I fell of the stairs for the 2nd time today.


(This is a joke ssshhh)
(I did fall off the stairs though)

If it involves you, pasta or sunsets count me in.

Yes, feelings ****. Not that I have a lot of them, but the ones I have **** me up, and mess with my brain, body and mental health. The only place I still feel genuine hapiness is with you. I'm happy in a lot of other places, with a lot of other people. And I wouldn't wanna change those moments. But I'm never the same happy I am with you. I've never felt something quite like that hapiness. I used to see you pass by in the hallway, and still, if I pass you by, my eyes light up a little. It used to be hard to find you in a crowded place, now your face is the only face I seem to find. You don't wear colorful clothes, but you always catch my eye. You light up those really dark places, just by being there. You don't even need to smile. I don't think a lot of people see that. I don't think you see that. But I do. And I don't think I would still be able to see in the dark without that light. I'd stumble and fall, over and over again. And it's okay if I have to walk there, alone in the dark, for a little while, because I know that if I'd fall again, you'd be there to catch me. Maybe not now, Maybe not everytime, but someday, in the future, It may be.

That's the thing with life,
No one makes it out alive.

A lot of photo's
Are taken every day.
But a few are really special.
So many memories,
Shared with my friends.
The world tears us apart.
But we stick.
The problem is,
Will you still remember me,
If these pictures are lost and gone?

< >

Waking up from a dream
not knowing if I'm really awake
Am I remembering a memory?
or is this thing inside my head a dream?

Days go by and I don't know
memories are overflowed by dreams
I look around and wonder
What if this was real?

I'm trying to keep up
But it just makes me fall behind more

It's not pubished yet,
It's still being written.
It'll be published anonymous,
By me.
And it's about you.
And me.
Yup. I know.
It's really messed up.
I've written an entire book about you.
And all the ******* things I feel.
The worst part is,
That you don't even know.
No one knows it's about you,
Or that I'm writing it,
And that maybe It'll be published someday.
But until then,
I'll keep writing my book.
And let the poetry fill the once blank pages,
With you, and all my in-love words.

I will follow you to heaven,
If you come with me to hell.

For the past eternity
My mind exists out of two things
I disgust you
And I want you really bad
Maybe it's the difference between
Mental and Physical
I hate your personality
I want your body
Sounds logical
But for the past eternity
I'm craving both

The conversation went like this:

J: "Hello daughter"
(It's an inside joke, we have a whole family tree :)
Me: [Looks at J]
J: "uh, Son"
L: "Son!"
L: [Smiles and hugs me real tight]
(L is trans too)
J: "How dare you ignore your mother"
Me: [Hugs J too]
Us: [Laugh]

There are so many kids dying of cancer,
And I'm here dragging a blade through my skin.
Life is so unfair,
Why can't I just die instead of them?

When you get older
Plainer
Saner
Wil you remember
All the things
You lost on us
It hurts me
More than you'll ever know
Wish i could go back
To the days i was lost on you
Night full of stars
Adrenaline rushes
The bittersweet taste of your lips
A cold gust of wind outside
Cigarette smoke around our faces
Eyes light and glister
Wrapped up blankets
Two glasses of malt whiskey
A fire in the burning in the hearth
And in us
A comforting arm
A comforting smile
It was good
But perfect can never stay
They pushed me,
And you away
You came back
So please come in
And help me remember
When you were lost on me
If I let myself
Love you

My scars are finally starting to heal a little,
But my veins are itching for more.

Two player game - Be More Chill
( One player game rewrite - Your Local Grocery Store )

~

Apocalypse of the teens
Level 9
The cafeteria

Find the bad guy, push him aside.
Then move on forward with your books at your side.
It's a one-player game, so when they make an attack,
You know you got a backpack, gotta watch your back
Then you stay on track and
Ah! remain on course.
If they give you a smack you
Gah! use your force.
And if you leave some ******* behind it’s fine
Cause it's an effed up world,
and it's a one-player game, hey!

I like to talk about cool stuff like casettes
It's just that no one else but me really cares
I’m just a nothing in this high school scheme,
But it's no big because I don’t need a team.

I like out of print games, retro skates,
Got a Pac-Man tattoo.
Nobody here appreciates,
But soon I’ll be a student where they do.

Cause guys like me are cool in college
cool in college, yes I know.
Guys like me are cool in college,
rule in college, I wish I’d know
High school is hell, but I navigate it well.
Cause what I do,
Is I make it a one-player game!

Zombie!
Watch out!
Ah!
Wha-!?
Aww..

As loser I have fought on my own for years.
Both Nintendo zombies and these popular peers!
Now I’m stuck on a level and I wanna move on.

Just wait two years whereupon,
I’ll see that guys like me are cool in college
cool in college, won't be lame.

Dude I know, I get it-
Guys like me, they **** in college,
But I’m not in college,
I’ll be fine

High School is whack, but I’ve got my own back.
It’s me and books, I make it a one-player game.

AH-
OH-
ZOMBIE!
BLOOD!
CLAWS!
Pause.

I know I’m no one’s favourite person,
But that doesn’t mean that I can't still dream.
It’s really true, I’m no one’s favourite person
I’ll always be alone on the team

High school is ****, and I don’t need (no)one conquer it.
It's just what I do,
I make it a one-player game!

Find the bad guy, push him aside.
Then move on forward with your books at your side.
It's a one-player game, so when they make an attack,
You know you got a backpack, gotta watch your back
Then you stay on track and
Ah! remain on course.
If they give you a smack you
Gah! use your force.
And if you leave some ******* behind it’s fine
Cause it's an effed up world,
and it's a one-player game, hey!
One-player game
One-player game. He-ey-ey!

God I hate being busy

I am the only person
That can not notice
When my best friend comments:
"We're in that town too"
Anyways I met her on our holiday
It was funny

I'm under house arrest
For having a mental breakdown
And not letting my mother read a poem

End me

Beetlejuice
bEEtlEjUIcE
BEETLEJUICE

I told you all the time,
"I'm really sorry"
You never believe me.
Just like i never believed you,
When you said
"I love you"
"I care about you"
"I was worried"
"Please don't hurt yourself"
"You will get There!"

But maybe it was true,
Maybe you did care about me,
Maybe i was wrong,
Maybe i shouldn't have hurt you this way.

I'm sorry
But I can't
You tried
I'm sorry
For the wasted time
For the heartbreaks
For the sadness
For the anger and
For the lies

Believe it,
Or not
I'm sorry
But it's for you,
Because for this one time,
Probably my last,
I care.

I love you

Today is going to be a good day,

Maybe.

So we had geography homework,
And also Latin and Maths.
I didn't do any of those.
We had a study hour, so I was copying the Math answers from the answer keys.
Two of my best friends didn't have any books.
I jokingly said; you can do my homework if you want.
They're doing my homework now.
Oh my ******* god.

It's been 6969 days since 2000 ended and I thought I'd just share that fact with y'all

I LOVE Y'ALL

Did you ever jump into a very deep lake or pool, you swim up, and you didn't have any air left a few inches below the surface? That's what depression feels like. Every day, with everything you do. You are so far down in the water that getting up for air is not an option anymore. It's easier to just swim down. Forever.

My parents made me
Wear a skirt, and a short sleeved t-shirt.
The only reason they didn't see
The scars that covered my arm
Is because they bought make up for me 2 days ago, in which I hid the scars.
"Because you're a girl."
Right now, I ******* feel like
'Micheal in the bathroom'
Anyway, I'm gonna continue crying in closeted trans now, bye.

If you could let me in?
Not just in your mind,
But in your heart?
That would be enough.

I really am
No good for you.
Want to stop you leaving
When I push you away.
But nothing is better sometimes
I'm used to losing you
I'll only hurt you
When you finally let me
I am no good in general
Been telling you all along
And now I like it like that
When you realise I'm the bad guy

Yeah, I saw my cousin today again after 2 years.
it was fun/

I just thought of a good quote to post
But I forgot what it was.
Sorry.

If you're looking for a reason not to **** yourself tonight, this can be it.

Sometimes, we feel as if nothing matters.
We all do.
So i made a list of a few of my own reasons,
13 Reasons Why
I'm still alive.
And hopefully you'll change your mind.
Those moments you feel happy, and nothing but lucky.
And you wish nothing will ever change.
I will try my best.

Reason 6, Lillie
I might've mentioned it once or twice, this name, person, mind. This is probably one you can't relate to much. But maybe I can make you feel as if it does. I once heard this beautiful voice, that said my name. Well, it wasn't even my actual name. Just a nickname. You said: "Lillie, what you you think?" While you showed me one of your drawings. I was in love within a second. That beautiful voice, that one word never left my mind since. I wish it did though. It's killing me, Like i'm slowly suffocating. Lily's are pretty flowers. But are the dead ones too? Or can't you see that the flowers are turning into dust? Can't you see i'm struggling staying alive just like the flowers? Can't you see you never call me lillie anymore? Can't you see where i'm going?
I'm turning into dust.
You're the reason,
I'm doing this to myself.
So are you the reason,
I'm saving myself.

If you're looking for a reason not to **** yourself tonight, this can be it.

Sometimes, we feel as if nothing matters.
We all do.
So i made a list of a few of my own reasons,
13 Reasons Why
I'm still alive.
And hopefully you'll change your mind.
Those moments you feel happy, and nothing but lucky.
And you wish nothing will ever change.
I will try my best.

Part 4, Trembling Lips.
Another weird title. These poems start to look more like little stories than like poems. In fact they are though, But that's not the point. Do you ever look at someone, a friend. You see their hands shaking, And you know they're not okay but you can't ask them? When your lips are trembling with no reason, When your eyes start leaking without knowing why. And you look at that person, And have a sight of relief. Why? we'll never know. What we know is that this is love, In a weird way. Love is something we can't describe easily. For so many ways different, but all the same. In a glance of eyes, shaking hands. A sight of relief and a head on my shoulder. Pages full of words shown to one another. Yet, we still don't understand, don't know. How, and when will we see?

I wanna feel good,
but not on my own.

If you're looking for a reason not to **** yourself tonight, this can be it.

Sometimes, we feel as if nothing matters.
We all do.
So i made a list of a few of my own reasons,
13 Reasons Why
I'm still alive.
And hopefully you'll change your mind.
Those moments you feel happy, and nothing but lucky.
And you wish nothing will ever change.
I will try my best.

Reason 10, The faded memories of a long remembered time.
These things are getting darker every time. So do I. Wishing This wouldn't be just the past, faded memories of times we want to remember. But I can't. These moments may have destroyed me, I still want to remember. Who I was, what drove me into this, and who I never want to become again. These memories are fading, my life is turning into a perfect one. I'm slowly suffocating. Why won't you let me be imperfect, And accept my past. We were young, And all we had was a city. But I don't mind. Will you please let me go back to the times love still existed here, The thoughts of getting out. You can let me go for once, And we'll still be okay.

Okay so I was listening to Beetlejuice, and he sings
'Jesus pass the Dremamime'
And I knew it was a drug, but I didn't know the effects. Turns out it causes halluciations. Well, that's the main thing, there are a lot of side effects. And to be honest, hallucinating explains a lot about Beetlejuice, and the whole musical.

A tap on my shoulder,
And a wink,
From you,
When you saw me walking.
All I needed,
To make sure.
Now I know.
This isn't normal.
And even though I know.
I really know you're never there.
I still spend the breaks,
On the same place
Every day.
Still hoping,
You will pass me in the hallway

"Write a poem about snakes because they're adorable boopers"

sneaky snek
looking for maus
i see snek
i boop

{Hope you're happy now}

Thinking about you
OwO