You're in my dreams
And I skip through yours
It's the only place we exist

Talking to you never gets easier
I fall back into fifteen
Every time your name is on my screen
The giddiness, the waiting
Waiting to see what you say
But now it's been almost ten years
What do I want to hear?
I'm not sure
Why do you tell me things aren't good with her?
At the absolutely worst timing
I have someone now
And you're not around
We're just talking

You consume my thoughts
You're across the globe, for you it's 8am
I know if I stay up until 3 you'll be awake then

But why why why
Do I do this to myself
I have a man that loves me more than anything on earth
Yet I just want to hear your words
Manipulate you to go from texting to calling
Because I know the things I need to say to get you falling
I want to slip back into the old routine
Of talking and talking for hours on end
You made me laugh like I've barely laughed since
I laugh with my man but it's different with you
You know me absolutely through and through
Meeting in adolescence giving us both an advantage
A sense of vulnerability that any new person just cannot seem to reach
Hurting us both as we know we cannot keep a hold
On the people who give us all of their love
Their life
Their future

But what are we doing
Talking just talking
We know what's off limits
Not tempted not lusting
Just missing the old and wondering
If you feel the same way about us too
Do you feel a sense of why why why
Scared to death of any other feeling
To see you in person would break me?
Would it break you? Or is that what we need?
A moment alone for clarity
To stare and take in what the years have done to us both
Pulled at our skin and our hair but
Not our eyes
Not our souls

We remain the same
Twisting through the air sensing every thought
Knowing every consideration
Time would slow down
We would be patient
Waiting to see who would speak
Would we need a translation? Do you still know everything I mean?
Are you still the same person?
How has time changed our twisting souls?
You're across the globe
Away from me
Away from you
But it feels like nothing new

Just temporary distance
In between a forever affair
New people will come and go and come and go
Yet you and I will stay twisting in air
But I'll marry the man I am with
You might be in attendance
Will it **** you? Will it hurt me?
Maybe eventually
It's a neverending question
How are you? How have you been?
I ask you about her you ask me about him
We stay on the shallow end of the pool
Neither really wants to look the fool
Asking for answers on the deep end

Why why why
Do we do this every year
I stare at my ceiling all night long
One more hour and you'll be awake
But I can't wait
But I have too
He is for me, not you
Anymore
God this is hard to believe
That our souls are so intertwined you live in my dreams
And I skip through yours

No need to ask we both know it's true
And I can tell it's been eating at you
You've been busy and I've been waiting
And all these empty words we keep saying
Leading up to what we really want to know
Why me? Why you?
When will the years pass fast enough that we forget our past
When will we move on and no longer look back
Probably never

How do we tell who we love
Oh sorry I still talk to you
But not like that I promise
There's nothing amiss
Maybe we're twin flames
Spinning around getting hotter
Burned with each other's names
Forever

I'm staring at my ceiling
Overwhelmed with feeling
I know you'll text me tomorrow
And I'll respond
We'll talk far too long

Is it talking so long that makes it wrong?
Or is it how much it feels right?

After all these years
We start again
We know one another like the back of our hands
Slipping in and out of each other's lives
As if they aren't completely intertwined
No one else understands
Saying we're toxic and bad
But conversations are all that's being had

It's so complicated to explain
We went from love to fun to pain
And found new people to love
But yours didn't fit like a glove
Mine is going strong
But yours is going wrong
She doesn't want you anymore
You don't know what for
I feel bad, I really do
There's always been something different about you
I know you like the back of my hand
I lay in bed listening to your favorite band

Reminiscing

We thought we had it all together
But I found someone for the better
You remind me of all we used to do
Like making out in dressing rooms
God we were so young and naive
But still we don't know what we need
The comfort of talking, warm like a fire
I imaged more than this eight years prior

Oh what I would pay
For a flashback video of every happy day
Before it all went away

Walking and the air is cold
Feeling young
Conversation is old
Eyes following lips
No talk of a kiss
Just you and me
And history

He grabs my leg and pulls it over him, his hair falls in my face
I wrap my arms around him, tightening our embrace
I cannot get enough of him, he knows my body like his own
With only his fingertips, he never fails to summon my moan
Then we relax, watch Netflix and get food
My parents may tell me Satan's bad, but today he did good

I ask if I'm too much for you to handle
I'm a forest fire that you see as a candle

So much love within
Fingertips glide over my skin
Hands on my sides
While meeting my insides
Entire body shivers
With the way you deliver
Eyes roll back again
Over the way you have me bend
One night is never enough with you
I want an entire lifetime, or two

Your chin rested on my head
I could tell you closed your eyes
Maybe took in the scent of my shampoo

There are days I can't stop thinking about you

I remember standing at the end of the bed
Feeling safe and sound
Not a noise in the house
You pulled me in to your arms
We stood there still but strong
How did everything go so wrong

There's notches in the wood above me
A light reflects off the window ahead of me
My speaker gets drowned out by the AC
I know I don't cross your mind when you're at that party

I wonder
Would you?
Would she?
Would anyone tell me?

I look back on the way my heart jumped
The way he made my love filled blood pump
And I fail to understand
I do not know how I loved everything so small, even holding his hand
How can love just come and go?
When he stopped loving me, how did I not know?
His eyes must have sparkled at the idea of leaving me
My absence was the reason he smiled gladly
I never looked for the signs of this
I was the definition of ignorance is bliss
My heart knew all along
But my brain was saying it had to be wrong
When they say trust your gut they never say which one

You poured out the gasoline around me
While never losing my eyes
Telling me sweet nothings
Crossing t's and dotting i's

As you leaned in to kiss me

The flames engulfed us
And your lips never reached mine

He would let me break every bone in his body
Just for me to let him love me

But then I'd break his heart

I close my eyes
The years are filled with tears
From jokes to heartbreak
Missing you to wanting you gone
I thought you were the one
But you were a test run
Showed me what I should want
A hand to hold in pain
Eyes liking everything they see
Laughing with, but not at
Kisses on every inch of me
All of that
Is what I need
What you could not give me

If he held me again today
I'd collapse into his being
In anger and regret
And thankfulness
Otherwise there'd be no change
He was once all of my heart and mind
Not only occupying my thoughts
Fogging them
I did not think of me
I thought of us
A fragile concept
One of the past

If he held me again today
It would be the last

people drop like flies
if i find out the truth
is actually lies

I feel compelled to post and speak
But my education feels too bleak
Yet blacks and whites and others too
See the harm the policemen do

I am white
But I'm not dumb
I see an action so blatantly wrong
The harm that the policemen have done

The people are out and the streets are loud
They will not rest until justice is found
One name fires up the nation
Yet the harm continues, little hesitation

There are good, but there are bad
People on every side of the issue are mad
But it's hard to deny the facts
Unlawfully taken lives can't be given back

Speak up for what is true and what is right
Even if you're scared since you are white
I know you aren't dumb
Help be the change that needs to come

Wrapped like a present
I'm scared of what's inside
I'm in your arms
But what's in my heart?

wheels turn
eyes grow big
just found out
what you did

I could really use one of the many conversations we used to have right now

But you aren't here
And you don't want to be around

I sail along the rough ocean surface
Taking in the shattered gray and the foamy waves

I rock against the beach and feel myself back on the land
I watch as the wind takes the beach out of my hand

I lift my chin up to the air
And feel the sea breeze blow through my hair

I feel the sunshines warm embrace
and I know that I am safe