I feel no worship,

no love or amorousness --


but a blissful fear.

I despise myself

for everything I can't do --


like other students.

The biggest fairground

attractions for teenagers --


are the French kisses.

I am excited,

I follow him, curious --


mostly about me.

Girls tease each other,

just to attract attention --


from the toughest boys.

I was full of pus,

and chock-full of hormones too --


A pimple on legs.

I had to kiss him,

my wings are breaking through now --


they itch on my back.

Amsterdam! Free
man of the world you want to be

your wild eyes threaten
my father hand, please, send
an angel, light, a woman
a favourable wind, sweet dreams
someone, something to help you
unbreakable mirrors if need be

Father, mother, earth, universe
make something happen, of course
who sees everything, does not know why
to intervene

freedom would be meaningless
if for adults only

understanding and obedient
everything with measure, giving up
what is beautiful and attractive
and smiling
at the discontented excuses
and lies of the past

You grow up wounded
I too have built, defended
and then demolished
castles and walls -

old men's proud
of the scars of my fight

Dad thinks I'm fighting,

I do, I'm fighting the wind --


in his idle mind!

Stubble field
husks in the air
dry summer scents

poplar trees along the ditch
our haystack at the end
inside, out of sight

our cave
pulled and pushed
in the long yellow grass

I dream that I am with you
lying there, naked
like newborn animals

that's all
nothing else matters
we may die

that's our secret
mum doesn't understand
she is afraid