Overflowing tears fill her eyes, as doubt fills inside her mind. She is overwhelmed and confused, she is exhausted and tired of being bruised. However, one things for sure. She will no longer let her demons get the best of her. She will no longer stand for a life full of misery and torment. For she’s now had a taste of pure freedom and forgiveness. As she is now following her dreams. Everything is falling into place, and once again; she does not want to lose how beautiful her life has become.
Starve your brain, alluring pain. An induction that never ends. The longer you go, there will be nothing but just a trail of hideous brittle bones. As your body begins to deteriorate, your body will eat your own organs and flesh. Not so pretty anymore I see, nothing but a disastrous mess.
it started off innocent enough i heard the jokes stage whispered into eager ears and the muffled laughter that inevitably follows i felt every syllable claw their way down my throat i’ve been trying to reach them ever since
i admit this to you in a body that buries bones the dull corners not enough to trigger your concern no one looks at me and sees empty
seventh grade, twelve years old i began skipping lunch because i didn’t need it anyway 4 years later and i guess i still don’t this was my first venture into restriction fueled by insecurity because with a body like this no one could ever love me
it’s so easy to say i already ate if i word it just right no one asks questions when i disguise my madness as magic step right up! come and see this body, the greatest freak show on earth and i’ve mastered every trick in the book so easy it is now to conceal the dark magic while i showcase the light
watch! i’ll swallow blades and fire and nothing else i’ll regurgitate miles of handkerchiefs in front of your very eyes so you don’t notice what comes up after
the slight of hand was the hardest to master but now i perform it with ease i can make this food disappear before you even notice it was there palm it in my hand hide it in my napkin bury it in the trash where you'll never see it again aren't you mystified by the unknown?
nothing can beat my greatest trick of all a necromantic resurrection of a dead thing a zombie now walks among the living the parasite finally killed the body it possessed
it latched onto my brain thrived on my detriment took and took and took until there was nothing left of me i was consumed by something that was consuming me this thing that i've grasped onto for control has grasped onto me i've been reduced to nothing more than my efforts to reduce myself the parasite becomes the host
i heard the comments and took them as compliments gasoline poured onto an open flame that i can't seem to put out i thought this fire would extinguish as the comments morphed to concerns but that only made it burn brighter and i'm not sure how much longer i can take this heat shattered porcelain is still beautiful right?
piece me back together but i'll never be the same spiderweb fractures across fragile skin may never fade but maybe weeds can still sprout through i can paint daisy chains across my scars and roses in the hollows of my collarbones wildflowers grow from the inside out through the cracks in my flesh and in the valleys between each rib slow and steady up my throat until i choke but that's okay because at least it wasn't food i'll swallow bouquets to keep my starvation in full bloom
the rumble in my stomach became my favorite song a national anthem for a living hell that brings life to these monsters if you are what you eat maybe i can be nothing
i dance around the word "anorexia" like it's cursed because i can't seem to admit that this disease has devoured my mind and made every one of my thoughts its own so i dress my words in pretty metaphors and tie beautiful syllables around my sickness like a bow
but there's nothing beautiful about hair that falls out when it's touched and a body racked with chills in a warm room there's nothing beautiful about losing everything that matters most to you friends, family even the ability to have children there's nothing beautiful about ***** on your hair and on your clothes blood dripping from your nose or that ache that lies deep in your brittle bones
this disease is not beautiful broken isn't beautiful but darling you are 4/22/2019
I wish I had more to say to a faceless community but you're asleep next to me and I don't dare wake you. You work in the morning. It IS the morning. You've been busting *** while I sit happily on mine. How can I wake you to share these thoughts you need to hear? Sleep is my favourite comfort zone. I shan't take it away from you. Sleep blissfully my love.
Every time I catch a glimpse of my reflection in a shop window I have to check.
Legs. Still there, apparently. Still thin even though I ate lunch today.
Every time I sit down on the toilet to *** I have to check.
Tailbone. Still protrudes a little, apparently. Still hasn’t disappeared, isn’t buried under fat even though I put milk in my coffee this morning.
Softly, gently My hands explore my back, tracing up along my spine because I have to check.
I wonder if I look a bit like a dinosaur illustration from a child’s encyclopaedia: you know, the one with the triangular bump-y things running along its back? Stegosaurus! That’s the one! (I had to Google it.)