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Why am I hungry
While I sit and eat my food?
And why am I cold
Bundled up by the heater?
Why do I tell him,
Aware that I'm not alone,
"I think I'm lonely."?
Am I supposed to fall
When now I've grown wings?
Or am I to crawl
When my legs can walk again?
I thought I could see
With eyes opened to the light,
But darkness returns.
Is it just me, or is this,
The empty, chilled night
Where loneliness is granted
As effort's reward?
When will the new flowers bloom
Where I planted them?
Will I stand alone again,
Like I did before
When I fell back on nothing,
Lost in confusion?
Or will this dark be broken
To bring me dawn, eyes open?
Depression coming back
Marissa Jan 23
i feel it in my chest
with every breath feeling heavier than the last, like someone is playing jenga
with concrete stones on my body

my eyes burn
the same type of pain that comes from gripping a hot pan
or pouring acid on your face

i sit atop my bed, restlessly scratching
my arms or my heels
dissecting the layers of my skin
trying to feel something
or for a sign that I’m still alive

then the thoughts come creeping in
about how my body is disgusting
and i should never eat again
and how i’m just not smart enough
and no matter how much stress I put into my work
it will never be enough

even my meds know that I’m not enough
because even the proper dose
can’t help me
You said
the pills would make me better
and I guess they really did
-
because I can't seem to cry at all
but I cannot seem to live
the pills took a piece of me
-
something I just might want back
the pills took a piece of me
that something I now lack
-

I have been made sane,
-
but the pill is all to blame
A familiar tingle 
My hair ***** 
Ominous whispers 
Soft but slicing 
Impending 
Violent and bloodthirsty 
Too chaotic to decipher 
I dare not look back
I know what's coming 
I run
A staircase
Ascension 
Feeble
My heft risks its collapse 
Rails touched by condensation 
A sterile aroma 
I taste 
A familiar burn 
I forget
The moment passes 
Impending 
Steeper now 
It's snowing 
Neck arched back 
I taste 
The cold numbing 
Powdered white steps 
Depress under my pace 
Snowshoes below me 
I am prepared 
Imprinted trail left behind 
A winged shaft braided with serpents 
Is that sweat?
A saline perfume 
I taste
The sea
Impending 
Dark faceless figures converge 
An ambiance so powerful 
Acidic stench 
Head pounds 
Body aches
Fatigued by thirst 
Chaos slows 
The inevitable 
I sink into the cold snow 
Consumed by my demons
Iska Dec 2018
You stick us all together
And declare we are the same
As if we all don’t have a different
Tolerance to pain
Deadwood Jawn Nov 2018
R        e           s            o           n              a               t           e

R                                                             ­ e
            e           s                                     t
                                    o                  a
      ­                                         n
                                      o
                    s  ­                                    a
        e                  ­                                              t       e
R


V i b r a t e. .e t a r b i V    
i                                     i
b                                   b
R                                   R
A                                   A
t                                     t
e t a r b i V   V i b r a t e

The music surges through me!
                                                          Con­cord.
                                  Harmony.
                ­                                                  Superfluous excitement!

I love it.
                       OBTAIN.
I love it.
                       CONTAIN.

50mg.
50mg.
50.190002221mg.

The song.
                                                           ­        The song.

ARGH.
Eugh.
Tasty.

A pleasure to my tongue.
                                                                ­Riveting for the dopamine!

Move with me!
Move with me!

Move
                                 Move
                                                       Move
                                        Move
               ­  Move
Move

With me!
                 With me!
With me!

...

Goodness, me...
If I just

Surge that
Surge that
Surge that
                  Push back
                  Push back
                  Push back
                                      Slam, tap
                                      Slam, tap
                                      Slam, tap

HEART ATTACK.                                                   C         K
E   E                                                                ­  A  
A                                                          ­       T
R              A                                        T
T    ­                         R T              A                                  C
             ­                                         
A                      
T                                                        A      ­        
T                         T
A      T    
C
K
.
Written during a time of frantic, hyper, positive thoughts and ideas. Please give me your interpretations! Anything at all! <3
Brad post Nov 2018
What is your obsession,
with writing depression?
Just forget about it,
and try to move on.

A therapy session?!
That’s out of the question.
You’re perfectly fine,
if you do that, I’m gone.

Anti-depressants are bad,
you saw what happened to dad,
Do you want to be like a zombie,
now that’s crazy to me.

There’s no reason to be sad,
and I understand that your mad,
but there is key elements here,
that you refuse to see.

I may just be a voice,
but I do have a choice,
and I’m not the problem,
cause I’m basically you.

Alright fine, I get it,
God you sound pathetic,
blaming all your problems,
on what’s in your head.

You want to be sane,
and forget all your pain,
but it’s what makes you you,
so embrace it and move on.

You cannot erase me,
so let’s just let it be.
I can help you get through this,
together, just us.

Alright, put down the pill,
and tell me how you feel.
Oh man I feel weird,
what the **** have you done....
day one on the pill
is narrow and deep
I can't seem to sleep
and I can't seem to eat
my dreams are empty
and the future is bleak
so maybe that's why
my pills taste so sweet
The beginning of a short series of poems written
following my journey through writing
and antidepressants.
Sean Achilleos Oct 2018
A mind that has taken too many beatings
Too much hurt
Too much loss
Too much rejection
Too much pain
Enough sorrow to last several lifetimes
A brain with a band aid on it
A band aid called antidepressants
But once the sticky band aid is carefully removed
Like a broken arm removed from a sling
It requires time to function as before
Exposed and fragile
Like an infant taking baby steps
One step at a time
Slowly moving forward
Slowly
Yet moving
Just moving
Keep moving
Slowly but surely
While identifying the pain
Moving closer
Moving forward
Closer and closer
To the winning line
You are home FREE
Written by Sean Achilleos 29 October 2018©
www.facebook.com/SeanAchilleosOfficial/
Sean Achilleos' Music is available on the following platforms:
Amazon, Apple Music, iTunes, Deezer, Google Play, Pandora, Saavn, SoundCloud, Spotify, Tidal, YouTube, Jango Radio, Nicovideo (Japan), IQIYI (China) and YOUKU (China)

Sean Achilleos' Book 'An Affair with Life' is obtainable from the following platforms:
Smashwords, Amazon, Wordery, Kobo, Exclusive Books, Takealot, HelloPoetry, Loot, Overdrive, Bokus, Barnes and Noble
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