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Raven Feels Jul 2021
DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, who wants to count to ten when you can carry on to infinity?

she stopped time and asked
a question planted silence in advance
faced my truth on a real talk
never thought it was hard to stand or walk

rock plays numb humiliation
the inhale echoes wounds then exhalation
denial and defense
tears welled up the hidden immense

the wind swings
a lost count to infinity sings
red eyes
step on two legs cries and undeniable disguise

forbidden was for me to
reveal the vulnerable due
the intimidated call
of how things are messed up in sort to fall

and now I think
of how it stinks
memories of misery
a step between me and the cemetery

embarrassment attacks
white lies painted above the blacks
stepped on me
a bug under the shoe and I let it be

guess that she knew
but the answer hung in air and flew
my confidence buried peacefully when already dead
and the winter cold shivers in my head

Raven Feels Jun 2021
DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, insult salted the injury--- that was a bad day<

maybe wounds are sold
do you mean that insult can't salt injuries to a pathetic fault?
warn the poor never the guilt as it
wish the idiotic I put the limit
stepped the humiliation right out
silenced like a charity drought
now lacked it is yet still manageable
killed in the **** core when tangible
warn foolish fingers
an incoming the tremble syndrome
now secrets are whispered blind devils shrink in hinders
a car ride rains a billion on a thinker
watch me tested as God demands
lost in translation for what a paper does
and I simply don't understand
take the gesture I can't for a billion pays you see
made me squirm more like a forsaken sun in 2018

                                                          ­         ------ravenfeels
MG Mar 2021
I am humiliated
that I have ever let worthless men,
determine my self worth.
I am like the ocean.
Soft, breaking, blue.
But vengeful, strong, and powerful.
Oldie from 06/19
The math, the scent, the tears…
A couple of ears and two eyes that aren’t willing to see
What we’ve prepared for today!
- Hey, sister! Would you see us!?
- Hey, teacher! Could you care about us?!
- Hey brothers, did you ever embrace a cruel song
And let it tare apart your entire soul?

An arbiter of splendour
Was sitting on a bench,
In silence waiting for his times
To come and take away
All pains.

An arbiter for love and your great dance

"I was never good enough for you,
Never doing what you wanted me to do,
I’m quite proud of that right now
Since it kept keeping me away from that pesky debt you had to carry on with!”

Eternal dance of love
And passion for the poor
That’s rich in kind but sorrowful unreachable goals!

Two dots on a sot verticality
Asking for more:
Destroy all the planet, destroy us all!
We got tired of living
What you wouldn’t call
Neither life nor living!

Two dots for a fellow and one for my soul;
Two, one after the other and the third in a row
That sometimes separates two types of worlds.

“- I am feeling a bit sad and disappointed; I must have felt that I was much more and much better than I really am!
- I understand, we all get to feel tired and crushed sometimes. Just don’t let anyone get to you! Many will try to hurt you. Just don’t let them do that again, that’s all!”

A penny for the poor,
Starvation for a fool
Trying to live a life
According to the rules
Of saints!
- You’re not a saint, you girl-dude!
And even if you were! What do you think it’ll serve you for?
We’re all above and helping each-other!
- While you all think it is better that way… the poor way!
- Than what? Our struggle?
- Oh, please! Give me a break! We do not struggle!

Are you much more of a man now?
Oh, pardon me, I was such a fool back then, to trust you
And to love you with all my ‘rotten’ soul!
This cold forgotten soul…

Are you much prouder than before?
Are you successful?
I know I know! I admired your entire carrier!

I should probably **** myself, just now
But I guess that I am too ******* proud
To do so.
Are you still proud of your soul and your wonderful goal?
I know that I am of mine!
I should probably commit suicide.
But not until I get less ashamed with who and what I am;

~ I Mean the loser someone planned to make of me and got to make me be ! ~

Much too carefully!
Much too shamefully!

Oh, my!
The Freak-in’ Carbonite kicked in!
I must get it out on the screen!

After that I’ll try to organize those showers for the angels;
Propeller pins and cosy sins
Already happening

why bother?
It’s on them!

Brutally honest with myself:
I find my old journals a bunch of idiotic steam material.
God, I hate myself for not being… stronger!

Yet I must confess:
I love myself more than anything in the world!

“I’ll be the spit in your face if I have to!
she yelled back at him
You traitor!
You must be joking now, dear!
a choir they join both saying:
- Aurevoir, dear!

I prostrate myself
In front of your greatness,
Too grateful for the little I got to accomplish
And give thanks to the Greatest of Lords!
“Are you much more of a man now, that you killed them all?”

A missing point that was completely unknown
To the public
Got out meeting people and feeling them all
Just like a believer.

“I need you and I want to be needed too!
I Miss You!"

A moon and a missing point looking for sun-warmth and half a cup of solitude.
© All rights Reserved Theodora Oniceanu, first published in September 2018
undermyfeet May 2020
She died when she heard a laugh

It was a forlorn laugh
A one that knew silence was the hardest glass to break
But still it pierced the air

Because Death was coming
- no, he was already here.

He snatched the laugh from midair
and replaced her silent body with that one sound

And she dispersed in a burst of breath
- Death carried her away from the world

Away and away, until she was nothing but a speck
of dust, on one’s tongue

Spitted out, she felt used and dosed
In unnecessary shame, needless awareness

Of her life blinked out
And again, she tumbled through the air

That laugh slipping up her skin until it did not fit
No more, was she going to seem to live.

She died - when she heard a laugh
S I N Feb 2020
At the skirts of the town on the hill near the copse where the trailer wide park situated then was whence they drive her in conscious though deprivèd of any ability to move or to scream or to even f moan whence they drive her snickering drooling high no need e’en for ropes or twines she just lies still and demure and obedient without even a drop of tear to gutter down her cheek to moist her flaky skin all dry within but without perspire to she can tho’ you know so they pulled up lights off keys in the pocket they look and they smile and they fawn on her while she lies there alone by herself and no one around nor to help nor to try so they leave and they close and they go and they open and drag on the gravel they throw and with hands on the belts they above and they brood and impend like the vultures that hover above the sight of their prey putrefying and they down and they stretch and Stay that right yess oh thats just perfectly fine stretch them nice pull then no tear those off and up whereas she looks into the sky on the moon so shiny and pale gal and bright and so chaste so unlike to oh she just stares while they’re doing their so very so distant business
S I N Jan 2020
Today I was humiliated, shamed and killed,
I stood there as that one condemned to th’ execution,
Unable there to find no fair solution,
Imbibe my words with soothing, lulling lilt

It was as hard as walk through pool of fire
Where all the other sinners boil to crust,
But wade through this unstoppably I must
To reach the other shore more vile and dire

And at the end there’s nothing but great pain,
As one realization starts to take me over
And as the trunk it strives to roll me over,
That all the path I’ll have to walk again
So all the tape again, anew re-reeled
Today I was humiliated, shamed and killed
Harry Roberts Aug 2019
Being the brunt of a cruel joke
Is like a spear through your soul,
Burning you burn & the fires they stoke
Desecrating innocence turns diamonds back to coal.

All the potential but these animals feast on it
All of the tears but these creatures get of on it,
All of the pain but these demons remain by it
All of the innocence lost & consumed by Id.

Making their egos so threadbare
Superego overworked it is dead there,
Creating a creature of dread fear
The cycle continues instead here.
Jana Rosinska May 2019
I lied.
I lied and said I didn’t care
I said I had no feelings for you.
I thought you had no impact.
I was cold. Chilly like a winters evening. My breath fogging as I twisted the knife.
You went to her, you did.
You said you didn’t sleep with her, but she cried that you did.

And when I met her, her eyes were blazing ambers. If they were lasers they’d tear right through me, my unsuspecting flesh searing in front of you at the dinner table.
Tonight I didn’t know why she hated me. You let me show up, and you sat next to me, and she loudly hated everything about me.

She was bad to me. A rotten core and worms burrowing through her meat.
There aren’t many situations where I feel innocent- we know the solution to all my problems is to blame myself.
But it was you. You. Let her.

I want to tie a message to your wrist saying “don’t do it”, so maybe you’ll look down and think to stop hurting everyone around you. You might read it and decide not to run to me and tell me you love me.

I want to stand in front of you and point to my chest and say “you’re not welcome here anymore”.. but I never let you in in the first place.
I should’ve admitted I loved you, and you shouldn’t have lied to me about sleeping with other women.

Smoking in the ambers from her eyes, we catch fire on the other side of the table. I bite my tongue and swallow down my screaming, you’re shaking as you try and smile through the pain.

You whisper ‘I love you’.
& We are alight, burning hair, burning clothes, burning hearts, burning lies.
I’ll turn to ash and cinders before a reply leaves my lips.
I’m dying, & I won’t say it.
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