29 messages
to realize all the wasted time,
one explosion
and you go take your faults,
make them mine,
Oh dear you knew
I planned to stay until the end.

But I won't compromise
my boundaries anymore,
I'm not just a vessel you cherish
when you wish to pour,
Now I'll be the one
to close this door,
No I no longer care to be yours.

And I won't regret
the truth that I said
Couldn't keep your
ego satisfied,
left your bitterness unfed.

You asked me to go away,
I'm sorry I couldn't
fill up your plate,
but my voice is
something you'll never take.

You asked me to go away,
maybe we do belong
in separate lanes,
but you're gonna end up lonely
with that sourness in your veins.

3 weeks left,
only 3
to inhale you
and forget what you mean to me.
3 weeks left,
only 3
to forget of your existence
just to be able to breathe.
3 weeks left,
only 3
and now that I've identified,
it's no one else's fault;
you're the pain clawing through me.
And I could cry forever
to sad tunes who might
understand me better
than any person could,
for you I would,
Or I could take my shattered heart,
and smother it with dirt;
create beauty from the hurt.

You're always colouring yourself
in different hues
and each time, I find
I keep falling inlove with
each shade of you.

In absence
anger screams my love for you
everyday, heart new
In absence,
anger screams my love for you
everyday, strength's debut.

And you know too well
how much I care,
you've seen flowers bloom
when you're there,
and though you're always
colouring me in different hues,
I can't seem to stop loving you.

You are dangerous,
that smile of yours
should be a crime,

The wrists of my mind
carry the bleeding lines,
So please do me a favour;
don't give up on me.

You're my nicotine,
don't give up on me,
You're my nicotine,
don't give up on me,
You're my drug,
my favorite hug...

Anything could happen
but I know,
I'd ache all over again
just to love *you.

Hey readers!

You may have been puzzled by the last two poems...
The thing is my friend was playing around with me after I told him I was creatively blocked and those two poems happened..
But do not worry!!
I shall be back soon with masterpieces.

Thankyou!!

What are you?
A snake with a
seemingly flawless jaw,
slithering through me,
I can't escape from you
and from this craving
that arises so desperately,
you bit me once and ever since
you've been an itch that
I've been resisting
(don't scratch , don't scratch)
I'll scratch until I run out
of tears and anesthetic,
until my heart has made peace
with you leaving so effortlessly,
just slithering out as easy
as you slithered in.
I'm so desperate to get out of you
but so desperate to breathe you in
and never breathe you out;
I'm the hole dug outside,
lips are the shovel
and love's the dirt we use
to fill the hole back up,
and what are you?


A snake.

You could say it's
all in my head,
it doesn't exist,
just a result of
a hope that persists
but,

There's got to be
something better than this..
Were humans and the world
just dropped and born
out of nowhere,
just to be dumped in eternal misery?
And if angels exist, where
do you think they live?
Not in the air or else
we'd be breathing them in constantly.

The afterlife exists
even for disbelievers,
Some call it Heaven,
some call it Hell...
What will it be?
Only dying will tell.

Uncertainty is flourescent,
a flashing neon sign,
emotions blurred,
mind matter stirred,
Thoughts of decay
send me astray,
flames extinguished
cannot turn mind matter to ash,
Oh I hate when they ask
for a reason, a reason
This is more than just a bad season.
My smile is evanescent,
the fight decadent,
I cannot recognize this
numb reflection,
I cannot recognize
*my skin, my skin, MY skin.

Your name tastes sour
in my mouth,
I should be breathing you in,
but I want to spit you out,
cause I'm just an afterthought,
an occasional roundabout.

You surround me
but never close enough,
we keep arguing in circles
and I've had too much

Sick of nursing
this brick in my chest,
wonder why I haven't left yet,
sick of feeding
the doubts in my head,
I think you'll be my next regret.

You let snowflakes
fall on my tongue,
am I supposed to
think that's sweet,
when your love is built
on nothing concrete
and you seem to be
a one end street?

You seem to be one for the road,
but you still haunt my sleep
and so while I toss
and turn for you,
your mind is devoid of me.

I was drowning,
I was drowning,
but saved by thoughts of you,

Arms wrapped tight
arms with your mark,
with the bruise where your arms
lingered to hug away my wounds,

And I notice
how you keep me together
when seasons don't
match the weather;
it's spring and yet I
don't know what blooms in me.

I'll think twice
before i sacrifice my breath,
you've taught me flowers
can bloom out of the nicotine
in my lungs, infact;
the darkness can even be **the soil.

I am honestly so insecure. But I couldn't give a **** about what anyone else thinks, what anyone else says. I wish you'd try harder for me. Today, I even brought some extra snacks, just for you, because I know you're always hungry at lunch and quite frankly, it broke my heart that I couldn't help you because I'd already eaten. But of course, you never got to eat, or even KNOW of the extra snacks I brought, just for you. I even sneaked an extra of my mum's favourite chocolate biscuits, the ones she says to not take unless we ask...and I didn't ask for the extra one. But you know why you never got to eat it? Because my best friend dared me to eat what I'd brought for you. She didn't think you deserved it. Maybe I should stop trying so hard. And maybe you should give me back the leash for my emotions because you **** them up.

I can measure how much
more I can take from you
by how many seams I pull apart
just to be able to
adorn your face with a smile,
but I can no longer stay
can no longer feel this way,
you push me into a volcanic eruption
of self destruction
and now my patience
and tolerance cease,
I'll have to leave,
but please live on,
live on like you never knew me,
live on like you never
kissed away my blues
because a ghost cannot say
"I love you."

I can taste the clouds
when our hands are intertwined
and his utterances always linger
but more like euphoria than
a shattered spine.
And I've never spoken to him
a lukewarm truth,
I've never loved him in grey;
We're amateurs,
cradled by caffeine on
Monday mornings,
still learning how flowers
can break through skin
that's mourning.

I heard you cried some tears
over me on the phone to
my best friend,
I heard you blamed me
in the end,
but how could you have
expected me to stay,
when you were chasing me away?

You couldn't be peaceful,
I couldn't be resourceful
enough to split myself in two.
You were resentful,
all sentimental,
while I was trying to
comfort my torn heart.

I heard you cried some tears
over me on the phone to
my best friend,
but I feel no guilt for
starting this end.

Anti is a character I've created, not a new poet name. And because characters have their own voice, Anti gets stand - alone poems without my name at the bottom of it. Because it's Anti speaking. The poems between Anti and I are exchanges of conversation, and they go in the order that I post them.. just letting everyone know, in case someone was wondering.
Comment your thoughts!!

Thankyou,

- Crimsyy

Hey everyone!
I'm just letting anyone know that from the 1st of December to the 1st of January, I won't be posting any poetry, because I won't be writing any - it is time for a break. Every year, it happens at about this time that my creativity decides to hibernate, and so for an entire month, I'll just be collecting new material, expanding my vocabulary and planning a new series!

- Crimsyy

Your doll face, fragile like a china doll
and your heart, even more breakable,
this, a felony,
to break your heart is a crime
but I can't let you waste
any more of my time,

This, the result of
unrequited attention,
I wasn't there just
to cause your *******,
I don't care what's in your pants,
I only care what's in your heart,

And it's not me, the way
you made me believe,
but babe I won't be fooled;
I've been playing hard to deceive,
I see right through everything,
deep down you're *****,
and my love will be your biggest stain,
because I'll move on,
but you'll never forget my name.

This was not love,
just a false alarm,
though my definition of home
was in your arms,
Our mosaic never
stood a chance,
the way you'd refuse
when asked to dance,
you could tell love scared you.

It's not me, it's not me, you see.
It's not me you're questioning.
It's not me who propels this
dark side of my psyche.

Anti hides behind my friend, Hope.
Anti hides behind my friend, Light.
Anti has resided in me for quite a while.
Anti hides behind every face-lighting smile.

Anti is not my happiness,
It's all the sides of me I'd rather not see,
All the sides that feel so right
when they speak of the
wrong things to me,
So real, so authentic.
Anti's not who I'm meant to become;
a contradiction manifesting
itself into my body.

Sometimes, I feel it take over me,
Sometimes I let it win.
That's usually when people
start to not recognize me,
That's usually when I feel
my kindness freeze,
I feel my impatience
and tolerance cease -
I can no longer digest
anything around me.

Buried beneath bruises
and seas bluer than blue,
skies blacker than black,
and souls crueler than cruel,
I search for myself
in a world of copy and paste.

Have you ever felt so dead
you started hating the grave?
Have you ever felt so dead
all you wanted to do,
all you wanted to be
"when you grew up"
was happy and alive?

I know my identity
and who I aspire to,
I'm just an amateur
in a sea of "professionals"
I don't aspire to be
a clone of a "star" ,
I'll determine whether
I've gone far.

Do you know my scars?
Have you seen the
blood in my mind?
Someday you'll be grateful
I was kept alive.

I'll slip, I'll fall,
don't voice your opinion
thankyou,
failure is just a bruise,
not a tattoo
and clearly we share
different views on success
and making dreams come true..

Tell me just one thing;
Have you mastered life,
or has life mastered you?

Dear Readers,

Tomorrow  (10th of September 2016) is a day called Suicide Awareness Day.  And I believe it is nothing to be ashamed about. Every 40 seconds, someone is dying because another person did not speak up. This needs to stop.

There are truly beautiful souls out there that are suffering and battling with their thoughts and minds EVERY SINGLE DAY.  And I'm not putting it light. I mean EVERY SINGLE WAKING MOMENT OF EVERY SINGLE DAY.The stigma that revolves around suicide , depression and mental health in general needs to permanently dissolve.

It is PERFECTLY OKAY(to talk about your mental illness and/or your struggles...it is not at all healthy to keep heavy struggles within yourself. There are people out there that truly care and that truly want to help...and I know that seems like a lie when you are in a very dark place and that is EXACTLYwhy people need to start speaking about depression and suicide almost as if you are talking about having a cup of coffee. "I'm having a cup of coffee" can be said easily and without any fear, and that is how people who are suffering from ANY MENTAL ILLNESSESshould be made to feel.

We deserve to feel SAFE, SUPPORTED,  LOVED , APPRECIATED , UNDERSTOOD. We do not deserve to feel *MISUNDERSTOOD, UNAPPRECIATED. * And we do not deserve to be looked at or treated as parasites. People with mental illnesses have emotions too, and perhaps too many. People with mental illnesses deserve extra understanding, care and love.

So please, do not be afraid to speak up. Speak to your loved ones; a simple
"Are you okay? I just want you to know I love you and appreciate you" could save someone's life.

- Crimsyy♡

#health #wellbeing #mind #suicideawareness #awareness

Ps: **Please repost this if you agree and to show support to those suffering from depression. I promise it won't ruin your profile. Thankyou so much.

Simmer down,
I'll tell you how to love me
underneath a purple sky
while watching swaying trees,
easier than looking into
your hurt eyes;
I really hate goodbyes.

I'll be wearing the smile
you killed me in,
wear your love all over my skin,
carry a bruise in my heart
as patience overflows
and of anger, I'll try to not overdose,
I wish I could push all
these problems away
and pull you closer,
but now I'll wound the two of us sober

You arms around me felt safe,
your lips tasted like home,
will you really force me to disown
everything of you I've come to know?

We are trees,
society tries to tame our roots,
tries to have a leash,
take hold, possess control
on the colour of our leaves.

If it wishes for us
to grow golden leaves,
then we must confirm.
When we don't,
it throws us into a fire
to make us realize that
our roots are important...
as long as society approves.

But what society
doesn't understand
is that some of us
do not like being flourescent.
Some of us prefer
to leave a mark, leave a gap
and become evanescent.



Sorry for the super ******
word ***** poem but I just
*needed to write.

I am your illness,
now pay attention to me,
I'm the reason you thrive,
I reside inside,
You're a taxi cab
and I'm your driver,
When they inquire about
your lack of sanity,
You can tell them I
drove you insane.

Thanks for letting everyone else
know my name,
Now my corners and crannies
are home to cobwebs of shame,
And I can't crawl out of any of them...
You are a cursed disaster,
nothing natural about you,
although,

You have the deepness of the ocean,
the warmth of the fire,
Deep planted roots of the earth,
and the breeze of the air,
a breeze of "I'm stronger than you",
a breeze of "I'm defeating you".

But I do not like having
my breath taken away
so suddenly,
I ponder my own existence;
Just smother me in dirt
so at least  I'll know
where the destruction
is coming from.

- Anti

My head tangled up in
knots I just can't hide,
they can never crawl out of my mouth,
the words I say feel like a draft,
a draft of my mask uncurling
but there is a time where
all my monsters come out to play;
they've learned to swim in my craft...
don't you know hurt stains a person
the same way a permanent marker
stains skin?
I cannot keep this masked
habitat within me.
Time to tear apart the veils
before Anti declares me its bride
and when the sun goes to sleep
behind a curtain of black sky,
I'll survive, I'll survive
Resist the pull to the other side.

A screaming exclamation,
"This is who I am,"
I'm a protesting invasion,
proudly failing your ruthless exam.

Don't you wish I could shrink?
Don't you wish you could make me cry?
My hands stain the pages in ink
as I wish you'd say eternal goodbye.

I'll never be your ego's snack,
I'll paint a frown on your jaw
as I'll be dressed defiantly in black
from head to toe,
Mon cherie, don't unpack
unless in your grave below.

In this dangerous situation,
I don't want you to be an enemy,
But I can't hide my opposition
to how you deal my heart
your blasphemy;
I am quiet, but I care,
I am quiet, but I bleed
when hit by your darts,
So convince me blood is art,
as I fall into your snare,
I see you have it in you
to split me apart,
but I have it in me
*to forget you by heart.

I want to explode
like the light of a thousand suns,
and I want you to be brave enough
to risk going blind and look at me.

See the love I've kept for you,
Broken boy meets broken girl
and you'd think you'd know
how that would go,

But broken boy lies to broken girl
and a life ends in this world.

**"Love" can ****.

Pull me,
play this tug of war
until I can no longer
bend back for you,
as much as I love you,
I cannot split myself in half for you.
I hope you understand,
I hope you see
I cannot feed this
masochistic thrill you seek;
I want to feel, feel, feel so badly
but not bad enough to taste blood,
but badly enough to give
all the right pieces of me
to the right person.

She stands in the kitchen,
while I slice her flesh away,
eroding a parasite, she's
the perfect picture of decay,
I'm birthing something new,
extracting the real me
from my sinews,
I've killed the girl you knew,
It looks like she's
psychopathic like me too.

Love,
Anti.

I do not like the feeling of
examination,
of eyes burning on my back
as if you are a small match
and I am the bushfire
you wish to light...
I do not like the feeling of
obssessive observation,
I do not like privacy violation,
I do not like the feeling of claustrophobia,
I do not like claustrophobia because
it doesn't cease to exist by simply
removing ten people from one room.
I do not like claustrophobia because
sometimes your own mind is enough
to provoke a certain type
of wanderlust,
the kind where you run away
and leave everyone to rot and rust.
I do not like claustrophobia
because when I am alone,
it can never be enough alone,
it feels like the walls of my room
are breathing on my neck;
they're laughing at me,
declaring this poet insane,
it is the most crowded type of alone
until somebody, something
sedates my brain
and you call me "suggestive anxiety"
it's all in your head,
you're a game of chance
and I'm taking a guess;
you know my face but
you know nothing about my name.

You float around me like pollen,
but you fail to make me sneeze,
take off your veil,
and look me in the eye
before I rip your plans apart
without a single goodbye.

There are things you'll
never take from me,
such as the joy flooding my heart
when his face lights up,
the warmth I feel when I close
my eyes in the sun,
the feeling that I'm actually someone,
You'll never make me feel like no one.

How do I know I have
a beating heart
if I never bleed?
Save giving up for the weak.
I'll save deafness for your words,
no doubt I'll never listen
and they'll go unheard;
save tears for the hurt.


- Crimsyy

My thoughts are misled,
you're keeping my anxiety fed,
but I'll be with you
until this war ends.

My meal has lost its flavour,
bleak and plain,
my mind's geometry is denial
as I picture blood stains

How can I forget
you begging me for a way home?
No, not just yet, I plead
I won't leave you alone

And now my temples throb
as I seek the evidence
fighting against your decadence.
I can't find the key to
unlock my sanity,
so I grab a bobby pin,
but concern plays my mind
like a howling violin.

- Crimsyy

I am just a human,
and today, I am emotionless,
today there is no love
residing in my bones
is a gap

The gap between
love drunk and sober,
The gap between
I thought there was an us
and it's over,
The gap between
I love you and I hate you,

I want to remember,
now I want to forget,
now I regret all
the little moments I
wasted on you,
all the little moments I
could have used up
loving myself a little more,
doubting myself ,
killing myself a little less,
more time taken out
to untangle my messy head;

You will regret this,
there is a limit to
how much I yearn,
there is a limit to
how much I burn,
once I say goodbye,
I won't return, so
darling, I'd be concerned.

I don't even know you, but I'm scared for you and it's driving me crazy...I can't think of anything else.

I hope you'll breathe, I really do. And I hope you know I've been in the same boat as you, where my mind has almost pushed me to the limit and I almost payed the price...and you don't think the price will be much - to you, you'll just be gone and faraway from any pain....

But you matter, and perhaps nobody ever told you, but you matter. You matter on the days when you wake up feeling lost and broken. You matter on the days when you feel like you know exactly what you are doing. You matter on the days when your mirror should be replaced with an "you look absolutely stunning" sign.

You are as stunning as a newborn, bloomed flower, but you are not a flower...if your petals fall, you can still live. Through winter, summer, autumn and spring,  you can still bloom and grow taller than the polluted skyscraper city that is your mind. You are not a flower...don't let them rip you off from the ground and destroy you.

Confession:
All this ramble that I absolutely meant still hasn't distracted me from the fact that you could already be gone, and we are all just hanging on a lifeline.

Confession:
God gave us wings, so we could fly, and I hope yours find their flutter again; you looked so stunning underneath the blue ceiling we call 'the sky.'

Confession:
I will crumble completely if you die.

I am not a piece of cake,
I am a piece of war,
make up your mind;
I want to know if you
are worth fighting for.

Own the right razor blade,
and shave away our mental sanity,
so that we earn a piece of paper;
Now we are worthy.

Clutch my heart strings,
say you are willing to stay,
pluck away your shyness,
I'll discard my dramatic;
I guess right now,
the less time we're together,
the less we'll need to heal...
Then maybe when all this
turns into dust,
it won't sting as much.

We try to find the ways
this could make us better,
in the dark we stumble,
searching for a ladder.
Care is an adhesive,
attached to our hearts,
and when roots are honest,
a tree can never fall apart;
Soon, we will have a forest
to soothe our scars,
until then, we will find hope
in decaying stars,
and a night will fade
from black to grey,
random glimpses of light
will remind us of what is true;
we are sublime,
even when enveloped in blue.

I'm just not feeling it babe
the way I should,
you just ain't loving me
the way I would
and I would've been kinder
but you destroyed
the part of me that would mind,
I would have held you tighter
but I'm tired of being left behind.
I've let you pierce my heart
and anticipated the bleeding,
but the brightness
of my heart is receding,
and it's all because of you,
and all the things you don't do.

The sequel to "Heavenly"

The rest of us
will decompose here,
but now you have purpose,
the muse behind my verses,
forget fairytale curses;
you* will never die,

So place me underground,
darling you will still be
safe and sound,
up above from here
I see who you are,
but they are all below,
below your worthiness,
dainty star,

On the eve of the day
when I'm mourned by the fakes,
they'll be praying for my amazing grace,
but it'll be too late,

There's no spot in a dead heart
for those who tore it apart,
and my monsters will cover your
sunshine and they'll **** your spark,
I'll wish I could be there,
Ten thousand tears wait to be spared,
I promise I cared,
I just never shared
all my hurtings, and now
they've killed me,

I will beg to have you released,
I'll beg on my knees for
all the darkness to leave you
and entertain *me,
But I'm afraid to fully dive,
Don't know how far I could drive,
Metaphorically, I'm at the shore
I don't know what I'm drowning for.