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the place i spend most of my nights in - that's not where my home is.
my home is in the beat of your heart, pounding softly against my ear. my home is in your arms.
and i know. i know people aren't supposed to be homes.
but i can't help it.
rumin8 Apr 30
caress the silence with your thoughts
search through abyss as I get lost

in my rigid, imperfect proportions
I indulge into careless illusions

listen and lean closely; so you won't miss a thing
see my perspective of the world I am building

seems far-fetched
blinding at best
maybe too much to digest

all this
bottled-up, shut tight
inside a wrinkled piece of muscle

isn't it lovely?
but look again, this time—𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘺

head's starts buzzing
reality warping
𝘸𝘩𝘰'𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨?

someone
please
slap some sense to me
this been kept in my notes for too long, i guess it's time for other eyes to see it rather than my tear-streaked ones.
fray narte Apr 28
by now, the moon knows that my chest is just a burial ground for this thousandfold of sighs — in their hands, all different ways of my undoing, and i am a breath away from one. you see, some nights are for the softest, gentlest moments of lunacy. some nights, for waging wars and succumbing into these sighs, barely held by the petals tightening around my throat. by now, the moon knows that i had once been a battlefield and it's a pity — growing poems on such an unholy ground, only to fall apart like aster leaves and ancient city walls.

darling, it's getting dark, and this is starting to look less like poetry — and more like spoils of war from inside my head.
fray narte Apr 14
she saunters to the room
in white sundress and boots —
some girl bukowski would probably write about.
her heart, stitched to her sleeves,
leaving her chest
smothered with lilacs and cigarette smoke.

how do you know you got embers
that can start a forest fire
when all that matters
is walking straight to the arms
of a storm dressed as another girl —
a girl dressed as another storm
leaving behind casualty after casualty
after casualty
in leaky apartments and hotel rooms.

well,
poets don't tell you how storms kiss —
how they're made of moonlight,
dripping like ether on a sea glass
and before you know it,
your skin is the sea, reaching,
yielding with total abandon
to every curling of the tongue,
to chapped lips and to sighs.

this must be
what 'it' looks like.

then again,
bukowski never really wrote that much about love,
and it's no secret;

her feet are no altars
to offer your poems
and darling,

your lips are not where
storms go to rest.
Afiqah Apr 11
i look at today,
i just have to keep on
looking at today
and bravely take on this chancy rise
like always
and let my heartbeat heroically
sail through life
with its absolute gut

-a.
fray narte Mar 7
My heart is a shrivel of miagos bushes,
uprooted, shoved, chucked in new soil;
the leaves between my lips,
now, in an unhealthy shade of chartreuse.

Regardless, I have taught myself
to shear them into tiny leaf crumbs,
making trails —
marking the houses, the buildings,
the roads of this foreign city,
safekeeping directions
into a catalog of things that aren't home.

My feet are weary and somehow,
they manage to find their way
back in this cold, oppressive room.
And yet, how does one sleep under the glare of these walls?
How does one revive a dying garden
in a city that only knows
the language of tires as they kiss the pavements,
in a city that only knows
the walis tingting's weary sweeping
of these crumbs of miagos leaves —
the ones leading back home?

Yes,

I can teach my tongue and all its browning, dying leaves
to remember these new ways of growth,
these new words, new schedules,
new routes, new streets.

Alas, even the waters, even the sun
can't teach it to love the language it doesn't speak.
fray narte Mar 6
so here i am, walking away from cadillacs and city lights, as if skipping through soundtracks and photographs. above, the clouds have worn their black veils and the rain, it has started mourning each car i pass by, each block, each step taken. it mourns all the sorrows i cannot poke, all the letters i cannot write, all the words i cannot say.

the rain, it mourns all those summer days of pure bliss, with the sunlight peacefully fissuring through the trees. oh how we kissed, all soiled jeans and grass on sundresses. sweaty palms, hands on thighs, all yours prayers left on my neck. the cigarettes and dogwoods forgotten on our periphery.



i love you, i love you, i love you. you were the first, the last, the always.



and yet, how did we ever become that sweet summer’s downfall? the cigarettes are now ashed under all these spent lights and faint sunset colors. these mint breaths and sun-warmed kisses, now just bruises on my lips — now just memories slowly flaking off my skin.





and i used to love you. stupid, stupid girl.





now the rain has washed all those fields and the sins they’d seen. it has washed my skin of the lingering cigarette smoke, of your kisses, of your touch, and i’m not sure if i ever wanna forget. but even the rain’s heartbreak leaves behind the serenity of the last raindrops. lush grasses. damp streets. that distinct, morning breeze. that subtle scent of petrichor. that quiet settling of the calm.





maybe that’s all i need to know.
tarma-de Feb 27
She asked, "Why do you always look so
intoxicated?"
It rendered me speechless.

Maybe it's just the bad posture, or lazy eyes
drooping to the floor, or the feeling
of being surrounded by people
in aimless conversations.

I don't intend to tell her. She doesn't know.

That owls are nocturnal
because they desire to avoid
the abomination that is the morning.

Flight over fight.

Everything is happening
in split-seconds. I'm afraid
there is no evidence
to these memories.

I need sleep.
burnt out.
fray narte Feb 19
My 11:11s were made for sleepless nights
playing back all these scenes
when your heartbeat still melted against my ears,
every sigh that lingered on my temple,
every touch that lingered on my skin
11:11s were made for asking
this dimmed wall sconces what it would be like
to feel your body close the spaces,
to feel it next to mine once more,
of what it would be like to kiss you in the dark,
with complete abandonment,
like a wolf howling its heart out
to the moon after a sunset that lasted forever

It was 11:11, and now, I know
I should’ve closed my eyes
and kissed you that drunken April night,
and melted in your arms when I still had the chance.
Now, I close them, without you around,
wrestling with these fixations
trying to convince myself
that one more recall of the memories would be the last;
one more make-believe,
one more fantasy wouldn't hurt.
One more,

and one more,
and one more,
I said,

and it was 11:12
and suddenly,

it did.
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