It knocked on my door
the cracked door the guarded
the core of what I call home

I have glued it so many times
sometimes with cheap adhesive
others, I thought I'd be artsy
and used gold
maybe something broken can be beautiful
or so I thought

It was cold outside
do you think that's why it knocked?
It wanted some sanctuary some ****** heat?

It knocked with all its might
I was alone inside, enjoying my aloneness
with glue, sticking together the remains
of time

"Go away"
I screamed, I knew who it was
the door was shaking with every pound
the core of this chamber was vibrating
rippling fear, well it's not fear per say
but something I've felt before
something familiar

"I don't want you here"
I yelled it the same way
I'd say it to a returning lover
******* and your doings

The wind blew and blew
and the pounding escalated
so did my screams

I can foretell what it wants
from the pounding
I can feel it again  
just like how a song can ignite
feelings from the past
just like a cologne can time travel you
to that moment, on that street
I know what it wants

Suddenly the pounding stopped
so did the nostalgia trip
I came back to reality
with a glue stick in my hand
and a shard of glass in the other
"caution fragile pieces can cause bleeding"

My mind was not completely at peace
curiosity kicked in, OH LORD IT DID
I jolted to the door
and peeked from the peep hole
there it was, in a raincoat
standing there, looking back at me

Frantic, I felt my knees weaken
the mind sparked some logic
but the heart, that stupid heart
embraced everything else

"Let me in
I miss my home, I miss the warmth
I can see that you glued the door
the one I jolted from
the one I cracked and broke"

I was scared, it was fear this time
mixed with bits and pieces of adrenaline
"I know this feeling, I know it"
I recounted in my head, making sure
it was engraved in my thoughts

"but if I do, it's different now
this house is no longer a home
it's cushioned with protection
glued with experience
decorated with time
and fortified by mental rationale"

It knocked again
like an angry lover
aching to touch his woman again
like an insane human
coming off of his prozac

"It's time, you're rotting
from the inside, I know your beauty is eternal
but it's time you let me in"

Tears ran down my cheeks
I do miss the feeling
of sweaty palms, of butterflies
that feeling of fading into one
of smiling, of pausing time

But I do know that if I open that door
I will be the
person
to throw him out again
breaking
my cracked door
starting from scratch

What do you think?
Should I let him in
this
time
around?

or shall I wait
for the person
who comes jolting through
burning my door with passion
surprising
my core?

Silly sullen sentences
strut in my brain
boiling baffling batches
of cluttered dust-bunnies
creating a babel tower of
lost love lullabies
slowly
decaying, dying, drifting
Wet your quill
with the ink of now
write new lulls
swaying your pendulum
between your now's
and what's yet to come

(I)
a(l)most said it
but I
f(o)und
m(y)self
fa(v)(o)(u)ring  
a blunt pencil,
and a
burning
pap(e)r
instead

The music of you
is too strong
that's why my poetry
is silent

What's in a title
but a taste of what's to come
what's in the first word
that lurked in the writer's mind
followed by a flood
of words

What's in the first glance
at the capital letter resting above all
but a rush of curiosity
to dissect the ideas later

What's in the boldness of it
but the courage to stand tall
and heavy with the bulk of the story

What's in the thought behind it all
but a chaotic idea
brought
to balance the tumultuous
ramblings
of a scared mind
only alive
under a title
in bold and capital

The mind comes
out to play
when the
heart chooses to lay
to rest
and
what a dangerous
game
it is

A writer
in love
puts all
the effects
of recreational
drugs
to shame
A writer in love
levitates
A writer in love...
Oh God Have Mercy
for pen shall burn on paper

I hate you
she screamed at the mirror
I hate every ounce of you
settling on my love handles

I hate you
she yelled
I hate how you redden my cheeks
with health

I hate you
she clawed at her reflection
I hate how I am not beautiful
the way beautiful is supposed to be

I fu$%ing hate you
as she clenched at her hip bones
I hate how they don't protrude
because that's pretty, right?

I abhor you
as she fell on her knees
wrapping her thighs with both hands
hoping they'd meet, or just touch

I hate you
for harboring calories
in my thighs and belly

I hate you
for making me feel
like an elephant in a room
full of boney barbies

I, don't know anymore
she cried
I am taking it out
at the one thing
that keeps me alive

I just know I hate you

It's the lump
that nestles like
a ridged rock
in your throat
that claws
the passage of words
every time
a word makes it to your mouth

Vent my darling,
put that finger in your mouth
and ***** all that's clawing
your mind with uncertainty
with uneasiness
I am here
massaging your back
as the acid of that *****
leaves an after taste
of "not the right mood"

I am here comforting you
as you sit back
breathing, feeling lighter

I am here
injecting you with pluses
that I hope
take you back
to the right side of the bed
this morning

He broke me
in half
little did he know
that my insides
burned
all his
foreseen
expectations

Floating
poetry
is simply
a conversation

A poet's curse
is the thriving
on extreme emotions
for what's a pen without ink?

The spark of fire
in your eyes
unleashed
a series of
fireworks
in mine

Flip me to the side
where my darkest days
have a ball

Flip me to the side
where my innocence
dissolves into mature
realizations

Flip me to the side
where my naivety
transforms me
into a woman of rationale

Flip me to the side
where my smiles
are only read
by those close

Flip me to the side
where my chest
holds nothing more
but tar infused lungs
protecting a heart
that's too strong
to be loved

Flip me to the side
where my anger burns
through the ocean blue
of my eyes

Flip me to the side
where I no longer
hand you my knife
to stab me
in the back

Flip me to the side
where you'd meet me
undressed from all
the chains
that held me back
from speaking my mind
because
"good girls
say nothing"

I glanced at him
in the car ride home
we both shared the backseat

Dwindling between sobriety
and the hazy reality
just like the wine in the bottle
resting between my hands
our logic made no sense
it even gave up

As the mumbles in the car
increased so did the vibrations
in our silence
the back seat had a world of its own

Full of untold attractions
engraved mysteries only those
who specialize in none verbal communication
can decode

There it is again
that glance, he's not looking
but she lays her vision
on him, tripping through
a roller-coaster of bottled emotions
she opens her mouth, but nothing
comes out,

It's a complicated situation
that even the back seat of the car
can tell

He turned to sneak a look
she looked away
at the window, she smiles
to her self
to the thoughts that lay themselves
in front of her vision, her only vision

He slithered his hand
to journey all the way from his side
to hers, an adventure that seemed to be
the most dangerous one of all

It made it over the armrest
slowly...
She still staring outside, marveling
at what she knows, he knows

She felt a warm embrace
and entwine between her fingers
she still didn't turn yet
but she knew....
that he knew
what they
both
know

And then
I said,
"All my poetry
is not
fictional"
putting all
these short
little bursts
of inspiration
in a different
perspective

There's a secret
religion
only those
who seek solace
in moon-ly conversations
believe in

A secret cult
only for those
who conduct
conversations
in silence

An underground
society that
thrives on
a separate entity
consisting of
2

Go ahead
undress your mind
my eyes
can't wait
to see ...
my skin
can't wait
to feel
and my
mind can't
wait to
play

Shake the cobwebs
that have stilled the beats
that silently thud in your core

Step into the light
fear has only kept you
in the shadows of your past

Liberate your true self
from the ribcage that
confined it to a comfort zone
that has been your sanctuary
for quite some time
or so you thought

Just take a deep breathe
walk past it
curiosity can
only
stir
you

I blame poetry
for turning
my life
into
fantasy

Your voice
b lll uuuuu rrrrr eeee dddddd my own
Be shhhhh(quiet)hhhhhh..
I am /ˈlɪs(ə)n/ing
there's a whole
track list I missed
that doesn't play
your name
over
and
over
and
over

"What happened along the way?"
as she looked back to see
her lines crooked, her ink melted
and her pages torn apart
from the book that held her
together

It rained
everyone was drunk
on the idea of cuddling
and love

Especially when it gets cold
the merciless wind
surprises your skin
all alone
with no one to hold

It rained
and every one was drunk
on coupling
but I
I got trashed
with the rain
all alone
walking on the sidewalk
gulping every strand of rain
falling for the cold
creating a relationship
by myself
with
every
drop
that touched my skin

I got intoxicated
with the freeing feeling
of freedom

I wrote on damp paper
with shaking cold hands
"Thank you"

and watched as every droplet
traced its path
down my piercing locks

Call me a lover
and I will redefine
what your
heart thought
love was and jolt
it with beats
that make
nations dance

I sought you in heartbreak
I sought you behind doors
I even sought you alone
in the dark where my
candle light shone

I sought you in my hell
I sought in my heaven
I even sought you
when I mentally traveled

I sought you for therapy
I sought you for peace
I sought you when no drugs
could bring any ease

I sought you in times of anger
I sought you in times of love
I sought you when battles twisted
my tongue with wars
that were not worth of

I sought you in my sleep
I sought you in dreams
I sought you with pens and pencils
aching to fabricate futures
that exist in my mind
where they fixture

I sought you drunk
oh, I did
I created love stories
fantasies, tragedies too
even some ***** thoughts
that my mind could not endure

I sought you in confusion
hoping as stanzas flow
so will the solutions too

I sought you in prayer
on paper, on walls
on my palms too
so that when I lay my hand on my chest
my heart could read them
and beat in rest ...

I sought you in others
prodigies and peasants
I sought you in twisted art
and wordy inspirations

I sought you boring afternoons
and rowdy dancing
I sought you in my memory
hoping you'd stay
and make it to my paper

I sought you in song
I sought you in blank papers
I sought in 4 am's
when my mind is diluted with chemicals
that danced with every idea
every thought
before it flees with dawn

I sought you in him and her
I sought you in messy bedsheets
and crisp bright dawns
when my skin crawled
with goosebumps
reminiscing about
yesternight’s
escapades

When I fear my heart
has become too small
for the love
it carries
failing
to
express
the muchness
of
it
all

If my hands
knew no limitations
to what my mind
speaks
papers would
blush
at the intensity
of what
a fire sign
feels

Let's make
love
in wa(y)s
that
p(o)ets
fail
to p(u)t
in
words

Avoid the game
of (r)eading
betw(e)en the lines
(a)nd actually
read
my
(l)ines

Today, I
put a full stop
at the end
of an on-going
poem,

the sad part was
that I thought it will
bleed beyond it,

but all it asked for
as a light mentioning
in pages,

I had to refuse
so I added another
full-stop..

Your body
(h)as bec(o)me
a temp(l)e
onl(y)
fit
for
believers

I held a pencil
the other day
and the magic of passion
took my hand to paper
and my mind
to places
that I wish
to share
with you

My sky
turned greyer
as he held the
cover of our chapter
and slowly closed it
shadowing  
the sunlight
that burned its pages
with love stories
every day
together
and
a    
        p      
                          a    
                                   r            t

We are as unfinished
as the the limitless
night sky

We are as full of surprises
as the meteor shower
with sudden shooting stars

We are as explosive
as the big bang
births a new galaxy

We are as dangerous
as the burning sun rays
as they flair magically

We are as chemical
as two elements
shy from meeting
in a test tube

We are as messy
as a mental disorder
far from logic
yet so aware of it

We are as passionate
as wine with sunsets
as Shakespearean
romantics

We
simply
just
Are
but
Cannot
be

I
for
got
for
mality
for
it fermented
itself
in
for
ming
years of
com
for
t

I have the ability
of falling in love
in a second
a minute
a moment
a day
infinitely
all
at the
same time

She tangled herself
with her own stories
legs tied with guilt
and mind free to roam
curious of what's out there

She confused realities
with dreams, she diluted them
with ice cubes
to chill the hot pounding in her heart

She confessed her sins
and graffitied them on walls
hoping others will relate
and connect with that messy fate

Days are silly and nights too
why take things seriously
she asks herself before her waking hours are due

Why stutter and stumble
on pebbles of hesitation
when your heart is in overdrive
and never asking for directions?

Why panic and gag over anxiety
when it lingers in your throat
long enough for you to *****?

It's been a while
your heart is rusty
add some acid, wash it off
it will fool you oh it will
but darling
what's better than a fool
who knows himself
to be one
and willingly
fearlessly
welcomes
all sense
of
spontaneity

The naked truth
is nature's
most seductive
aphrodisiac

I have always dreamt of a lover
whose complexion teases mine
with its darkness
that sun-kissed muscular
physique

I have always dreamt of a lover
whose arms embrace me
pull my pieces together
after I myself have been shattered

I have always dreamt of a lover
who will "woo me with his words" (quoted)
as I fall into slumber after a drunken night

I have always dreamt of a lover
who will draw me and curve my silhouette
into the most beautiful muses

I have always dreamt
isn't that the best
part?

My eyes blink
with every
tic
the hands
of a clock
toc
giving me
a new perspective
of
you
every... time

There are scenes
I'd like to rewind
some delete
others re-shoot
ones to work on
in post production
shots to subtitle
some record  
and others
replace
to finally watch
it like a movie

I giggled when
I heard them say
things about me

"Sharpens pencil"