hearing you laugh
is like
hearing the angels sing

i touch my lips
and realize they
are a shade of red
is it love?
blood?
wine?
who knows,
kiss me to check

thoughts penetrating deep in your mind
impossible to end the voices in your head
people think you're crazy; insane

"worthless" "failure" "**** yourself"
the voice in your head says
over
and
over
and
over
again

making you suffer
wanting to end it all
maybe one day
just. to. make. it. stop.

- demons

the cold wind
whispers through
the autumn night sky
“its getting colder”
i say as i shiver a little

“I was just thinking
the same thing”
you say as we walk
towards your car

loud music blaring through
the speakers once again as
the bass vibrates through my
body although this time was
different you had turned it down

i took a hit of my electronic cigarette
you instantly knew what flavor it was

“crème?”
you said with a smirk
i felt a blush creep
upon my cheeks

“yeah”
i replied and took another hit
letting the smoke enter my lungs

“can i hit it?”
i nodded and handed it to you

watching you take a hit
was mesmerizing
the way you inhaled
a perfect cloud of
white smoke into your
lungs then ever so
slowly exhaling
gave me shivers
down my spine

our night drives had turned
into something more
slowly but surely

we talked about other things
just simply getting to know
each other

i look forward to our
small talk conversations
every time you take me
home

it’s 9:30pm on a
chilly autumn night
i step into the
passengers seat
of your car as you
start the engine

music blaring from
the speakers as the
thundering bass
vibrates through
the entire car
i couldn’t get a word
out because it was so loud

we stop at a red light
I turn to look at you
as the red light
hits your face
i wanted to take a picture
it looked so aesthetically
pleasing with your side profile
as the red light shined in your face
making your face bright red like
the blush on my face when people
ask me about you

your grip on the steering
is so strong that i can see
your veins popping out
you look so focused
when you drive
it’s ****
with only one hand
on the wheel
the other i wish
was gripping my thigh

late night drives
with you are
my favorite

- night drives

this desire took over everything
she worked so hard to prevent
interrupted from working on herself

instead she found herself back in
the place she promised she would
never go back to

she tried so hard to be better
but the temptation failed her
this has now become
a problem yet again

feeling your lips against mine
so soft and angelic
moving in sync
with each other

you taste like fireworks
exploding in my mouth
each kiss feels different

rougher and rougher
our lips attacking
like they are at war

- kissing you

sometimes
            
                i really want a juicy ripe deliciously sweet pineapple on a hot summer day the way the juice drips down my chin as i devour the sweet succulent fruit


other times

                i might want a healthy green fruit to snack on such as an avocado feeling the rough interior skin only to cut it open and find the soft green buttery deliciousness inside i love the way my lips feel as the smooth flesh hits my throat with flavor

you see
                
                i like both of these fruits being bisexual is like
enjoying these fruits i will always like both but on some days i might want more of the other but no matter what i will always love both

if you cut
open my veins
ink will pour out

this world is
falling apart
terror is
everywhere

natural disasters
striking every other
day it seems like

kids bringing guns
to school where they
are supposed to learn

old men shooting up
music festivals leaving
50 dead and 500 wounded

police killing innocent
black lives who are
doing nothing but
living their lives

im so sick of it
this is not my world
trump is not my president

this is not the world
im going to raise my
unborn children in

i refuse to live in
a world where
terror is everywhere

i just want to feel
safe without having
to worry about if
im going to
survive another day

i miss the long summer nights under the moonlight. i miss getting drunk at 2am with my friends and acting like fools. i miss sitting in the backyard smoking **** with him for the first time. i miss going to concerts every weekend. i miss the ****** up nights with my friends. i miss it all.

stars exposed along her back
bordering constellations down
to her thighs wonderful expressions continued throughout her body
vivid hallucinations and disturbing illusions
control her unconscious mind as she feels
the painful machines puncture her brain

she’s not like the rest of us
she’s the future of humanity

often i picture us laying down together
under the stars on a chilly summer night
feeling the cold wet grass under our bodies
as we look at each other our eyes filled with
nothing but love and pure bliss with little soft
kisses in between placed on our lips while saying
“i never want this to end”

often i picture us holding hands walking down a busy
street in the winter morning with cars honking all around us and people walking back and forth
our hands intertwined as i look up at you softly
placing my lips on your cheek i feel your smile forming

i picture all of these scenarios with you almost everyday
playing over and over in my head but the sad reality is
i don’t know you all that well we barely exchange words only a “how are you” and “how was your day” every once in a while I sneak glances at you and i
can feel your eyes on me sometimes but other than
that we have nothing i just want to be with you is that
too much to ask?

she glossed her lips
to prove to him
that she was worth it

- seduction

you, my love
are a killer
ripping hearts
apart with just
your words and actions
only to have achieved
the tears of your victims

the magic of sensual pleasure is the most simulating powerful thing that the brain can experience
a simple touch can turn the body into overdrive
heightened senses and heavy breathing
eyes rolled back as the release is soon coming
the body clenches as the ****** approaches
the brain loses consciousness it’s like a dream

he took a drag
of his cigarette
inhaling the truth
exhaling the lies
smoking the answers
she wanted to hear

music blaring through
the speakers as you
speed down the road
while taking a hit

smoke enters our lungs
as we look as each other
both exhaling at the same time

the nicotine taking over our
bodies as we feel relaxed
and calm letting the buzz
take over us

the smoke filled the car
making it foggy everywhere
the sweet crisp smell of mint
enters my nose

the street lights hit your face
ever so perfectly that you
illuminate the car with your
beauty making your side profile
ever so irresistible

i’d never thought you driving
me home would be so special

you picked love
over friendship

your lose,
babygirl

- ex friend

i can’t wait for the long summer nights
that are soon approaching as the days
become hotter and the nights become cooler
i can’t wait to kiss random girls and boys
at concerts and parties with bitter taste of alcohol lingering still on my lips

i can’t wait to feel the sun kiss my skin each day as i go out wearing short shorts and a crop top
i can’t wait for the long night drives to nowhere with friends,

all the road trips we’ll take to the beach, all the new people I’ll meet i can’t wait for laying down beneath the stars while listening to r&b and smoking a blunt

i can’t wait to travel to different countries, experiencing the culture and life
i can’t wait to find somebody to love

im surrounded by fake

i thought they were my friends
instead they took a knife
and stabbed me

not once,
not twice,
not three times,
multiple times

and yet I still
gave them a chance
every
single
  time

- surrounded by fake

her tears form words
and her cries form
poetry

I remember being just able to fall asleep. until i received the worst news a 12-year old girl could ever receive in her life. my brother had woken me up. “dad’s dead.” he said. i shook my head “no you’re lying he’s coming home tonight. stop lying.” then my mom came in my room with tears streaming down her face. “it’s true, sweetheart. daddy died.” her voice, breaking with every word. i went into the bathroom and broke down. i screamed and sobbed, dropping to the bathroom floor. this can’t be happening. he was supposed to be coming home. he was on a cruise ship about to come home. he can’t be dead. i was only 12 years old. ever since that night i found out, my life has never been the same.

the smoke from his lips
quietly omits into the dark

he turns to face me with
his bloodshot, glossy eyes

"i want you" the drugs said

the substance in his system
had complete control over him.

- you never wanted me

the beautiful shadow of a golden goddess
dreaming of the earth so radiant and full of beauty
her sun-kissed skin is always smooth and soft
he honey colored eyes glistened in the sunlight
rose water tears cascade down her face as she remembers what the universe used to be like

if a poet falls in
love with you be
prepared to be
written about

in every possible way
from the way your eyes
sparkle under the moon

to how your lips form
that ever-so perfect smile
it’s the little things that
poets write about

the little things about you
makes a poet want to write
and write until their hand breaks

sweaty bodies swarm the house
with a red solo cup in hand
filled with alcohol and bad decisions

others are outside sitting around a fire
passing the tobacco wrapped drug
talking about life and such

there’s a girl sitting on the couch
sipping her drink as she looks for the boy
she’s in love with

she was a rose
a near dead one
her petals are wilting

she’s out of water
she needs to be protected
for she is a rose

a rose who needs love
a rose who has been
stepped on again
and again and again

this poor flower
has been through
so much that it’s
nearly dead after
only living a sad
short life

SUN GIRLS: sun-kissed goddesses, some a little darker than others because the sun loves them just a little bit more, writes poetry sitting outside a local coffee shop, always happy all the time, loves the color yellow, wears mom jeans and tucked in t-shirts all the time, is soft and loves love, long hair, mostly in braids or ponytails.

MOON GIRLS: dark circles under their eyes, parties a lot, drinks to forget their heartbreak, red lipstick and black eyeshadow, sleepless nights accompanied by anxiety, owns over 20 different leather jackets, loves adrenaline, risk-taker, a smoker, strong smell of cigarettes and mint gum, smirks a lot, flirty, secretly likes sun girls

the sky is angry tonight
her thundering screams shatter
the earth beneath her

her tears flood the streets
she is sobbing as the precipitation
from her eyes fall harder than ever

she kicks and throws things causing
lightning to strike all around her
she has been like this for days

the sun will shine soon, my love
flowers will bloom everything
will be okay again

dear future self,

you are not your past
you are not your problems
you are not your enemy.

you are a bright shining star
who deserves nothing but
love and happiness.

after all you've been through,
you deserve to be happy.

you are strong.
you are worth it.
you are a warrior.

love,
your 18 year old self

- a letter to my future self

you carried me in your womb
for not 9 months but 5
i came early and
had you worried although
everyone told you i would
not survive here i am as your miracle

you remind me of a flower blooming
and blossoming once you are
showered with love and affection
but also wilting and dying
due to all the stress and hardships you have encountered in your life
and yet you still manage to
blossom again because
you are an amazing flower

you are the strongest woman
i know you have gone through
so much in your life as a
mother, daughter, and wife
and i admire you for that
you have always been there
for me through thick and thin
and i am blessed to call you my mother

we started talking at 14 and 15
texting back and forth
exploring our feelings for each
other staying up late nights on
the phone getting to know each other

we fell in love at 16 and 17
still exploring that side of each other,
the one that liked girls
you were unsure but
you knew you had feelings for me
i liked you more than anything

we grew apart at 17 and 18
not talking as much
barely speaking to one another
you had a boyfriend at the time
and I still had feelings for you

we reconnected at 18 and 19
rekindled our feelings for one another
because deep down we both knew
we’ll always have feelings for each other
we even made a pact that
if we’re both single in 5 years
that we’d be together
and im hoping that becomes reality