19/F I’m at war with the world and they try to pull me into the dark. I struggle to find my faith as I’m slipping from your arms. It’s getting harder to stay awake and my strength is fading fast. You breathe into me at last. -Skillet, "Awake and Alive" 126 followers / 2.6k words
I have to satisfy my demons Or else they get restless They don’t like it When I ignore them When I deny them It makes them yell louder It makes them more cruel So I go somewhere safe And cry And scream And break Until I have, for now Satisfied the demons
Don’t leave me Here alone With myself I’m abusive I’m dangerous I’m ill When I’m alone It all rushes in I don’t know what’s happening It fills me with darkness And lies And I want to be alone To wallow in it Because it won’t be ignored But I have to when you’re here I stuff it down deep And it begs to be released It screams for recognition I don’t want to let it out But I don’t want to hide it I don’t know what to do It makes me so confused I can’t think straight I don’t know if I ever have Or if I ever will
The light inside left me for a bit but... I found it one night when I truly needed it Lately I have been in the in between I've felt like diving head first in the deep end Where no one can see me to hurt me drown out the surface drown out my worthless Then come back up from the bottom down
I want to mourn For all of me that died So much of me died All that’s left is this shell Remnants of a person I want to mourn Because it hurts I think I wouldn’t know Because I chose to silence it Intervention in my death I stopped dying But I wasn’t revived Just not dying And now here I am Not dying But I’m so dead Necrotic And I can’t mourn I can’t make the tears come Because of that little white circle I place on my tongue at night It kept me from dying But I’m not better Just paused I can’t mourn All of me That I lost
I might have had a panic attack. My hands are still shaking.