Stop with 'you better come here now'
Stop with the 'who what when where and how'
Don't bother trying to break this vow
I think it's fin'ly time for you to take your bow

You haven't said a word
Yet I can still hear your voices
Wrapping round my world
No, I've got no more choices
But to do what you say
Coz I fear the pain is never gonna go away

When the world has gone dark,
And the vultures have come
To pick our bones clean,
That is the day humans will struggle.

When the rivers have flooded,
And the sea is full of beasts
Hungry for food and prey,
That is the day fish will struggle.

When the lamp has died down,
And the ink has vanished
No longer drawn onto paper,
That is the day the writers will struggle.

But when you break my heart,
And leave me to pick up the pieces
That lie quivering on the ground,
That is the day I will crawl up
Into a ball of misery.
That is the day I will struggle
To breathe;
No air will be left in my lungs.
To eat;
No appetite will be left in me.
To sleep;
No dreams will be left in my mind.

Yes, that is the day I will struggle,
And only because of you.

The feeling that someone watches
Everywhere I go
The feeling that someone listens
To everything I say
The feeling that I'm not alone
Even in the darkness

That Feeling haunts me day and night
And I cannot brush it off
Cannot choose to ignore it.

Because it beats at my mind
My pulse echoing along
Until I am driven crazy

Because it hums a different melody
To the one I am singing
Until I am forced to change song

Because it slithers along my skin
Fighting through the soap I layer on
Until I continue to feel *****

Because it is the very devil
Trailing after me
Chuckling at my misery
Smiling at my fury
Cackling at the guilt
That ever deepens

It's that feeling that drove me to do this
So farewell
And tell my stalker
That it was fun.

My hands,
So thin and frail,
Shudder.

My mind,
So full of fury,
Shakes.

My heart,
So broken and lost,
Trembles.

Sharp claws,
Dripping with hate and anger,
Rip free from skin,
A whisper in the darkness.

Fanged teeth,
Promising pain and vengeance,
Spring free from gums,
A slither in the darkness.

Dark fur,
Roaring of a beast,
Grow free of pores,
A hiss in the darkness.

My hands clench,
My mind crumbles,
My heart thunders,
Because the darkness..is me.

At last,
After years of battling that shadow,
I have succumbed...
To that monster within.

Wrap my wrists in silver
And see what I do.
I saw the girl and shot her;
You want me to shoot you too?

Throw on the jacket,
Surround me in white,
I'm still going to escape it.
So come and join the fight.

There was a girl,
She’s gone now,
Who lived and breathed
Imagination and life,
(Aren’t they the same thing?).

She saw the house down the street
And thought it a monster
Never that it was replete
With the emptiness  
An innocent bungalow will foster.

Air was to her
As glass water that sings
About its giggling spring
And she would awaken
At its dance upon her skin
As she breathed it all in.

The air is now
As water, grey like mercury,
That dampens what the eye can see
And it is chagrin
That is awoken
At a world so forsaken.

Nietzsche was mistaken
When he proclaimed
Our God as dead.
It’s the vision and
Stories for which we used to aim
That expires instead.

Climb that hill
My teachers said
When they saw the words on the page

I climb the hill now
With the words in my head
And a notebook as my stage

I’m certain that by now
The windows are all steamed.
There could be dust on my towel
But I sit here picking at my own seams.

The soap bottle is lying on the side
Watching with hatred from its huddle
As I stare at my hands and try to hide
My stomach with flannels and bubbles.

I squash the buds between my fingers
While hair clings to the skin of my back.
I scrub at the writing that still lingers
Faded to blue from black.

I remember only ink and tingling
And you smiling against a classroom blur
Our hands entwined, my concentration dwindling,
Who knows in what world we were?

I’m just scrubbing veins now the pen has gone.
I wonder why you even let me exist
In your world. Tell me, am I withered and worn?
If you kissed me- Ha would you ever kiss this?

I can still feel the ink prints etched into my skin.
Will they ever fade away?
No; the phantoms in the water always win
And I can’t help but listen to everything they say.

The darkness wrapped me
In its warm embrace
As I took that step forward, mind starting to race,
Over that bridge that kept at bay the tide
And into..the dark side.

The house looked near,
And I swallowed the words,
That to you, to the world,
I longed desperately to let not be shy,
As my pained and final goodbye.

You waited in the garden
Stood fixed in place,
Hovering shadows leaping upon your face.
You smiled so finely over at me
But I looked away for fear of crying so spectacularly.

Tears limned your eyes and
That was pain that I saw
Thinning your lips and
Scrunching your jaw
And you looked oh so different from before.

You seemed so foreign to me on that
Night. Your hair unkempt
And your face so tight,
It hurt me to the core and I felt oh so mad
To see you so...sad.

So I knew I could not
Rid you of my life
For I needed you so much it
Would surely be a jagged knife
To my swollen heart of you were not here.

So I didn't big you farewell in that garden
As I had intended to.
Instead I held you tight,
Only our breaths barring our two
Lives and not miles and miles of endless night.

Voice but a whisper, emotions with no lid,
I said gripping your hand, 'I simply cannot bid
Farewell to you.' Your relieved grin fuelled my heart
And it must have upset the heavens above
To see us together..feeling nothing but undying love.

The weight of silence is easy
You can learn it too
Just sit and breathe and let
The silence do what it needs to do

Thus when I come to you
You know I don't want your talk
Of 'Just know I'm here'
And you won't expect me to walk
You along the path of my fear

All you do is sit and breathe and listen
Just sit and breathe and let
The weight of silence
Turn on the faucet
Of slow, slow healing

They don't tell you
What you've done wrong
So you keep going
About knowing
You shouldn't be doing
Something
But you don't
Know what the
Hell that
Something
Is.
That's why I stick
To myself
That's why I
Ignore
Everyone.

This noise around me
It's more than I can bear
It's too loud
It's too busy
All I want is to be alone

This noise around me
Is all I ever hear
The chattering of a bird
The screaming of a child
They fill up my brain

This noise around me
Is suffocating. All I know
Is that I can't breathe,
I can't swallow,
I can no longer hear myself

This noise around me
It takes up too much space
There is no room for me to move
No room for me to live
It takes up every empty pocket in me

This noise around me
Is inside me. Loud and incessant
The sounds are my own
The voices are my own
But I simply can't rid of them

This noise inside me
It's more than I can bare
It's too loud
It's too busy
All I want is to be alone.

Truly alone
With the darkness
And silence.
Alone with no noise.
All I want is to be at peace.

If you see this note
I want you to know
It's not my fault
If love is starting to show.
So when I flinch at your touch
It isn't because of a crush
You just...made me jump.
When my cheeks go red
After you touch my leg
I'm not flustered, but...just something else instead!
It's just sugar and veins
that make me feel like I'm fizzing
And it's just habit
To hold your hand when I see you
...
Maybe I'm wrong and I do love you
Is that what I'm supposed to say?
Would that take these thoughts away?
But it's not like there's anything I could do
It's not like just this note would get all my thoughts through.

I daren't close my eyes
For fear of losing this place
The tranquility it has bestowed upon me

The lakes shift in their eternal sleep
The boats nod to each other in their marching lines

There is darkness all around
But still I can see
The world resting around me

Fog hovers in the quiet air
Weary of the silence in this place

There are buildings but no on is home
For this is home for no one
This is where the dreamers wander

I see no moon watching from the sky
I see no stars humming their sweet airs

But I do no fear
For I feel not a thing
Beside the stillness this place can bring

Mists and clouds and rains and shadows
And yet nothing touches my skin

My soul is a separate from my body
But I am still here
Observing and waiting

For what is unbeknownst to me
But no sense of troubledness comes

I drift with the current that is not there
Alone in the boat of dreams
And then it is gone and only shadows are seen

I daren't close my eyes
Or let this world slip away
For it is my home above the clouds
Where only peace remains
But in the morning this world will be gone
And I will be left alone
With only people there.

I built these walls up,
Brick by brick,
When I was just a child.
They kept me safe,
They kept me sane,
They kept me from you.

I built these walls up,
Brick by brick,
Cementing them with the hate,
The pain,
The disgust
That you inflicted upon me.

I built these walls up,
Brick by brick,
Hoping they could shield my heart,
Hoping they could protect me from the world,
Hoping they could stop you.

I built these walls up,
Brick by brick,
A layer for each hour of loathing,
Each hour of self-hatred,
Each hour of torture,
That I barely endured.

I built these walls up,
Brick by brick,
To save me from the world.
To save the world from me.

But then you came,
On that motorcycle.
Speeding down my road
With coldness in your heart.

But then you came,
And tore these walls apart.
And I couldn't bear it;
You ripped them asunder with your bare fingers
Without even laying a hand on me.

But then you came,
And I saw your face,
And these walls
I had built up,
Brick by brick,
All those years ago,
Those walls came shattering down.

I wish I’d never learned the word hate

I hate the wind for making me cold
I hate the idea of time and growing old
I hate it when the corner of books have a fold
I hate myself for becoming a mould

Yes, I’m a mould - I change people like clay
Which, I guess, I do every day
I don’t tell anyone what to do or say
But somehow I have guided them in every single way

If you told me we had a long day ahead
I’d say I’d rather be back home in bed
If you told me a small bad thing a stranger had said
I would hate every single hair on that man’s head.

Put the chips in the oven
But leave them to burn

Put a hood up
And cover my face

Music in my ears but can't really hear
Just feel the tears as they sing

Not thinking, just sat in my mind
Floating in feelings with no name or reason

Nothing's here
No nothing's here
Too many things
Too much stuff

Then a catch of breath
A higher note in the song

Now it's all just done and gone
Nothing changed but everything did

Peel earphones from my ears
Look around and blink
Wipe the tears and think

The chips are black but I take them out
What the fk just happened?
What the fk was that?

I wonder
What it is like
To be still.

It must be lovely
Not always shifting in your skin
And mind as well.

Is it even possible
To have that in this time?
Who can tell?

I don't know
But I hope one day
I will - you know, be still...

Your wings, they whisper,
When my mind dwindles,
The words in my heart they kindle
And I fin'ly speak to her.

Your eyes, honey and cream,
Urge me to her room
Beaming in delight through the gloom,
Faltering faithfully when I scream.

Your hands, they hold me close,
When I wish to fall,
But now I see through it all,
Your beautiful serpents and crows.

You, Lucifer, smile,
In soft sympathy,
Dark in the light of infinity,
And I find,
Watching her body under your eyes glow,
That your seven rings, I don't mind,
Because I know
That, in helping my love grow her wings,
To heaven you will go.

Vines wrap round their trees until
There is no bark left to see.
Flowers will drink and get their fill
But too much and it's a tragedy.
Often when a storm's too strong
Away any foundations are blown
And are lost to the winds for much too long -
Won't you please leave me alone?

The weeds strangle the neighbour roots
Of flowers just trying to bloom
They quell the reach of nearby shoots
Til they are driven to their doom.
Locusts once came and blocked the light
And blood drowned the rivers red.
Why won't you see that we are not right
And you should find someone else instead?

You know, I love you to the farthest
Galaxy in our wide universe
And no scientist knows how far that is
No matter the distance they traverse.

I will love you til the sun turns white
And the stars begin to fade.
And when that time finally reached us
I'll even love you for a few more decades.

He tilts his head
To the girl walking past.
She diverts her eyes, she is smooth and fast.

His lips turn down
He takes a glance at the floor
And when he looks up, he is human no more.

In a second, he transforms
Hurt man to seething beast.
His minds are raging storms
And his hate is ready for release.

It takes only a suspicious look
Or a slight misstep
And his wrath is unhooked.

You ought to watch out, girl
For he'll get you, too.

Tell me a time
U needed me
A time u grabbed ur phone
2 text me.

Have u ever rung me
In the depths of the night
Just to hear my voice
In the darkness?

U could say u had
U could tell me u need me
But I’d see our messages
Or rather, my messages:

The lines and lines
Of my words,
Calling ur name,
That go on for miles.

Punctuated by one of urs
A smile :)
Or a word
And nothing more.

How can ily
When u never respond?
How can I be obsessed
When there’s nothing:

No message
For me to obsess over.
Ily
But u never,
ever reply :(

Just know one thing,
Something before I leave:
This was never intentional,
Falling in love, being deceived.
I thought I could ignore it -
Push it to the back of my mind -
But it only grew, cultivated,
Leaving any sanity behind.
Just know one thing
Before you leave me forever:
I never meant to fall -
I didn't expect this feeling whatsoever.

When my world turned upside down,
And it seemed all forces were against me,
I thought you were the one thing stable,
Something I could cling to blindly.
But instead you are the feet
That have shaken the foundations loose.
You are the winds,
Ripping years of roots from the ground.
I thought you were stable
In my world of instability.
But instead,
You are the world.

The flower falls
A petal dies
No nectar for all
The butterflies.

One word
Is all
I need
From you.
One word,
Then I
Will go,
Will disappear,
And that
I promise

Greeting and salutations!
Our esteemed guests are here.
To fight their imaginations
And give in to the fear.

Welcome!
Make yourselves at home
We hope you enjoy yourselves
And make it through the night.

All it takes
Is one look at
You and my heart is
Set off at
A million miles - per second.

The back of your head
Is enough to
Make my stomach
Twist in knots
For a few long hours. Plain giddy.

Well look at this,
Here I am
Perpetuating all
The stereotypes:
Welp, I think I fell

For my best friend - well done

What I want
Want more than anything
Isn't a castle on a cloud
Or a palace and king

It's my life as it is
Only extended beyond years
It's my life like this
Minus all the fears

A place where I don't have to build up my armour
A place without this international drama
No climate change or ****** media
No wars and no 'Corona's newest feature'

So it's no castle on a cloud
And certainly no palace and king
I want a world with peace
That's what I want more than anything.

I try to think of what to say
To your story of why you were away.
But no words come to light
As I think of the times you thought you were right.

Your lies have become
A network of pain that can't be undone,
Your stories now seem to me
As untruthful as others told them to be.

I was blinded by love and all along you knew
That I'd never be able to see through
Your crap but now I know the way
To a life where you will have to pay.

Perhaps that's exactly what I'll write
Or perhaps I'll leave you lonely in the night
Just so that you can see
Just how much hate for you I have inside me.

so many worlds
whisper
and i can't keep them at bay
now they're starting to get
bigger
and my words are only half
of what they want to say

I am but thirteen years old and yet
I feel as though I am older

I write, I read, I play, I laugh
All things that a child of my age should

And yet somehow I feel as though
There is more inside that I need to let go
I read these poems, row by row
But these writers shall never know
That I have looked up to them since long ago

I am young, I am smart
Therefore there is not much I can change into art

I'm a teenager, I'm at school
So on this site I feel like a fool

Right now, I don't have much to say
But maybe I will some other day
So please wait for the moment that I say 'Hey!
Here's something I can write about that won't just fade away.'

I wonder many things
When I am left to my thoughts
The words in my mind
A never-ending book of sorts.

But there is one question
That burns through all I know
A fire drowning out the noise
A clutching hand that will never let go.

When will my time come?
Is it a day, a week, a year?
When will my life be gone and done?
I will always wonder when my end is near.

Who will remember my name?
Who will bury me in that grave?
What songs will they sing?
What church bells will they ring?
And would life still be the same?

It is fear that I feel
When I am left alone.
Fear that pushes my to look at my phone,
Checking for messages
That may be a goodbye.
Checking for messages
Before I have the chance..to die.

I wonder many things
When I am left to my thoughts.

But it is that image
Of a coffin and a grave
With me stuck inside
Of the boulder closing shut the cave.

And most painful of all,
Sat watching the fire start to fall,
My dear family and friends,
Waving to the life that fades
In the golden glow that the setting sun sends..

The only question I really want answered
Is as simple as a white wall.
I suppose it is exactly like a white wall;
Open to interpretation,
Masked by paints and graffiti
Yet still just the same, blank wall as before.
My question, you ask. What is it?
Well, it should be straightforward but there are no answers
As of yet.
My question:
Where do we go when we die?

I don’t tell you
Because I’m scared
I don’t tell you
Because it’s something
That needs to be shared, right
This minute
I’m not hiding and
I’m not lying
If I don’t tell you
This part of me.

But
I will tell you
Because I want to
And because it’s
Always there.
Like how I
Would tell you
You’re my best friend
Or how I would tell my
Family I love them.

It’s there
And it’s clear
Perhaps not to you
But to me
And I’m saying it
So you and I can see
Just that bit
More clearly.

Winds ever shifting -
dark on into light
   This feeling won't be lifting,
no! No, not this night.

   Winds ever shifting -
this..this can't be right
   My mind won't stop drifting -
it'll last forever, won't it?
   This Godforsaken flight.

midnight and i'm still here
tapping out words in the hope
that i'll write something worthy
of reading.

the instructions aren't clear:
am i supposed to sleep
or work on word therapy
and...feelings?

i don't care now
just turn on tiktok
and i'll slip into my beloved
mind coma

It's time to write,
As in right now.
So write.
Right this second.
Do it.
Please.
Just write.
It doesn't have to be right - just write!
And now it's gone.
I'll write next time... right?

The marks on her pen
The wood splinters on her headboard
The stained and bent feathers of her pillow
The cheap stimulants in her drawer
All masked by your ignorance and naivety
Her stilted smiles and loose words.
So don't say that you 'know her'
- I'll hurt you if you do -
And don't say you love her
- We'll **** you if you try.
You don't 'know her'
Or 'love her';
For God's sake you can't even see her.

You’re not here to hold us any longer,
But that does not mean you’re not here.
You are, and will always remain,
Deep in our hearts.
And in every breath we take,
we will remember you.
Because you gave us life,
You were our life.
So don't think for one moment,
That we will ever forget
The times and the memories
That you gave to us
To treasure and cherish
Within our souls
For forever and eternity.
You're not here to hold us any longer,
But we will never forget...you.