Trigger warning: Suicidal thoughts/ideation


I want it
I do
I want to die
I want to be dead
I am done living
Living has only brought me pain
Only offered me sorrow
To **** me would be to show mercy
Euthanize the suffering
I w̴̳̆ant ̴͕͝t̵͇́o̶̥͋ diē̸̩
I'm̷̩͆ ̸̪̈ṛ̸͆eaḋ̸̪y to̷̲̓ ̵̘͠d̷͉͑ie
̷̬̚Ì̴̧ can̷̖͘'̷̬̅t̶̳͘ ̵͙͑die

I̵͎̪̤̐͝ ̶͇̜̖͂̃ẁ̵̳͓̘̾a̷̗̩̤̥̿n̶̖͝ͅṱ̶̾̒͗͆ ̶̢͔͇͑̐̓͗t̷̟̘̲͌̍͝o̵̯̊͗ ̸̨̨̃d̴̙̥͚̅̓͛͆͜i̷̘̬͍͍̐ȇ̸͎

̷̛̰̦̝̩̑̐Ỉ̵͔̼̝'̶͎̬̀m̴̠̓͆ ̷̼̀r̴̦̖͕̦̊̏̐̾ẹ̵̢̙̭̓a̵̹̤̎̉͑d̷͉̓̎͜ͅy̷̛̲͍̔͛͐ ̵̡̰̯̉t̵̳̓ȯ̸̮͍͜ ̷̙̘̎d̴̹̝̘̄̌́̈́ȋ̵̞͔̉̑ͅě̸̡͈̞

̴̞͉̹̓̇I̴̤̙̪͓̊̂ ̴̜͍̣̌͘c̸͕̋̍́á̷̬̝̽́͊n̸̨͛̚͘'̵̡̦̙̏t̸̛̺͔̓͗ ̴̱̖͈̌͒d̴̗̃̐͘i̵̯̋̔̑̃ë̴̦̳̯̲́



I̷͇̥̲̮̔̋̋́̃̅̑̐͠ ̷͙̫͈̜̬͓͛́̋͌́̎́ͅͅw̴̧̛̞͈͓̱̠͈̙̲͉̥̱̱͎̐̒̅̈̌͐͑̓̇͗͆̚̕͜͜͜͠͝͠͠ͅa̶̋͑͐͛͑͗͂̕͝­̢̪͈͚̻̦̳̤̭̰̫̬̤͇̲̚ͅͅn̷̛̻̲̹̙̖̻̋̅̊͋̈͑̐̀̂̏́̈́̒̄̓̂̽̈́̃̆͜͝͝t̸̋̔̐̀̓̎̽̃̋̇̓͘͘­͍̘̰̦͕̥̹̹͚̳͔͖̫̠͉̱͇̗̪͇ͅ ̷̤̭̞̮̗̤̱͓̟̙̲̾̀͜ͅť̷̨̛͓͓͈͓̫͔̝̳̱̘̱̘̲̙̖̪́̀̒͗̈̀̈̎͑͜͜͝o̶̧͉̱̤͌̇̆̏̂̒̋͒̍̈́­̡̡̺͈͎̭̠̤̩̰̞̩̣̩̪̠̺ ̷͉̪̀̊́́̅̃͋̕̚͘d̴̢̖͖̲̭̹̪͎̥̼̜̼͍̝͍̤̩̞̹̈̈́̈́͌͜ͅį̶̡̢̻͉̰̙̙͚̹͍̝̮̭̑͊̎͝e̸̛͌͘­̡̨̼̖͉̫̣̣͍̭̺̬̳̍̓̚͜͜͜
̴̪͍̞̖̖̼͕̳̘͔͍͖̓͒̋̇̀̐̉̒͑̒̌̓͋̈́̂ͅ
̴͑̎̅̈̊͊͌̐͗̈́̓͛̃͝­̧̧̧̡̡͈̭͎̘͙̥͚̮̗̤͙̫
̶̡̧̨̨̨̛̫̝͎̖͎̞͔͔͈͈̥̭̦̖̪͈͐̎̆̎͊̑̄̓͐͘Ḯ̶̛̈́͐̀̀̒̔͒͋͘̚­̧̡̛͍̯̹͔͎̖̞̭̦̖͑̌͂͜'̵̡̛̱̜̰̳̭̯̱̞̤̥͉̱͓̣͈͚̟̱͚̖͙̿͋̇̎͗̃̀̄̀͐̅͘ḿ̶̯͚̬̉̂̀̽̕­̡͕͉̜̟̘̱̙̝͍̼̭̞̻̣̝ ̵̡̢͈͎͈͖̯̗̜̰͖̲͈̬͚̮̈́̈́̑́̚ͅr̵̟̥̥̭̖̯̰͔̯̞͖̺̗͉̬̖̪̹͚̔̆͂̈́̇̀̕͘͜͝e̸̽̇͂̂̈͒̄͘­̙͓͔͕̬̙͖̈́̔̏͛́͆́͗̃̽̆̾͆͋̕a̵̧̨̢̧̮͖̙͓̝̟͓̗̥͈̰͊͂͌͊̄̂̎̓̎̈́͂̈́̾ͅͅd̶̔̈̍̉͛̏̈́̆­̢̨̖͙̦͕̲͈̰̯͕͎̬̼̑̐̄̐̽́͊̄̾͑͌̕̕ÿ̵̧̡̛̛̩̭̱̖͈̖͎́͌̑́͗̈́͗̀̀̊̚ ̴̡̻̺̹͆͂͗̇̐͌t̶̢͚̣̓̅́̎̉̽̇͌͗̊̾̾̊͌̑͌͘͠͝ṓ̷̢̳̋͂̇͘͝ ̷̔͊̾̉̐̅̋́ͅd̴̡͉̫̺͔̹̜̘̝̻̳͖̙͗͋̈̀̇͑͆͂̀̐̊̽͊̎̑̈̃͆͘̕͜͜͠i̴̛̙̗̍̐̍́͒̔̈́e̶͋̀́­̛̖̱̯̪͌͠
̶̛̫̼̰̟̳̻̦̱͈̯̃̔̀͂͒͑͊͒̆̃͐̿͒͝͝ͅͅ
̵̢̹̘̱̖̩̈́̈́͆̽́̑̏͑̑̓̽̆̀̈́̅͆̓́͝͝­̨̨͔̳̦̦͓̭̤̭̹̗͎͍̬̻͜
̴̼̦̆̓͗͒Ī̶̧͙̰̘̘͙̺̺͖̦̫͍͕̲͖̺̣̱͔̖̍͌̀͛̕͘͝ͅ ̷̛̠̤̻͔̰̠̣͈̹͈͔̟̮̉͌̉̚͘c̴̢̡̛̜̹̺̻̪̠̯͗͗̑̇̍̄͋́̌̈̍̑͒͑͘ȃ̵̛̟͇̜̻̇́͊̑͌͊̋͛̄͆­̲͚̘͎̱̮̦̘͜ͅn̵̤̻̩̯̝̈̅͒͒̈́̒͒͐̽̏̓͌͐̄̈́̕̚͘̚͠͝'̴̩̥̝̘͓͚͇͓̖̊̓̀̀̂̍͂̀́͛̐̈́̕͠͝ͅ­͖̳̺̳̥͉̖̩͜t̷̢̨̡͈͚̘͈̣͖͈̤̟͎̤̙̩̩͕͙͈̳̍̓͐͗̍̓̄̾͗͒̎̿̈̈́͘̚ ̴̛̜͉̜̀͂̊̀̾̿͂͌̒̋̿̀̈́̽ḑ̴̜̻͓͕̱̲̟͔̰̜̣̺̠͎̰̗̥̞͍̭̻̯̉̑͋̍̓̅͛͛̽̓͂̄́̓͊͗̉͛͘i̴­̧̹̱̪̤͍͖̱͈͈͔͙̝̟̤͒̀̏̄̽͋̓̔̑̌̃̐͘̕͝ẽ̶̢̜̤̲̣̮̜̱͓̹̮͋̇́̀́͆̂̈́̊̋͋̈̅̈́̀͒̔̈͝͠ͅ­͕͖͇̗

Hello there,
I’m lonely and desperate
I’m fighting my own mind
I eat to fill gaps in my soul
I love to wallow in self-pity
I like to think I’m special
I’ve pushed away all my friends
I’m too scared to get high
So instead I drink coffee ‘til I shake
My smiles are often very fake
I have no idea who I am
I’m either a very troubled individual
Or I’m a terrible drama queen
And truth be told,
I kind of like it like this
What’s wrong with me

I feel everything : I feel nothing
          Excited, alert, awake : Relaxed, carefree, calm
But it makes me
Anxious, obsessive, neurotic : Empty, careless, cold        
And all I want
Is to let myself
    Go numb : Get high
        To stop feeling : To feel anything
           To feel nothing : To feel everything

I don't want to have to try and explain to you
The dark lines on my wrist and thigh
That I pray you will never be able to understand

Trigger warning: Suicidal thoughts/ideation


It's ******* me off
Steady, rhythmic
Continuous.
I want it to



F̷̘͇̖̟̟͔͍̜̍͛͑̔̿͗̅͌̅͒̇̚̚ͅȖ̷͚̮̹̪̮͎̻͖͉̖̘̖͔̭̬̹̪̍̅ͅͅC̶͋͒͆̀̍͛͌­̡̧̨̣͉͔̤͉͇̺̠̖̞͖̖͚̇̌̈́̿͑͠K̸̹̹̳̠͉̝̭̭̣̤̤̩̜̈́̈́̏́̽͆̋̆͋͋͐͛̓̆̾̈͜͜͝͝͝I̶̔̅́͠͠­͚͇̠̞̤̹̻̮͍͖͚̱̌̎̾̆̂͊͊̊̄̍͑̍̀͑̈́͘͠N̸̨̨̨͓̣͎̩͙̥̦̐͑̚G̸͙͕̳̥̹̹͍̒͂́̏̈̈́̎̊̃͝͠ͅ­̤̲ ̸̛̹͚̫͆̄̏̅͌̄̎̔̀Ş̸̡̬̼̘͉̦̹̙̉̿͌̍̌͋̓̓̍͑̂̂́̕̚Ṭ̷̨̧͖̗̳͔̮͐̉̍̽̈́͗͂̈́̒̍̊́͘͝͝­Ǫ̵̧̧̨̨̫̰̼̼̲̹̙̻̣̹̭͎͕̞̪̼͑͛̄̽̒̓̃̀̄̎̈́̂̄̾̕͠ͅP̸̱͓̦̰̥̙̗̂̿̾̄̾̀͋̈́́̔͜


­
I'm tired of this
ALL OF IT!!!

None of you want me
None you desire me
None of you!
You don't care for me
You don't care about me
You don't take care of me

YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT YOURSELVES
You care when it makes you look good
You care when it's convenient
But I'm falling
It's dark here
I can feel it in my heart
As it grows colder
...colder...


Ŷ̸̧̡̡͉̥͉̲̲̝͉̟̝̟̤͒́͑̍̄͗͊͛́͗̆̿͠O̶̱̜̭̜̪͈̮̩̯̓͝­͚͓͓̣̦̞Ư̴̟̇̈́̓͊̒͘͝
YOU ALL
YOU'RE SO BUSY
SO WRAPPED UP IN YOURSELVES

YOU CAN'T EVEN ******* SEE


Ḯ̷̛̼̦͋̈́̀̈́̀̓̋͒́̔͌̐͝͠
̵̡̡͕͕͇̥̗̪̭͎̄̅̕
̵̛̝̪̝̙̙̟̹̃̽̑́͑͝ͅA̷͌͝­̢̢͈̜̪̣̪̘̻̖̣͍̪̮̰̬͙̘̪̠̟͆̒̾̃̽̂̐̕͝͝ͅͅM̶̨̡̡̢̛̘̯̞̜̘̼̳̦̭͍̬̪͖̖̯̜̜͍̻̬̙͉̓̃̊­̰ͅ
̵̨͎̫͍͈̗̤͇̻̫̠̖͈͉͈̥̜͆̓̈́͜
̷͉̘͊̈̿̉̐̇͒̈́̌̃̉̅͂͗̾̚͠͝D̵̿̑͗̄͌̇̑͊̿̈́̆͘̚̕̚͘­̲͈̮͉̞̖͖̰͓͇͓̣̙̙̖͔͕Y̴̡̩͉̘̦͔̩͈̤͂͠I̷̢̳͓͇͈̯̼͔̰̲͕̲̠̜̩̾̇̽̂̌͛́̈́̿̐̾̋̑̀͌̌̕­̡̡̢̝̮̙͔̭̠̰͇͔̹͔̖ͅN̷̛̛̰̙̪̥̯̻̦̘̰͖̫͒͋̅̈́͂̃̇̂̎̑̀͛͂̓̔̀̀̏̀̓͗̏̃̏̍̂̈́͘̚͘͜͝G̷­̨̛̞͍̥̤̬̘̲̹̘̻͉̟͐͒̾̎̎̀̐͒͆̒͂̋͆̑̉͘͝͝




and i've come to hate my heartbeat
because it's this constant ******* reminder
that i have to keep ******* living
breathing
though i've no desire to do so
i don't want it
i don't want to keep going
I'M WEARY
just leave me to ******* die

Why do I have to be lucid
Present
Together
Because all I really want
Is to let go of reality
Get so high I could never come down
Drink until I can't feel anything
Let my body go numb
And my mind soar
Away from all
The ****

Tired of feeling exhausted
All the **** time.

Done feeling numb, empty
Every heartbeat void.

Well, it's legal... accessible...
It tastes pleasant...
It'll do the trick...
The kind of acceptable addiction
No need to hide
Flaunt it a bit
See if they care
Play it up
Show them

But don't forget to enjoy it, dear.
Feel your pulse in your wrists
s                                u     r                    g    i              n    g
c-c-c-c-ccount the dosage
80 mg..... 120 mg.... 300 mg..... 400 mg............
Hyyypppeeeerrrrr
HIGH


Where's that laugh been all this time?
Full of... joy....?
That smile cannot possibly be your own....
It's so....... pure.


And again here I am
Crashing from the high
Mild headache
Numbness returning
Depression invading

And you.
My neurotic shadow.
You creep back into my mind.
I hear the whispers of your familiar voice.
It makes me want to chase a different high.
One that'll leave a mark.

I'm losing control
I'm letting it all go
It's slipping through
My fingers now
Everything I believe

There's just too much to hold
My burdens feel so heavy
I'm just not strong enough
I'm too weak to hold on any longer

You told me I could do it all
So I did, but you were wrong
Now my faith is scattered
And I don't know how
To pick up all these pieces

I haven't let go
I don't want to
But I can't hold on alone
Everything is already slipping
Spinning out of control
And I need
CONTROL

My greatest struggle
Is my body's natural desire
To attain control
Because my spirit
Aches
For release
With a reckless abandon

I want nothing more
Than to be freed from all
Which binds me
To forget my
Inhibitions
And to experience
Indulgence