I watched some old videos and went through all our pictures
You were bright and happy and kissed me a lot
You had hope and you danced with me too
I forgot how much fun we used to have
And the kind of people we used to be
I don't regret a single thing except what happened
To you and me

May you finally rest with both eyes closed
Your time has come it's true you know
So take your last breath smoke your last smoke
And fall gently into death's darkest cloak

Don't fall for me
Because you will I promise
And when you do you will love it
You will love me because I am everything you need.
But when I run dry
And I'm of limited supply
You'll wish you never met me
Because loving me is the worst, most painful way to die.

When I die I'm going down
Because I spent my whole life doing it
And feeling it

You sit in the back of my throat like last night's supper
I swallowed your lies because you were my lover
Who I did afterwards wasn't right
It was foolish and hurt and is wrong despite
The fact that I did it to save myself
To keep on ease my mental health
When you called me crazy for assuming the truth
No matter how hard you tried it was no use
You haven't changed and it's not my fault
That the girl you lie with now will never know
You don't really love her she's a painkiller
You're not an addict you're only a quitter

I hurt myself for loving you
There's a monster inside me I don't know what she'll do
Words are weapons for the weak
Without you I barely sleep
I broke my own heart in trying to mend yours
Every day I am alive is an endless chore
You hate me get in line
I'll never forgive myself until the end of time

How can I be so evil to the one I used to breathe for?
I am hurt and so spiteful
I am mad and ill met
I am sorry

I am no saint but I'm not the only sinner

I watch the ceiling change from black to grey to a pale yellow as the morning comes
I've barely slept I can't close my eyes
She sleeps soundly to my left
My baby dozing on my right
Her boyfriend is as restless as I
Awake
He ***** me with his eyes
She stirs, he says "I love you" but is staring at me
She drowsely kisses his cheek, he bites my wrist
Thud thud thud in my veins
The pulsing in his lust
I can only close my eyes and pray the beast finds rest soon
They are always hungry those sleeping beasts

I'm cold
But I still care
I'm distant
But I wish you were here
My head and my heart don't go hand in hand
Unless that hand is strangling the other in demand
I'm hurting too but don't pity me
I need this, I know it, you know it, someday we'll see
If I get better and you do too
Maybe there's peace in this life again for me and you

I wish I could believe it when you say I'm an angel
I know you love me, you and everyone else
Looking to me like some kind of a guide to raise you from perdition
But I'm only in it for myself
Because I love every man, woman and creature the same
And you are just another heart to break in my midst
I am no Angel I'm just a person
Like you
Only different
I've found myself and people like you are drawn to that
My confidence my style my originality my abundant need to help
But I'm a curse not a blessing
I am no good

You make me feel like a fool
You have me thinking I'm crazy
You **** me with your eyes and act like its nothing at all
You were never one to kiss and tell
But you tell me no and kiss me senseless
I don't know why I'm still here
Burning up and cooling down every time you hold my ear
Three times I love you
Three times no
Too many masqueraded intentions and submissions
If only you'd open up and let me know
Nothing matters more to me than the trust
The tryst was fun but the mystery is enough
Kiss and tell and hold my lips
No more talking, no more lies, I plead
Gift me this.

Inspiration throbbing in my brain
None of that makes sense I'll try again.
Words knock knock knock but I can't get them out;
Cracking my skull in nose bleeds of doubt.
How can I let them know what I mean?
I just have to let it out but I'm too choked up to scream.
The worst thing about being an artist is:
Nothing can truly express the essence that is this

If you were my little girl
I'd show you how to be loved so good
He doesn't treat you right
He won't ever love you like I could.
I know you're young little girl
Only 16 years old
With the scars on your wrist and deeper wounds on your soul.
He made you grow up too fast, ****** up your past
Left just as soon as you needed him
But now you're mine little girl
Take my hand let me into your world
I'll fill your void of daddy issues

I feel like a monster
I broke your heart for what I am
And for what it's worth I hate myself for hurting you
I love you that won't change; its the itch I can't scratch
The urges I get when I think of my prey
I don't mean to hurt you or lead you astray
All I ever wanted is what I'm too scared to have
You're the man I hold in my sleep while I devour girls in my dreams please
Forgive me I'm so sorry
It's killing me too

Volatile
A bitter taste left in my veins by the years of oppression
Afraid to love or trust
Uncomfortable constantly, consistently
Life's flourishing flowers bloom beyond my reach
I'll never get there, too stuck, too scattered
The world is someone else's oyster and I am their pearl prisoner
Afraid to touch or run
Nothing but bad luck to those who fall
I should just stay away
Volatile

It takes my breath away to see you so happy

With all my heart:                                
                          ­          x      x            x       x
                                 x                 x                  x
                                   x          I      Love       x
                                      x          You           x
                                          x        <3       x  
                                               x          x  
                                                  ­   x

You'll know me by the trail behind
Of the hearts I never meant to break
The poor souls I tried to nurture
Fell heavy in my wake
I thought I could keep them warm
While tearing pieces of myself apart
Yet again I was wrong and torn
For putting those pieces into other's hearts
I am so truly sorry for those who ever loved me
It's my fault, but I'm no ****
I was too kind, too beautiful, too much
For making myself everyone's crutch

Expand your mind when you enter a room
What do you see?
The 12 year old girl in the corner on her phone
Sexting three guys and a girl she's not alone
The guy on the dance floor won't take someone home
He's literally just there for a good time
The guys and girls getting high because they feel so low
The girl in that short skirt isn't a ***
The guy who can't hold his alcohol is too young to be there
The dog eating his ***** is too hungry to care
You try to fit in but really you won't
Because nobody is as they seem and no one will ever know

You're lucky I have the time of day
I'm just lucky you bused my way
Because of you I'm a better me
And one day I'll love again, I hope you get to see
You're the best friend anyone wouldn't have the ***** to ask for
No one has the patience to see past your flaws
You're perfectly imperfect in every way
But I'll keep you here, I'd be ******* stupid to throw you away

Sweet scent dripping as hot beads of sweat from her skin
She straddles and grinds as she begins to commit her sin
Succulent lips pressed against mine
Rubbing my fingers down the points of her spine
She giggles with glee, followed by her succubus stare
As she leans back over and nibbles the lobe of my ear
Such ******* traits, in my heart come to confide
As I flip her over and make my way from her neck to her thigh
Her hands clawing my shoulders as I kiss my way down
Her body begins quaking as she tries not make a sound
Gasping for air from such an ****** display
I kiss my way up then she pushes me away
She pounces suddenly, unable to resist
As she gives in to her desires, sensations of tryst

Husk life, transient
Drifting from bed to bed, couch to mattress to rolled out sleeping bag
They had everything going for them
Their futures glowing with possibilities
Their hearts recycled for a place to belong
Until it happened
Anxiety to depression, depression to bipolar disorder to a fixed self doubt
The only thing permanent in their lives;
The constant consistency of tar in their lungs
And shivers down their spines
Wandering drifting adapting struggling to survive

I don't know why I'm not ok
I don't know how you can help
I don't want to break up with you
Or leave you on the shelf
I love you still so much it's true
But I can't feel it anymore
Yet I cannot help but lose myself
Every time you close the door
I feel I'm better off alone
(Says the co-dependant one)
You'll be ok I promise you but
It's easier said than done
I don't know how to explain myself
I don't know what to do
I can't help it I'm so ******* sorry
For falling out of love with you

Maybe we can go on together with suspicious minds
But only because feigning trust is considered fine
So we say ok and tell each other to have fun
When we assume the worst and then say none
We boil up and grow apart
With each slightly resentful remark
My period pains make you say
I'm ******* around every other day
You don't talk to me anymore
So I assume your new friend is your *****
We change plans on hanging out together
Instead of rekindling this love we've shared forever
So as much as we think **** is going on behind
I know our accusations aren't necessary
We can't go on with suspicious minds.

Because you fell in love you're telling me to go
For no other reason no no no
You fell in love and now I'm in the wrong
Because I love someone else and not your song
Because you fell in love I lost my best friend
Someone kind and special who I'd fight for til the end
Sure I have someone to go home to and call my own
But because you fell in love, without him, I'm all alone

I wrote a heartfelt poem for you but it wouldn't post
I picked a pretty flower for you but it died
I bought some delicious chocolate for you but I ate it
Basically I just can't do anything for you that you deserve
And that *****

Lavender and lapis
Cinnamon and coffee
Cigarettes and tantric ***
Acoustic guitar and piano keys
Puddles and missed buses and Mp3 playlists
My highschool years weren't so bad

How am I supposed to feel
When you tell me I'm the one
But make me feel second best.

Death will consume us eventually
But for tonight, I will only taste it
As I lose my breath in my sleep