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616 · Mar 2016
Empty Sheets
WickedHope Mar 2016
I'm seriously broken
I don't know how to be physical with you
Not when emotions are involved
How can I give myself away to a blank face
Given away to a blur of a stranger
But you, I can barely look at

I'm seriously broken
If I don't know how to love someone
With my body and my heart
I always pick and choose
And I don't want to do that to you

But I'm seriously broken
I can't give you the girl you want
I can't be the girl you'd love

All I can manage is a smoke littered conversation
And one night of less than empty sheets...
I hate myself.
615 · Jan 2016
I'm sorry if it hurts.
WickedHope Jan 2016
All you do is look at me
And the wounds are bleeding
Healed for months
Only to break open
I'm on the floor
Crying out to the ceiling
But it doesn't reply
I choke out why
You look down and
Reach out as if to come to my aid
Pain shoots through me
Agony draws out a scream
This is out of control
I shrink away before you can cut new holes
We're slipping on the blood coated floor
Please don't come any closer
My hands become knives
My grip on my own skin is more than I can bare
My expression pushes you off the ledge
And you wind up beside me

Somehow
Before I blackout
I feel our hands finally touch
And I smile
For a person.
- - -
Idk, leave me alone :P
WickedHope Dec 2014
There once was a boy
who rescued a bird.
He loved the bird
and the bird loved him.

One day the boy grew up
and he changed,
He tried to drug the bird
to "fix" it.

When the bird wouldn't comply,
He simply left it behind.
For KB.
614 · Feb 2021
It's only 4am (-TW)
WickedHope Feb 2021
Watch me come and then you go...
Why I hoped I'll never know.
Your smirks were sick,
Like it was a game,
Like after your ****
I'd never be the same.

You knew I was desperate for someone to care.
Yet you'd please yourself and make me stare.
Why cradle rob and share dreams of ****?
Why lie to keep me, not letting me escape?
I guess I let myself be your toy,
And made you into mine.
I was already destroyed,
What were more fines?

My debts to pay were already so steep,
I guess I thought I deserved it, letting you leech.
I dared to dream though.
That was my mistake,
Ever wanting you
To be more than a snake.

You speak like the words are blood letting, you say I ruined you.
Well I'm sorry you sick **** that you didn't get to ruin me too.
This world makes us savage, doesn't it
613 · Dec 2014
Strapped In
WickedHope Dec 2014
The only thing keeping me from being all over you
Is that you can actually see me, and that terrifies me.
WickedHope Dec 2014
Young man
Grown past us both
Having to carry
The world on his shoulders
Our suffering
Our torment
We force him to watch
In silence
While we scream
My younger friend found out about the extent of my self injury and suicide attempts today, after he found out about our mutual friend's (my ex(?) bestfriend) over the summer.
He has seen too many demons firsthand for his age.
607 · Dec 2014
Numbered
WickedHope Dec 2014
The first abuses the second and ignores the third.
The third is abused by the fourth, who is afraid of the first.
The first is the role model for the fourth.
The fourth torments the second.
The second is sick and dying, like the third.
The third is wished dead by the fourth.
The fourth wants the same as the third.
The third is a better liar than anyone realizes.
Get it? Yeah.
607 · Sep 2014
Self Restraint
WickedHope Sep 2014
stomach twisted
this is what I do for you
can't eat, can't eat
must look how you want me to

there is pain in beauty
my mother always said
I agree with this acutely
the hurt fades for soon I shall be dead
606 · Nov 2014
Let Me Just (10w)
WickedHope Nov 2014
I want to be reckless

I want to wake *clueless
606 · Dec 2014
In Death, Like Life
WickedHope Dec 2014
I watch myself
Dig my own grave,
Out by the place
We muttered over broken glass,
Near the rock coated in ash.

            Will you be here tomorrow
            When I'm not?
            Will you be here tomorrow
            When I've gone?
            Will you be here tomorrow
            Mourning, or moved on?


I see myself whisper
Goodbyes
To the still trees and the riverbank,
I am inaudible when it matters,
As I always was.

I wonder if anyone will hear the shot,
Or if in death, like life,
I'll be ignored as well as forgot...
605 · Dec 2014
Elevator Ride
WickedHope Dec 2014
It's funny how you never cared                
when I told you I was falling      
      until I actually let you in close,
                    close enough to see it happen.
Maybe that moment wasn't as beautiful as I thought it was.
I ******* hate myself.
602 · Nov 2014
Me The Poet: Word Abuser
WickedHope Nov 2014
I am choking out syllables in an effort to feel better
What kind of poet am I
Using words for my own personal gain
I am less than words, even my own ****** ones
I am less than words because
I don't even know who I am
That I can claim any in the first place
Sometimes they are my alternative
Others the foreplay to danger
Words are just these
Things
I abuse and misuse
In an effort to escape my reality
If only for the length of a poem
Rant? Maybe?
**** it.
599 · Nov 2014
Dinner and a Show
WickedHope Nov 2014
I'm the entertainment
Let me perform
Call me up
For this I was born

Quiet my voice
No need for talking
Except for the necessary
****** accessories

For I've been trained
I know what to do
How to elicit
Arousal in you

I'm already dead
Inhuman
So I really can't ever
Break again
Life *****.
I embrace death.
599 · Oct 2014
It's Not You, It's Me
WickedHope Oct 2014
It's not you, it's me
I'm not upset with you
Not even slightly
I'm upset with me
For lying to myself
I knew you didn't want more
Yet I told myself to worry later

Told myself for months
That he wouldn't let me
Wouldn't let me make myself a fool
Not if he cared
He says he doesn't want to
Hurt me
like they did
This is why
I like to know where I stand
So I know when to stop
I didn't really stop
Not before now

But I already suspected, and knew too
I lied to myself for months
That somehow I wouldn't get hurt
But I always do

And that's why I hate me
Because I let myself love you
599 · Dec 2014
Take Me Anywhere
WickedHope Dec 2014
where did you expect me to go?
i have no idea where to run off to.
but honestly, i'd go anywhere with you.
Don't bring me "home,"
because it's anything but.
- - -
(Apparently this is my 500th piece on here.
Well okay then. I clearly do this way too much.)
598 · Mar 2015
They Call Me Shangri-La...
WickedHope Mar 2015
If I gave you my hope
Would you burn it

Not dark at the edges
But clean through
Until there is nothing
But the ashes of
What once was

Purified in fire
Damaging, destroying
What you sought to
Glorify now gone
... but I'm not.
597 · Dec 2014
Alone On New Years
WickedHope Dec 2014
maybe
2015
will bring me
someone
to feel
less lonely
with
I've no one to kiss at midnight.
- - -

- - -
Unloved.
- - -
WickedHope Sep 2021
w h y ' s
h a v i n g
o      n      e
a  d  d  i  c  t  i  o  n
l   e   f   t
s e e m
h   a   r   d   e   r
t h a n
h  a  v  i  n  g
s   e   v   e   r   a   l
597 · May 2015
Painted Grey (10w)
WickedHope May 2015
Oh look, Pinocchio found hedge clippers.
Now we'll never know.
WickedHope Sep 2014
Andrew, I miss you.
And,
Andrew, I want you.
Your empty promises killed me, but, I miss you.
And,
I'm afraid you'll hurt me, but, I can't resist you.
595 · Oct 2014
Doorstep
WickedHope Oct 2014
I end up at your door
Desperate
I am only a temporary value
When I am boring
When I'm annoying
I'm tossed aside, thrown out
Let me change clothes
Hide my face
Stop talking
Don't have to say I'll
Become anyone you want me to
Just don't give me away
Don't pass on your toy
I need this demented attention
Or else I am nothing
Keep me close
I'll come over when no one else is home
This really needs to stop, but it's the most concrete thing I have.
FWB for semi-erotophobics.
WickedHope Dec 2014
Why do I have to go to college?

          Why do I have to get a degree?

                    Why do I have to 'succeed?'

                    Can't I just travel with nothing but the clothes on my back?

          Can't I just be broke and live my life for the mere thrill of it?

Can't I just write and draw and write and dance and be me?
I enjoy seemingly pointless pursuits.
I'd rather fill my soul than my pockets.
WickedHope May 2015
decapitation
mutilation

it's always the bubbly girls who smile

****** knives
violent cries

it's always the bubbly girls who smile

angry hate
murderous fate

it's always the bubbly girls who smile

final expression
free from possession

*it's always the bubbly girls who smile
Don't ask. Inspired by class discussion today.
590 · Feb 2015
Ask My "Polaris"
WickedHope Feb 2015
Shh, shh, shh,
Shut down.

Ask him how well
It worked out
When we broke up,
Then he wanted me back.

How he showed up crying.
He's the only other one
I've ever called my Polaris,
And he called me his Firefly.

Late nights in my basement,
Giggling quiet because
My parents didn't know.

Ask him about
When I chose him
Over my Bird,
And he felt like air.

Ask him about
When he took it
Too far,
And why I don't wear
Miniskirts anymore.

Ask him about Valentines,
And why his new girlfriend
Hates me.

Ask him
What I'm like
When I lose
Predictability...
I miss playing games.
Welcome back old me.
WickedHope Jan 2015
Crystal Blue
Trained on my back
I can feel you
I wish I could feel you

Would you let me
Do something out of character
Or would it push you further away
Sorry about my anxiety, I know how much of an inconvenience it is for you.
- - -
I've missed his glasses.
586 · Jul 2021
Titles Are Sorta Pointless
WickedHope Jul 2021
When I close my eyes...

I see sunrise on the water
Or a hazy morning on 495 driving blind
I see a gun aimed but not fired
Or waves lapping over head with lungs screaming
I see a fractured reflection staring back of a girl who threw herself at walls, out windows, at people as lonely as she was
Or a toilet with a silhouette draped over it hiding the evidence inside
I see the worms in my mind
Or what it felt like to die

I see a writhing den of snakes cocooning a half buried body
Or a heart once stepped on and shattered, by the shoes you hide in your closet, stained in blood
Inspired by Gavin Barnard's poem from 7/25/2021

Sorry Josh.
585 · Oct 2014
He "Loves" Me
WickedHope Oct 2014
He loves me
But religion unites and divides us
He loves me
But lust has too strong a hold
He loves me
But my age is too awkward for him
He loves me
But doesn't want to give up what he has
He loves me
But is addicted to poisons, like me
He loves me
But lives in a fantastic, unrealistic dream
He loves me
But doesn't know what love is
What the **** is life.
Stopping telling me you love me unless you're ready to mean it,
I can't take anymore years of this.
WickedHope Nov 2014
dripping in my own self-pity
don't you think i look so pretty
wondering this big empty city
trying to think of something witty*

what    are    the    right    words    to    make    you   love   me
words   are   all   i   have   to   give,   oh   can't   you   see
i'm  sending  you  every  syllable  i  can  think  of
i'll give you anything, in the name of love
I feel like I'm this endless loop of pathetic.
WickedHope Dec 2014
I hate how crazy I get when my thoughts multiply
I hate how angry I get when my thoughts multiply
Where am I supposed to go to save myself from me

Where am I supposed to go now that you've left me
Please let me open my eyes and see you again
Please let me once again feel your arm's embrace

Don't forget the girl who smells like paper and ink
Oops, this totally went in a different direction.
- - -
He ordered me Paper Passion (it's supposed to smell like paper and ink) for my sixteenth birthday.
He was the only one who remembered my birthday that year without being told.
God I miss him more than anything.
I'll always love you, Andrew.
584 · Dec 2014
O n c e
WickedHope Dec 2014
Why       don't       you*       love       me       anymore?
I      understand       why      other     people      don't
,
*But                                  you                                  did
O                         n                         c      ­                   e.
584 · Feb 2021
6/22/2019
WickedHope Feb 2021
Whisper to me without words
Give me an eternity in an instant
Show me a new galaxy in a glance
Dazzling constellations contained in your eyes
Like a nebula, exploding, expanding with each moment we share
Kaleidoscope colors
Glistening and changing at a pace that feels like fireworks
But looks like stars
Stare into my soul with those hazel-green eyes
For my husband. I miss you so infinitely that I do not have words to describe the emptiness that is where you belong.
583 · Mar 2015
Lying Bitch.
WickedHope Mar 2015
Take me out
Please, with your quiver full
Big words, show off vocabulary
Air of superiority, the way you strut about
I love it when you tell me
How to solve my in war
What the answers are to the questions
I never asked
Rant in my drafts I'm deciding to post because.
580 · Jan 2015
I Sleep With My Eyes Closed
WickedHope Jan 2015
I had hoped to be the girl of his dreams,
Turns out he was the guy of my nightmares.
Plot twist: I woke up.
WickedHope Jan 2015
They've all gone
Introverts dream
I'm just sitting
With my eyes
Wide shut in the
Corner of this room
With my music
Blaring through
My speakers with
The wailing washing
Right through me


I am half beauty
And half beast
You deserve the best
Pieces of me, but
I was grown bent
Trying to reach the
Sun shining in
The far distance
But choked out
By all the weeds

I want to promise
I'll never hurt you
But I can't tell
You such cruel lies
I'm going to break
You apart without
Meaning to if
You let me stick
Around too long

Yet if you decide
To keep me anyway
I will clean your
Wounds made by
The world and I
Kiss them until
My lips crack and bleed
If you let me stay
I will make it worth
The times I am a
Destructive hurricane
By being your warm
Spring breeze



The music is me
I had to channel it
For so many years
Sometimes it feels
Like it's the only way
For me to understand
                                                    Myself
The Poet by SayWeCanFly came on, it prompted the middle stanzas.
Harmonicas <3 (more like music in general, tbh)

(Last stanza is making a reference to me being a dancer, for clarity)
WickedHope Jun 2015
The nails in my wall are
d
r  
i      
p        
p            
i                
n                    
g                      
from the rain

I don't know how to clean it this time

Last time I tried                                
I wiped you away ~
Crushing on my friends brother.
579 · Nov 2014
What I Am, What I'm Not
WickedHope Nov 2014
You told me I looked hot today.
You told me I am ****.
And you said someday, someone will tell me I'm beautiful.
No, I'm sorry, you said someday someone will find me beautiful.
Thanks. Thank you. Thanks. -_-
WickedHope Oct 2014
I am a giant ball of thought, fright, and worry.
575 · Oct 2014
I Want To Write About You
WickedHope Oct 2014
So I want to write about you,
But words aren't coming.

So I want to write about you,
But emotions are complex.

So I want to write about you,
But I seem to be incapable.

So I want to write about you,
And I want you to know,

That I want to do more to you
Than just write about you.
Feelings + Writers Block
evidently =
Whatever this is
575 · Dec 2014
I Miss
WickedHope Dec 2014
I miss you and your lonely sheets
I miss laying in the hammock
I miss close together
I miss dreaming
I just want somewhere to sleep, safely away from my nightmares.
I want to sleep forever.
574 · Sep 2015
Undreamt Lullabies (10w)
WickedHope Sep 2015
If I stay
s  i  l  e  n  t,
will you talk to me again?
574 · Dec 2014
Get Away (15w)
WickedHope Dec 2014
The river is right behind my house
In case I can't find another way out
Not that I haven't already tried that...
573 · Dec 2014
Framed
WickedHope Dec 2014
Why do they distract me so?
One object makes me stare.
I'd decided to walk away from that ridiculous fantasy...
But that dream? What was that?
I'm not sure what way it swayed me last night,
But today, that change,
I just couldn't look away...
This was a terrible poem, sorry.
- - -
Prepare yourself for a long note-rant, because I haven't done one in a while:

So there's this guy, I write about him a lot, and I am very much so attracted to him, not in love with him but highly attracted to him. But after doing a lot of thinking -- I mean a LOT of thinking -- I decided that I should leave it alone mostly, because it wasn't going to go anywhere and I wasn't sure I really wanted it to. Then last night I had this really bizarre dream about him, it was part memory combined with other memory infused with desire. And... I was excited about an... opportunity with him that presented itself during this dream, but the situation instead sent me into a panic attack and then I woke up terrified and confused, more so than ever. I never dream anymore so that was really weird.

Then today he wore his glasses and he hasn't worn them in a while, and  I sort of have this thing about eyeglasses and when I snuck into this class he has with some other friends of mine, I couldn't stop staring, so yeah.

~And thus concludes the long note-rant.
572 · Aug 2014
The Casual Artist
WickedHope Aug 2014
That guy who sketches in class.
Creating the images in his mind.
He sits silently, just out of notice.
But I see him.

His eyes are heavy but serene.
Their blue clarity
That sees something I can't see.

Oh, they do so much to me.
570 · Oct 2014
Burn Me
WickedHope Oct 2014
burn
burn
burn me
on fire
hold your match up to me
as the flames lick me
inhale smoke
I feel lighter
I'm so done.
WickedHope May 2015
Your pointe shoes still hang at your window
Your trophies still top your bookshelf
Your certificates are all there, filed neatly
Your jar of compliments is on hand to read

So stop forgetting who you are
What you're worth
Think of the tears you dry
Think of the smiles you're thrown
Think of your "sisters" who want to be you

I love your hair like hay and your eyes like midnight
I love the curve of your waist and the crooked smile
I miss the the laughter that you gave everyone
I miss the safety that you provided for the wondering

I miss the girl before the scars
On her body and on her heart
:P
Just another Thursday.
569 · Jul 2015
here.
WickedHope Jul 2015
Bleed in to me
If I cut myself open and peal back the layers
Will you come inside
Can I fold you into me
Not ******, contrary to the apparent popular opinion.
(will be making this longer later)
566 · Aug 2014
The Third-Party
WickedHope Aug 2014
sometimes i wish i could stop breathing

so i could stop thinking

so i could stop seeing you,
and her

and feeling all alone.
566 · Oct 2014
Needy
WickedHope Oct 2014
I need your two in the morning phone calls
     They were the highlight of my nights
I need your crude latin jokes
     Even though I always opposed
I need your shoulder for my head
     I'm sorry I backed away from your bed
I need your curiosity and ability to speak your mind
     Without you I've been losing mine
I need your showing me off to your parents
    Even though you hid me from your friends
I need your sweatpants and your arms
     They were my favourite things to wear
I need your whispers and your gentle love
     You were so much more than I could've asked for
******* alone.
And ******* crazy.
******* done,
But ******* needy.
WickedHope Feb 2015
Sometimes I want to **** myself
Then I remember
All of the people that need their wounds bandaged
And are left alone
Like I am
So I put some pressure on their cuts and gouges
While I bleed out onto the floor
And the red rises thick
Un-parting, an ocean, not a sea

     *All the easier to drown in
"Every road leads us home"

Where are the lies?

---
Title alludes to the movie the  Ten Commandments.
My mother obnoxiously repeats that line.
WickedHope Jan 2015
hahaha
silly girl
silly girl
what are you doing
this is all a dream
no matter
no matter
there will always be blood
in the street
on your hands
you think behind closed doors
you're invisible
but no
you're not
you're just behind a door
they'll open it and
see you
they will see you  
but it's a dream
because you don't matter
why did you collect it all
pooling around their vacant bodies
you paint the white walls
the same thing
each time
you paint a rose
but the rose never stays
it runs red
with the blood you use
because the greatest lie
is that you're in a dream
**when you are the nightmare
no no no no no no no
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