I watched some old videos and went through all our pictures
You were bright and happy and kissed me a lot
You had hope and you danced with me too
I forgot how much fun we used to have
And the kind of people we used to be
I don't regret a single thing except what happened
To you and me

He has a crooked smile
And the brow of an old soul.
He used to cut and smoke a lot
In his grace it's taken it's toll.
But he doesn't have to cry no more
He's found his weight in gold,
She knows his past and holds his heart
Her love now makes him whole.

I watch myself in the mirror
Falling apart with every tear
I wish I could get high
Like my friends
Without crashing so **** hard
I wish I could take pills
Like my mom and step dad do
But they always make me throw up
Even after one or two
I wish I could lose myself in games
Or books
Or ****
But they all bore me or only make me
Uncomfortable
I don't have a fix so I relieve myself of thoughts
By taking the blade of some scissors
And driving them into my thigh with force
It helps only a little because there's only so much
One can do
I'm depressed and stuck because I'm so different
To all of you
Nothing works but I'm willing to try
Writing used to be it
So was dancing and singing
And playing piano
And talking to my friends
But I'm older now and not as gifted
As the child I used to be
And no one wants to listen to a nutty chook you see
So now I'm alone with my thoughts
And they're slowly killing me

Be my words that my heart can't stand
Take a breathe and hold my hand for the
Last time I'll ever feel
Will be the last time I know you are for real
You guide me through the poorest daze
Of my classroom detention haze with the
Soft lull of your beating heart it's
Getting harder to fall apart however
When you're gone I don't want to be without
Your arms holding me I wish
That Heaven did exist but you know well if
Heaven was real we'd go straight to Hell
But this bond it is meant to be that
You and I were made to see only
Through the touch of your lips to mine so
Drink me up like a cup of wine and make it
Last until the end of time

In Summer it was hot
Too hot to cuddle but the sunsets were breathtaking
We went to the beach and swam in our underwear
Stayed up all night smoking and listening to Mr Suicide Sheep.
In Autumn we would walk
Through leaves the colours of our everchanging hairstyles
Our gloved hands mingling, letting passers by know we are in love.
In Winter we kept warm to the sounds of Melancholy
Skin on skin, snotty noses rubbing
Laughing at our misfortune of finding the hot water bottle with our frozen feet.
In Spring we took sick days together
The colds couldn't stop us but the hay-fever sure will
We adopt baby mice and curse at the moody weather
We watch each other grow like the lambs and bloom like daffodils.
Spring is nearly over...
I hope our next season is even better than our last
And every season to come*

x

No idea
You have no idea this glass princess is shattering
This paper doll is tearing up
She lies in a pool
Of her own suffering
The wounds in her head will never
Heal
She's ice cracking
A rag doll splitting at the seams
You lost her when you stopped noticing
The amount of times she put herself back together
For you
So you could admire her porcelain skin
And glass eyes
Instead you strung her up and struck her heart
With pins
Until the doll became a broken toy
A once beautiful handcrafted love
Used as a blow up *******
And a pretty thing to show off
For your own twisted pleasure
Discarded
She lies in wait
For help
To pick up the pieces
Of her own body
Everything she gave to you
She's ******* now
A bundle of broken shards and rags
Weeping...
Don't hurt me
*No more

It's ***** it's impure I don't want it anymore
It was my life and I loved it
But now I'd rather eat my own
Words by refusing it from the loves of my life
My best friend, my fiancé and my soon to be
Gone girl she's a right off she's all over the place
And as much as it hurts I wish she would sit on my
Lap and kiss me and look in my direction
But the boys get in the way with wanting me to fix their
Desperate need for attention when all I want to do
Is be talked to and held but they just wanna *****.

She makes puns
She laughs too hard at the wrong parts of jokes
She giggles in silence
Because of something that happened years ago
She remembers everything
Except the truth
Lies are her **** the thing on which she thrives
If her whole life is a lie then what isn't there for her to prove?
Everyday is a struggle she is destined to lose
She makes puns
She cries at night when she's supposed to be sleeping
She laughs so hard at herself
Because her disorders amuse her
She's fine but every time she thinks she's winning its the biggest lie

She likes the cold
Its the most open form of honesty she has ever known
She never liked being friends with girls
They are fake
Boys abuse her tragically
Yet she runs to them unconditionally
All she knows is a broken home and a false reality
Actually she doesn't mind for she is a poet
With a strong head and heavy heart
She immerses herself in the unknown and painful
Because she is the soul epitome of what it means to be human
And we can forgive her for that

I see you in my dreams, your face ever changing
But your body is still the same
Taste
Feel
Look
Adore
Something I crave and want to try
Maybe only once
A second hit to make it real
But nonetheless
A one hit wonder of a fantasy

I watch the ceiling change from black to grey to a pale yellow as the morning comes
I've barely slept I can't close my eyes
She sleeps soundly to my left
My baby dozing on my right
Her boyfriend is as restless as I
Awake
He ***** me with his eyes
She stirs, he says "I love you" but is staring at me
She drowsely kisses his cheek, he bites my wrist
Thud thud thud in my veins
The pulsing in his lust
I can only close my eyes and pray the beast finds rest soon
They are always hungry those sleeping beasts

I can't keep myself from wanting to hold you
I can't keep myself from telling you to bite the bullet
I can't keep myself from hurting
I am a liar
I am a cheater
I don't think **** through all the time
It's not that I can't
Its that I don't want to
I do what seems right to me at that exact moment
I'm impulsive and crazy and clingy and distant all at once
I've lied to you
I won't justify it but I have
I lie to everyone you're not special
I am bad for people I am a ***** and I will work that like a new pair of demonias sometimes
But otherwise I'm broken
But too proud to revel in it

I wish I could believe it when you say I'm an angel
I know you love me, you and everyone else
Looking to me like some kind of a guide to raise you from perdition
But I'm only in it for myself
Because I love every man, woman and creature the same
And you are just another heart to break in my midst
I am no Angel I'm just a person
Like you
Only different
I've found myself and people like you are drawn to that
My confidence my style my originality my abundant need to help
But I'm a curse not a blessing
I am no good

With all my heart:                                
                          ­          x      x            x       x
                                 x                 x                  x
                                   x          I      Love       x
                                      x          You           x
                                          x        <3       x  
                                               x          x  
                                                  ­   x

You'll know me by the trail behind
Of the hearts I never meant to break
The poor souls I tried to nurture
Fell heavy in my wake
I thought I could keep them warm
While tearing pieces of myself apart
Yet again I was wrong and torn
For putting those pieces into other's hearts
I am so truly sorry for those who ever loved me
It's my fault, but I'm no ****
I was too kind, too beautiful, too much
For making myself everyone's crutch

I wish you would kiss me more

You were a glorious chain of smoke and mirrors when I loved you
But now that love is dead, I wish you were
Instead you turned into something darker
Crueler
A monster
Love doesn't dare reside in you for you are a massacre
I'll leave you to rot in the abuse you gave me
Maggots of irony
The blowflies won't mind the bleach
Stay dead
Decay looks good on you

I know boys
Such petty creatures
Making girls swoon with a caress of the neck
I know boys
With off-putting features
Reaching for the supple warmth of a breast
I know a boy
Whom in fact I once loved
Fixing breaking mending taking trying not to cut
I know a boy
Who should watch as he does
For girls are not known to keep their mouths shut

She had glitter in her eyes
It wasn't the first time someone had put it there
But this time was not because of a boy
Or a miscarriage
Or a cry for help left unread
But because of a shower
And somebody who loved her enough
To kiss the glitter away

It hits me like a tidal wave
Although I don't taste the salt
It rocks me like a song I cannot hear
Although I don't breathe in time
Abstract feelings no sense of control
Tired and twisted
Shivering so hard; my aching spine
I fall to the beat of your heartache
And crumble lower inside

Two nights ago I wanted to live forever

Yesterday I wanted to **** myself

Today I want to get a tattoo

Tomorrow I wont know what I want

The day after I might not exist.

I want to feel your name burning in my head
I want to write your initials all over the page
I want to curl up next to you at night
I want to fall asleep to your voice
And wake up to your eyes
I want to go everywhere with you
I want to tell you everything that amuses me
I want to touch your lips and watch you tremble
I want to dance with you to the soft drone of Twenty One Pilots
And smoke until we don't feel bitter
I want to acknowledge all the good we had
I want to go on forever with you too
I want to share my food and tears with you
I want to see you grow like roses
And be the person you've always wanted to be

Leave the lights on I want to look at you
Don't you dare let the music stop
Hold my hand it doesn't matter if it doesn't fit
Take me under you I like when you're on top
Kiss my collarbones and trace my wrists
Give it to me anyway you like I love you
I love this
I love it

My own mother hurt me with words today
She asked me why I have no friends
I told her
The people I thought were my friends lie to my face
Talk behind my back
And invite everyone except me to hang out.
My mom said
"You've given me the same reasons since you were 3
I'm starting to think it's not everyone else
It's you
You're un-friendable."
It's a made up word that cuts real wounds
She said if I weren't so different and kooky
And didn't make people feel awkward
Then maybe I'd learn to be like them.
Well if being myself means
I can't be shown the same respect as everyone else
Why would I want to have friends anyway

How can I be so evil to the one I used to breathe for?
I am hurt and so spiteful
I am mad and ill met
I am sorry

Grey eyes
You captivated me from the moment I first saw you
Keyboard Kafe. Cheesecake and Bourbon
Too young to drink without your fake ID
I loved your youth
Skinny jeans for summer
Singlets and jandals for winter
Uniform otherwise
You looked smart in blue
**** in black
Washed out in red
Like death in white
You escaped to Oklahoma of all places
Discovered the music in your heart
Came home with a farmers tan
Work was an issue
At least you tried
***** was the only cure you could find for your lonely soul
If only you had found me
Friends came and went along with your
Umpteen love affairs
Self respect
Confidence
Inspiration
You had cared all your life until nobody cared for you
Your tan faded
It was time to get off the couch and out of bed every morning
Janice kicked you out
You refused to pay rent
Branna and Harrison discarded you too
You were a man of many friends
Yet the loneliness in your soul reduced you to tears every night
In the bed you wish you hadn't made
You traveled
To Perth
Alaska
The dairy down the road
Prices were reasonable
Divorce rate low
Fake tans ever popular
You could get away with anything
I loved your perspective
Burgers, fries and coke
All you could afford but kept the weight off
You were always handsome
And always in need of a shower
You never married, I know
You never met the right one
You never met me
Your blonde hair faded and your eyes grew redder
A nip of gin and three bottles of whisky kept you sane
You gave up on drugs
And cigarettes
Just drank until you fell
                                              down
Janice
A three year old daughter in her arms with eyes like yours
Grey eyes
Came by your house
Full of spite
She stormed in
You hung by your belt from the trellis in the back garden
It was a sad day
Like today
You've always looked **** in black
I hate the fake tan the mortician plastered on you
I hate the fact that Janice spat on you in front of the wee girl
I hate that you don't remember me
I hate that High School was a *****

And that I was shy

But life got the better of you
So I don't blame you
I love you

Touch my mind with tedious talk
Wandering hands crash landing on my *******
So often I wish I could tell you to walk
But I'm tied
Its all for the best
That over to your best friends I will stalk
And fold myself up in his sheets
He loves me more than than the rest
Loves me more than you
His hands are droplets of water not as cold as your waterfall
He knows how to breathe
You can save your breath
Because I'm my own now
I'm going to go out and never rest
The cigarettes don't sleep
And neither will I

You're lucky I have the time of day
I'm just lucky you bused my way
Because of you I'm a better me
And one day I'll love again, I hope you get to see
You're the best friend anyone wouldn't have the ***** to ask for
No one has the patience to see past your flaws
You're perfectly imperfect in every way
But I'll keep you here, I'd be ******* stupid to throw you away