I know it seems
Like I'm a
Typical
****-up
Boring
Nerd,
But I'm not;
That's just
My facade for
The real me.

A lie
A lie is what I am
A lie is what I am living
A lie is what I am living everyday

But no one knows
Not a soul knows
That a lie is what I am living

'It's nice to meet you' they say
'It's nice to meet the real you' they unknowingly lie

And the lie within me laughs
The lie within me chortles endlessly
The lie within me snickers and prances and chortles and laughs.
For only it knows
That a lie is what I am living,
That a lie is what I am.

Alone in the desert,
A gun strapped to his back,
He stares to the horizon.

Wind rustling his hair,
Sand whipping at his feet,
He watches the battle rage on.

Face of deadly calm,
Hands loose at his sides,
He prepares to unleash his wrath.

Scars tainting his face,
Internal pain bruising his soul,
He takes a step closer.

Alone in the desert,
A gun strapped to his back,
He whispers to the burning light:

A silent promise of torment,
A silent promise of misery,
A silent promise of pain.

To everyone who dared scathe him,
To everyone who dared look at him,
And to everyone unwilling to die.

You mess me around
As if I am clay
Easily moldable
To your cold hands
But I am not clay.

You push me around
As if I am a joke
Laughed at
By your friends
But I am no joke.

You slap me and kick me
As if I am solid
But I will break
Just like glass
I am not that strong.

When you bully me,
When you hurt me,
It does more than just
Shatter my bones;
It shatters my heart

Because I still remember
Those days when we were
Friends,
Those days when we laughed
Together,
Those days when we made fun of
Others.

So when you push me around
As if I am a doll,
The betrayal
Stings more
Than the physical bruises.

As your fingers tighten
I start to remember
That my faith in you is weakened.

As my breaths fade
Those happy moments
Swarm my mind.

Because when you push me and taunt me
There is only one thing I think:
The brother you were is gone.

And what hurts more
Than that realisation
Is the knowledge that
You remember those moments
In which got along.

That betrayal cuts me more
Than your fingers around my throat

Blink
Once
Twice
Thrice
Keep blinking  
Don’t think more about it
Just blink
Blink away the dark
Because my lashes are that strong aren't they.

Blood rushes
When you walk in the room

Sweat beads
When your shadow starts to loom

Tears vanish
Now you're down in your tomb.

It starts with his beautiful bright blue eye,
So steady and sure as the wings flutter and sigh.
They keep watch of the life below,
The nectar and the flowers that grow
A forest of colours, red to indigo.

Now, when the eyes shutter and blink,
The flowers look up and they think,
'Here is our dazzling friend,
Come here to dance and defend,
And to our gardens tend'.

Here, it whispers to a mother and child
Remembering all the times that they smiled
To each other and held hands
To help the child thrive and withstand
The winter's harshest command.

The mother waves and the child shakes
In excitement and down fall the flakes
Of yellow but quickly goes the protector
Gathering the pieces and the nectar
And hurrying back to inspect her.

Often people suspect that this pest
Eats the flowers and destroys their nest
But little do they know of why
The mother flower strokes the pest's eye.
You see butterflies don't just flutter by.

They have a duty and a burden
To protect the flowers of their garden
And see that everything is safe and sound
Down there on the ground.

Too much algae in a lake
Or rotten leaves in a puddle
They keep me awake
Evertrapped in this bubble
Of worry and exhaustion
Loneliness and doubt
I swim and they churn
And I can't get out
I can't get out
I can't get out of the grave I'm in
Is this really how it's always been?
Doesn't matter now; I've nothing to do
Except claw at the leaves and hope I get through.

Don't you think it's strange
How easily my moods can change?

From temperamental, sad and all that
To laughing and happy in a second flat.

Sometimes I wonder
If it's a different person coming up from under.

Because that's the only thing that can explain
How I go from smiling to a world of pain.

Does the moon know?
That people seek it for support,
For hope and companionship?

Does it know that to us,
It's much more than just a ball of
Rock floating in darkness?
It has existed for billions of years,
Orbiting us ever loyally
Always the faithful servant dragged around by gravity
And yet it does not know
That the people who trampled on its skin
Blemishing its once-spotless soil,
The people who pierced its flesh with a flag
Of arrogance,
Vanity
And conceit,
Look to it for guidance in their selfish,
Mediocre lives.

But now imagine if it did know.

If it had feelings like the ones we pride ourselves in having - or not having.
Would it look to us for assurance too?
Feeling proud that it can reach such a deep level of 'understanding'?

Would it love our mysterious glow, created not by
The Sun, but by our artificial light and rivers of blood?
Would it feel pressure, always having to help us?

Or would it soak up our love
Delighting in our mostly undivided attention
Secretly knowing that even though it is..
Small,
Uninhabitable,
Lonely,
It will live longer than us
And the technology that was never meant to be in the Universe's gift that is Earth in the first place?

I am falling in flowers
I am filling with flowers
I am always falling and filling - Flowers

Don't take my flowers
I need my flowers
Please, they're my flowers
Don't take and break my flowers!

is this
what it feels like
to be a fossil
in the making?
to have pebbles,
sand and grit
swept slowly
on top of me.
not to mention
the crushing
and deafening
of miles of water
pressing it all down
to bury me.

but sometimes
sometimes there's
relief and light
when someone
digs through the
weight to reveal
the shadow of the
creature that once
lay there.
but then that husk
is reduced to
cinders in a mountain
of others.
and i guess you could say
that 'power station'
is adulthood.
or life.

Her perfume
I just love it so

Her perfume
Where she got it I long to know

Her perfume
It now clings to me

Her perfume:
The last memory of her that will ever be

They asked me how I knew
That I loved only you.
Do you know what I said?
The first thing that came to my head?

I told them you're like lo-fi indie
One tear and you're there for me
Waiting to sing and help me through
One hour in your arms and I'm back to new.

And, like the music, you fill out the edges
The sharp that cut up my senses
You pad them out and soften them up
So when I fall, I don't feel so struck.

if i could sing you a billion love songs,
baby, i'd be on replay;
i would never stop singing and humming,
serenade til the bad goes away

i don’t ever listen
to anything you say.
i can’t help it
when your smile turns my way.

how do you expect me to hear
the words you’re directing to me,
when a laugh accompanies it
and it’s all i can see?

I have a question for you:
Do you know the brutal agony
That wrenches your heart asunder
When you have your child,
Your flesh and blood,
Torn viciously from you
As you lie helplessly in bed
Ignorant to the tormented crying of your baby?

I have a question for you:
Do you know the burning fury
That scorches and swarms in your soul
When someone you loathe
Can manipulate your every movement
As if you are a foolish juvenile?

Do you know the roaring beast of betrayal
That casts rotten, merciless shadows
Over every bleak thing
You lay your tortured, tear-pricked eyes upon?

Do you know the unrelenting guilt
That destroys every comfort you desperately seek
And drowns you in your own misery
When your entire family die
On your very conscience?

If so, then you are only
A few steps closer to
Understanding the torment
That grinds me up every night
Only to spit me out each morning
For the hell dogs I called my friends
To sniff at in disdain

You are only a few steps closer
To entering the churning,
Burning,
Thrashing
Sea that eats me whole
When the fragile walls around my happiness
Shatters into millions of pieces.

So I have a question for you:
Do you have a single clue
About the real world?

I killed a man.
I killed a man on that Sunday morning.
The morning the world worships the god of forgiveness.
But no god will forgive me
For the sin I committed
On that cold, cold Sunday morning
When I let darkness into my heart.

I killed a man.
I felt so much hate, so much power, so much wrath.
But I felt no guilt,
No sorrow for my theft.
Yes, I am a thief now,
A cold-hearted thief who stole a life.
Now I am a monster.

I killed a man,
With fingers hungry for blood,
With a voice unbeknown to man,
With hate burning in my eyes.
Yes, I killed a man.
I killed a fellow human.
But I was not human when I killed that man.
For that man...
He was my father.

I know you.
And so I know that you are not from here.
And that you want to go back to wherever you came from.
But you won't admit it - to me or to the world -
Because you are afraid:
Afraid of being rejected by that place and then
Having nowhere to go.
You can't believe that any longer;
if you continue this belief, you'll get nowhere.
And eventually this world will realise that you don't
Belong here and banish you anyway.
So don't keep lying
Because I can't be bothered
With this anymore either.
Good day to you.
And I hope you make up your mind
For it won't be long
Until...well
Do I really have to tell you?

Must you look at me
The way you do
When I am falling asleep?

It's all I can see
The green and the blue
And I know that I'm in too deep.

It's not your smile that makes my day
Or your laugh that lightens my heart
I could tell you I love you in every way
Or that your eyes are works of art
But honestly it's when you look at me and say
Is Parks and Rec about to start?

I whisper to the darkness
But not even the gods can hear
I keep talking regardless
Because it is still better than the fear.

My sheets are my only protection
From the torture that you lay bare.
My pain was clearly your addiction
But all I ever did was stare
At the bruises, at the scars
At the coldness that is ours.
At the boxes of cigars
That you smoked until you saw stars.

I should have done more but we all know the price
Of going against those who control our lives
You made everything torture, so refined and precise,
And yet ‘get back here’ is still your advice.

I whisper to the darkness all day and all night
Simply because it is the only thing saving me from your deadly plight.

Words have no meaning
And yet nor do sounds
These letters have no feeling
When I write them down
My pen is a tool
And yet I feel like no creator
I simply copy words down like a common fool
These thoughts are no straighter
Than a forest of weeds
They are burning inside me
But I cannot simply feed
Them out onto paper. You see,
I don’t know what all these thoughts even mean;
They are spoken in a language that has never been seen
So I write and I write and yet I still do not understand
How to lead them out by the hand,
Into the world for you all to read.
Now leave me alone, for it is more than just words on a page that I need.

Fit
Wit
Ze
Taxi
Forming these words
Like we formed our
L-O-V-E

Vent
Sent
Yo
Foh
Every letter so carefully chosen
Like every word is so carefully spoken
Put a tile there
Win a smile here
The game is oh slow
But it reveals the words we long to let
G-O

L
O
V
EYE
  O
  U

it won't be long
this time won't be too long
i promise it will not last forever.

but somewhere deep inside
wrapped in the darkness of my insides
i enjoy this mental desert - or whatever

It's as if my mind awakens
Only when I try to sleep
Everything stirs and is shaken
And into my eyes seep:

The constellations, the films, the merging and surging feelings
The words, the songs, the sensations and conversation peelings
They build and build: piles of molten wax
When all I want is my body and mind to just relax.

Like static, the thoughts do nothing but build and charge
Like in a growing balloon, the exerted forces get so **** large
Pressure in balloons is what we learn in school
Pressure in my mind is what I learn in my sleep pool.

Tonight I lie so restlessly,
Tossing and turning continuously,
But sleep evades me and I am left alone
With just my thoughts and views on the world that is unbeknown
To everyone and no one. I am just a child,
My perspectives so naive and completely wild.
It is silent here and there is nothing but shadows
To console me when I fall into my many sorrows.

The gentle breathing of another
Calls to the loneliness that comes to smother
Me in its troubles and its woes.
Why I feel so empty, no one but God really knows.
With dreams in a far away land,
I sit up and extend a tired hand
To open the curtain that is the barrier between
My world and the real world that I have so little seen.

When the sun is slumbering in the blanket of darkness,
The sheets are my only solid harness
To keep me from slipping into the life beyond
And the peace of which I am so fond.
When the city is resting after a busy day,
I long to just simply fade away
Into the dancing pattern of stars
That seem to soften the stain of the world's many scars.

I feel no fear when I look out there
At the city that has been stopped bare
Of its many facades, leaving only the calm
That was once handed down to is by the holy Lamb's palm.
The silence is no longer a fright
For our there in the beautiful light,
Shimmering and basking in the great light,
My friend, the moon, smiles down at me and protects this little-known sight
That I have come to love and hold so dear
Every night when sleep is far from near.

The noose tightens
Day by day
And gradually my breaths
Get shorter and shorter

The noose tightens
Hour by hour
Until one day
My hands wrap real rope
Around my neck
And the once invisible
Takes true form

There's nothing like the night
When the world finally sinks from sight
At last I feel as if I actually might
Be alone with the darkness

One life, it's a world with one just life.
And here you are in my life,
Telling me to be brave and live a good life.
But now it's too late and there's a knife
In his hand and he's full of pride
He's at your side
Better luck in another life,
He slides the silver into my wife.
I tried, I tried, I tried
But they all lied.

Only ever with an enemy,
Glaring with blood-red eyes at our backs,
Do we talk.

Only ever with an enemy,
Snapping words of disgust
In our faces,
Do we unite.

Only ever with an enemy,
Splintering the world and all within to pieces,
Do we become sisters,
Do we become ourselves again.

So I ask,
In a voice no more than a whisper,
With a shadow of pure wrath spreading,
'Who are you truly?'
And 'Why only ever...with an enemy?'

The number of worlds that exist
Just inside my mind
Is enough for someone to insist
That there is a mistake in my design.

They stir and they shake,
Yet nothing can compare
To when you smile for my sake
Or run a hand through your hair.

When I'm with you I feel
As if I'm in the imaginary;
I forget that it's real,
Not crafted by the words in me.

It's only when I think back,
When I am trying to sleep,
That I remember it's not mind crack;
That I might be in too deep.

Roses bloom
When summer comes to call
But aren't we forgetting,
In spite of its strength,
The petals still fall.

The summer hides
When roses turn sour
We mourn the loss
Of its delight and threat
But it's still just a flower.

Now roses bloom
On your shirt and, Doll,
All the summers in the world
Couldn't make your flower of blood
Worth it all.

Maybe our souls
Are split in two
And happiness
Is when they are friends
Perhaps
The day I was born
Some of my soul
Was inflated with helium
And rose up up
Up to the
Atmosphere
Always watching its other half
And when I am happy
When I feel
I am floating
It is when
The half on the ground
Finally makes connection
With my satellite Soul
And when this feeling fades
When I am centred and flat
And neutral
The souls have lost
Signal
If so
The signal connected
Today
And my halves
Both heavy and light
Are friends again.

Scorched skin and broken nails
This love makes me so **** frail.
Inked-on stars and shaking fingers
My heart thrives on these lurches and twinges.

You see those people
Far, far below?
We were once just like them
Eating what we grow.

But now we're here
Up in the sky
And they can't wait to see
The place they go when they die.

We see the clouds and the fiery pits
And we hope for our chance to fly.
But we are never fully certain
Of where we go when we die.

I see those people
Far, far above
I was never like them
So drunk on love.

So now I'm here
As I look up at the sky
Watching, green-eyed, cause the
Lucky f**ks get to die.

She didn’t do it
I scream I scream
She couldn’t have done it
What do you mean

They show me the pictures
The pictures of her
They are the pictures
Of her in her fur

She’s a fashionable girl
They say to my cries
Must have gotten it from you
But the pictures are lies

I refuse to believe
Believe that she did it
There’s no **** way
They wait outside a bit

They’re wrong so so wrong
She’s not a murderer, doesn’t even own a ****
No she’s not the criminal in this family
I’ll prove them wrong, prove it was me

The kitchen drawer opens, no time to smile
I walk past the table, walk past the file
I slit the knife across
No apologies; it’s their loss

I am drifting
A very lonely course.
Winds ever shifting,
My voice continues hoarse.
With the words
I will never say
And the herds
I shepherd every day.
It's time to awaken
But here I lay
Because those winds -
All they do is shift away.

Every day the delirium grows
That our actions don't change our fate.
It's only the scarce few that know
That what we do determines Earth's expiry date.

The more forests that we set ablaze,
The weaker our planet gets.
The more companies that say that it's only a phase
The more people begin to forget

That countless children
Are failing to see a future
Countless children
Have never seen the beauty of nature.

But if we stand together
And we don't fall apart
Everything, we will weather
And a change we will start.

Countless humans
Are begging for a planet to live on,
So countless humans
Must stand up and be relied upon
To make that possible for their fellow brothers,
Sisters, friends and everyone who suffers.

'I am afraid to own a body'!
And yet - here I am
It's strange: am I somebody?
Or just a lone vessel that can?

Sometimes
Through these suffocating thoughts, I plunder,
Loosening the grip that my mind is under.
People see but never see
The person hiding inside of me.
So I slacken the knot
Because perhaps I have a shot
At floating free, at last unpinned,
Becoming the shadows, secrets and wind
So I can let things be.
All just so that sometimes
I am not stuck inside of me