Am I losing hold?
In a hurricane thought storm
Little deaths on the television
Remind me of my inactions
Said I’d even myself
Out, after giving into self
Doubt. Unstable, leaning toward self
Harm, while the world tumbles itself
Round
Bitter at my own lack
Feel the fire dying in my breath
While the world
Burns and breaks and blisters in a growing wreck
Did my stutter break another heart?
Did my whisper **** that child?
Too quiet for him to hear the reason
I searched for myself, at sixteen
Is every stilted thought, wasted potential / opportunity
To better myself, better the world,
And every person I'll ever meet?
I will not let
Hesitation
Separate
Soul from body
Ever again
I am not lifeless
I am not cruel
I will not be a bystander
I swear
I am not lifeless
I am not cruel
I will not be a bystander
I swear
Ever again
10:35pm, March 12th 2014
1) I've been marred by hesitation. Fear. I've let opportunities slip past, friends drift away, feelings die.
I need to be fearless, not just for my own wellbeing, but for the wellbeing of others. There are so many people in need, physically and emotionally. I want to help people. I never want to see another friend die, lose themselves to substance, depression. I want to know I've helped people in countries other than my own as well.
2) I've been feeling increasingly disheartened about my own future. Stupid, selfish, self-entitled thoughts.
Some people don't have the luxuries we do. They aren't frozen by indecision. They don't think about how inane 40 hour weeks would be. They have to work to live. They might never realise their full potentials because they'll never be offered a place where their passions can flourish. I have these opportunities, and I swear I will use them to reach others who are not so fortunate.
I will make the world a better place.