I have a knack
For putting babies to sleep
No one knows how
Or why

But I have a
Slight idea

I believe
That babies
Can hear my
Invisible tears
When no one else can

And they mistake that
For the sound of
Soothing rain
And that is why they sleep

I remember,
The day we first met,
Just like it was yesterday.
We began talking,
Then you said,
"I only like to talk,
To people who are
Somewhat intelligent."

And I don't understand
I don't understand
I don't understand

Because around you,
I can barely put two words together,
Let alone forms words and sentences
That are
"Somewhat intelligent."

So I don't understand
I don't understand
I don't understand

Yet you keep on talking,
You are witty and nice.
You make make me feel happy.
I start to smile and even laugh

But I don't understand
I don't understand
I don't understand

I begin to relax,
I tell a dumb joke,
It wasn't funny but you laugh anyway.
I listen to you talk.
Just keep on talking.
Just keep on talking.

Still I don't understand
I don't understand
I don't understand

But please keep on talking.
I don't understand.
But please keep on talking.

I opened my eyes
To the world
When I was born

Then I realized the world is crap
And now I want to close them

*Is that really such a bad thing?

This site is my lifeline
Yet,
You are the only ones
Who can watch
Me slowly dying
Falling apart
Before your eyes

You are the only ones who
Know about my nightly crying
And how
The pressure builds for trying

This site is my lifeline

You are all so encouraging
I have yet to hear
Someone say,
"We don't want you,
Just go die"

You say to keep living
Loving
Laughing

And while that
May not be possible for me
You remind me to try

This site is my lifeline
And the great people on it
I may have lost my life
If it weren't for you

*So thank you

No;
You don't understand
You can't understand
You will never understand

I don't hurt
I hurt

I'm not sad
I'm sad

I'm not lonely
I'm lonely

I'm not scared
I'm scared

I'm not tired
I'm tired

I can see where you'd be confused
And no matter what you say
I know:
**You don't understand

Jumping high,
She stretched with all her might
Fingers passing inches below
The first firefly of the night

It flew deep into the woods
She chased it far into the night
But she was not afraid
Following that firefly's bright light

In fits and bursts,
It grew dim, then bright
And as it led, she fearlessly ran
Deeper and deeper, into the twilight

The night grew darker
But the firefly brighter
The girl ran on as,
The forest grew quieter

This part of the woods
She had never explored
"Come follow me, follow me"
Her beacon implored

She followed yet further
The beasts of the forest grew near
But still she followed
And felt no fear

A last turn she was led on,
Then onto a beach
A pond, long held secret
She stopped, flushed as a peach

Soon she had to go back
With her the firefly stayed
To light up her soul
And forever brighten her days

Now would be a good time
To simply
D
     i
         s
             a
                  p
                       p
                            e
                                 a
                                      r

Always
Be
Careful
Don't
Ever
Fall from
Great
Heights
It
Just might
Kill you
Literally
Make
No mistakes
Only smile
Please, it's
Quite hard in
Reality but
So easy
To say
Usually people
Very quickly
Withdraw
X** marks the spot
You'll see, they'll soon just sleep
Zzzzz

I was hiking
With a nine year old boy
The other day

And suddenly he slipped

It wasn't a bad fall
Not even a scratch
I doubt if it even bruised

But he started crying
And screaming

He yelled,
I can't do it!
It hurts too much!
I have to go back!

And I said,
I know how that feels,
But you've just got to keep going
Because I knew he wasn't actually hurt

The thing was,
I was never talking about the hike

It seems as though,
I am forever saying
Sorry

Sorry this
Sorry that

I have even said sorry
For saying sorry
Too much

I wish I could say,
I don't care anymore,
You won't hear 'sorry'
From me again

But that will never happen

So here's another sorry
For everyone

I'm sorry
If I'm annoying

I'm sorry
If I'm naive

I'm sorry
If I write too much

I'm sorry
If I am pessimistic

I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I swear,
I'm sorry

But now,
I'm done apologizing

I was thinking....

Maybe humans are
More like our
Devices
Than we realize

You see,
We can die inside
All we want
And it's no big deal
No one really cares

But also,
As long as
We are physically alive
All we need
Is for someone
To replace our batteries

Just once,
I'd like to be normal,
Average.

Or the median,
Mode,
Or range.
I'm not picky.

Too smart for my own good,
But actually stupid.

Too clumsy to play a sport,
Yet I play anyway.

Either the pliable,
Gullible,
Easy to mess with nerd.

Or the weak link,
On the basketball team.

Is fitting in,
Just once,
Too much to ask for?

Is one real friend,
That big of a request?

Is knowing what to say,
Really that hard?

Is being pretty,
Too big a wish to grant?

Why can't I be normal,
For once in my life?

Dreams are mutated monsters
They've adapted to this world

They give you hope
Just long enough
To let their brothers in

And trust me
When that happens
The brothers will destroy you during the day
And the dreams will turn on you
And destroy you during the night

Dreams are mutated monsters

It's just a little checkup
To make sure my blood's still red
Not black
Or even gone altogether

It's just a little checkup
To make sure I'm more alive
On the outside
Than on the inside

While it may be,
That you take
One step forward,
Then two steps back,
At least you're moving,
Right?

It feels like I'm dying
Like I'm being burned alive
From the inside out

I feel hopeless
Helpless

And as I burn,
I scream
And I cry
But no one ever sees

And I feel myself dying
And I try to want to live
But I can't
I can't

Not when I'm burning inside
And then my thoughts take over
Every little thing is huge

The fire burns hotter

I'm starting to melt
I can't breathe
I'm dying

My vision is gone
Sound is fading
Everything is...
Gone

I'm dying inside

Put on your costume,
And throw on your mask.
You've got to fit in.
It's your life's only task.

Don't be yourself.
That's ever too lame.
You're far too unique.
Let's all be the same.

No I am not dead
I attempted suicide but unfortunately failed. I was in the hospital and therefore was unable to log onto this account. I am truly sorry if I worried anybody. Thank you all for the kind messages

~Nicole

The worst part
Isn't the pain
Though it hurts

The worst part
Isn't the sadness
Though that's horrible

No,
The worst part
Is the emptiness

That feeling
When you don't see the step
And you fall down

When you try to sit down
And someone's moved the chair

When you reach for support
Only to find it's abandoned you

That is the worst part
Of saying goodbye

If you ask a scientist,
A human is a machine,
Life is a category,
And emotions are chemicals.

If a human is a machine,
Why can they hurt?
If emotions are chemicals,
They must be acid.
I think I'm in the wrong category.
Life can't hurt this bad.
No one would survive.

If I'm a machine,
I must have a rusty part.
Or two.
Or three.
Or many.
Or all.

If emotions are chemicals,
Mine must be ionized.
Unbalanced.
Unstable.
Unsure.

If you ask a scientist,
A human is a machine,
Life is a category,
And emotions are chemicals.

I'm not a scientist.

I recieved the
"Best attitude award"
For basketball

Everyone cheered
My team congratualated me
I smiled
And looked happy

But really,
I wanted to cry
The coach said I deserved it,
That I came each day
Smiling

Yes,
I do come in smiling
But only so no one sees the pain

That is not
The "best attitude award"
Not for me,

For me,
It is the
"Best liar award"

For I tricked everyone
Into thinking
Even my tears that night
Were tears of joy

I convinced everyone
Oh good job
They thought I was happy

That was when
I realized
Help would never find me

For I recieved
The "best liar award"

Why bother?
Talking to me
Encouraging me
Pretending to care
Why do you bother?

Why bother?
I'm gone anyway
I know no one cares
I haven't got delusions
So why do you bother?

Why bother?
With me in general?
No one else cares,
So why do you?

Why bother?

I was always warned
About the monsters below the bed
But no one ever told me
About the demons in my head

I used to always run
From the creatures in the night
But the true evils I can't run from
For it's my mind I have to fight

I thought the monsters were real
And they scared me, so I'd hide
But now I know, the evils I can't see
Are a much much bigger deal

I am not like him
I am not like her
I am not normal

What I most resemble
Is a coffin
With a smiling face drawn on top

Happy on the outside
Dead on the inside

I am not normal

I am not a rose

I am not delicate, I do not have thorns
I am not careful planted, tended, watered
I am not loved

I am a dandelion

I am not wanted, I do not grow where I'm told
I am random, sporadic, persistent
I am wild

I am not a rose*

I am not picked for beauty
Just to wilt
I am not chosen for love
Just to fade

I am a dandelion

I am picked to destroy me
But I will not die
I am killed to make me go away
But I will not fade

*I am not a rose
I am a dandelion

I am wild
I am free
And that is okay

What kind of a stupid question is that?

You have forgotten,
We live in the 21st century
No one is happy

Content?
Maybe

Fine?
Perhaps

Hopeful?
Occasionally

But happy?
No
Nada
Never

Are you happy?
What kind of a stupid question is that?

"Let your smile change the world,
Not the world change your smile"

~anonymous

My house is full
Of these pictures

They aren't ordinary pictures
They move in the frames
Like in Harry Potter

The pictures show a girl
I see her everytime I walk past

I'm quite jealous of this girl
She looks so happy
She's pretty
She looks kind
She looks peaceful
She looks rested

I'm nothing like that
I wish I was
So I'm jealous of this
Picture girl

But maybe I shouldn't be
You see,

These pictures have a special name
Mirrors

And the girl has a special name too
*Nicole

The ocean
Is the embodiment of sadness

The saltiness
Does not come from minerals
Or rocks
But from
Every tear
Ever shed

The conch shell's song
Is every scream of pain
Every released
Silent or not

The blue color
Is the color of sadness
Of everything the ocean has endured

And the grey
Is from all of the anger
The ocean has taken

So if you're ever feeling
Sad
Down
Or alone

Remember:
The ocean is there for you

To take your tears
In its vastness

Your screams
In its shells

And your pain
Sadness
And anger
In its colors

And if you can't take the pain
Any longer

The ocean will take your body
As well

So you are not alone
For the ocean is the embodiment of sadness

"Are you okay?"
You ask

"Well define 'okay'"
I answer

My heart is beating
Granted, too fast

My blood is flowing
I just checked

My brain is functioning
I'm thinking too much

My stomach is active
It's angry for me not eating

My lungs are moving
I'm just out of breath

Beyond physically?
No I'm definitely not okay

Goodbye Dalton Stuck
I don't know why the lord
Took your life early
But he did

Goodbye Dalton Stuck
I didn't really know you
But you will be missed
By each and every person's life you touched

Goodbye Dalton Stuck
I can't believe you're gone
I send my prayers to your family
And friends

Goodbye Dalton Stuck
You are gone
But your memory lives
And goodbye is for now
Not forever

You will be missed
*Goodbye Dalton Stuck

Welcome to Society
It's full to brim
With blooming
Actors
And actresses

They practice each day
Their smiles and laughs
Till they're simply perfection
And you'll never know the difference
Between what's real
And what's not

These people
They act out their lives
With well practiced actions
And say it's all fine and dandy

When really,
*It's not

If I told you that,
I can hold my breath for
Two and a half minutes,
You may ask,
"Why hold your breath when,
You live in a world filled with oxygen?"

I will always reply,
"It is so,
When life starts to drag me,
Beneath those waves,
I will survive
**That much longer."

I swear
My soul was
Once full
But I was
More open than
I should have been

And I suppose
My soul hates me
As much as I hate me

Because as soon as
I opened up enough,
It fled

I want to write a happy poem
I truly do

But when I write
I let it pour straight
From my soul
To the paper

And happiness
You see,
Is something
My soul doesn't
Even remember

I want to write a happy poem
Honest

I've tried
And tried
But every time
They've ended up
In the trash

I want to write a happy poem
I really do

But apparently,
You need to be happy
To share
Happiness

Which means
All I can spread
Is sadness

Society says

Don't cry;
That's weak

Don't talk about pain
That's selfish

Don't be smart
That's nerdy

Don't talk much
That's annoying

Don't be yourself
That's stupid

You know,
I think I'd make a good penguin

They're built for
Cold weather
Where most birds can't go
They thrive

They have to stay in their comfort zone
The cold tundra
They can't go out
Or they'll die

They watch the other birds soar
But know they can never join
They stay in their ice-filled wilderness
And keep two feet on the ground

And that is okay

I think we have a lot in common
I think I would make a good penguin

I thought that
I had already faced
My scariest moment

But I hadn't

I realized tonight that
My scariest moment
Wasn't when I thought
I was going to lose myself

No,
It was when I thought
That I was going to lose you

I am like a fossil

I built my stone walls
Nice and sturdy
Around my true self

And slowly
Very slowly
The true me disintegrated


And as I faded away
My rock walls stayed strong
And soon a that was left
Was an imprint of me in my stone walls

And I became a fossil

Keep your friends close
But your enemies closer

It's a good rule
But here's a better one:

If you want to survive
Keep 'em all at least
An arms' length away

Because if you let them in
When they leave
And they will leave

It just might **** you

If you are wondering
Why I am sad,
Here's a few reasons

My flaws:
-Stupid
-Clumsy
-Bad with words
-Socially awkward
-Irritating
-Ugly
-A thousand other things

Good things about me:
-.....

*And you wonder why I'm sad

Isn't odd how,
Someone can break your heart,
But only lose your trust?
As if,
If you search long and hard enough,
You might find your trust,
Which a careless person misplaced,
But never fix your heart,
Which a careless person dropped.