I tell myself I’m no longer going to care
my brain, soul and heart are checking out today,
but it doesn’t matter because no one is there,
no one came and no one will ever stay.
If someone needs to reassure you you matter,
it’s probably because they show you that you actually don’t.
There’s so many choices but they always pick the latter,
and they promise to fix things but they actually won’t.

I found something that’s true,
it’s common from coast to coast,
that the ones who say they’ll never hurt you,
are the ones who do it the most.

I promise myself that I am done
that each day marks the start of a new life,
but the battle’s fought and you’ve already won
and I’m left covered in the blood of my strife.
If someone needs to say they care about you,
it’s probably because they never actually show it.
‘Cause I’m holding a white flag that turned blue,
and it’s waving only cause they blow it.

I found something that’s true,
it’s wisdom I care not to boast,
but the ones who promise never to dessert you,
are the ones who do it the most.

I found something that’s true,
it’s common from coast to coast,
that the ones who say they’ll never hurt you,
are the ones who do it the most.

My walls were always tall
and impossible to breach
but the only wrecking ball
was a lesson I could now teach.
I left a small crack on the side
hoping someone would make it in,
and when they did, I denied
they were ever there to begin.

I want to be wrong,
I want to be reassured,
that I am actually strong
and that my skin was never disturbed.

I found something that’s true,
I’ll raise a glass to this toast.
The ones who say they’ll never break you
are the ones who do it most.

I found something that’s true,
it’s common from coast to coast,
that the ones who say they’ll never hurt you,
are the ones who do it the most.

The blizzards of snow, falling straight to the ground,
circle in the wind and block out the sound,
burning my skin and freezing my soul,
yes the winter has taken it's toll.

The dead trees that shed their leaves, I only see a reflection of me,
but no one thinks to dress me up with light.
While the nights are going strong, the drunkards belt out their yuletide songs,
the added up years have turned the phrases trite.

And all those lost souls were tracing angels of the snow,
Using chalk though the white blended in too well.
Seeing the indent and questioning how far it did go,
If this unknowing snow angel had made it's way to Hell.

I’ve got a journey to make
and I have a soul to feed.
I don’t know which path to take,
but I’ll walk on even when my feet bleed.
The backdrop of my surrounding
blends and blurs to a perfect grey,
out of breath and my heart is pounding,
when I arrive I just hope I can stay.

Life is not one single race
don’t expel your energy just to run,
but always find something to chase
as tomorrow is promised to no one.

I’ve got a journey to make
and I have a soul to feed.
Climb up hill or dragged by the lake,
no way of knowing where each will lead.
I didn’t come with a map or a plan
and I don’t hold any bags of tricks,
just the argument of a straw man,
determined to cross the River of Styx.

Life is not one single race,
just when you end, another has begun.
So strive to finish, disregard what you place,
as tomorrow is promised to no one.

I’ve got a journey to make
and I have a soul to feed.
With a sense of dread I can’t shake,
doubt and worry sure like to breed.
If I was lost would I even know?
And if I did, would I admit it?
I’ll be carried by the wind’s blow,
but she’s always been my path, no one could split it.

Life is not one single race,
it’s crucial to always find the fun.
You’ll learn to lose, but lose with grace,
still tomorrow is promised to no one.

I’ve got a journey to make
and I have a soul to feed.
To this point I have yet to break,
in-fact I found and planted a seed.
Gifted another soul to share the skies,
now I know warmth and feel that all’s okay,
and the breathless beauty that shines in my eyes
reassured me without a doubt, this is the right way.

Life is not one single race,
it’s enjoying each second under the sun.
Sharing your heart, mind, soul and space
and my tomorrow is promised to only one.

My mind’s checking in to checking out,
I’ve decided I don’t want to know what the ending’s about.
I’m tired of gaining wrinkles under my sunken eyes,
and I’m sick of grey hairs and done with grey skies.

The skeletons are stacked and toppling out from my closet,
the space is barely enough for the ones born in the past ten years.
They tap and they rap and even try to claw it
but I’ve soundproofed the walls and even plugged my ears.
The gasoline has been splashed on the ground,
and I’m buying matches by the pound.

I’ve got a war campaign between my heart and my head,
bleach doesn’t clean the stain from the mass of bloodshed.
I’m tired of holding my tongue and hiding a quivering lip,
and I’m ignoring all those who tell me to “just get a grip.”

The demons are pushing their way out from under my floorboards,
They’ve always cracked but now they also screech.
I search in hope for some rope but only find extensions cords,
and even then they’re fully used or slightly out of reach.
The gasoline has been splashed on the ground,
and I’m buying matches by the pound.

I guess this would be my goodbye
but absolutely nothing about it is good.
Let us not pretend to cry,
but admit I made it further than I should.
There’s a certain strength in keeping your eyes open;
a certain strength that I just lack,
skip all the words, they don’t need to be spoken
just please let me sleep in a place that’s forever pitch black.

Usually I embrace the lack of sound,
but lately it’s been peeling the paint off the walls.
The chips scatter and collect on the ground,
in boredom I pick them up and roll them into *****.
I forget the last voice that touched my ear,
but there’s only one I truly seem to crave,
even when telling me things I don’t want to hear
I find it impossible for me not to cave.

I’ve been playing Spy vs Spy
with my reflection in the mirror.
The black and white catches my eye
but the mix to grey is growing nearer.
There’s something else I want to try,
as the difference between good and bad is getting clearer.
I remember everyone else but forgot I,
I’m not too sure if I should fear her.
So what side are you on?
Are you here or are you gone?

Normally I love the pitch black dark
but tonight it’s drowning me in an abyss.
The structure and outlines that once were stark
are now details even the sharpest eye could miss.
I forget the last person to grace my sight,
there’s only one I wish to be standing in place,
her glow would banish the darkness of night,
whether she was caressing or slapping my face.

I’ve been playing Spy vs Spy
with my opposing thoughts and views,
and lately I’ve just been getting by
by drinking raindrops and morning dews.
A goal too far or maybe too high,
but that’s hardly any breaking news.
So what side are you on?
Are you hand written or hand drawn?

You’re holding me under water, watching me drown so slow,
pulling me up for air and saying “don’t breathe, just blow.”
You’re holding me under water,
watching me drown so slow,
then pulling me up for air begging
“please, oh please, don’t go.”

I’ve been playing Spy vs Spy
with my conflicting feelings and limited choices,
no right path for me so the left I defy,
in the distance I may just hear voices.
It’s comedic how I accept a lie,
and I’m sure she still rejoices.
So what side are you on?
Are you twilight or are you dawn?

Come waltz between my ears
they’re more sensitive than they seem,
slip and step between the gears,
that are working so hard they cause steam.
For someone who never stops thinking,
there’s still far too many unknowns,
but just like breathing or blinking
I love you down to the bones.

Stay standing behind my eyes,
perfection radiant in my mind,
toss away all of the starry skies,
I might as well become blind.
Say that I’m “one in a million”
there’s doppelgängers and there’s clones,
but you’re one in seven point seven billion,
and I love you down to the bones.

I’ll be red and you’ll be blue,
let’s mix together; create a colour new,
maybe some type of violet hue,
and speckle the world with our dew.

Put up posters of our memories
on every single pole and wall,
caress me with the summer breeze,
and give me the final warmth at fall.
Nothing could ever fill the hole,
not seven kingdoms and no thrones.
Just embrace me through the soul
‘cause I love you down to the bones.

You’ll be day and I’ll be night,
two passing ships still stay in sight,
the tide will pull but we’ll remain tight,
we’ve become accustomed to this fight.

Come carry me back home,
I’m already there if you are too,
though you think that I stray and roam,
darling I never even tied a shoe.
We’re meant to be compiled together,
but I made myself out of sticks and stones,
but I promise you that forever,
I’ll love you down to the bones.

I once heard that suicide was painless,
especially if you use the steel that is stainless.
But when you go, you're bound to die nameless,
and everyone is helpless but no one is blameless.

I once heard you could determine your life with a game of MASH,
from who you would marry and if they'd have cash.
The future was written out but the ink gave me a rash,
and the destination was plotted to come to a crash.

Now through early morning fog I see,
every regret and every memory,
grasping a hopeful visionary,
that in this life we can be free.

I once heard that suicide was painless,
and with tragedy you can become famous,
but the outcome is always quite heinous,
and we all have pride but the release is shameless.

Now through early morning fog I see,
the line between truth and reality,
and with every wish and every plea,
I beg the world to just let it be.

Yes suicide is painless,
it's a route of living chainless,
but it only leaves destruction in it's wake.
Yes suicide is painless,
it's skies are always rainless,
but the rays of sunshine are extremely fake.

Yes suicide is painless,
It's outcome is very gainless,
the only thing that's gifted is heartbreak.

The sun sets and I'm struck by every memory,
filled with regrets and the way it was supposed to be.
I wish to banish every cloud and only see blue skies,
the light will vanish but the stars burn bright in your eyes.

I found a home in your soul
and solitude by your side,
my heart was pure black coal
but you made the colours amplified.
We each all have our role,
but I know the person you try to hide,
the same one who makes me whole;
the heart to which I am forever tied.

I've only given one gift to this world
and it's every time that I make you smile.
So much light that comes from just one girl,
it's a shame you can't put that in a vial.
The greatest accomplishment I've ever achieved
was all the times I was the cause of your laughter,
it reconstructed all that I had previously believed
and always left me speechless after.

I found a home in your soul
and salvation in your voice,
every word spoken could be droll
but I'd still worship your patois.
We each all have our role,
in this crooked game of quoits.
Something I could never wish to control,
but even in despair I still rejoice.

The sun will greet and you're perched on my shoulder,
routine's complete, will you still be there when I'm older?
I don't miss the night, it's the time when every person cries,
but you can be the light 'cause the stars burn bright in your eyes.

Your lips breathe oxygen into mine
and I've been without air for quite some time.
It is beautiful beneath the sea,
but if you stay too long, you'll drown.
I'm trapped in a current, currently.
I am a king without a crown.

There's so much I feel but never actually say,
it paints an image too real, one I don't wish to give away.
Now it's raining, there's no sustaining,
I'm cold and soaking wet,
and all's waning, the thread's straining,
you know how worn-in sweaters get.

I want to be a scientist,
maybe a chemist,
so I can dissect every molecule
and atom of your structure
to prove to the world
that perfection and magic
does exist.

I would kiss a million girls
just so I could taste your lip gloss,
knowing it would never
taste as sweet on another’s lips.

I’m being wished
a “happy world poetry day”
and I just wish to
correct the calendar.
As Poetry day is your birthday,
it’s Valentines Day,
it’s the day you came into my life.
Darling,
I’ve been a writer my whole life,
but you,
you made me a poet.

You’ve spent your life afraid
that you would never be enough,
or that you would be too much,
but Darling, my love,
you are just right for me.
Balance, perfection, completion,
connection.
We were made to fit into each others missing pieces.

I claimed gravity was overrated,
lately I’d rather be up than down.
Pros and cons, comparisons, versus and debated,
anchored; I do not see shackles I feel a crown.

And we are two balloons
floating high towards the sky.
Spending endless afternoons
lightly touching to electrify.
You know there isn’t one single thing
that could make me float astray,
but I’ll still ask you to hold tight to my string,
because I don’t want to drift away.

We sent declarations in the pale moon light,
trading out sentiments with each cycle and phase.
I’d agree with the statement of beauty but it was you in my sight,
and I was admiring the skin I craved to graze.

Like Don McLean, I love you so,
but the magnitude I don’t believe you’re sure,
and you must know that I’d never go,
as life before you was a series of emptiness; one giant blur.
This with you, I much prefer.

And we are two connecting minds
weaving and completing each thought.
Volunteering for finger traps and binds,
to be intertwined and fitting into eachothers slot.
You know there isn’t one single thing,
that would ever keep me at bay,
as the peace and happiness you bring,
beside you is where I’m meant to lay.

And I stared into her deep warm eyes,
I’ve lost count it must’ve been for the millionth time.
I compared each shade speckle to the starry skies,
exclaiming no shock to how they still outshine.
I told her “if you want to see my heart,
I’ll break it right open for you.
Tear and pick each piece apart,
present it like a pomegranate fruit.”

And we are two corresponding souls,
drifting on a current towards eachother.
Each and every person played their roles,
to reassure us there could never be another.
You know there isn’t one single thing,
that could ever drag me away,
you’re the first warm day of spring
I was always meant to stay.

When I was young I was invincible,
a spirit of fire but feet like ice.
Now I continue to breathe cause I believe in principle,
but jumped in the darkness and never thought twice.

I'll take full responsibility,
I chose my path out of pleasure.
I'll follow until it kills me,
I'll take any given measure.

For the sins I'll bleed, I acted out of greed,
stole away from the poor and gave to those who didn't need any more.
For the sins I'll bleed, planted a poison seed,
I never thought differently, a disaster symphony.

My past self would be let down by the me of today,
presently I regret my past self in every way.
Now the girl who speaks in the mirror, I can barely hear her,
But I know I fear her and whatever she has to say.

I'll take full responsibility,
I chose my path out of pleasure.
I'll follow until it kills me,
I know it will lead me to treasure.

For the sins I'll bleed, I acted out of greed,
I dug myself into a hole just to only sell my soul.
For the sins I'll bleed, believed it to be a need,
I never thought differently, a disaster symphony.

I don’t know if it’s just the bitter cold
or the failure of the liquor to warm my soul,
but there’s frostbite on my lungs and an emptiness deep inside me.
“The future is bright” oh what a lie,
spending every night with my only company; the sky,
the stars lose the fight and even fade when the sun rises high,
and it does so spitefully.

I’ve got unlimited time,
claiming invincibility as a crime.
I’ve got an endless list in rhyme,
but I have no conclusion.

Tell me Scout, is this a joke you were planning?
Boo Radley’s tree is not for hanging.
Gritted teeth and fists are banging.

I’ve got unlimited time,
but no energy left for the climb.
I’ve got never ending points to chime,
but it’s all an illusion.

Tell me Scout, is this a joke I’m not understanding?
Boo Radley’s tree is not for hanging.
Dodging punches and slurs they’ve all been slanging.

I evaluated the situation up and down, left and right,
and I still don’t think it’s accurate of that night,
‘cause the level was too hard when I meant to choose beginner.
I tried to hold your interest with all my might,
but I noticed your eyes drastically dim in light,
the screen flashed “game over” before we were even done dinner.

All work, no play and neon screens
menial tasks even coat my dreams.
Overboard in bored and a silent phone,
oh no, I think I’ve evolved to drone.

Punch in, punch out, this is the wrong route.
Punch in, punch out, a life of drought.
This technological terror
has caused life to flash in error.
For lady dollar; I can’t bear her,
as the riches are even rarer.

I’ve become a machine, to crush numbers
with no log off for needed slumbers.
Now my brain’s racing, a million miles per hour,
oh no, I think I’ve gained A.I’s power.

Punch in, punch out, this is the wrong route.
Punch in, punch out, now what life is about.
This technological terror
has caused life to flash in error.
No sudden movements; don’t want to scare her,
she’s updating with no carer.

Learning binary,
a breathing library,
processing slowly
but still a finery.

I forgot what my hands were for
they used to write all that I adore.
Now fingertips type, each key a shot,
oh no, I think I’ve grown into a robot.

Punch in, punch out, this is the wrong route.
Punch in, punch out, no one hears me shout.
This technological terror
has caused life to flash in error.
Pure absorption; a simple stare,
life’s equation could be fairer.

Learning binary,
a breathing library,
walking geometry
complete machinery.

My heart was always searching
even aware you were it’s home,
and each thought and feeling urging
to make sure you’d never be alone.

It’s the warmth within your eyes
and the comfort your voice can bring.
The way your smile lights up the skies
you’re my world, my heart, my everything.
When our bodies and fingers interlace
I’ve never felt so real and so complete,
it’s like art studying your beautiful face;
it’s the only sight I wish to greet.
Within dreams and when I’m awake,
you’re my ocean and my lake.

My eyes were always longing
to have you back and within my sight.
There’d be someone I’d be wronging
but wrong never was so right.

It’s the warmth within your eyes
and the comfort your voice can bring.
It’s the slow exhales and the quiet sighs,
when we’re comfortably silent or talking.
When our bodies and fingers interlace
I’ve never felt so real and so complete,
you’re forever my person and my place
I love you from your head down to your feet.
You’re the fix to every single break,
you’re my ocean and my lake.

Each inhale is euphoric bliss, we breathe for one another,
and if I could have one wish; it’d be that you had met my mother.
A home is what you have made
both on grass and where my heart is,
but I confess that I would trade
my only wish for your promise.
A promise I’d jump to make,
you’re my sea and my lake.

I was born innocent, lacking brand
from a mortal only womb,
but my glory walks hand in hand
with my own impending doom.
Though I have a body of immense vulnerability
I have a mind of never seen before power,
and I could call a truce of no hostility
but only keep it up for an hour.

There was no cold there was no heat, there was nothing at all.
There was no winter or spring, no summer or fall.
There was no sky and no clouds, no darkness or light,
there was no choice, no consequence, there was no wrong or right.

I once had wings but clipped them to fit in
and I wore a halo but it went dim with sin.
I wet my appetite tasting bliss
but before I knew it was all done,
I guess I’m cursed to be Icarus
‘cause I flew too close to the sun.

I inhaled sweet nothings into a golden lung but quickly lost my breath
before my head never truly hung,
I was oblivious to life, love and death.
Though I have a skeleton that can easily break
I have a spirit that is stronger than gold,
and the only thoughts that now keep me awake,
are if I’ll keep my young heart when I grow old.

I once had wings but clipped them to fit in
and I wore a halo but it turned to rusted tin.
I glided over the darkest abyss
because I could never run,
I guess I’m cursed to be Icarus
‘cause I flew too close to the sun.

My only mortality lies within my head and my heart,
I attempt to numb the first, the other has been torn apart.
Lounging on light clouds that weigh a ton,
it was always my home plain,
‘cause even though I’ve been destined for the sun,
you know deep down I’ve always been the rain.

I once had wings but clipped them to fit in
and I wore a halo but it faded with my grin.
When I return to the sky there’s something I’ll miss,
it’s my soulmate, my one,
I guess I’m cursed to be Icarus
‘cause I flew too close to the sun.

No one could ever dream to have you beat
in self destruction, self pity and defeat,
it’s almost bittersweet.
But you get by, it’s you not I,
you get by with a plan to only die.
Yes you get by, with any chance to cry,
never noticing another’s sigh.

You know with all the licks you’ve been taking,
we’re both surprised that you’re still waking.
Oh and with the hits you’ll keep taking,
don’t be surprised that you’re still shaking.

Let’s get straight to the root of the problem,
slam our heads together; we’ll forget if not solve them.
So what’s your story you’ve got for me today?

I am no stranger to your sad tales,
though you push them right off the rails,
and my own attempt is exempt and always fails,
I’d have better luck pitching them as sales.
As you’d get by, just for a high,
only to try with your plan to die.
Yes you get by, it’s always you not I,
claiming life’s got you in it’s eye.

You know with all the kicks you’ve been taking,
it’s a wonder you’re still not breaking.
Oh and all the tricks you’ve been making,
are you shocked we think you’re faking?

Let’s get straight to the root of the problem,
you act the saint and cast I as the goblin.
So what’s your story, exaggerated allegory, today?
Let’s cut right to the root of the issue,
my hands are full but do you need a tissue?
I’ll say sorry, just ignore me and what I have to say.

So open up the bursting flood gate
direct the flow to where I seem to wait,
it’s truly my ears that suffer the most,
I abandoned thought not my post, though I now am late.
But you get by, and still yet defy
magnify on your plans to die.
You’ll always get by, call it a lie,
focusing on rain ignoring you’re dry.

Oh with all the trips you’ve been taking,
It’s no surprise you’ve been strongly flaking.
And with the drips and the lies that have been caking,
you can’t comprehend anyone else aching.

So let’s get straight to the root of the problem,
I’ll start a list and another separate column.
So what’s your story, for attention or glory today?
Let’s cut right to the root of the issue,
hands on your neck and checking your wrist too,
it’s mandatory and obligatory, but morally grey.

She covers me like frost when it sets in fresh,
I've been barely breathing since the day she almost left.
I've been at a stand still in quicksand; sinking fast,
I wish I could take a pill to let go of the past.

The blame game, has got it's newest saint,
forever in denial of all mistakes.
The blame game, always takes on my name,
forever in debt for all heartbreaks.

My visible breath spills secrets of another life,
a person you've never met but call your wife.
Brokenhearted and destined to be a knotch on a long, long belt,
Dearly departed with distance and it's the closest you've ever felt.

The blame game, has gained it's newest saint,
forever forgetting the dealt pain.
The blame game, takes on none the same,
forever drowning in the falling rain.

She paints me solid in the blackest of tar,
I fell for all of it but fell down too far.
There is something left but just too small to ever grasp,
I won't be the one to confess, with my dying rasp.

The broken man can not feel,
no, the broken man can not heal.
The broken man creates a child,
and leaves it defenseless in the wild.

The broken man does not care,
no, the broken man is never there.
The broken man is built to roam,
after he destroys your home.
He'll put your life upon a shelf,
yes, the broken man only loves himself.
The broken man has no voice,
ignoring common sense with every choice.

It's his world, it's his life,
you've been hurled, for his wife.
It's his plan, it's his goals,
the broken man leaves broken souls.

The broken man just lives for fun,
he believes he is the only one.
The broken man is always dazed,
and believes his family is not phased.
The broken man cares much for wealth,
but still he only loves himself.
The broken man is my father,
and I don't wish to be a broken daughter.

It's his world, it's his life,
he’s got pearl, I’ve got strife.
It's his clan, filled by holes,
the broken man leaves broken souls.

The broken man does not feel,
no, the broken man will always steal.
The broken man creates a child,
and the broken man has never smiled.
The broken man cares not for health,
but he'll always only love himself.
The broken man is my father,
because of the mother I miss; he forgot her.

It's his world, it's his life,
you've been hurled, for his wife.
It's his plan, it's his goals,
the broken man leaves broken souls.

You lounge on my pillow
weaving your dreams into my ear,
and whenever I feel the wind blow
it's your name I always hear.
This final boss I just can't fight
even when on the easy mode,
up up, down down, left right, left right,
B A, B A, select and start; that is the contra code.

I won't compare your eyes
to the ocean or the skies,
but instead to my own veins.
I've always hated goodbyes,
but "see you soon" is always lies,
but I always return with the rains.

You lay in state upon my bed
stretching out into my dreams,
we're held together by a single thread
that's been stretching at the seams.
If you be my ears then I'll be your sight,
we can equally share this heavy load,
up up, down down, left right, left right,
B A, B A, select and start; that is the contra code.

I won't compare your eyes
to the seas or a sunrise,
but instead to my own veins.
I've always hated goodbyes,
but was good with cutting ties,
yet the cut strand still remains.

I'm searching for an extra heart
to gain myself some life,
'cause I gave up both long ago.
I want to reset but instead I start,
I want a sword but I have a knife,
I want to be high but I am low.

You fight to stay up till dawn
on my shoulder and in my head,
and while I shrug off each yawn
you exaggerate them instead.
In the darkness I'll be your light,
I'll guide you down each path and road,
up up, down down, left right, left right,
B A, B A, select and start; that is the contra code.

This seed I’ve been tending and grooming,
sadly it misses the sun these days.
Yet I catch the vibrant flowers sprout and blooming,
it’s the strength not the amount of rays.
I’m not afraid to graze the dirt,
I need to reassure it’s fully hydrated,
softly brush the petals, I’d never see it hurt,
I could be offered palm and money trees but I’d never trade it.

Bringing life into each room
and in the darkest pits it provides a shine,
My heart beats start to rapidly boom,
you know that I know it will all be fine.

I buried a time capsule within my chest
though it was defined by a single memory,
I’m not absent minded just it was the best,
changing and morphing but it’s you constantly.
I’m not afraid to lose sight,
both literally and metaphorically,
as long as I can absorb this all day and night
It’s really the only thing that’s important to me.

Bringing light into the world
illuminating each route and sign,
diamond in the rough and deep sea pearl,
you know that I know it will all be fine.

For if she ever wishes for the moon,
I’ll bring down the whole galaxy,
and a second is just too long and not too soon,
she beats my heart and the air that I breathe.

And if she ever craves the stars,
I’d burn my hands to grasp though they reside in her eyes,
they’re the only thing that shines brighter than this love of ours,
and though her name is of the sea I see it etched in the skies.

I know I am stained with darkness and that itself makes me a crow,
and she’s the pinnacle of light and peace and that dawns her the place of dove.
And while we drive ourselves insane, we can’t deny fate and what we know,
that the dictionary has made a mistake,
darling, we are the true definition of love.

You’re six feet tall and more feet apart
from anyone you claim to be close to.
Struggling to breathe and a defunct heart,
in denial of prophecy; inevitably it came true.

You didn’t even pretend you ever cared for me,
we both know we’re not the ones you wanted to see.
If only you could realize what was important in life,
maybe you wouldn’t face the close in strife.
If only you could realize what this was all about,
maybe your funeral wouldn’t be cardboard cut outs.
In your last breath of air,
was there regret or despair?

It’s the ones that you don’t peg for depth
that seem to never be fully understood.
I’ve watched how easily they’ve wept,
and immediately reverted back to wood.

You didn’t even pretend you ever cared for me,
couldn’t care less; we’re supposed to be family.
If only you could realize what was important in life,
then you wouldn’t have replaced your kids and wife.
If only you could look back on all those years,
maybe you’d hold your kids instead of your beers.

No invite for dining with the dead,
no faking pleasantries unpleasantly.
Breaking promises along with the bread,
and never present even presently.
No invite for dining with the dead,
ignoring a mess while eating messily.
Smelling copper while tasting lead,
feeling separated both separately.

In your last breath of air,
did you notice we weren’t there?
In your last breath of air,
did you start to care?

No invite for dining with the dead,
no faking pleasantries unpleasantly.
Ignoring last call and ignoring bed,
my mental exhaustion is kicking in mentally.
No invite for dining with the dead,
ignoring a mess while eating messily.
The scene will remain within my head,
and my refusal to be desperate has grown desperately.

The first time I walked into my home was when I was five,
My mom and her best friend Louise signed me out of school,
we ate McDonalds on the hardwood floors and looked at the bare walls,
they were actually blank canvas's, waiting for life's pictures to be painted upon them.

When I was eight, my sister and I got into a fistfight,
in our shared room, a mere five feet away from my parents.
They knew it was time for us to have separate rooms,
and they turned an old den into a makeshift room that night,
where my sister would sleep until her teens.

I remember Sunday mornings,
stumbling down the stairs with sleep in my eyes,
and hearing oldies playing on our stereo,
smelling a big breakfast cooking.

I remember Monday mornings,
procrastinating to come downstairs and face the Canadian winter weather,
my mother getting ready for work,
but not before making us toast even though we never had an appetite in the morning.

"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

I spent countless days and nights in my first room,
always an introvert, always alone with my imagination.
It went from playing with Star Wars action figures,
to playing guitar, to writing poetry,
and eventually when computers were the big thing,
I spent my teen years playing xbox and downloading music.

Some nights I drank in that room.
Most nights I smoked countless joints and cigarettes.
A few times I even did mushrooms,
paranoid the entire time my mother would open the door and question me,
but usually she was more concerned about the candles I lit to cover the smoke,
100% certain I would light the house aflame.

My sister eventually moved into the basement,
the same one where we would sit on the rough carpets,
far too close to the TV,
playing Legend of Zelda, and Greenday's "******" blaring in my ears.
I'm still half deaf till this day.

I remember falling asleep outside,
rocking back and forth on our cushioned swing,
surrounded by greenery and sun,
bird chirps intermixing with my mp3 player.

I remember my modest above ground pool,
and my sister teaching me how to swim at six,
only taking breaks when she would attempt to drown me.

My sister moved on and I moved into the basement,
and spent an entire weekend painting and making it my home.
Bright green paint with lilac purple,
and posters of Sid Vicious, illuminated by lightsabers.

My mom got sick with Cancer,
and I remember sitting in the living room while she cried,
telling myself she would be ok,
that she would live even against impossible odds.

I remember coming home from overnight shifts at the women's shelter,
lying on the shaggy carpet and watching her with half lidded eyes.
"I'll go to bed soon."

A week before Christmas my mother moved into the old den,
the one my sister moved into when we were so young,
so she'd no longer need to go up the stairs.
The same stairs we used to slide down on with pillows.

I would lay awake in my basement, listening to her footsteps,
the same footsteps that used to wake me up far too early.
Now keeping me awake and on edge,
ready to run up to her in case she needed help.

I remember Christmas morning,
how the walls echoed "she's gone" and "call the doctor."
How my father sat at the living room table, pouring himself drink after drink,
how my sister lay on the couch crying,
and I, trying to make my mother proud, cleaned the house.

I was alone for years,
in a house that wasn't a home,
my mother dead, my sister moved out,
my father taking anything of value to his new home, with his new girlfriend,
a woman who shares the same name with my mother.
But not the same heart.

I stayed in my basement,
getting high and writing poetry,
listening to music so there would be another voice but mine.

The first time my wife walked into my home,
she surveyed the damage done to the house and made it a home again.
A nice mixture of our belongings now mix with my mothers,
keeping her memory alive in every room.

We spent many nights in candlelight, inlove, laughing,
and again the house had life and love in it.

This summer my home will be sold,
and in a matter of months this little 50's house will be destroyed.
Our medium sized lot will make room for two modern buildings,
and the twenty-three years spent here will be demolished.

There is mold in the basement,
the electrical is gone to ****.
The drywall is crumbling, the paint is scratched,
and the plumbing is sketchy at best,
but this home will always stand strong in my heart.

You glance upon my skin, to see that it's covered in holes,
and compare them sweetly to only freckles and moles.
But what no one understands is they tunnel straight down to my soul,
and no one realizes the worth of gold in a world of coal.

In terms of matters of the heart
there’s only one truth that’s gotten me by:
That something this strong and unique,
could never be anything less than mutual.
The world is cruel, but it’s not evil.

I wish to love you like no one in this world has,
I'll give you the sun, the moon,
the trees, the leafs,
and the greenest grass.

Shake; don't stir, run through the pattern,
I was always Jupiter but they all prefer Saturn,
it's got a ring while I'm all explosions,
that's just the thing with these silly emotions.
In outer space the stars are your only friend,
and you're feeling out of place but these days that seems like a trend.
When the moon seems too far away,
the sun will come soon but it will never stay.

Xannie's my favourite girl,
she's got me spinning in this crazy world,
so I add some blue to the swirl,
with the red it makes purple pearl.
My thoughts say "I don't want to live like this."
So I jot some shots to my list.
I can only dream of that peaceful bliss,
and the ancient years of which I miss.

Shake; don't stir, follow the lead,
you see flowers occur but I only see a ****,
toxic it grows until all it consumes,
everyday she mows but I think it needs fumes.
Down in the dirt where soil holds the leaves,
I buried the hurt but a heart still grieves,
and when the moon is covered with sheets of grey,
the sun will come soon but it will never stay.

Xannie's my favourite love,
she fits my heart tight like a glove,
and when it comes to push or shove,
she's all that I've been thinking of.
My thoughts say "I don't want to live like this."
"If this can even be considering living."
I'm waking up to a dark abyss,
it's taken all and now it's giving.

The thoughts in my head,
buried under the dirt,
those words left unsaid,
the ones that cause hurt.
But tomorrow might not come,
this whole thing could be done,
and I've bit my lip since I was young,
I'd hate to also bite my tongue.

Xannie's my favourite girl,
she's got me spinning in this hazy world,
warming my body until I curl,
now all routine is a deadly burl.
My thoughts say "I don't want to live like this."
"Maybe I don't even want to live at all."
Every single second I just reminisce
of the days before I hit that wall.

Who would've ever thought
that during those teenage years,
I believed each day I fought
against loneliness and my fears.
But youth was just a brawl
adulthood is a ****** war,
back then I really had it all
but resented that I didn't have more.
This realization has caused madness,
and irony has a thick glaze,
'cause the youth that I wasted in sadness
was really the "good ol' days."

Shredded gold and silver flakes
it’s all been sold, from land to lakes.
I’m running up quite a bill
stationed up on my window ceil,
bargaining with Bungalow Bill
asking for a discounted thrill.
Vacant roads and silent trees
these heavy loads buckling my knees.
I couldn’t walk one more pace,
not known to finish a race,
I’ll forfeit before taking last place
then blame my undone shoe lace.

Within a half awake state,
I scribbled explanations too late,
they weren’t worthy or close to justified.
I’m just a chaser to bait,
too far behind at this rate,
but I’m sworn to the end so I abide.

A Prism view or black and white,
soft morning dew, or a starry night.
Which one should I prefer,
if they both blend and blur,
I sought the opinion from her
but accepted the first to occur.

I’m under the tree, the one from our seed,
taught me to see but not to read,
so I decipher each calligraphic,
with details too specific,
undesired outcome so prolific
my mind allows me to trick it.

There was more life in the tears
that stood back waiting for years,
only to greet their moment on the floor.
Falling down while nobody steers,
halting the joints and the gears,
and I will cover the space under the door.

We will equally share this burden,
lights off and close the curtain,
I’ll hide my breaths within the thunder.
Hastily halt then proceed to hearten,
and though I’m still very uncertain,
I’ll let doubt pull and drag me under.

Is there room for context at this table?
We can move some dishes and shuffle chairs.
I’ve checked all four legs and they seem stable,
but choosing a placemat is like splitting hairs.
I notice the candle’s flame is getting dim,
and my fingers pirouette in the puddles of wax,
my hair needs a cut but I settled for a trim,
and I’m donating my salary and spending my tax.

I’ve told you every thought in my head,
except the ones that matter the most,
the facts that scald my cheeks to red,
now they’re burning up like charred toast.
I’d promise you whatever you ask for,
and I’d drag myself to deliver each time,
but I’m ignoring the truth at my core,
and I’m confessing to you in mime.

Sit across from me with crossed legs,
see magnets becomes our eyes,
“come closer together” both begs,
but we’re determined and polarized.
There’s no world existing around us,
and there certainly is no group,
you listen while I ramble and make a fuss,
over the death of Lipton’s Alligator Soup.

We turned Heaven into a Hell,
we took a skeleton and made a shell,
We dragged our nails down the walls
scribbled ephiphanies on bathroom stalls,
and silenced a story we could never tell.

And all the things that have driven us apart,
in truth have only made us stronger.
and my love you are actually my heart,
I won’t question it’s beating any longer.

If you’re stuck with a choice
you should flip a coin in the air,
then listen to your mind’s voice,
‘cause your answer will be there.
When it comes to heads or tails,
you already know your favourite side,
you’ll pray for it as the coin sails,
ignore the outcome but absorb the ride.

Broken knuckles on my left hand
and spotty bruises on my right,
I left my brain on the coat stand
night after night.
And I was tongue tied with flushed cheeks
thank god for the absence of light,
and in the patterns of your tear streaks
you stamped my name so I’d be sure to catch sight.

Lying on damp grass that still died,
perched on top; we are the dew.
To resuscitate all life we helplessly tried,
but there wasn’t a single chance, it’s sad but it’s true.

Let go of the character
and slide back to the dancing shadows.
I fought tooth and nail to take care of her,
and still it’s I they trot to the gallows.
I’m clearly not MCauly Caulkin,
but I’ve been left stranded home alone.
No silly robbers are going to walk in,
instead it’s the absence that breaks each bone.

The stars are currently spelling out my regrets
and that is the real reason they are infinite and endless.
Whether lost lives, loves, chances, friends or bets,
I’ve got strong arms and even I’m not sure I could mend this.

You can pick up a brick and throw it through a glass pane,
or you can look for others to make a home.
I’ve been stacking my share without a thought in my brain,
I crave some structure but trapped myself in the dome.

I carelessly ripped out every seam and stitching,
I was assigned batting position but I’ve been aimlessly pitching.
My mind is racing and my hands are twitching,
my emotions are pacing but my pen’s tired of my *******.

When I was fourteen
my sister was teaching me how to drive,
I went to make a left turn and hit the breaks; second guessing myself.
“Never hesitate,” she said,
“it’s when you hesitate that causes a crash.”
“Make a decision and go with it.”
All these years later it still rings true.
All these years later I still have yet to listen.

She grabbed my neck, one hand, and her fingers quickly connected,
“You should have some more self respect, you’re taking this further than I expected.”
I swear that I’m eating again,
but I won’t try to pretend,
that the food doesn’t make me hurt, the removal of my organs didn’t mend.
I ask her to forget it and to just talk about the weather,
the topic wants to drop; she won’t let it, she knows I’m not getting any better.
I was always too much of a lost cause to trust I’d ever be repaired,
for years she’s held the gauze and just silently waited and stared.

At 21 my mother died from a long battle with cancer,
I toughed through it to provide comfort I could never allow myself to receive.
So my own sickness was inspired by Elton John’s “Tiny Dancer”
it was never my goal but what my
brain wished to achieve.

I told them all to leave me,
I didn’t expect they would do so,
a few stragglers stayed who wished to prove they were strong.
It’s still shocking that they believed me
or were they waiting for a polite out to go
one that they could argue wasn’t wrong?

And I’d rather break a mirror
than to see the reflection everyone else shared,
it’s not that I would fear her,
but through seven years bad luck I’ve already fared.
I made a choice and a deal
to give my worthless life for just a few good days,
you can’t put a price on how you feel,
you can only hope and pray that that feeling atleast stays.

I became best known through all encounters in every social gathering
as the laid back confident joker, because they never saw me shattering.
I assure you that after I was always in my Honda drowning,
arguing with myself if it was better to be fake than the person always frowning.
I was dying for interaction beyond just meaningless conversation
and only ever met the odd soul to bring that alleviation.
I was so used to the shadows from the comfort of my basement
that I flinched when I saw sunlight and only after felt amazement.

I was a skeptic and untrusting as to why the sun would ever shine on me,
and the refreshing waves that brushed my feet carried potential for drowning.
And just when I got used to light and a natural source of heat
the darkest cloud in history attacked until it did retreat.
Then I thought that drowning in the sea wouldn’t be the worst,
if it didn’t carry me into a current, perhaps it could wash away my curse.
But even the tide will move away when you decide to take that step,
past the point of clenching a fist, every muscle I own did treppe.

Los Camp said the sea was a great place to think about the future,
but I know it’s a great place to think about the one you lack.

Remember all those peaceful nights
in hazy candlelit glow,
expressing all of the rights;
factors you now pretend not to know.
Expressing great gratitude
at the partnership we had found,
it’s funny how your attitude
changes drastically when I’m not around.

“I need to be selfish right now”
you say it like it’s a new development,
and your mind is blank to how
I was alone in the room with an elephant.
I did everything you could need
without even a second thought,
gave my sweat, tears and would occasionally bleed,
and the one thing I asked for I never truly got.

We made a life together,
we dug a hole with two hands,
you promised me it was forever,
those were some very speedy time sands.
I sacrificed all I could for you
and still you obviously need more,
I don’t know what it is you plan to do,
I hope they discover whatever you’re looking for.

The only thing you can say to me
is that I could raise my voice,
avoiding the issues that were clearly frustrating,
ignoring the times I made another choice.
Never listening to a possible solution,
not taking one step in an alternate route,
just instead labelling me toxic pollution,
or a disadvantage like blindness or gout.

“I need to make a life for myself”
we both agreed on that for two years time,
but unlike you for me, I was there to help,
I thought of it as our life; not yours or mine.
I did everything you could need,
without even a second thought,
I was tending and watering the soil for the seed,
you were too occupied deciding on the ***.

We made a life together,
planned a future for shared dreams,
and you’ve turned me to a worn in sweater,
that you picked apart the threads and seams.
I loved you more than anyone,
and put you above the sun in the sky,
and out of nowhere you claim you’re done,
abandoning me like a passerby.

You act like you don’t even care,
but six years is a very long time,
to suddenly decide your not there,
to pretend I’m not yours and you’re not mine.
And while your robbing me of sleep currently
I’m confident one day that you’ll lose yours,
‘cause as easy as it is to pretend the fault lies on me,
I was opening every window and always holding open your doors

"Will you always love me?"
The question is absolutely ridiculous; I have loved her a million lifetimes before, and I will love her for a million lifetimes after.
Our souls mesh and fit every inch of each other.
Our minds are forever connected, and our hearts are perfectly intertwined.

"Will you always be.."
"Mine?" I finish for her, like many sentences she speaks.
My answer is a smile, a true and genuine smile.
A smile that, before her, never had graced my lips before.
She possess every single speckle of my being,
my organs were utterly useless before I donated them to her.
Her hands fit in mine perfectly,
and my skin is electrified by simply brushing up beside her.

"I love her."
I tell my mother's headstone, when I catch up with the grass and trees in the graveyard.
Four years have flown by, and everyday I am still more in love than the last.
When we're good we're great, and when we're bad we're good.

"She's the one" the stars hear my thoughts,
a constant running track in the style of an infinity symbol;
every grain on it being a vision of only her.

"She is my world"
and I live for her, every. single. day.

We sat upon our hands
and watched the world go by.
Counted the seas and lands,
measured from ground to sky.
The ownership was not fair,
potential to be a billionaire,
without setting up a trust
gold can't stay but can it rust?

Life grows from a seed,
we take inventory and stock.
It's more than you'll need,
who sold the last free rock?

They plant a waving flag,
and make the ground their own,
they saw those who held just a rag,
and told them it was now on loan.
When will they tax the air?
Potential to be a billionaire,
who even signed the deed,
to sell the world for greed?

Both money and tree;
they share a shade of green.
This world should be free,
who sold the last free scene?

We sat upon our hands,
and watched the world go by.
Raked in the dollars from sands,
and made money by making trees die.
We did nothing but stare,
potential to be a billionaire,
who even decided the price,
and then doubled it twice?

Now borders and walls,
on lands we all should own.
Tax lakes and waterfalls,
and see how their stock's grown.

I am the rain, contact and I stain,
hydration for the nation but they always complain.
I'm better than snow, or atleast they say so,
less cold but I'm bold when I make the wind blow.

Oh how the clouds cover all of my scars,
but the comforting shelter blocks the beautiful stars.
And all of the thunder blocks all of my cries,
I slip when I drip straight out of the skies.
I'm the rain, I'm the rain, down the drain.

I am the rain, sun storms I can feign,
it will fight for the light but I always remain.
My puddles collect each dribble and speck,
with a splash then I'm brash just like you would expect.

Oh how the clouds cover all of my scars,
the blanket of grey mask the twinkle of Mars.
And all of the lightning makes everyone blind,
you will pass greener grass when I'm around, you will find.
I'm the rain, I'm the rain, sunshine's bane.

I am the rain, wash away the pain,
I get bored and absorb into dirt and to grain.
My heart is the storm, it still keeps me warm,
it shakes, the Earth quakes, but still keeps it's form.

Oh how the clouds cover all of my scars,
as I fall down on sidewalks and shower the cars.
And when the wind blows it pushes me far away,
I'll travel through gravel but always will stay.
I'm the rain, I'm the rain, through each vein.

I’m waiting patiently to wake up
a living nightmare where I’m always stuck,
this thing called life that I have no desire for,
there’s a million exits but only one opened door.

So I raised my happinesses tolerance
now referred to only in the past tense.
Two sides and two faces; who decides which is best?
I just don’t know which one I recognize less.

My only saviour has been running late
but I promised that I would always wait.
She says I’m acting too stupid when she knows that I’m smart,
it’s these little contradictions that rip all apart.

I’m trying on all shades of purple and white,
I’ve gotten bored of only blue and red each night.
Why say so long when we can just say goodbye,
all that’s right is wrong and we feed truth a lie,
that’s the similarities and differences of you and I.

When you play the game of life,
there's many things you have to choose.
But a lesson you must carry in strife,
is if you help other's win, then you're bound to lose.

The world, don't you see it?
You should glance, as it's bound to end.
Don't stand, you really should sit,
it's the only way your knees turn to bend.
High aggression with loose remorse,
who starts a riot in such a heavenly place?
In a doctor's office, walks in a horse,
and the physician only says "why the long face?"

Take me to the graveyard,
and lie me on the ground.
I'm playing the "one day..." card,
as it's the only one I've found.
Maybe this translucent simplicity,
has made everyone so sick of me.
But I don't talk back, for I've silenced my lips.
So dry they bleed and crack, but so wet my thoughts still slip.

Everyone keeps their movement going,
they don't lose step with the rising flame.
Their masks are slipping to start showing,
underneath they are dull and tame.
The problems line up to play "Red Rover,"
I'm feeling weak, I know I'm going to lose.
But I never hear them yell "come on over,"
which is a relief as I'm too tired to tie my shoes.

Take me to the graveyard,
and lie me on the ground.
Just leave me and disregard,
my final word's dying sound.
Maybe this translucent simplicity,
has forced the world to finally see,
what no one will admit, the drying paper on the line.
Accusations that don't acquit, just blank navigational signs.

"To be Continued..."
It always sounds so great,
but the original was skewed,
so the sequel relies on fate.

Take me to the graveyard,
and lie my body on the ground.
Walking away won't be hard,
my corpse turns to dust, pound by pound.

I wake with a kink in my neck,
in my eye; a dirt speck.
Calling for all hands on deck; but we’re sinking.
I wish to return to the caves,
before we were on these rough waves
don’t know how we’ll dig these graves;
but I’m thinking.

But if I was taken by the wind
atleast then I’d understand.
But when the lady of the sea grinned
I came crawling hand over hand.
But if I was taken by the breeze
then I’d give up the horizon and trees
the sand and the land with great ease.

The ship of lost souls starts it’s sail at dawn
watch how it moves along,
in the currents so strong; isn’t she sturdy?
It’s stern turns so incredibly tight
even on the roughest night
but when held to the light; her deck’s *****.

But if I was taken by the wind
atleast then I’d go willingly.
Along with those who have sinned
or just those who chose to be free.
But if I was taken by the breeze
then I’d give up the flowers and bees,
leave it all behind, pay no mind
and even say please.

The static speaks my name and it's driving me insane,
the night's stars are it's eyes and I watch it right back.
Shadows cast on the blame, but still lighting up the pain,
I'm covered up under the skies with a veil pitch black.

The silence overloads my brain, and each thought's wasted in vain,
with a million possibilities that will never occur.
I am shackled with a moral chain, but it supports me to refrain
from a sense of humility that I can't ever deter.

I find each locked door more outrageous,
and I'm left like before, wondering if I'm contagious.
Why would they comfort me instead,
of putting a gun straight to my head?

The static speaks my name with pronunciation it can't obtain,
if white noise could stutter it'd probably have quite the drawl.
Questioning if I should feel shame, if I'm a painting or a stain,
or just a curse you mutter like graffiti on the bathroom stall.

I find it all dizzying and real dangerous,
I'm wondering if my misery is contagious.
Why would they comfort me instead,
when they could just leave me in my bed?

The static shrieks,
the floorboard creaks,
the river's dry but the faucet leaks.
The static shrieks,
years came from weeks,
I live in quiet, only silence speaks.

I plan my life in different stages,
I wonder if my strife is contagious.
Why would you comfort me instead,
of letting me follow the path you led?