Words with you, are overrated.

Your light green eyes, smooth honey to my soul.

Through my spiritual reflection I see your face.

I hear my thoughts narrated, with your voice.

A shivering, and I know it's you.

Our bodies calling for each other.

We connect through silence.

We just know.

It's happening.

It.

Fresh spring air, whispers of freedom.

The purple sky fills me with hope, new life.

After months in despair I now feel at ease.

I forgive it all.

A choice to release myself from the painful chains.

I watch the key to sadness dissolve in my hands.

I hear the swallows returning home,
while I dream of something new.

A heart once filled with so much love..

Now grey, slowly turning into stone.

Love is fading, it's getting hard to feel.

A heart so tired it's shutting down.

With every beat it gets colder.

Another heart lost to the dark.

No more wasted love.

I can still feel your lips on me.

From a time when i thought they were mine.

But i don't think they ever were.

I can still feel you.

From a time when i thought you were mine.

But i don't think you ever were.

You could've left, honestly I wouldn't have blamed you.

You could've left, but you didn't.

Instead you drew your sword, fully armoured.

Alongside with me you fought.

Slayed my demons one by one.

When my strenght ran out you held the frontline.

I see you rise and fall, only to rise again.

You fight and you bleed, for me.

My best friend, know that I'm always ready.

Ready to fight for you, I'll slay 'till my last breath.

For you.

I love you my swordsman.

I'm sitting on his shoulders, looking out at the rest of the dancing crowd.

The music puts a spell on the evening.

I breathe happiness, pure joy.

Have I ever felt this free?

My hand fits perfectly in his.

We dance our way through the crowd of happy people.

Such a magical night.

We sparkle, just like the fireworks.

The night belongs to us.

My tall stranger and I.

He tastes like tobacco and beer, just like me.

Tonight we belong together, I feel proud to have him by my side.

I'm sure I will see him again soon,
my tall stranger

Like two yo-yo's we're taking turns on having feelings for one another.

Will we ever meet halfway?

We spin between fear and love, but never at the same time.

The midpoint is within reach.

Yet one rope is streched while the other is wrapped tight.

I hope one day our yo-yo's get tangled so we can live in balance and harmony.

The things we do to be loved.

Choosing to live drowning in lies rather than standing alone.

Empty promises of a dream life that seems too good to be true.

But the hope that it might actually happen is stronger than facing reality.

Because it can happen... right?

Love fools the brain so easily.

It's no challenge tricking someone in love.

Like puppets we follow every lead, believing everything that's fed to us.

Just to get to that wonderful life, living happily every after.

A time that will never come.

The leader is now bored.

Suddenly reality hits like a brick.

It's like waking up from a coma.

Only to realize all that's left is an empty shell of who we used to be.

It's been officially over for months but everytime we see each other it's like nothing's happened.

Last time I saw you you said you wanted to kiss me and I said I wouldn't mind..

I knew it was stupid, that I'd spend the day after crying.
I told you I wouldn't but I lied..
And I cried.
I know you're not my home anymore but as soon as your lips touch mine I feel home again.
I wanted to live in that lie, if only for one more night.
Everytime I tell myself it's the last time but my knees still get weak when I see you, and I give in.

With your hand in mine I told you how afraid I was, that some day in the future I'll be alone thinking back to this perfect day. You looked into my eyes with love and told me not to worry because that would never happen. We were always gonna be a couple, remembering this day together. And then you kissed me.

It's almost been a year since that day, and my fear came true. Here I am remembering by myself.
That perfect day in the park..
The songs you showed me, the smoke from your cigarette, the sun on our faces, the lake view, the talk about our future together, laying in the grass, watching the green leaves on the tree above us, you taught me about the colour changes in the leaves depending on the reflection from the sun, your head in my lap, how I touched every bit of your face trying to memorize exactly how it felt.
It was one of the happiest days of my life, I felt at peace and everything was perfect. I tried to **** it all in, tried to remember everything because I knew soon it'll only be a memory.

A memory from a life that I wanted to live forever. But my fear came true.

Waves, like hands comforting the dry rocks.

My stone cold heart.

He promised me to always be my wave.

Everytime I'm about to dry out he's there.

Washing away all fear.

When I'm about to suffocate, he changes direction.

Allowing me to breathe.

Exposing me to the sun.

Like clockwork he's there again, soaking me.

They say home is where the heart is.

But where is my heart?
I can't remember where I left it.

Retracing my steps, constantly searching.

I need to find my heart.

I want to feel home again.

Billy from Belfast.

Oh, I wish I could explain what you did to me..

I close my eyes and I can still see us there,
on your tiny balcony.

The silence of our dreams covered by a voice that sings about an unknown future.

The sun dancing on the rooftops.

You are me and I am you, a soul connection out of this world..

A silent minute for our fallen hero, Chester Bennington.
A cheer with Stella.

Tired legs running, empty streets.

Our laughter echoes, a dead bar street.

A lost phone, a search for an open supermarket.

An empty beach, no life guards on duty.

My head on your chest, shared chemistry.

Your lips on my forehead..

Oh, how the morning sun hit your face.

I wish you'd realise how beautiful you are..

I take a sip of your ****** drink, I smile and take your hand.

Sticky salty skin, the heat of the rising sun.

7AM.

Sand in my cup, I see you watching the horizon.

I look at you and I wonder..
Can I have you?

...Billy from Belfast.

Trying to run in the dark, cold night but my bleeding feet won't allow it.

My face is covered in tears and make-up, my body's shaking in fear.

It's 3AM on New years eve.

I feel so alone and broken.

Why did you let me go?
How could you let me leave?

I chose you once again,
you let me go like too many times before.

Not even a word to show that you care if I'm okey.

I wished for 2019 to show our fate.

It did.

Three hours in, I saw it all so clear.

I'm now letting you go.

The grey area is not for me.

I'm made for bright colours,
colours that you ruin with darkness.

Farewell, my grey area.

I thank you for killing my feelings for you, at last.

So much work and determination for that moment.

Weeks of training, to predict all the opponent's moves.

Tears of frustration, blisters and bruises all over your body.

Looking at others enjoying food you're not allowed to touch.

Running, with a burning feeling in your chest.

All for that moment, those 4 minutes that can change everything.

Judges lined up, blue and red flags in their hands.

The fear of them not raising your color in the end.

The surrounding sounds go away.

Fighting gear on, nodding to you coach's distant words.

The sweat starts running under your helmet, heart's racing fast, the adrenaline kicks in.

The sign is given, it's time.

The mat feels bigger than it looks.

With shaky legs you walk out, to bow for your opponent.

Facing each other, you'll never forget the eyes of your enemy.

The whistle blows, the moment has arrived. It's time to put the weeks of training into action.

One final deep breath.

Fight. Fight for the time you've sacrificed.

Fight with all your might, to earn that medal around your neck.

Cause in that moment it's worth everything.

Teary eyes, heavy chest.

Burning anxiety, trouble breathing.

Hours feel like days, days feel like years.

He's close, yet so far..

His eyes, so hard to ignore.

My cries to be understood, failing.

Am I asking too much?

A moment alone, and I wonder..

Summer's on it's end, are we too?

And yet again he reminded her why she chose a life without him.

Deceived once again.

Lies stuck on repeat.

The thing is, she doesn't fall for it anymore.

He can feel himself getting powerless as she grows stronger.

Her tears are replaced by rage and he's desperate for her attention.

She has the power to destroy his life, anytime she can strike.

But knowing that she can is enough, life will take care of him.

She'll get over him, move on to someone better.

They both know it, that's what makes her smile and him regretting.

This time he'll be left broken and alone,

while she's happy with someone who deserves her.

That's her revenge.

There's something about the honesty that shows when there's no way back.

When you scream your heart out for the last time.

Knowing that it doesn't matter anymore, you just go for it.

The need to get it all out.

Hoping that it'll change everything..
yet knowing that it won't.

Crying, knowing we've lost each other, we finally listened.

A lifetime's worth of silence seperating us.

And then it all changed.

It was like the final piece of the puzzle showed on the table.

We both realized what it meant, what it'd take to put it in place.

With shaky hands we made our choice.

A perfect puzzle completed.

I'm totally unprepared for what's to come..

"It's best for us to break up".

A decision neither of us could stand for.

The love is obvious while hearing each other cry in silence for hours.

"We'll talk face to face tomorrow".

Words that can make a day feel like eternity.

I dread, yet long to see him.

The traces of tears from yesterday still shows on my face.

Will tomorrow make them even more visible?

I can't predict the outcome, at all.

Not knowing is draining..

Not knowing if he'll hold me in his arms ever again..

Not knowing if I'll feel his lips against mine again..

Not knowing if he'll ever be my partner again..

Not knowing if he ever was?

I guess my destiny will point me in the right direction.

While standing on tomorrow's crossroads.

I did everything for you.

I even sacrificed myself.

It didn't mean anything to you.

Nothing was good enough.

You left. And you took me with you.

I don't even see you anymore, I mean I do, but I don't.

I only have eyes for him now.

Your brown eyes have lost their power to me.

They no longer make my legs weak, they make them heavier.

I saw you last night, and I froze with fear.

But I have him, he is my safe place.

When he holds my hand while walking down the street I feel indestructable.

I glaze over my shoulder, and I see that you don't even fit in his shadow.

I feel your gaze burning.

And I can't stop smiling towards the sun.

My kisses must be toxic, poisonous.

Starving for love, they **** every chance.

I'm longing for affection, pure love.

I wonder if my eyes give it away.

The fear of being hard to love, toxic.

I lean in.

His lips feels cold on mine.

I used my triggers again.
To check my feelings.

Our songs and pictures of you.
I felt nothing.

Somehow it's frustrating.
To feel nothing at all.

I never thought I'd get over you.
It seems like I did.

In a way I feel sad.
Cause you don't mean anything anymore..

I thought you'd always keep a piece of my heart.
But I've let you go completely.

That hurts too.

My heart is playing tricks.

The butterflies were going one direction.

Only to be caught up in a storm.

And now they're flying all over the place.

I guess that's the beauty of it all.

Not knowing which way the wind will take them.

And he hurt her over and over again.

Instead of saying Sorry, he said I love you.

She fell for it everytime.

But after awhile those words lost meaning.

His actions didn't match the words.

She started to crave something else, an apology.

An apology she never got.

That's what finally made her leave.

To live loving someone who was never sorry for breaking her.

There's only ashes left from the fire you once started in me

When I picture us together it's almost perfect.

We always have a blast, laughing together and talking about everything and nothing.

How beautiful it would be to add summer dates, roadtrips, singing in the car and kisses to that.

But that picture is cracking.

It's getting clearer that we will never be.

It hurts. My god it hurts..

You must be feeling it too, but something is holding you back.

I think about you all the time, and what we could be.

How do I bury my feelings for you when you make my heart skip beats when I hear you laugh and smile at me?

How do I let this go when everytime you look me deep in the eyes I just wanna kiss you?

I'm caught in the waves of suffocation, but I'll learn how to surf on them to catch the fresh air of freedom again.

You used to kiss my scars, used to cherish my broken pieces.

You promised to always be there.. to always listen.

Somehow it's changing..

"Honey" is now replaced by my name.

Your voice sounds cold on the phone, "low battery" you said.

I can't deny it, my gut is screaming.

I am losing him.

Left alone,
the way he said my name still echoes in my head.

When did your promises turn fake?

An old enemy turned into clarity.
In the silence I hear my truth.
The winds carry my voice,
from lifetimes ago.
Eternal.
Ancient wisdom purifies my soul.
I now choose to listen.

Beyond the noice, I hear life.

Two fences, seperating me from the outside world.
Barbed wire, sharp razorblades.

I have an hour to breathe fresh air.
To get a sense of reality, to feel alive.

Eyes closed, in my mind I'm almost free.
No locks. No guards. No uniforms.

A brief moment. Silence.

And there it is, the sound that has defined me for years.

Keys.

I still remember the first time I heard your voice.

16 years ago you blew me away.

Your words spoke to me.

One of my dearest memories..

I'll never forget it.

I fell in love with your words.

Every day you kept me going, kept me alive.

When I lost hope you were there.

And now you're gone.

No more words. Only grief.

Another star burned out.

A piece of me died with you..

Now you're frozen in time.

We need each other.

The mess and I.

We're like magnets.

In the moments of silence, one of us calls.

The calm and peace kills us both.

Without chaos we wouldn't exist.

I no longer know who created who.

But I do know,

we're like yin and yang, the mess and I.