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Feb 2014 · 1.9k
dead children
Akemi Feb 2014
Watching smoke curl in the sky
A simmer reflection, a residue of death stealing life
The scent of sweet burning arrives
Between breaths misting predawn light

A womb collects dead children
We hear them shrink and shiver
Their limbs atrophied, their eyes wide

Every kiss is wildfire
Every yearning is weathered
Like the shedding paint on the boards outside
That needed a touchup, a lifetime ago

Every touch is parched
Every trust is dystopian
The flesh departs from neuronal collections
Untraceable to the heart inside

No daughters, no sons
No lovers, no love
No affection, connection; truth or simple trust
No daughters, no sons
No lovers, no love
No future
No hope
7:30am, January 31st 2014

Pointless ***.
Jan 2014 · 2.4k
empty streets
Akemi Jan 2014
Twenty one years
Swept through all at once, a hurricane rush
Biting the heels of hate and loneliness

I walked the streets of old lives
They grew colder, more familiar every step
I saw faces on the other sides of one way mirrors touched by time
And watched as my words fell like mist on glass
9:40am, January 21st 2014

Everyone has left.
Jan 2014 · 1.0k
tunnel apparitions
Akemi Jan 2014
Walk without charring your soul
On approaching apparitions
Their chilling resonance
Will shake the present existence
8:20am, January 12th 2014

We owe our entirety to the past.

If the past shapes you into who you'll become, then is there a point we'll reach where we lose all free will? We completely 'grow up' and become locked into predictable patterns, thinking we've made choices, not consciously realising that the person we are would never choose the alternative?

No! Because other people exist with opinions that differ from yours. You'll learn from them and change and love and keep growing until the very end.

Unless you're a closed-minded narcissist.
Jan 2014 · 1.4k
messengers of death
Akemi Jan 2014
Casual catastrophe
The hollow yearn of death’s widow
Bites the pavement on a thunderous night
For crippled rattles to ignite

The insidious ruin
Rides a blanket corpse into the liquor store hold up
Feigns apparitions for the madness
Distilling cruelty as a hand’s reach for addicts

A sleeper savant
Stretches his face across barren lust
A killing grin between rotting tusks
That rent the light out of a *****’s still blood

Devouring maggots
Of the ignorant, the arrogant, the cruel
Kiss the blisters on the swollen hearts
Of starving nations left to tear themselves apart
6:34am, January 9th 2014

Wow, I haven't written social commentary in awhile. I was inspired by this brilliantly dark track, which incited some deep revulsion in me: http://russiancircles.bandcamp.com/track/burial

We are intelligent enough to find many reasons to ****, directly and indirectly. Loss of empathy, desperation, to feel in control. Humans are terrifying creatures.
Akemi Jan 2014
I remember a girl whose eyes were liquid fire
Whose passion dragged me under
She had lips frozen by winter
That melted on touch

Between summer and autumn
The air breathed hot and cold around her
And her eyes grew soft
And her heart grew close

We lost a year in a teenage rush
Of after school talks, and pre-dawn love
Of where we’d go, and what we’d become
A forever we never touched
8:13am, January 8th 2014

Just a piece explaining of my previous poem. I like writing little explanations to all my poems, and sometimes the explanation turns out better than the poem. They're a lot more down to earth.
Jan 2014 · 1.4k
catching ghosts
Akemi Jan 2014
My pre-dawn conviction is weak
This cold ember death will sink its teeth
My winter coat is a sickly sheath
Sloughing with every retreat

I hope you know
Your eyes lit a thousand snows
We drowned beneath

I hope you know
Your lips caught aflame so cold
Disintegrating against me

For whatever reason
Your glassy stare broke apart in the autumn chill
Fluctuating against summer’s warm laugh
Our first wavering dance

We soaked our skin in teenage radiance
An adolescent haze of lust
Plotting our dreams
In the lull before dawn and dusk

I know I’m dwelling on better times
Wasting my life away
Can’t ******* shake this habit of mine
I guess I miss the days
When love was just a song and dance
And every breath held weight
I’m catching ghosts in the pre-dawn light
Lost in a memory daze
7:29am, January 8th 2014

First love. Teenage love. So bright and beautiful. Honest and raw.
Stupid, lovely dreams.
Jan 2014 · 2.4k
wildfire
Akemi Jan 2014
Restless, you lie
Draped in autumn gold
You brush the dirt from your wings
And the leaves from your soul

You trail the night
Fire-flight through your skin
Brightest at the horizon
Distant and brief

Cold fire, wild love
Your passion spills over
Spills out
Cold desire, wild love
Your passion is dire
Count me out
7:41am, January 2nd 2014

I need someone I can trust . . .
Jan 2014 · 1.7k
Stillborn
Akemi Jan 2014
A stiff wind broke the morning clouds. It was another gloomy sunrise, in a string of second-rate days. Kiera woke much like the sun, downtrodden and wishing to fall back down. She snapped down on the alarm, knocking it to the floor, and with two blinks was out again—back into a world she was beginning to recognise.

First the flooding darkness. Despite two weeks of this her body still rejected it. Her body hated it. Pathetic. Limbless shakes as the throbbing chill tore its way through her lungs, gripped her skin like sweat. She could smell the sharp stink of iron. When her vision came she saw her arms were covered in blood. A red too bright.

A figure she hadn’t noticed flickered out of her view. She turned her head sharply but saw no one.

Kiera realised she was walking. She held a square, brown-wrapped package, which would not stop squirming. As she struggled to keep hold of the ******* thing, ****** prints coated its sides. A postbox lay on the other side of the road—the same colour as the blood on her arms.

Kiera was furious. The ******* package would not stop squirming. She needed to reach the postbox before she dropped it. She was desperate—scared shitless. Why?

Kiera began to cross the road. Each step sent the package twitching, twisting. Her legs were bone thin. Her skin was shredding apart. Another flicker—edge of the vision phantom—appeared, but she barely noticed. The package was growing so heavy that her toes were breaking on the asphalt. She looked up and saw the postbox had receded.  How dare you? How ******* dare you, you *******.

She was on the wrong side. She had never left the sidewalk. How could she? She had no legs. Blood began to pour out of the postbox. It crossed the road, coating her torso, lapping the bottom of the package. The package stilled and began to deform in her hands. It was rotting.

Kiera had an urge to *****.
5:30am, January 2nd 2014

Well, this was a dark piece. I'd begun daily writing to get my long form up to scratch, and this little piece came tumbling out. It touches on the topics of ****, unwanted pregnancy and abortion (sorry about that), and the feelings of helplessness, rage and guilt.
Dec 2013 · 868
dead seeds
Akemi Dec 2013
They lit
A thousand acre fire
To smoke out old dreams
That had
Buried themselves deeper
In the choke between ash seams

Writhing, fresh white skin
Came apart, bursting the arteries
Between the surface creature
And the blacker haunt named apathy

“Sleep away your desire
“Sleep away your misery
“Sleep away your vigour
“Sleep away your sympathy”

A dead seed in the pyre
A dead stare set to atrophy
A dead wish undelivered
In a lull of breathless harmony
4:23am, December 10th 2013

Waiting / wasting

I planted all my hopes into
What would become
Our resting place.

Hah.
I am hopeless.
Dec 2013 · 1.2k
old haunts
Akemi Dec 2013
I crawled through the dead spaces of old houses
Just to breathe in years old memories
Brimming with adolescent thrill and reveries
Picturesque sceneries in glass-encased eternities

Withered limbs broke apart feinting apathy
Parched and cracked, my lips bore silent screams
As I disintegrated, filling the negative space
That resides where loss and ache form dead weight

I am the calm that breaks your heart
I am the still that never departs
In a frenzied world of dead spire loves
Out of reach, out of luck, and out of touch

I became envy, firing sparks across cold skin
I became adoration, pulsing and sun-kissed
I yearned to hate
I yearned to love

Do I dare coalesce?
What will I become?
Knowing all that’s gone?
Knowing not what’s to come?

Do I dare coalesce?
What will I become?
Knowing all that’s gone
Is all I loved?
9:30am, December 7th 2013

I lost myself in memories of teenage years,
Those perfect, shimmering mirages.
Dec 2013 · 746
overdue
Akemi Dec 2013
Deathshaker
Twenty one years
Crossed hearts and hoped to never die
Slept crooked, and woke deaf and blind
With pins and needles through the chest
And foot, and mouth, and ******* head

Deathshaker
Twenty one years
To wake to dust and rot and ache
To once loved noises, long replaced
By crushing silence, bitter debts
To lovers long dead
9:46am, December 6th 2013

You shake hands with death himself
To rid yourself of old loves

---

Falling out of love is a horrible experience. In this respect, I think apathy is my most damaging vice; worse than anger, hate, jealousy, malice. Life without emotion is no life at all.
Nov 2013 · 2.2k
skinned rabbits
Akemi Nov 2013
Blood come, blood lust
Pulse and closed trickle
Pledged and disloyal
Come beckon her closer

The red grin dismantles
Flesh as well as the cleaver
Pain left drowned within
Infinite desire

And heir blackens and boils
Skin softer than petals
Split apart for the curious /
The insatiable

Come beckon her closer
Come beckon her closer
We all die in the moment
And live for nothing.
8:17pm, November 28th 2013

Desire, attachment, replacement.
Nov 2013 · 599
hard truths
Akemi Nov 2013
This phantom pain, comes haunting every second breath
The new ache mirroring the old, dressed in past’s clothes
I’m stepping on growing hopes, don’t want them to take root
Before they blind me
Can’t bear to close the distance on happiness
If it’s false I won’t let it be
If it’s false I’ve been blind since I could see
I’m wasting years of my life, days fly by, at a standstill with a racing mind
Been there for years
I swear I’ve let it go a thousand ******* times
If I could just let it go
I’m dwelling on coloured memories
‘Cause the black white truth ain’t all it’s built up to be
But it’s all I’ve ever seen
And it’s all I’ve ever wanted to see
There’s a time when you realise every promise is a lie, if a pretty one
If one you’d rather believe than the thought that the future is uncertainty
And that those laugh lines, those good times, carved from people you love
Will stay
Even if they all leave
And you wake every morning looking into those creases
Hoping one day they’ll bring you as much joy as you once had
But they’re just the consequence
It’s bittersweet
10:22pm, September 12th 2012

Doubt is a hungry critter, that enjoys running circles around you and nibbling at your decisions when you're not looking. Sometimes it teams up with Sorrow, who punches Memory in the face when you pass old swingsets and houses.

They also enjoy playing corners in your heart.
Nov 2013 · 1.2k
dead treat
Akemi Nov 2013
II
Envy darts her wicked tongue
So slick with black desire
To chase the blood from passion and suffocate
The heart of ire
III
Inertia places her hips
Over barren seas
And drinks the lust to fill
Her
Insatiable greed
IV
Solace rests his blunted fangs
Too late
On torpor mottled skin
And echoes haste through empty halls
Still labyrinthine vessels
I**
Curiosity ensnares
Mortality, the wander self
With susurrus pulse and love
Drives caution to the slaughter
6:22am, November 20th 2013

My curiosity is a nervous beast, and my conclusions are jumpy for it.

---

Not sure if I like the last (/first) verse. Might revise it.
Nov 2013 · 1.2k
mongrel maw
Akemi Nov 2013
Blanket state
Sun rise, sun set, sun daze
Wide eye glimmer maw
Go swallow the sky whole
And trickle tar . . .
Over Death’s mongrel bone.
11:07pm, November 6th 2013

Inactivity has rendered me a hypocrite.

---

Sorry I've been gone for awhile. I didn't disappear into the void, I just needed a break from everything after uni and exams. I'll be working on music and story writing these holidays, so I won't be as active here as I used to be. Might link the song I've been working on in one of my later poems. It's post-rock, so greatly inspired by this band: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vRrGCVlMHk
Oct 2013 · 873
(n)ever slumber
Akemi Oct 2013
Belly up diner
Fork and knife set to the sky
Infinity swallows
A thousand shining eyes
Belly up sleeper
Hands knotted to the chest
Waking to disaster
Makes the roofs cave in
10:41pm, December 17th 2012

Don't dream large.
Oct 2013 · 1.7k
self-elected liars
Akemi Oct 2013
These wandering patrons
Lie asleep all day
With the stillness of night
Clouding their heads

It’s a sunset with no sun
In the sea it’s dead
Been like this for years now
We elect to forget
9:26pm, June 12th 2011
Oct 2013 · 577
white tiles
Akemi Oct 2013
I watched you go
I watched you go
I watched you go
I watched you go
I watched you grow
I watched you grow
Without eyes
I watched you grow

And I’ve been trailing
Ghostly figures wrapped in pain I’ll never know
Just to see if they’ll notice

Take off your bed
Tied to all that sleep
Descending motions
Air warmed with defeat

Set the sails
Out from under me
Those anchors on your eyes
Will disappear if you leave
10:29pm, April 19th 2012

She was in hospital for months and I didn't even know. Didn't care for years, yet was always trailing after her, picking up pieces of her life. Would have been better if I'd just disappeared, and she'd never seen me again.
Oct 2013 · 1.2k
formless love
Akemi Oct 2013
Every new rise
You ghost further from touch
Your pastel eyes
Dried their watercolour love

Once formless on skin
We were formless in lust
But two hundred nights
Left me desolate

Knotted and heaving
Out of breath, out of season
Losing sleep, losing purpose
Am I not enough?

Knotted and heaving
Out of breath, out of season
Once something worth knowing
But you’re not enough.
2:07am, October 19th 2013

You can't ever hope to replace love with lust. Don't ever be so desperate or foolish as me.
Akemi Oct 2013
Cower complete the bitter dream
And drape this dead desire through the streets
From crimson flush to blister black
You rot through my hands
And leave me with phantom death
11:43pm, October 15th 2013

For the first time in awhile I dreamt of an old friend, one I loved dearly. Everything was as it once had been, but I woke to grief not contentment. The sensation in the dream had been better than any I'd felt from reality in a long time. It broke my heart to be reminded of what I'd lost.
Oct 2013 · 622
long winter
Akemi Oct 2013
Your lips shed a thousand words
That coloured your chin golden
To blend into the last light
Of radiant, dying Autumn
11:33am, October 17th 2013

The more I reflect
On the last time we met
I realise how much was said without words
And how much was lost without them
Oct 2013 · 1.4k
windowpane
Akemi Oct 2013
It’s open window
It’s closed
Running circles into old sheets
Once was something worth knowing
I’m dreaming old pains
Aged misery with replays
Of people I once knew
Losing nights, losing sleep
It’s all too real for my head
Painted memories on a canvas
Agony plays pretend
And I’m thinking too much
Wandering mind loses touch
With everyone
Claiming once was, once loved
I’m chasing echoes
Tailing happiness
When will I catch up?
I’m too scared to start this flame
I’m remembering
All the times I burned, hands hurt, stomach stirs
I’d rather chase shades
Than face a hope so easily snuffed
It’s almost enough
Almost
Those bedside talks ain’t coming back
The rattle of bone chilled teeth
Those winter nights
Breath and fog, we were
Dawn’s kissing sun
You breathed a life into me
Blossomed colours, set a fire with every retreat
I don’t think
My heart can take it
11:23pm, June 15th 2012

The only person who could make my heart burst, seven years later.

Inspired by: http://pianosbecometheteeth.bandcamp.com/album/the-lack-long-after
Oct 2013 · 855
barren stretch
Akemi Oct 2013
Dearly beloved
A thousand strides
Will make flesh into dust
Before the altar arrives

I will wear you through
Before time can etch
A laugh line from your smile
Forever transient
11:56pm, August 20th 2013

Inspired by: http://caspiantheband.bandcamp.com/track/long-the-desert-mile
Oct 2013 · 1.2k
colony collapse
Akemi Oct 2013
Roiling earth
Black dirt and broken roots
Rise
Fingers pointed to the skies

Shiver decay
Mote breath, mottled stretch
Come a marching
Through the static haze

Flesh and ache and waste
Wake after wake
Flesh and ache and pain
Day after day
Carrion stay
Carrion remain

They will walk the earth
And nothing will be

First the spires will fall
To the blackout seas
Then the houses will board
Starved to plaster bones
Next the chatter will die
From the pallid air
Then the blisters will burst
From the crust of the world

They will walk the earth
And nothing will be
They will walk the earth
And nothing will be for worse
12:51pm, October 12th 2013

The dead will rise from their sleep and be ruled by lust, greed and gluttony. They will cause mass extinctions, they will cause millions to perish. They will be without understanding, they will be vacant automatons; feasting and feasting and feasting--flesh and ache and waste. They will destroy themselves in their haste, over and over again.

Wait did I say the dead? I meant humans, woops.

Inspired by: http://genghistron.bandcamp.com/album/board-up-the-house
Oct 2013 · 1.0k
a skinned caterpillar
Akemi Oct 2013
Your neo-soul
With all its bright
Lies atop a hungry corpse
Starved in death
Starved in life
6:19pm, September 30th 2013

This new me
Pretends to be good
But it’s a mere skin
Over a bleeding frame
That has been screaming
"I f*cking want"
Since conception

But I will starve him out.
Oct 2013 · 9.6k
Devil Smiles
Akemi Oct 2013
Chapter 1

There was a woman. The cost to love her was your life. No other payment but a sending off, a revolver cocked to your temple’s side.
There was no spite in your death, just business.
Hell of a business to run.

I was protecting someone. Never been one to stick around, but this drag had carried for the past year. That gang-owned joint lay but two doors and a cold alley away. Popular place, maybe not the classiest but it had its patrons. Packed with your essentials: pool tables, dirt-licked walls and chairs, mean folk mixed in with the nice. Old fashioned joint with a history. You could almost feel it when you walked in. That small pressure when it’s about to rain? Felt like that had been building up for a decade there.
Some Madonna owned it. Names elude me, but she was just another front; as was the barkeep, the hired bouncers and those mean-eyed slingers that spoke loud in company, silent alone. Heh, almost like an old-fashioned saloon. Who the hell am I in this tale of cowboys and crooks?
I was holed up in that apartment block for the winter. Stiff drapes covering a stiff cold that seeped through the cracks anyway. Cold chills to wake to, and the whiskey don’t warm a **** thing. Maybe it was the ache of a past flame that led me to her. That old touch had languished and misted away in the night of some long dead memory, leaving an old kiss from a young lover on my shivering body. It grew faint with every year’s passing. I struggle to remember this keepsake.
Every night.
I was a no name protector protecting a no name ghost of a man. Yeah we knew each other. I’m no stranger to keep past talking terms . . . but, hell if I remember his name, how we got into this **** situation and why. Mind’s a little off. Been like that for years.

It was a stumble through the wrong door at the wrong time. Some spiteful voices in the back of the joint or the back of my mind telling me I’m headed for hell and ain’t coming back. See, every day is a crossroad, and I happened upon the worst one yet.
I remember that flaking paint; grime-covered white on a moulding door **** near off its hinges. That suited me, and I hated it. Maybe I grew sick of wandering the same way and turned my life on its spinning head. Spun me all the ways I couldn’t face. Saw a glimmer that fate had readied for me. Don’t think I’ve looked at anything with such eyes since; nor have they looked back at me.
The room was a cramped, dilapidated hellhole like every other room, but with her laying on that bed of hers . . . she was the only clean thing in the whole of this cursed city. Save, she wasn’t clean. No such thing exists; no such thing as clean since your adolescent innocence, and even that went up in flames. Hell, in a city like this I wouldn’t be surprised if the skeletons we kept so tightly locked in our closets outnumbered us ten to one.
Should have remembered that when I saw her, but my mind lay a blank canvas and I couldn’t help but fill it with all the details of this pretty bird. Even those that weren’t there.
No Name yanked me out quick. Never seen him so pale, ghosting further and further from a human being. He’d been running so long I don’t think he even knew what he was running from anymore. His past? Some cop chase from years back, ending with blood stains and shaky hands? A dead kid in the arms of a suicidal wife? Maybe he’s running from himself. Fear in the capacity we contain, and fear in the ways we unleash it around loved ones. I don’t blame him for running. If I was a worse man I’d run from him as well.
Now No Name has it all figured out, even if he won’t let on; and that bird in there ain’t part of the plan. Cash cash, first train out to some no name city for this no name man. In this together, he keeps repeating, like some broke down record player that only plays one song. Well I guess we share more similarities than I’d like to think so.

One night, about a month after settling in that old apartment, I hear raised voices. Not uncommon, but something about this still night woke some fear inside me. A fear I needed to meet with my eyes, a score to settle with myself. Sounded like some ******* outside was hoping to bring down the sky with volume alone. No type of gentleman, just a no ***** kid who doesn’t know the difference between command and screaming like a babe.
One gets you respect. Now, the other. . . .
I open those stiff drapes with stiffer fingers. Brush that layer of frozen breath and mist to find some mid-twenty good for nothing punk holding a struggling figure. The apartment ain’t exactly ground floor but even up here I can spot the difference between a gent and a sally. Some broad was in trouble.
Grab that six shooter, old man. The holster smooth from years of wear, small frays on the weathered jacket rubbing against goose-pricked skin. Comfort clothing that never really brings comfort. Not anymore. Guess I’m as bad as No Name. I’m just repeating routine.
Out the hall, no doors left in this apartment block. Stolen, broken, ain’t exactly your family fun lifestyle we’re living. No Name’s holed up in this fortress of upturned furniture and dresser-barred doorways. Lights flicker from between the cracks. The devil ain’t gonna bother with the door, I tell him. He doesn’t reply. Maybe he’s a religious man with one too many sins above his head.
There’s another yell and I feel my blood rise, hairs picking up static, a storm brewing inside that clenched stomach of mine. Take a tumble down the stairs in my haste. **** crooked balsa wood. Those stairs are gonna end me one day, I swear.
Ground floor. I slam that kitchen door and it cracks against the brick wall outside. ****. No Name’s gonna burst an artery. Call out for that ******* punk but he’s already eyeing me up. Only a few steps away and I can see the white in his eyes. No . . . those are his pupils. Wide, all cloud-like, he’s ******* dusted up. . . . Almost like looking into the past. Thrice-cursed ****. I’m in trouble.
This ain’t some lover’s quarrel, some twisted ****’s thought of a good way to end the night. This is a dusthead addict and I’m out of my league. His mid-snarl distorts and stretches past his cheeks and that devil grin sends an electric jolt from the wires of my brain to my heart.
This six shooter is as good as a pea gun against a Smiley.
He’s spouting some glossolalia drifts, layering it like an abominable duet. The coked-up boy in me yearns to understand again, but stiff joints and washed-out dreams have made me a cynic. Ain’t no beauty when you’re tearing things apart to see it. ******* Smiley’s on the edge and he’s ready to pounce right off. If that broad’s sobbing didn’t **** at those heart strings of mine I’d be running for my ******* life.
I lift that pea shooter and aim it straight at that devil smile.
He howls. Glass shatters from above. Some black monstrous thing comes speeding at me. I leap through that apartment doorway in time to see ******* Smiley consumed by it. All sharp, all solid that beast slams into Smiley, screaming loud enough to wake this dead city twice over. Smiley thrashes, he splays out to the ground, the beast’s seared flesh erupting in front of me. A piece slices past my cheek and I’m on the ground in tears. I hear No Name scream an incomprehensible curse above. I’m bawling now. Through my tears I spot that chunk of flesh. ******* balsa wood. Thrice-cursed balsa wood.
No Name had thrown a piano out that barricaded window of his. Tears of pure comedy, that’s what left my face. A Smiley taken out by No Name, I’ll never live this down. His mangled body lies under polished wood. Someone’s yearly worth gone in a second of frantic panic, reduced to twisted wires and cracked ivory. To see something so beautiful destroyed in seconds makes me wonder if the Smiley had gotten the better of us after all.
That broad’s in shock. Splinters covered every inch of ground save that around her; looked like a comet, trailing emptiness behind.  Should have noticed it then that something wasn’t right with that scene. Perfectly unscathed beauty sitting there with not a single scratch nor splinter on her, but I was too **** amazed I was alive. Knelt close to her and caught a whiff of some exotic scent on her skin. Some flower. Saw her face and it added another colour to that filling canvas of mine. This pretty bird from the joint. The one men died for. At least No Name had saved one life worth saving, funny it happened to be the one who could take yours in a night.
Names elude me, but the way I remember her . . . the way I remember her is Blossom, for when she came into my life she gave colours to my black and white memory, colours I didn’t know existed, and my black and white morals took a turn down some dawning grey-blurred alley.
So I’m a ******* gentleman and I walk Blossom home while No Name shifts furniture above us. Scrapes of hard wood against wood, filling that void in his once impenetrable bastion. I told you No Name’s got it all planned out already. Guess I’m just here for the ride.
Welcome to the paranormal neo-noir gangster world of Devil Smiles.
Oct 2013 · 3.0k
a gap in thought, attention.
Akemi Oct 2013
This sore saviour keeps a straight-faced stare
Lips pressed tight, tongue wedged in teeth
While watching indolence twist in haste
To reach the next refuge

Revulsion that we two symbols share
That same motion-sickness fear
One of action, the other of consequence
Or lack thereof; without / within
12:16am, October 5th 2013

People are so selfish and childish. I thought if I went to uni I would finally find others who were motivated, driven; who wanted to change the world, fix it; but I just see the same directionless children that we were meant to have left behind after high school. Maybe I've just become jaded . . .
or maybe most people never truly change. Maybe they truly do want to stay ignorant, to everything but their immediate surroundings. I just get so angry and so heartbroken, that even if people know their actions indirectly harm others, they won't care as long as it doesn't harm them. They think the lack of a direct connection lessens their own involvement. Or they think it's a part of life--that some suffer, and since we are not those people we should make the most of what we have.
No. Life is about happiness, but that does NOT mean just your own. If I'm going to be anything in life, I want to know I've increased more than my own happiness. More than the happiness of those in my immediate surroundings.
I just don't know how to change people's perspectives. I feel like my words will have no effect. Dismissed as another activist, freeloader; outgrouped and stereotyped without another thought. As much as activists are derided for being more emotional than rational, I see few of those critics giving rational responses. Once I hated people, then I tried to change them; now, I don't know what to do.
Sep 2013 · 3.3k
no innocence
Akemi Sep 2013
Death lies at a bottomless cliff
Gorging the valley till the earth splits
And marrow spills through black haze chatter
Between bones of ancestral desires

His voice came through to me one night
A wisp that seeped past glass and flesh
To trickle deprecation
And lay my fitful mind to rest

"All you are, all you to blame
No innocence
You gorge yourself to death

All you are, all you to blame
No innocence
Where men exist"
11:35pm, September 28th 2013

Take responsibility for the hurt you deal.
Sep 2013 · 3.4k
late riser / never bloomer
Akemi Sep 2013
Twice the fool is the runaway
Who hides his trail, as he hides his ache
All bottle and pills, temporary sleep
Insomniac daze and cheap dinner meals

Static lies on a stationary screen
Radio chatter can’t feed the famine in me
The world is aflame
With no one awake

Sunrise slumber
I fall unconscious to the restless on midnight pavement
Breaking bones or breaking bottles
Selling skin or dealing dust to lost souls
Hearts tucked and folded from the cold

Future oblique
I dare you, predict my dreams
Late riser / never bloomer

Packs a bag, a change of clothes
To deadbeat joints, and dead end posts
Been as many years gone as daily cigarettes smoked

Bloodshot symmetry eyes
I see in every passerby
Like the whole city gone up and left their troubles behind,
You and I

We’re cerebral projections
Locked into motor whirs, recursive disintegration
Status acknowledged, clean cut
Black and white since day one

Mould breaker, you’re told you’re out of line
Gutter graves or veins, stay your place or fall behind
The only constant is the throne
You sit upon or come to view as your body’s own
The red light stare, blue flicker flares
Blare on your skin, like prisms, colour wear
Better to fade to grey than know yourself
For what you truly are, just a shade of catch and tell

Dire straits
No deviation
Full advance
Or desolation
Empty eyes
Golden restraints
I don’t want wealth
I just want change
10:24pm, September 24th 2013 - 12:37 pm, September 26th 2013
I'll probably edit this for longer; don't delve into the protagonist enough, and the ending comes too sudden.

This is about how most people hide away from class gaps. They don't confront them, they don't acknowledge them. It's about the helplessness of people born into the lower class, how they're labelled by location, speech, dress and race. Prejudice and stereotyping.
How, despite all the change that happens in the world, there still seems to be space for cruelty, ignorance, political BS, controversial lies over truth.

Inspired by: http://birdsrobe.bandcamp.com/track/the-undertow
Sep 2013 · 900
last year’s resolution
Akemi Sep 2013
Half found terrified—half lost fearless age
I’ve only the courage to get me through the day
And my perspective has been waning with each sleepless night
Lost in faces I no longer recognise

I’m certain I follow the same as my father
Running from the troubles of east coast
Or my brother, and my mother
Letting all my loved ones go

I’m too weak to fight my fear of lovers getting close
Too tired to wake from the delirium
That I hurt my own soul
Too changed to shine on and get through the day
Without a stutter in my thoughts
That I’ve made a mistake

I’m not sorry that I let you in
More that I cut you off without a thank you
Or a goodbye
Kiss
But my lips tremble and my hands shake at the slightest sign
That life is getting on and getting by
Without me by your side
9:35am, September 17th 2013

Be fearless, or be alone.
Aug 2013 · 1.9k
conflict wars
Akemi Aug 2013
Blister bites
Beneath the skin
Of conflict wars
In ignorance

The border die
Was fixed at six
Symmetrical
To wilful sin

Change and change
Won’t come
Without collapse

Your lips
Your breath
Come without cracks and gasps
Your eyes
Your tears
Come without dust and fear

There’s something
Amiss
With the land we’re living in
Can’t quite
Place my
Ignorance on it

I once saw a man
Blended into the night
With a tarnished can and a sign
But everyone walked on by

I once saw a child
Work to death in the sun
With a knife and a gun
Against his back

First world?
Third world?
We live in the same world . . .
12:23pm, August 27th 2013

The comforts of first world nations thrive upon third world suffering, but people don't want to know :( they're wilfully ignorant because they'd rather keep doing all those things that make themselves feel good, instead of facing the consequences of their actions.

I still can't believe how selfish people are. It doesn't make me angry at people, but at the source of where this selfish image arose. We were raised back when TVs were still a prevalent part of our lives, and most of our shows were American (as New Zealand follows America more than Britain I feel). No matter the show; reality, drama, sitcoms; they all had this underlying current that you will feel amazing when you're rich. Practically propaganda for the capitalist system. Getting big, getting recognised, getting rich. As opposed to finding happiness . . .

I'm not surprised most people desire money now, or fame. They just recognise it as life, as if our social construct defines us. That's probably why so many people try to stay 'normal' as they grow up, and frown upon anything out of place.

I really do hope things change in the next few decades. With the advancement of the internet, kids these days are brilliantly perceptive. Hell, I taught twelve year olds who knew how terrible McDonald's was, etc. I even had a 30 minute discussion about our social system with one of them. I think he knew more than me :S
Aug 2013 · 1.9k
strangers
Akemi Aug 2013
The bleached mask reflects the words
A new white glow over black hurts
Brooding bones, charred and cracked
Buried with himself between

Thought he could
Learn to shrug some strangers’ names
Off

The skin grows thick
The scales slough
The eyes go blind, the fingers drop
Before he’s had it all
Before he’s had

But aches betray
And masks fall
The smile breaks when teeth are worn
I think he’s had some terrifying thoughts
Would no longer recognise his face at all

Because . . .
Some black eyes never open up
And blue deaths carve a hole no one can fill
The red lust leaves us chilled
Breathless, to temporary emerald pills

Some crimson lips just chew and chew
And violet pupils grow then still
The pale skin tightens its caress
Over awkward bones and burnt out chests

How frighteningly
Cruel
Our capacity
To ****
And ****
And ****
11:48pm, August 7th 2013

Cruelty is not restricted to those in high power. It seems even the smallest people crave it, and exert it on others.

Don't be cruel to others.
Aug 2013 · 1.1k
wake
Akemi Aug 2013
Mercy hollows herself out
To float above the sky itself
11:38pm, August 15th 2013

Oh, the things we'd do to be noticed . . .
Aug 2013 · 1.2k
sleepwalker
Akemi Aug 2013
Cruel saints
Spoke like whimper dolls
And wished the world more
Than what it was

Loft and mind
Comes crumbling every dawn
When the bell tolls morn
Reality shakes our walls

Those hands of a dreamer
Calloused wrists or fitful lids
Fit in that hollow
Of your chest so easily
And warm breath rather suits
Cold air, rather than lips
Tender sleeves never could
Keep our fingers from wandering
. . .
The pages of your soul

Decipher
And fall apart
What terror
Lies in our hearts

Decipher
And fall apart
What terror
Lies in our hearts
12:51pm, August 18th 2013

I can tell if you’re a dreamer
By your scars and sleepless stare
Rather break than repair
Something that’s too lovely to lose
And I know the feeling of
Giving up for fear of loss
Yet we can’t stop hurting
So we search for that something more

If our family and friends ever knew how terrifying our thoughts were
They’d be more scared than we are
Aug 2013 · 3.0k
dust world
Akemi Aug 2013
Slough breaker
Breathed deep for twenty years
Below mortal planes
And
Corporeal fears

A thousand weights
You shook, and cracked the Earth
Knocked clouds off their perch
Rose brooding oath
A triumph

Violent languor
Still and terror
Violet stare
Perfection

As you slumbered
The atmosphere turned
And poison filled your earth
Till coveted rebirth
The tarnish
Once bitter came to bloom
Broke black dirt, severed truth
From corruption
6:24pm, August 15th 2013

The earth will flourish when mankind has left it.

Inspired by: http://theanaesthete.bandcamp.com/
Aug 2013 · 2.8k
untruths
Akemi Aug 2013
All edge and divides
Frightening truths, severed lies
You don’t walk through a crowd
For fear of taking their lives

Serpent tongue, serpent teeth
Rattles between lips, sealed
Spoke of many, far too many
Nonconformities

Cyclic reveries
The start and end don’t
Repeat
Just an infinite line
Parallel in
Retreat

Cyclic history
Stalled and stuttered to
Death
Just to rise once again
All mistakes and
Regrets
1:10pm, August 5th 2013

People are selectively ignorant of all the injustice in the world.
They'd rather believe untruths and pretend they're good people.

---

2

Keep your head, keep your heart, keep your soul, all apart
Keep your misinformed selves wasting in the dark
Irrelevancies, to your own selfish lives
On the side line, watching a million die

You’ll think to yourself, what a good person you are
To never have wronged, like those ******* out far
But you’re a neutral, not a good--just a passerbyer
(Not heavenbound) a limbo-lingering bystander
Aug 2013 · 1.9k
to dream
Akemi Aug 2013
Conscious creature
You opened your eyes
And saw into infinity
Beyond a vast divide

You walked with agitation
Under a circadian sphere
But in slumber lapped upon
A recursive lie turned fear

So you gnawed and you nibbled
You scratched and you split
Without a pause in your malice
Until reality thinned

Until the atmosphere bled
All life, light, and breath
And you were left with closed eyes
And vast emptiness
11:29pm, July 30th 2013

'to dream' or 'sentience is suffering'.

We can imagine things far greater than reality can give. Those unreachable things will blind you to all the beauty in your surroundings.

Inspired by: http://topshelfrecords.bandcamp.com/album/lacuna
Jul 2013 · 1.6k
fur trade
Akemi Jul 2013
You wear yourself in disarray
A peculiarity
From default state
Particular
In daily motion
Stillness
And troubled mind.
1:07pm, July 28th 2013

She holds herself like a wounded animal; trapped between iron teeth, with no escape in sight.

Oh wait, that's just uni.
Jul 2013 · 4.1k
unnecessary
Akemi Jul 2013
What’s the difference between unwanted and unneeded?
You’re unnecessary, verging on disappointment, disgrace
Breaking faith and bond, hoarding intent and hopes false
Unnecessary child

Give me pure existence
And watch me lose my mind
Without meaning
I’m fingerless and blind
Give me pure existence
And watch me lose my heart
Without love
I’m a stringless puppet
12:06pm, July 27th 2013

sorry for the bout of emos
Jul 2013 · 1.0k
separation
Akemi Jul 2013
I am slowing
Down
And watching myself
Speed up
Away from here
9:59pm, July 20th 2013
Jul 2013 · 913
Lana
Akemi Jul 2013
Tailor-made,
You’re full of form
And ache.
You’ve covered yourself in knots, you can barely make
Out your own doubt,
And where it’s coming from
Now.

Darling blue,
You speak in rhymes, you soar through acres
To the same old room.
You’re a head full of ideas, and a heart that craves and craves
To be real,
And to feel more than you can keep
In one place.

But you can’t hold such hope, without a helping hand;
And you can’t trace the clouds, without losing yourself in them.
No, you won’t know the rush, without the halt and the loneliness;
And you won’t ever love, without hurting time and time again;
But you will anyway.

I hope you wait for the one,
I hope you find happiness,
I hope you love more than life can give.
I hope you live without hurting,
As much as I know that you will.

Maybe we’ll get through this.
Maybe we’ll get through this.
Maybe,
Maybe we won’t.

Maybe we’ll get through this.
Maybe we’ll get through this.
Maybe,
Maybe we won’t.

Just don’t lose hope.
Just don’t let go.
8:16pm, July 20th 2013

To the greatest person I know.
Jul 2013 · 1.2k
birth of sin
Akemi Jul 2013
Twin snakes berthed on the wrists
One born of innocence, one born of sin
One lies asleep, the other awake
With a lidless stare and a restless ache

Tongue twists between forever and for naught
The heart yearns to reach the momentous, often cited fraud
‘Impossibility,’ the serpent screams
‘The unproven disease’

Slithers on the spot
In perpetuity
With a ceaseless speech
I follow completely

In my wake
Is dust and death
The once conscious snake
Has become rotting flesh
Upon my right
The other stirs
Fat and swollen, it smiles
Calling itself sin
11:40pm, July 15th 2013

An unexpected suicide, brought another being to life
We **** ourselves, time after time
Seeking truth, sating only disappointment
Jul 2013 · 1.1k
boneless city
Akemi Jul 2013
Boneless city
How did I never see you waver in my youth?
Ignorant of the tilt and the blows dealt on day-to-day walks
Stepping into bruises, slamming into ****** grit

Boneless street
You bring my head all the closer to the ground
All the further from the clouds
From all your round about; circular, ocean mouth
Shark-toothed belly ache
You find yourself insatiate

Quaint, the flesh of a dying city
The concrete simmer, the metallic retreat
The dust in lieu of blanket smog
No fractures with all struts gone
Only a once inflation, reduced flat
A stranger finding himself within
Wading liquid glass that shaves off chunks
Of everything, but the lack
11:00pm, July 11th 2013

Why fill me with such expectations in my childhood? Some obligatory naivety, formed from brittle struts-white lies and improbable dreams.
Jul 2013 · 1.1k
faceless die
Akemi Jul 2013
Wreckless love will do no good
With a one sided die, painted faceless white
Not a chance comes from all the throws you could do
Just familiar movement, to a dead end sight
4:10am, December 9th 2012

The outcome is the same.
Jul 2013 · 1.5k
shapeless
Akemi Jul 2013
Finite space within the palms
Of two celestial halves
They brought their hands together and cursed our eyes, and mouths, and hearts
Imaged us in self-belief
Perfection in the unity
Of lesser mortals, incomplete, forever searching for the second piece

She paced the gaps
Spun and leapt
A half circle
Slipping through the cracks
An arc entwined
The empty divide
Too short to reach
His side

Incomplete in death as in life

He tied a tongue around
To make a noose of himself
So when the noise finally died down he’d found himself within a crowd
Laughed the loudest at the end
With no breath at all
Attention at the precipice, from misfit hearts. A lifetime gone
11:12pm, July 10th 2013

Unrequited love.
Jul 2013 · 674
loose thread
Akemi Jul 2013
Knitted hands and pieced-together arms
Hold so little but warm so much
Quilt-made lips on cotton hearts
Grow such itches in the strangest places
You can’t quite scratch out
10:19pm, February 26th 2013

I cannot keep love.
Akemi Jun 2013
I think we were strangers in a blind white
Losing momentum of a previous life
Speeding the cinema into blurs of light
2:21pm, September 6th 2012

We were brought together by heartbreak. What did you expect?
Jun 2013 · 1.2k
tongue-tied
Akemi Jun 2013
Words are meaningless
My teeth will crack from the grit
These sentences are just a puzzle I can’t seem to fix

Spoken like a true fake
My smiles will ache, my skin will quiver
If I keep this up any longer than
Necessary

My tongue will begin, and never quite deliver
My mind will unravel, before it comes together
Never quite peaking, never quite reaching
Intent
I’m an unintentional social disaster
12:42am, June 13th 2013

People have such expectations / preconceptions when talking with you. I hate trying to meet them.
Jun 2013 · 2.1k
empty
Akemi Jun 2013
Empty man
Sits alone
Sorting through his empty guts
In an empty home
3:13pm, March 10th 2013

Self-reflection is a terrible act to behold.
Jun 2013 · 1.1k
national apathy
Akemi Jun 2013
Dream your peace
Whilst the world rages
Go lie in your steel-walled sleep
Let the crueller men deceive
Let better men bleed

A sleeping mind for sleeping times

What’s another casualty?
Doesn’t affect me
So you let deflections become reflexes
Unknowingly

Happenstance you came to live
In first world palms, with first world eyes
Never looking back at second place
Least of all the third in line

Whatever gets you to sleep at night

With such birth rights,
With such languor
I will rule the world in my own mind
With such circumstantial, beneficial, superiority
I will turn a blind eye

To everybody’s suffering but mine
11:18pm, April 26th 2013

So many selfish people, so little time . . .
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