Touch my mind with tedious talk
Wandering hands crash landing on my *******
So often I wish I could tell you to walk
But I'm tied
Its all for the best
That over to your best friends I will stalk
And fold myself up in his sheets
He loves me more than than the rest
Loves me more than you
His hands are droplets of water not as cold as your waterfall
He knows how to breathe
You can save your breath
Because I'm my own now
I'm going to go out and never rest
The cigarettes don't sleep
And neither will I

How much can one soul take?
When it is scorched by seething snarls and twisted words
With bitter kisses of one night stands
The closest things it has to love
Its mothers touch has long since curdled
And tears sting with crushed anger
How much can one soul take?
In a world so unruly and unjust
An abusive relationship between body and mind
A soul does not prevent the flesh from bleeding
Only the heart from beating
As sweet mercy of death finally draws this dance to an end
A soul is freed from its cage of flesh and material world
And set alight by a ray of everlasting hope
Until it lands in another
And continues its journey

*How much can your soul take?

I'm at a point in my life where I am to wake up
This has happened once before
This metamorphosis from depression to desperation
to acceptance and knowing
It hurts
It seems soul destroying
But in all actuality it is soul enlightenment

For once in my life I am speaking out
Not just in the form of a violent excuse of a poem
But to the faces of those who make me pout
For once in my life I'm saying what I mean
It takes courage to be honest to even myself
Courage I never ******* had it seems
Chaotically formed and tumbling from my spout
If speaking my mind makes me a *****
Then let me be the biggest ***** and hear me shout
Because you've had me on and stuck like an itch
I've had about enough so hear me out
Such friends you all are excluding me
From your games and fun and goss and parties
While I sit and watch and try to believe
That every nasty thing you say is not about me
I get it, you're right, I talk about things
That you can't relate to
As love to you is all about rings
I've gone through more than any of you
Would care to hear about from my ramblings
I've outgrown you all before you gave me a chance to prove
My worth is not worn out by nasty old things
Like you and her and the rest of your gang
So let your jaws drop at my sudden burst of honesty
Because you're heads are in your own *****
And you don't deserve to be eaten by me

That confident and bubbly person I was yesterday?
She's gone now
She was too fake to live long in this world
But I'm here. You can call me bipolar

So they cut
These words
Like the blade that sung your melody
As you cast it from your razor
Or your plethora of phrases
Come backs
Snarky remarks
And stainless steel
Like frost bitten angels we wail
And spit words like knives
If insults could sever arteries
We'd be less
Left
For dead
So we cut
With shaking hands and quivering jawlines
We cut with our moms good sewing scissors
And bitter cusses
And self defecating tunes
To save our souls from being cut by someone else
We are our own
Worst enemy

Sweet scent dripping as hot beads of sweat from her skin
She straddles and grinds as she begins to commit her sin
Succulent lips pressed against mine
Rubbing my fingers down the points of her spine
She giggles with glee, followed by her succubus stare
As she leans back over and nibbles the lobe of my ear
Such ******* traits, in my heart come to confide
As I flip her over and make my way from her neck to her thigh
Her hands clawing my shoulders as I kiss my way down
Her body begins quaking as she tries not make a sound
Gasping for air from such an ****** display
I kiss my way up then she pushes me away
She pounces suddenly, unable to resist
As she gives in to her desires, sensations of tryst

Two nights ago I wanted to live forever

Yesterday I wanted to **** myself

Today I want to get a tattoo

Tomorrow I wont know what I want

The day after I might not exist.

I talk too much I cry too easily I can't see a way out and I only end the day exhausted and starving every time

Funny how we've made the choice
To die even before we are born

Funny how many attempts we can make
Before we finally fall

Funny how long it takes for the blood to run out
And leave us for once and for all

Funny how much your body can handle
When you don't want to deal no more

Funny how gas can make you laugh and cry
When you're locked in the car and don't even care why

Funny how many pills your system can take
When death is the option you've already made

Funny how long we can hang in the balance
Between the length of a noose and the floor

Funny how hard our dreams can hit us
And with the car we could never afford

Funny how heavy water can feel
When its welling up in your lungs

Funny how the ones who aren't afraid to do it
Are the ones you'd never guessed would jump

Funny how people start paying attention
When you're holding the gun to your head

Funny how our own thoughts eat us alive
Aren't we all just better off  **dead?

Maybe we can go on together with suspicious minds
But only because feigning trust is considered fine
So we say ok and tell each other to have fun
When we assume the worst and then say none
We boil up and grow apart
With each slightly resentful remark
My period pains make you say
I'm ******* around every other day
You don't talk to me anymore
So I assume your new friend is your *****
We change plans on hanging out together
Instead of rekindling this love we've shared forever
So as much as we think **** is going on behind
I know our accusations aren't necessary
We can't go on with suspicious minds.

Let's finally see what helps
One pill, Two pill, Three pill, Four
Many colours for every mood
An injection here or there
A puff of smoke for you too
Lets grab that razor blade
See to that pain
No? Still not working?
Lets cut into your head shall we
Take out your brain and shred it into a million red pieces
And stare at yourself in the mirror for hours
Until a smile appears
A taunted simper
A thoughtless tear
No? Still not working?
Lets grab ourselves some Janola
A bit o' bleach and methylated spirits,
Ought a do the trick!
Gulp it back and listen to it gurgle
With a tentative ear of suicidal tendency
No? Still not working?
Pop every pill, swig every spirit,
Cut every main artery and mutilate your lungs
See to that pain
Now tell me,
Is it working?

All this time I thought I had become shallow
That I lacked substance
Worth
A life worth living
But now I realize how shallow you are
Shallower than the pool of tears
I cry for you
Get out of your ******* bubble
Put down your phone
And start talking to me
I'm going through depression and all you can do is demean it
Why don't you just look up
And catch my tears
And show you understand
We are an amazing couple but I can't fight the screen for your eyes
Or be stuck inside your room
Any longer
I've lost myself trying to fit your routine
When you can't show a little compassion or eye contact
You are my world now
I'd love it if I could get to know it better
And that maybe you'd show an interest in what you don't know
About me
Shallow lover
Look beyond my smile and my quiet voice
There's a lot lurking deep below
It's an everlasting well
I have the richest waters
If only you would close Facebook
And dive in

Don't cry tender soul it's not your time
Ask me anything and you shall see
Nothing is as hard as it used to be
I've brought you strawberry milk, let me nom your feet
Everything is perfect, your kisses all over me
L**ove me like I do you, you are the start of everything

The more I think about it the more I realize
I never wanted to say you didn't do anything for me because you did
But you never treated me like you treat her
I'm glad, a little jealous but I hope you continue to treat her well
Because I'm doing what I want
I have control over everything
I don't cut anymore
I don't panic about small things
I don't feel not good enough
Sure I can't trust people like I used to but that taught me a lot
Because people are deceiving especially those you turn a blind eye to
I feel desired, I feel happy
I don't feel alone even though I am most of the time
You helped, you made me independent and love all the parts of me
I was too afraid to look at
I found what I do like and what I don't
I have to thank everyone I've ever given my heart to for tweaking it
Because I learnt how to love and how to love me

"He loves me"
                     She tells herself
                                                 She smiles

"He loves drugs"
                     She tells herself
                                            A part of her dies

"He loves me, he said so"
                      She tells herself
                                            She smiles a little less

"He loves drugs,
he said that too"
                      She tells herself
                                            She stops smiling

"But he loves me"
                       She tells herself
                                                  ......
                                                   Unconvinced

It's almost like a symphony and I am the conductor with a blade

Everyday is a long walk through quick sand
The slower the day goes
The deeper
I sink
I have to keep moving or else I end up drowning
And I suffer a fate worse than death
It's knowing I can't fight it
Because the more I do
The lower I go
The deeper
I sink

I am the eclectic witch
There are no gods to tell me how to live
But the wind howls my fate
Where the rain falls I will dance
Because I prefer sandalwood to perfume
I am the eclectic witch I have no coven
Only the flora and fauna
And the tip of a blade
Where grass grows I will prance
Because I prefer metaphysics to religion

You'll know me by the trail behind
Of the hearts I never meant to break
The poor souls I tried to nurture
Fell heavy in my wake
I thought I could keep them warm
While tearing pieces of myself apart
Yet again I was wrong and torn
For putting those pieces into other's hearts
I am so truly sorry for those who ever loved me
It's my fault, but I'm no ****
I was too kind, too beautiful, too much
For making myself everyone's crutch

It's a full moon in the winter with that heavy golden glow around it
It's a love we all knew in the autumn when the temperature drops and the desire for warmth grows stronger
It's a blatant spot of black in the whitest snow I've never seen
It's the last light of day during daylight savings that keeps me up for the rest of the night
It's the saltiest tear running down the saddest face I can't catch
It's the nightmares that shake you from slumber or the dream you wish you could go back to
It's the last breath you take before you dive bomb into the pool in your best friend's yard
It's the bruise on your shin and the cut on your arm you got for your mistakes
It's the hickey and the claw marks you got from the best *** of your life
It's the fall, it's the rise, it's everything we do, see, touch and taste
It's life
Don't let it go to waste

I love you
As a lover
As a friend
As a poet
As a trend
For the time being
And then on
I love you
For all that you are
Was
And will be
I love you
Heart and soul
Mind and lungs
I love you

You sit in the back of my throat like last night's supper
I swallowed your lies because you were my lover
Who I did afterwards wasn't right
It was foolish and hurt and is wrong despite
The fact that I did it to save myself
To keep on ease my mental health
When you called me crazy for assuming the truth
No matter how hard you tried it was no use
You haven't changed and it's not my fault
That the girl you lie with now will never know
You don't really love her she's a painkiller
You're not an addict you're only a quitter

"When you love someone who does not love themselves, you learn that you have to love them enough for the both of you.

And sometimes that becomes your crutch and lifeline and begins to takeover and blur the view of the relationship for both of you."

Paper dolls gathered all around
With sticks and stones
And bones in the ground
All wait in line for venom
To course through the pins of violent delights
Ice and fire
Fire and ice
Voodoo in its politest form
Whimsy, witchcraft and throwing rice
Burn the ghosts of a ferocious past
And a love left forlorn

It's people like you that make me feel sick
You feed people lies just to get your **** licked
You confuse me you use me you leave me for dead
I can't stand it this hate that I feel for the man in my bed.

I wrote a heartfelt poem for you but it wouldn't post
I picked a pretty flower for you but it died
I bought some delicious chocolate for you but I ate it
Basically I just can't do anything for you that you deserve
And that *****

Bitter shouting remedies
Wailing in the streets
Beggars wanting more than just
The crumbs off royal seats
Fancy ******* lunatics
Brainwashing people like twits
So ******* what
If I'm female
And want to ***** her ****?

We all have a story
Your friend who died last night
Has published his
The least you can do is read
And acknowledge it
The authors achievements
The boy who got dumped
Feels a pain
Just as great
As you did when your father
Beat you half to death
We all have different thresholds
So never tell someone
They don't understand
Because in some way they do
The scars are all the same
On the inside