or jealousy
(oh that silly stinging heart of mine)  

No... It's a contagious forest fire
Combusting my sanity towards those
Near you; Lived and living or loving
(how readily my tears want to burn them)

It's known it's not healthy
But you don't see it's my love anyway
Even when I am angry with you
(nothing that you're responsible for)
And mime my thoughts out to you
So you never understand.

By the time this forest obliterates,
It's all just too late to tell you,
And again,
The ash is buried inside,
Waiting to reignite,
Soon.