My younger friend found out about the extent of my self injury and suicide attempts today, after he found out about our mutual friend's (my ex(?) bestfriend) over the summer.
He has seen too many demons firsthand for his age.

Some days I could kiss you,
then I remember all the reasons why I can't.
My sense of trust,
it's so ****** up.

For a person.
- - -
Idk, leave me alone :P

Rant? Maybe?
**** it.

I enjoy seemingly pointless pursuits.
I'd rather fill my soul than my pockets.

I miss playing games.
Welcome back old me.

Life *****.
I embrace death.

The Poet by SayWeCanFly came on, it prompted the middle stanzas.
Harmonicas <3 (more like music in general, tbh)

(Last stanza is making a reference to me being a dancer, for clarity)

This really needs to stop, but it's the most concrete thing I have.
FWB for semi-erotophobics.

:P
Just another Thursday.

For my husband. I miss you so infinitely that I do not have words to describe the emptiness that is where you belong.

Inspired by Gavin Barnard's poem from 7/25/2021

Sorry Josh.

Rant in my drafts I'm deciding to post because.

Oops, this totally went in a different direction.
- - -
He ordered me Paper Passion (it's supposed to smell like paper and ink) for my sixteenth birthday.
He was the only one who remembered my birthday that year without being told.
God I miss him more than anything.
I'll always love you, Andrew.

This was a terrible poem, sorry.
- - -
Prepare yourself for a long note-rant, because I haven't done one in a while:

So there's this guy, I write about him a lot, and I am very much so attracted to him, not in love with him but highly attracted to him. But after doing a lot of thinking -- I mean a LOT of thinking -- I decided that I should leave it alone mostly, because it wasn't going to go anywhere and I wasn't sure I really wanted it to. Then last night I had this really bizarre dream about him, it was part memory combined with other memory infused with desire. And... I was excited about an... opportunity with him that presented itself during this dream, but the situation instead sent me into a panic attack and then I woke up terrified and confused, more so than ever. I never dream anymore so that was really weird.

Then today he wore his glasses and he hasn't worn them in a while, and  I sort of have this thing about eyeglasses and when I snuck into this class he has with some other friends of mine, I couldn't stop staring, so yeah.

~And thus concludes the long note-rant.

Not ******, contrary to the apparent popular opinion.
(will be making this longer later)

Totally not about what you think it's about.
But hopefully it works.
- - -

I don't feel the same way as I used to, and I'm more apologetic than anything. But ever since I met you, you've been easy to write about.
And I won't consider this fiction, because at another time it was true.

I'm so done.