You're name still echoes within my mind
The possible meaningless things that makes me question my life
I swore to forget you
To remove you
Stop
Break
Release
Yet you so easily walk back in
Its as if you see through me
Every wall and facade
You have the key to each lock
That stands in your way
Though the others struggle
Attempting to fill your place
You simply won't let them
Stopping them from filling that empty space
My hearts opened to you
Again once more
But the question is
Do I still love you the same as before?
Am I missing you
Or do I just miss the idea of you
The sweet gentleman touch
Is causing quite a fuss
I care for you though
I can say that with pure honestly
Though my love for you has changed
Faded into void of endless possibility
Somewhere within I still long for your touch
The Affection is intoxicating
Those sweet words are pure bliss
Though theses things leave me contemplating
Contemplating why you left me like this
Though my heart is still riddled
Screaming at me why
I know I shouldn't let you back in
I shouldn't let you waste anymore of my time
through the silence that speaks louder then any words could
I still care for you
But never again will I feel anything more
Because I refuse to be broken
Broken like I was once before

Deep within the pit
Front and centre to the stage
Music blasting around you
Your mind starts to engage

Time slows around you
Forgetting your in a crowd
You feel your heart pumping in your chest
The surroundings no longer loud

Feeling like your soul is being lifted
higher up and up into the sky
The colours flooding your atmosphere
You feel as if you can fly

Sweat beading in your hands
Temperature on your skin is rising
hands wrapped around your waist
Spirits are energizing

You tune into the music there
Surrounding you with its soul
I never realized it before
How the rhythm can make you feel so whole

The exhilarating feeling
the rush that it entails
Hooked on this version of me
That is free to go off the rails

Run Free, Be Free
Everything in my soul is Free.
The taste of being this new untamed version,
The Freedom of being truly me

Euphoric

When emotions well up
Annoyance and anger hits me
Recentment burns
Yearning to be set free

And reluctantly I let it
Slowly seep its way through the cracks
Waiting for the perfect moment
Where it can launch its final attack

Silently it brews
Subtly it shows it way
Be attentive and pick it up
As then we can begin our play

Where we act so innocent
Oblivious to what surrounds
Hands over our eyes
Refusing to make a sound

Let's see what you can do
Tho your actions won't go unanswered
In the end you'll reap what you sow
But until then nobody has to know

Except for me my dear

When the flames around you roar
And you scream out to the sky
There will be nobody left around
Who will listen to your cries

Its funny how things change people
Into beings they use to resent
And when their time comes
Its their turn to repent

And you hear the little whispers
Amongst the friends that you hold dear
No longer knowing the reason
They refused to keep you near

You never could see it though
You were always searching for more
Taking for granted everything you had
There is nobody left to adore

I hold no sympathy
As this was your doing

You reap what you sow


-

He held my hand gently
Though as tightly as can be
Hidden in the background
Where nobody else could see

I remember not noticing
Until the photo was finally done
He was unwilling to let go
Emotions on his face showed none

Holding on so desperately
As if with all of his might
I was unable to pry my hand away
Thought it was but for a moment in that night

His face was a void
Showing little to no emotion
I've no idea what it was
Luckily there wasnt a big commotion

Maybe it was for balance
As we were in skates
But he didnt have any on
Maybe its because we're mates?

Either way he felt so distant
Throughout the entire night
I'm convinced that our love is dead
Though that did spark a little light

I've left it in the dark
Let the flame burn itself out
That way I won't live my life
Filling it with such doubt

Though him holding my hand
Sometimes makes me thinks
What exactly was the point
Was he trying to rekindle our link

Forget it, never mind
I dont want to think about it
Those words that fill our void
Were so incredible slow
And somewhat dead

Though my last memory will be this
Him holding on so tightly
while i gently pulled away
That after all this i was finally the one
The one who didnt decide to stay

Stadium overflowing
voices echoing throughout
Music reverberates around us
The intensity of our body heat
Each heart beating in perfect synch
Chants and screams
The lyrics of the songs
Confetti shooting out from above
Surrounding us with a blur of colour
Softly gently drifting down upon us
Jumping and swaying to the rythem
Flashing bright lights
The camera panning across the crowd
The smiles and the laughter
Pure happiness spread across their faces
Losing ourself within the masses
Surrendering our very soul
To the artists that through their songs
Helps us to stand up
Allowed us to feel needed
Gave us hope
The passion and the fury of the night
Where everyone was connected as one
An arena full of strangers
But through this music
Freedom and Happiness is born
The thrill of the night
This is what I live for

The blisters formed and bubbled, Your skin began to burn,
Desperately trying to extinguish all light,
While feigning such concern.

Smothering out the flame, cutting off the air,
the charring smell is making me sick.
No, It's pretending that you care.

Your hands once so soft, have now grown callus,
harden from the "home" you built around me,
Each brick tainted with malice.

Gasping tightly around my ever failing, feeble form,
Looking around frantically,
only to be met with your cloudy eyes filled with scorn.

I lay there in the ashes, the remnants of me,
Darkened sky of smoke surrounding my vision,
All thats left is seared debris

And that is where you left me.






But that's where I refuse to stay.

~

Break and tear at my skin
Pull down the covers
Reveal my true sins
I'm not a real lover

Chip at my fortress
That I've build high in the sky
Knock down the door
Its within there I hide

Fight the dragon
That stands in your way
Pass by him with ease
As he's quite easy prey

Scale to the furthest tower
Within there I lay
A lonely girl hiding
This is where I stay

The walls mean nothing
Nor the doors that are bolted
That dragon so fierce
Is weak though devoted

Its easy to break through
Its simple to get in
But the real question is
How do you win?

The real challenge wasn't
The doors and the riddles
It was whether or not
You could cure me, even just a little

To rid me of this curse
Lay upon by a witch
To forever feel this loneliness
Though I am a complete *****

So tell me darling do you know
The way to set me free?
Or will you be like the rest of them
If so, go on and flee

I'll stay in this tower
Dont you worry
You weren't the prince for me
I know that the truth is that I'm the one
The only one who can set myself free

You've hurt me greatly
Though your desperate needs,
You yearned for affection
Detesting the weight of your words
leading my heart on the run
False propositions of a title
Lies slandering our names
Associated with whats fake
Clearly it was all give and no take
I was always just a maybe
Always unsure
To you I was never a certain
Dare not define the word love
More the need to fill the void
With a heart that seemed to care
Take it carefully within your hands
Though without warning you begin to tear
Piece. by. piece.
The parts begin to fall
Blood dripping from within your palms
Before discarding it on the floor
Staining you with a rich crimson red
As you vanish off into the night
I dare not gaze upon your face again
Knowing the truth I would rather not fight
Settling the pain within me
Thats conjured up a storm
Swallow my pride and my despair
I'll let it go and move on
Though never again will I feel
The same gentle patient care
For dear sir, you have hurt me greatly
And on the second time round
I refuse to fight fair.

Not a single tear will fall for you again
I shall not waste myself on you


-

The moment I turned
and walked away
I felt my heart break a little
He didn't chase

Slowly taking steps
Without looking back
I couldn't hear his footsteps
But I couldn't backtrack

I felt my feet getting heavy
dragging them along
Desperately wanting to run
Back to where I belong

Within his arms safely
Standing side by side
Contently drifting along
As gentle waves by the seaside

The happiest they've ever seen me
Most carefree I've ever been
I was completely in love
A world consisting of just me and him

Though a raging river stood
Between our hearts
And in the end I was
The one left behind in the dark

As I raised my head high
Marching along to a beat
I've learnt to smile yet again
At last I can feel complete

Time has passed over
And not once did he chase
But the moment he did
It was already to late

I grew tired of running
Trailing after him
Was it really to much effort
To try and run after me too?

When I got up
Letting go of his hand
he didn't try to stop me
I guess this was where he stands

I knew then
He doesn't love me
And he never will

We have reached our limits
He no longer needs me
I've given all that I can give
So no matter what happens now

I'm not turning back


~

We all wear a mask
To hide whats beneath
locking away our true selves
Setting it in place, with hard concrete

Painting and decorating
It becomes colourful and bright
Our own unique mask
That we work on each night

Enhancing the features
Till its just perfect and right
It hides away our feelings
So everything will be alright.

Our souls are ugly and broke
Boring. Ghastly. Shameful.
Don't allow them to be uncloaked
Everyone else will surely revoke

Everyone will hate you
Everyone will lie
Nobody will love you
So don't even try

Is it really everyone else who made you this way?
From the way that I see it
Its you,
who lead yourself astray

I've been betrayed and forgotten
Thats what we say
Blaming everyone else
As we carry on with our childish play

A life so caught up on the outer appearance
just leaves you feeling empty
And you forget your own existence

Don't allow yourself to live this way
Because surely there will come a day
You're mask will become forgotten
And your hard work will be undone

Where your mask will slip
and crash to the ground
The decorations will shatter
and be scattered all around

And at this certain point you will come to learn
You worked on your mask so everyone could see
But you forgot that you're true self will always break free
You never allowed anyone to love you from the start
And yet you expected them to learn what was  hidden under your Beautiful Mask.

Silence my darling
I'll keep you safe
hide you away
You won't have to show your face

I'll wipe away your tears
Using the back of my hand
Its okay love
Things dont always go as planned

I'll hold you tightly
Within my arms
Its warm and gentle
I'll wait till your calm

A gentle kiss on your head
As you drift off to sleep
Enough crying for the day
Its okay to be weak

This happens again
Over the weeks
We sit together with ice cream
As you continue to weep

You slowly move on
Growing strong and independent
Then you leave me
As you are no longer dependent

Go have your fun
Let lose and party
Do everything you wanted to
Be upbeat and quirky

Do as you will
Put on your brave face
Cause I know you will always
Return into my embrace

Its finally done
At the break of dawn
everything we had
Now riddled and gone

After all that we were
The torment and lies
Corrupted hearts entwined
And our toxic love dies

It hurts deep within my soul
My heart begins to cry
How many times
Must I have to die?

Why is it that
They never decide to stay
Our all to them we give
Though they leave at the end of each day

Piece by piece
We give ourselves away
To fill the broken voids
Of people who have swayed

Smaller and smaller
We are dying inside
Trapped but willingly
caged from the skies

A Hefty price we happily pay
To see a simply smile upon their face
In return we are left with nothing
We gently fall from grace

Love and affection
thats all we ever wanted
Use us, Abuse us
Then leave us forgotten

Hush now be silent
another has come along
Maybe you should ask them
Before blaming them for being wrong

Open up and let them in
Let them see what's truly beneath
Show them what you truly hide
Behind that beautiful mask you keep

Broken and wounded
My dear little heart
But its okay to try again
This time you wont fall apart

There are talking nights and there are nights when I wish to be alone

I feel like we have a good balance

Nights with you aren't talking nights

Times with you, they don't fall under any of these categories

Talking to you is effortless, it's easy

I don't have to watch my words or play pretend

I don't have to analyze their reactions, search for the disapproval in their faces

With you, I can just be me

I can ramble about anything, say whatever is on my mind

It effortlessly flows without a shadow of a doubt

It's fun, It's easy, and I trust in you completely

Nights like this aren't talking nights

They are our nights

What we have is dead
An emotionless attachment
A void of meaningless reasons
A life of broken fragments

Touching you doesn't feel the same
Your touch, It's Cold. Empty.
Your movement no longer sync with mine
We have lost our flow of rhythm

Our hearts no longer beat the same
We have vanished from our own existence
Your hair isint as soft as before
Maybe its due to our distance

You no longer melt under my touch
You no longer smile with glee
Your actions no longer match your words
Maybe this is the truth I finally needed to see

You came all this way it must count for something
But I know its because you think you owe me
Standing by your side through it all
You feel like you had to do this for me

Though I can feel the tension in the air
We aren't the people we use to be
7 months can really change a person
You leaving was what set me free

Now your voice is empty
And so are your words
Dead end lies
Coated with sugar

What we have is dead
We are clingying to who we were
What we had, what we did
Even though now its all but a blur

what's dead is meant to be buried
Deep within the ground
Leave it there, locked away
Where it can no longer can be found.

Let's not try and resurrect the dead
Because what's gone is gone
And quite frankly
Its never coming back.

Wandering outside
The fresh air caresses my skin
Music blaring from the shed
The celebration in full swing

Intoxicated teens dancing about
TONIGHT WE ARE YOUNG
You can hear them all shout

Roaming towards the bonfire
The flames dimly glow
I sit down quietly
Completely on my own

Warm arms wrap around me
Enclosed from both sides
who could this be?
I feel a calming vibe

I recognise his voice
Musky and deep
He whispers sweet nothings
My heart skips a beat

He speaks with a hushed tone
Lips brushing against my neck
Each word that is spoken
I've got to keep myself in check

The coarse stubble of his chin
Sends shivers down my spine
As the words become kisses
I wanted him to be mine

Holding myself back
As I wanted to kiss him right there
I couldn't betray my friend
And he began to stare

Exchanging a few more words
We spoke softly with each other
Trapped in his embrace
My cheeks filled with colour

Contentment fell over us
As we sat in peaceful silence
You Deserve at least this
He said, with a tender kiss

Dancing away the night
Still thinking about that kiss
We were both far too sober
To be making mistakes such as this.

My heart keeps beating
Whenever you're around
As if butterfly's keep flutter
I can hear their gentle sounds
Flushing pink and red
Grinning wide from ear to ear
Hiding my face within my sleeve
Peaking out to see you near
Warmth amitting
Hands tightly held
Guiding gentle circles
It's pleasant, It's sweet
Like a syrup dipped candy
You're an overwhelming treat
I'm addicted to your taste
I can't get enough
Kissing you with much haste
A mixture of soft and rough
And I've never felt this way
This feeling that consumes me
Wanting to be near you
To see you, to feel you
I want to be your everything
Though only if you'd be mine
Slow and steady we go
There is no need to rush
But my feelings are certain this time

I always wished to be like them
To hear those sweet words enveloped with love
Feeling safe within that embrace
To stand tall by your side

But all I could do was keep running
Chasing after a dream so unreal
Longing simply to be like them
To have what they both had

Like the petals of the spring
A voice I've missed so dearly
Finally I hear his calls
Carefully they grace my ears

Though I know you're not mine to love
So I'll settle with hearing the sound of your voice
And that ever lasting happiness
That she seems to bring you

My Second family
Thats how I think of you
You'll be forever dear to my heart
Even when the world seems blue

Its been a rough few years
With a lot of torment and lies
But we managed through it
All the lows and the highs

We don't see each other as often
As we once did in the past
though when we do
We try to make the moment last

Barely any words are spoken
On our brief interactions
Though we hug every time
To make up for the time missed
Even if its just a fraction

Tightly we hold on
Letting go but a moment to soon
But our lives counteract one another
We only see each other once in a blue moon

Though we have time to make
Our future is far ahead
We can rekindle our sparks
And try to help it mend

I still love you with all my heart
My dear old friend
And I miss you dearly
I hope we can make our amends

Because I miss when we would laugh
Over dumb stories and things
Talk about our crazy family tree
You would tell me of your flings

We would hang off each other
During casual conversations
We were once so close
Thinking of it now fills me with frustration

Though its neither of our faults
Or maybe both at the same time
that we left ourselves drift apart
Over this long period of time

But you have other people
You have higher priorities in your life
I can't keep asking to be
The same key person that you need

Because sometimes life gets in the way
whether we want it to or not
All we can do is try and work with it
While trying not to be caught

You keep strumming your guitar
and chasing after your dream girl
I'll still be around though
When the whole world beings to whirl

The trio of us three
Will forever remain in peace
The family of all of us
Has begun to cease

Though fight against it we might
With all the strength that we have
We are the only ones who can change this
Slowly this time we can try again
Otherwise we can just remiss

So to my dear friend
Let's do our best from here on out
I refuse to let our friendship die
Filled with endless doubt

Of the what if we tried a little more?
Or could we have changed the fates?
Was this the only way?
Could we have stayed mates?

Though whatever happens I'll love you
From your striking blue eyes
To your overly sensitive knees
One of my first french owl allies

It'll be there for your sock dropping self
A soft spot laid within my heart
And hopefully no matter the end
It won't end up tearing me apart

I miss you.

~

You know
its really stupid
but after all this time
my heart still beats for you
What a silly little heart
He doesn't want you
and he never will.

You were always the show off
I knew from the very start
But that nickname didn't quite takeoff
Until your first work of Art

You usually kept to yourself
At least you did back then
But before long, I found myself
Slowly becoming your friend

You gained the title of hottest guy
And for that you should be proud
So many girls want to be with you
except their way to loud

Your best friends a Gentle Giant
At least thats how it seems
I wouldn't be surprised if a bromance
Sprouted from those hidden seams

You have dimples in your cheeks
that show whenever you smile
Your eyes will slightly squint
As we talk about your lifestyle

A white apple watch, adores your left wrist
But for some reason your always fiddling with this
Always checking the time, as if you were late
Is it really that difficult to slow down and wait?

You're really quite an Athlete
Your never second best
But I really cant help but wonder
Do you ever get stressed?

You do chemistry and business
You run track everyday
You work two jobs on weekends
And yet, you don't seem to be in disarray

Does it ever get to difficult?
Putting up such an act
Cause surely one point in time
Your reputation cracked

Sure you make your bad jokes
And everything seems fine
But does there ever come a point
Where your two lives entwine

A perfect boy doesn't exist
So what i would like to know
Is there something about you
that you never dared to show?

Cause many sit here wondering
And many wish to know
What hides beneath that facade of yours?
whats hidden deep below?

A thousand petals
Flow through the sky
Gracefully floating
In and out of sight  

Behind the walls
Of roses a gleam
A labyrinth awaits
Filled with the wildest dreams  

Clicking of heels
Running upon a stoney little path
He's calling your name
Simply follow along the footpath

You can see his smile
As he turns another corner
Ever so slightly out of reach
Keep going you're getting warmer

The sun streams down
Following at each turn
It seems so hopeless now
But determination is stern

He's teasing you
You can hear his voice in the wind
Like a mere whisper by your ear
Its drawing you in

To a place that you thought
Was only within fairy tales
And finally you reach him
Taking in all of the details

Capturing this moment
Like a photograph and image
Forever engraved into your mind
You can hear them all saying

Love can be blind

Forgetting the past
History of you and him
He's the one you want
Even if all odds seem dim

In the moment you let him hold you
Gently within his arms
And you truly believe then
He could never do you harm

Though when the world seems to fade
And you've been hurt time and time again
You're willing to believe anything
Allowing yourself to fall victim to sin

But in this rose filled garden
Where the sun is beautifully bright
You forget about the reality
And allow yourself to bask in the light  

Closing your eyes
Here he's standing handsome and tall
But when you open you're eyes
There will be nothing at all

Within this Rose Filled Garden



~

Tell me something
Would you dear?
Tell me something
I want to hear

Tell me I'm beautiful
That i'm better then the rest
Tell me I'm unique
That I'm incredibly blessed

Tell me that I'm creative
With all my writing skills and Art
Tell me that I'm amazing
That I'm insanely smart

Tell me that I'm special
The only one for you
Tell me that you don't need them
That you'll never tell me adieu

Tell me that I'm kind
That I'm tender and sincere
Tell me that I'm innocent
Even though I'm someone to be feared

Tell me that I'm not a mess
That I'm not broken inside
Tell me that I'm perfect as I am
That it doesn't matter that I lied

Tell me that I'm not unwanted
That my friends actually need me
Tell me that my soul isn't black
That you understand and can see me

So tell me with pure honesty
What is hidden within my eyes
Tell me that you know the truth
That there is more underneath my disguise

I need to leave
I've ought to say goodbye
This unrequited love
Simply must to die

I've completely slipped your mind
Fallen through the cracks
My only existence now
Is a forgotten name in your contacts

Below all those studs, that you call your great friends
And underneath all those girls you call at 3am
Covered in dust as it grows old with age
I sit here and wait, patiently within this stone cold cage

Transienting through life, days pass like any other
Sleepless nights, Friendships bite, Its simply quite a bother
Messages from others, blowing up my phone
Yet without yours, I feel so alone

I thought I had forgotten you
Moved on from my past
I was going to find another
But that was never going to last

It seems I cant escape
no matter how far I run
Is this merely my fate
Or is it karma having fun

What can I do?
What can I say?
Because a simple text from you
Consumes my waking days

Is this intentional?
Are you leading me on for fun?
Our texts are quite stale, answers are close to none
Every time we talk now, You always seem so done

But once in a blue moon
We call for a single night
Forgetting the conflict
Our souls filled with delight

I'll put it all behind me, Let it fade from my mind
I'll dwell in emptiness and move on with my life
Even though these feelings, cut through me like a knife
Acting like nothings wrong, Everything okay
Just force on a smile
It doesn't bother me anyway.

You threw me away
What was I meant to do?
So don't tell me that
I was the one that gave up on you

You Disappeared
Completely vanished from my life
Tearing my soul piece by piece
Cutting my heartstrings with a knife

Flaunting about your amazing new life
Telling me how the grass is greener
Manipulating me with those sugar coated words
Though those words couldn't taste any sweeter

Forgetting me, Running away
Thats the least you could do
Yet as I walk these lonely halls
Everything I see reminds me of you

The classrooms and paths
Our spot that was meant forever
broken wood and metal music
These held no meaning for you whatsoever

STOP IT
He's Gone and never coming back

I know that better than anyone
I've painted all our memories black
They've been poisoned by the eroding pain
The fear of my heart starting to crack

Its Pathetic to keep clawing
Trying to hold your place in their heart
Screaming and crying so desperately
When all they want is to be apart

At one point he did care
It wasn't all a lie
I guess to him, I'm just one of a million stars
That twinkle within the night sky

Reflecting on our good times
The times where he did cared
Though we are but strangers now
I miss the good times that we shared

I know that within his life
There is no place for me
Though I have given him my heart
Its now my turn to be free

So when you finally do realise
That my heart no longer belongs to you
Don't blame me for leaving
As you were the first to say Adieu.

They say you're a Monster
A vile villain, A Hideous Beast
And that might be true
You've painted a fearsome picture
An image that chills people to their very core
Guarding your soul in deceit
Surrounding yourself within a den of lies
though the whispers of the shadows
This power bestowed from above
But you love this Fear
The fear that you create
That stirs the souls of the weak
And kills everything made in the name of love
I'm standing here with you
I should be afraid
I know.
You expect me to tremble
To cower at your feet
But this fear wont stop me from seeing
It wont stop me from unveiling the truth
The reality behind that mask that you wear
This power and persona that you've fabricated
Is hiding the real you within there
You may not be forgiven for everything you've done
But I'm willing to stand by you, I'll stay with you
I'll promise you that I'll never run
And though I may fear the consequences of seeing
And in a fleeting moment you could tear me apart
but this fear that beats simply wont stop me
It wont stop me from finding your Heart

You're more than
A Monster shrouded in lies.

R u n
Disappear
Avoid him at all costs
Pretend that nothing happened
That in that moment you didnt get lost
H i d e
Escape
His Feelings have changed
He left his heart in your hands
This boy must be deranged
S t o p
Retreat
Halt, Don't panic
Why are you freaking out?
His motives aren't satanic
W h y
He's in love with you
You played along
Didnt you want this too?
How can you pretend nothing wrong
H e a r t l e s s
You lead them on
Fill them with delight
Crush them the next day
Make them dread that wonderful night
F r i g h t e n e d
Acting like a monster
A Cold. Cruel. *****.
But in reality your just afraid
Afraid, to be the one left in a ditch
D e c i d e
Don't do it unless your certain
If you don't love him, don't try
Your not ready for commitment
There is no need to lie
L o v e
Don't pick at the faults
All the what ifs, the possibilities
Take things slow, fall for him
Accept the responsibility
T r u s t
In him and yourself
He won't hurt you
He won't expose or leave you for dead
Just be ready, together you'll face what's ahead

~

You're going to catch a cold and die
He laughed it off with a gentle sigh
It's not that cold
It really is!!!
And so our little argument begins

The wind isint cold

A confident tone within his voice
Wearing an amused smile
Stop right there kid
Its too early to rejoice

But the wind itself IS cold

That's not how it works

An endless back and forth verbal fight
Dragging on into the dark hours of the night
This was clearly going no where
We made the call to look it up
Its stated that

wind and air which has heated up,
slightly is moved and replaced for new air which is colder

Grinning like a Cheshire cat
Thinking he had won the Game
That almost taunting smile
I swear its driving me insane

But... It says its cold

Groaning in frustration
He yells out loud
I give up!
Now he's not too proud

Burying his head
Into his arms
I'm laughing away
Trying not to do anymore harm

I don't understand how you don't get it at all

I just dont want you to catch a cold

He signs as he goes out yet again
Getting into his car
He sends me a picture
He'd put on his jacket
Are you happy now?

Very.


The wind isint cold



~