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Oct 2020 · 134
Let me Rest
Nyx Oct 2020
My mind is far too tired for these fundamental games
Worn down by voices repeating whispers that are all the same
Where the villainesses sins are known and the victims are many
It's useless to be virtuous, It isn't worth a penny

Let me walk far away from the crowds of plenty
Where they disregard their morals, if there even are any
A world that use to be 'interesting', thrilling, to say the least
Though overtime the childish endeavors never seem to cease

Aren't you tired of this world, isn't it time to grow up?
Because I've already begun to leave this crooked setup
The rumors, the lies, the backstabbing truths
Its preteen games, that should have been left behind in our youth

There is simply no time, nor the energy to waste on petty things
Nobody worth impressing, there are no prideful kings
No need to interact or associate with those I hate
Nor those who treated me poorly, while using the title of a mate

Who has the energy for all of this these days

Let me Rest.
Sep 2020 · 236
A Poisonous Flower Garden
Nyx Sep 2020
It grows like a garden
Lodged within your throat
Vines and roots pouring out
Blooming with such elegant notes
Flowers amitting a sweetness
So tasteless to the tongue
As the choking feeling erupts
To those failing words does it clung
Staring into the starlight
Eyes swelling red
As the tears water the garden
Of which words are dyed red
Vibrant colours of many
As the bees come to pollen
Poison is the beautiful
As the blooming flowers that have fallen
As the vines wrap your throat
And the sickening sweetness **** you slow
The words stuck within your throat
Are yet to be known.

Like a poisonous flower garden
Blooming so beautiful
Ah, What a sight.
Anxiety.
Those words keep getting caught within your throat
Killing you slowly
May 2020 · 418
Everything
Nyx May 2020
It hurts.

When it feels like your whole world is breaking

S H A T T E R I NG

B R E A K I N G

Into tiny little pieces

When everything you've worked for
Fought for, with all your might
Feels like its slipping away between your fingers

And you keep trying to grasping that fraying rope
Trying to hold onto that last piece of hope
But the power is no longer in your hands
You can't do anything about this
Only he can

And it hurts.
Feeling it all on the bridge of disappearing

That warmth you feel in his smile
The softness in his hair
The short prickle stubble on his face
The way he looks and stares

That perfectly beautiful blue eyes
Swelling with emotions about
His genuine feelings for you
A cute little pout

His large hands entwined with yours
Those comforting endless cuddles
The security and safety he makes you feel
Love welling up like bubbles

When you love him so dear
That he doesn't even know
That to you, he has become
Your entire world

He may not be able to give you a future
That one true promise
But being with him is enough
All that he is, and ever will be is enough

So keep holding my hand
Please don't let go
And keep walking this path with me
Let's see where this road goes.
May 2020 · 326
Try
Nyx May 2020
Try
It will workout.























surely...
May 2020 · 111
Awhile Longer
Nyx May 2020
I ask myself the question
How much longer will we last?
You are trying you say
That was also said in the past

(But I know you really are)

Another week?
Another Month?

I'm afraid when you will stop
When you can't go on any longer
When will I be dropped

I wish to stay as long as I can
Stay happily with you as long as I can
I wish for your love
Your happiness
But is staying with me part of the plans

I want a future with you
But I know that may not come true
I just want to stay with you
Awhile longer
Please my dear blue

Another year longer
Give me time to have hope
I've only just retrieved it
I'm trying to cope

I'm begging you won't change
That you'll still want to be with me
You'll still love me dear
That you won't want to let me go

And I'll pray and I'll pray
I'll plead and I'll plead
To the almighty heavens
Looking down at thee

Give us fate, Give us hope
Give us a chance to grasp the fraying rope
Let us keep trying as long as we possibly can
Let me continue holding onto that precious hand

Awhile longer
Let me feel happiness
Just awhile longer
May 2020 · 162
My Personal Sunset
Nyx May 2020
I have been told I have a tendency to love hard
So I’ll try to love you gently,

The kind you can rest your head knowing I’ll still be here in the morning
I’ll be careful,
Because I know the past hasn’t treated you as well as our present will

I always find myself trying to find myself
And I’m not confident every day
So I hope it means more when I confidently say I love you

I struggle with insecurities
I won’t project this onto you

I will not make it your duty to show me how to love myself
I only ask that you love me in the way you do

Honestly, I'm obsessed with the sky
But I look at you and wonder how satisfied God must feel, having painted something more beautiful than sunsets
Mar 2020 · 1.0k
Use to be mine
Nyx Mar 2020
~

She's imperfect, but she tries
She is good, but she lies
She is ******* herself
She is broken and won't ask for help
She is messy, but she's kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone, but she used to be mine


~
Feb 2020 · 188
I need an outlet
Nyx Feb 2020
All I want to do is

S C R E A M

To yell so loud

The world around me shakes

As these endless feeling

keep piling up

higher

&

higher

And I know very soon

I'm just going to

B  R  E  A  K

-
Jan 2020 · 232
Stuck in my Throat
Nyx Jan 2020
I talk too much or not at all
As I'm afraid to sound self-centered
Talking about my insecurities and woe
Just end up making me feel so low

I open my mouth and words pour out
Trying hard not to sound like a victim
But the more I explain, the more in vain
As the worry and fear grows heavier

Communication is key

I understand this to be true
But to capture the full extent
Of my mind at bay is difficult
As words barely make a dent

As I hold my tongue
And the voices they plague me
It's selfish to talk about my own
I fear you take my words as pleas

Framing myself as incapable
Needy and attention-seeking
I can't speak on behalf of my own
As these feelings keep creeping

All these words getting caught in my throat
Leaving me with poor explanations
And them with no ability to understand



~
I always feel like when I talk about myself that I come off to other people as being self-centered, victimizing myself or just searching for attention and pity. So I stop even though all I want is to allow people to understand me, these words keep getting stuck in my throat
Jan 2020 · 243
Am I
Nyx Jan 2020
Am I kind?
Am I good?
Am I all that you think?
Or am I just a curse
Such an awful little jinx
Chewing up your soul
Leaving you broken links
Rueing the day you choose me
Drawing you to the brinks
Cursing my name under breath
Sighs in anger and defeat
Growing tired of this self-hatred
Sipping on poison-filled sweets
So silence the roaring cries
Of this good person that you seek
As they are nowhere to be found
I am but another selfish freak
Jan 2020 · 131
Square One
Nyx Jan 2020
I'm a fool who's rage is written on a page
Flickering with fire, fueled by a painful desire
Unruly and unjust it burns without control
Till its content with its remains of dark ash and coal
Seeking no shelter, though it must be contained
She screams as she cries trapped in a cage
Walls adoring her, only growing stronger with age
Dreading the knocking that echos so loud
Fumbling with the keys, throwing them to the ground
Huddling into one's self, as the world grows c o l d
Yearning for somebody who can allow her to be whole
As she kicks and she screams, pushing them away
It's difficult to get past this tremendous facade
That holds so well, ingrained into her being
Disregarding the world and others well-being
How heartless and cold
How selfish and bold
Pitiful you are
with that narcissist mask, you hold

Dance me another dance
Within that ballroom of yours
Filled with the most beautiful flowers
And those demons that taunt at all hours
Its cold deep within, even with fires set aflame
As she continues burning within her own stone-cold cage.

Here we are again,
Square one.



~
Setting fires within a castle that you build to protect your own
Burning all who dare to draw in to close
Though the knocking won't stop
Dec 2019 · 143
Den of Snakes
Nyx Dec 2019
Cry me a river
Of insure little tears
Sparkling like diamonds
Filled with your greatest fears
Let it glisten, Let it flow
Down your cheeks
To the land below
Salty to the tongue
Taste it upon your skin
Be still my little darling
He's watching with a grin
Thriving off your sadness
He pushes the knife further in
Prying on your weakness
To unveil deeper sins
Sins that have been locked away
Beneath the facade of a smile
Nothing bothers the angel dear
Even those who are vile
Emotions make you weak
Nobody wishes to see the evil
Disgusting feelings of envy
That you so dearly keep
Rage and jealousy
Hide them away
Calm and gentle
Let them stay
For nobody will love
A girl who displays
Her heart boldly upon her cheek
They will fire their arrows at the rate
Of the time it takes for your heart to break
Run and hide with all your might
Do all you can but fight
Foxes they play
Snakes they bite
In the den you are trapped
You know that I'm right
And while in the home of the serpents
You will come to know
That the faces you loved
Are the first to go
And its then you will see
That surrounded by people
Is the moment you realize
You are truly alone

For nobody is willing to enter the den of those that break
As all the friends you loved turned out to be that of those very same snakes


-
Dec 2019 · 243
Crunching Lollipops
Nyx Dec 2019
Crunching on a lollipop
Sends shivers down my spine
”To enhance the flavour” you say
Whatever helps ease your mind

Enjoying the sweets
Emitting a pleasant scent
While pondering of these feelings
Beating around my chest

Holding on tight
Fingers entwined
Knowing well I am his
And that lollipop cruncher is mine

But just like those hard candies
He crushes between his teeth
I wonder...

Will my heart be just like those
Strawberry flavoured sweets?



~
Nov 2019 · 259
Love a ghost
Nyx Nov 2019
Compressing my heart
Between the palms of your hands
Tear it into tiny bits
Until nothing else stands
Repeating the words under breath
Love me, Love me not
Debating with your heart
Careful not to get caught
Take heed in my words
And my cries in the night
Spew apologies with guilt
Don't take it too light
Distinguish for yourself
Between right and wrong
Boundaries and respect
Aren't particularly strong
Know my pain on the surface
Change nothing within existence
Haunted feelings unkept
Cause me to grow distance
Decide is what I want
But choice isn't simple
I won't be the one I know
Unfair and Unjust
Knowing too well
Hatred or rejection
I wish not to know
In silence, I shall keep
As feelings begin to grow
Wishing to love you endlessly
And for you to do the same
But I know its hopeless
As your voice still calls her name
A ghost he says
Floating about
An exorcist I say
Is what I'd love to shout
But I know more and more
That's impossible, I doubt
I just want your love with no strings attached
My heart already feels it, But I can't allow it to be unlatched
Secured in the vault, unwavering at its bolts
It can't, I won't allow it to be released
Not until the ghost is gone
Though that won't ever happen
Unless I want to become scorned.
I care beyond the brink of love
I don't wish to leave
But this pain that constantly echos
Causes me to grieve

Please...
Just don't hate me for feeling this way.


-
Alas what can I do
Nov 2019 · 293
Not yet
Nyx Nov 2019
I can't love you, Not yet
How can I when your words are so hard to forget?
They aren't malicious, or cruel
they aren't filled with bad intent
But her name keeps ringing in my head

You've fallen in love with me you say

You wouldn't tell me such lies
Though I can't bring myself to believe
Even with that heartfelt look in your eyes
You warm my heart, make me smile
You've shone a new light into my life
You are kind to me, good to me


Though your words conjure strife

I know in your heart you still love her dearly
I would have to be blind in order not to see it so clearly
There is no future in me, as you hurt from the one of her
And perhaps in the years to come you say

Who knows what will happen with her

I don't expect or want plans for a wedding or a family
I just wish that while with me now
You'd think of the us of now
, not a future of her
So how can I love someone who's heart can't choose?
She's like a haunting ghost that's long overdue

And you know it hurts me, it tears me apart
That you're still longing for her not so deep down in your heart
So forgive me for being hesitant and unable to return those words
But I'm only trying to protect myself from the hurt
Because I care about you so dearly it drives me insane
But I can't allow myself to fall in love with you
Not yet



-
I'm sorry that I'm trying so hard to protect myself, but I know if I allow myself to fall in love I will just be more torn apart in the future. There is no security blanket or safety for being with him forever, I know that and I don't expect that of him, I just want him to believe in us of now, but his longing for her and that future hope of getting back together is what kills me. He cares for me and loves me, but he still loves her as well, So how can I allow myself to be so vulnerable and to give my all to a boy who see's me only as tempory.
I'll never match up to her, so again I'm sorry but I can't allow myself to fall in love with you. Not yet.
Nyx Oct 2019
Throwing my phone against the wall
Hearing it go off another hundred times
Catching a glimpse of my reflection
With a bitter chuckle, I think to myself

God, I'm such an ugly crier


-
Yeah... this isn't a good look for me
Gonna go back to bottling it up
Ya yeet
Nyx Aug 2019
It’s the way she talks, the way she walks
It’s how her hair flows in the wind
There are so many things I don’t know where to begin

Her smile, saying it’ll be worth while
Her eyes that glisten with mischief
Her body and curves
It’s how she acts that gets on my nerves

And of all the people of the world
You are the one I fear the most
I’m so afraid you will take everything
Then unconsciously you’ll boast

It riddles me with fear
You spark a harsh light in my heart
Pitting holes within my stomach
Tearing me apart

And all because I’m jealous
Jealous of only you in this world
And whenever I look at you I think
I’ll never be enough

Poem after poem I write
Trying to extinguish this fright
But my insecurities keep me company
You set me on fire with your “light”

I’ll never get over this complex
This deep rooted thing of you
Feeling Inferior and worthless
No matter how many say it’s not true

Because thinking of it always makes me feel blue
All on top with the fact that I’m losing you

What a pitiful mess
Just lay me to rest.



-
I’ll never measure up to her
No matter how hard I try
All I do is meaningless
When in a moment she can ****** it away
Just like all the rest, over and over again
and the more she takes the more I break
Until I simply can't handle it anymore
Aug 2019 · 246
Falling like the stars
Nyx Aug 2019
In dreams, they tell us to live out free
Let our hearts rage on, flooding like seas
And with you by my side, the warmth ignites
Alighting a fire so far, the sun begins to shy

Little side glances, and bursting grins
Laughter and happiness, all of these things
From stolen kisses of many, as regards to many firsts
Hickeys and bite marks, it's all rather perverse

Through the sun that hits your eyes, a reflection as clear as sky
Crystalized in a memorizing blue, within happiness it lies
Breathing out another sigh, filled with contentment
Entranced by the one in front of me, How fleetingly pleasant

Entangled in bedsheets, within each other's arms
Fingers entwined together, How can a boy hold such charms?
Tracing the patterns on your skin, mapping out constellations
Running fingers through your hair, we've created a firm foundation

And in his presence, I am a child bubbling with glee
While my shield relinquish but refuse to let me free
Insecurities creep and that voice begins to echo,
Though not a moment of doubt is buried deep below

Just fear of abandonment that I can't help but shake
Fear that my heart loves you much more then I can take
And gazing into those orbs, that shine so true
With ever sweet words, that make me feel far less blue

Captivated by the you, that stands before me today
With every flaw and imperfection, I still decide to stay
As being perfect doesn't matter, as long as your enough for you
And as long as your heart beats wild and decides to stay true

And fleeting moments pass us by, such a gorgeous temptation
Though being with you alone is enough, such an amazing sensation
The future is a mystery as far as anybody can see
Though, in the end, we'll hear its great unfinished symphony

In the meantime, we will lay, in the darkness of night
Two childish lovers only at the beginning of this fight
Creating memories of many, regardless of our scars
Finishing each other's sentences and Falling like the stars.
Aug 2019 · 321
It seem to be so
Nyx Aug 2019
I'm tired of pondering, pestering over what's gone
Meaningless small talk, Give another yawn
Distance is feeling, forever unyielding
Just another unsalvagable friendship
I'm better off just leaving

Walk me around the river bend
Lockets in your hand, Tell of your wondrous life,
Oh and the things that cause you strife
I can hear it in your tone of voice, see it in your smile
I use to love to see you, Now it isn't worth my while

Now tell me that you love me, cry that you care
But in the moments I needed you, were you ever really there?
And it breaks my heart to tell you, It hurts my soul to know
But what we had is gone, encased within the winter snow.
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