I wanna see the blood
I wanna see the pain
I wanna prove that my body
Is nothing more than a frame
My mind is screaming
Parts of it beg me to bleed
The others demonize those pleas
I just don't want to feel this way anymore
And I suppose it's my own fault
I know how I get
When I start drinking then stop
Maybe that's why I always overdo it
Because then I can get sick and sleep
Before this depression takes its hold
And sets my demons free
Digging and clawing at my mind
Until I do the same to my own skin

Paul Carico Dec 2017

Peeling scabs from skin
Feel the agony from within.
From the cradle-
To this hell I call life:
Known to well, the edge of a knife.
Opening self-inflicted wounds to
Feel the solemn woe!
Hope.
Something I will never know.
Focus on the misery.
Cutting deeper than before.
Plagued to perish,
With open wounds
That will heal no more.

Drugs have left me numb.
My doctor gave me some.
So high I can't believe.
I love it,
I need it,
My doctor says it helps easee me
Their easeeing izzie
Change me , break me
Love me,hate me
Warp my being.
I have fake friends and progamable teachers.
Ordered to do as they do.
Empty of everything especially opinion unless it has with it gods intent.
This is all done to prevent separation
(Once more there is still segregation)
This only incites rebellion in me.
I hate this place so how do I escape.
Do I run or stay and go away in another way.
South parks advice is to just quit twitter.
This world isn't worth it to scaredto kill myself.
So I cut ,cut and cut my wrist
To take away my strife and find bliss.

School is honestly the route of almost evil it's a hub for people who like to pick on people to let their issues out its no place for a child no one deserves the endless ridicule that a pain please help the little guy stuff the big guy and the worst part is my school tends to protect the bullies more than the bullied.
Chloe Nov 2017

I wake up just in time to watch the sun set on the horizon.
I stay up all night to watch it rise again.
3:00am is when I demons start to roam,
And before I know it my sadness becomes my home.
I self medicate with drugs and alcohol that I know I don't need.
I do it to stop the craving of wanting to watch myself bleed.
I look at the scars that cover my skin.
They mock me, I'm trying so hard not to give in.
I sleep all day so I don't have to fake a smile.
I wish happiness was a mood that stayed for a while.

I wake up just in time to watch the sun set on the horizon.
I stay up all night to watch it rise again.

A poem about my struggle with mental illness, addiction, and self harm.
Camryn jones Jul 2017

Squeezing out water droplets
Just before bed
I'm reminded of what I miss
The definition of what I called "freind"
Was changed eternally

I ran out of work manic,
Raced to the tatoo shop
And got what I had wanted for so long
A fish fossil right there on my forearm
Coverings for angry cuts
I went home and cleaned it, runned it down with lotion
And I'm reminded of this familiar sting

Flashbacks hit
And I was 14 again
Sitting on the porch with you nursing my wounds
My arms were swollen and sore
Sliced from top to bottom
And you were the only soul I told
You wrapped me up in bandages
And showed me yours
You said "see we're both screwed up!"

8 years later I lie on a mattress in a living room floor
Punched in the gut by the thought of you
And how you could take your own life
..you also took my best freind

Emptiness has this warm subtle sting and I'd rather feel pain than nothing
But it's not self destruction anymore, it's therapy

And it makes me feel close to you.

This one isn't necessarily my style but I'm trying this honesty thing where I feel something intensely then write it down no editing, no working hard on it just getting it out of my head and onto the page.

Slow agony but still I cut binds
Blood filling every crevace as I go
If life was meant to be easy God would've made me pretty
I down my medication
And bind myself again

MJ Lee Aug 2016

Silence

That’s what you wanted
Just accepted silence
Just desired crying
Just no more defience

So why the fuck do you want my voice
The ironic song bird wedged down my throat
You just want to hear your name screamed out
Whimpered out
Begged

I’d say fuck you but you’d take it the wrong way
That or it won’t even reach past my new blue gloss

You want me to speak up now? Well you’ll get it, yet don’t blame me if my voice goes hoarse. My eyes bleed tears of forgiveness when looking disgusting and captivating as I screech like a banshee . With snot dribbling down my chin. With split ends visible in my wooden mane. With eyes turned muddy the unplanned forecast for blood thirst and depression

Like how about I talk about those long nights at McDonald, or when you sung lullabies that implanted insomnia, or the icy touch of your frostbitten hands looking for warmth and all you found was me. How about those whispered words of , “ I really like you.” Cuz four words are worth so much more than three. Each held more meaning than the last as if they were your last breath as you plunged inside me with dagger-claws. Yet I loved it, dammit I loved it! I loved being your barbie doll.

But were they even true

Were all the nights we stared at one another with clamped together hands just the darkness in your coal eyes wanting my spark. My bite. Was it just so you could see if I could be yours. Only yours. I left so many scars on you and you to me, and you told me you loved them. Your fingers would trace my stories I engraved upon your temple. But none were proof enough of how you fucked my mind up with yourself. Made me worshiped like a false goddess undeserving of your praise and love and soul and eyes and goddammit I’m back your your dead fucking eyes even when you blinked to show you lived.

You knew I never loved anyone before you. Never held hands before you. Never had any lips besides your cracked ones trying to imitate a desert to trick others of nothingness that you’d whisper only to me. Never told a man nor woman that they were my first of everything before you. I was a tiger lily and you a weed. And you took it all away you fucking hypocrite!

You knew before I could even say wait. And I loved you for it, I still fuckning love you for it cuz I am a moron. My heart never beats when you aren’t around. I never needed to speak, you were the source of my puppeteer voice I used when other’s worried about something.

Yet now you want me to tell you lies. Tell you who hurt me

‘You’

Tell you who used me

‘You’
Tell you who fucking broke me down to a sniveling, worthless pile of ash

‘You’

But instead of telling what was reality I played within your almond flavored fantasies and blamed everyone but you. For no, never you.You, you, you, you, you. Rigamortus won’t stop my hands from grabbing your shirt as I slowly sank to the ninth level of hell.

BECAUSE IT WAS YOU GOD FUCKING DAMMIT MAN
YOU DID THIS TO ME
I WAS AN AURORA SUNSHINE YET YOU SUCKED ME DRY
TILL ALL THAT WAS LEFT WERE MONOTONE CLOUDS
YOU'RE THE ONE THAT SHOVED YOUR HAND INSIDE ME
AND REPLACED ORGANS WITH STUFFING

YOU DID IT
YOU DID IT
YOU DID IT
YOU DID IT

You're the reason
I slit my throat
Tied up my vocal cords.
Sewn shut my lips
It's no surprise I was thrown away
Like a broken doll

It's funny you see?
When you're choking you should see the irony
Ain't I the one that needs to hush up

Ignatius Hosiana Jun 2016

War isn't that fusillade you hear in the distance
betwixt the government troops and the resistance
it's the civilians getting tattered in the crossfire
it isn't the wham of bombardment from airstrikes
by blaring Jet fighters across a shower of black in the sky
it isn't the badonkadonk of a Rocket launcher or Black Mamba
but natives being swept like Safari ants in chunky numbers
War isn't those mines planted in hitherto playing field
but the ignorant innocent children in search for a distraction killed
War isn't the televised scorched homes and gardens with corns
but the consequent drought, scarcity and "famined" and feeble as thorns
War isn't those vehicles and motors torched
it's the blameless owner who in tears the absurdity watched
War isn't that cacophony of politicians on stuffed tables
their speeches filled with hypocritical vocabulary are but fables
speak to the maimed and dead whose voices are never heard
it's those who want the anarchy to end, it's they that are tired
War isn't the nations battling or the parties in contention
it's those set, torn and cast apart...the ones we seldom mention
the parents and siblings forced to say goodbye
while their Breadwinner falls victim to conscription
despondent and despairing as they look on and cry
knowing their brother and Son's like those taken before bound to die
or those refugees wanting to return to their cradle
but having no home and nothing to return to but rubble
those forced to stay in the first world midst racist chants and hate
jeered by the "civilised" like they chose their skin-color and fate
War isn't the famous voices we hear and talk about on the media
but the Virgin girls abducted, gagged, raped and mutilated
War isn't the beautiful monster tanks wrecking
but the historical landmarks and fashioned roads
reduced to nothing, the lives within squashed under their loads
War isn't the glamorous documentary films censored and unreal
but the muffled deadbeat voices from heartbreaks that never heal
It's seeing one's whole life sublime in one moment of savagery
compelling the orphaned and widowed into manacles of sex slavery
for with the loss of their husbands and parents, neighbours, Uncles
comes the tight grasp of inhumane chains and anchors
in those places they are forced to seek refuge
places where they are treated worse when they attempt to refuse
War isn't just being apart from your people by a million a mile
War's learning to wear a weighted mask of a smile
while the heart, Soul, Mind and one's entirety's in Tears
War's knowing all one's "perspirational" toils were but wasted years
fearing to tell one's story because among the presented ears
one can no longer tell one that truly listens from one that just hears
..
whatever's in speech be it poetry or Documentary isn't War
War isn't words, war isn't testimonies, there's more
destruction to War than the eyes, heart can handle
not ever can War fit in the descriptions of words we bundle
War's something humanity never deserve
so unfair for we make war when most can hardly make love.

L May 2016

If she hit you,
you would marvel
at your bruises.

The disgust that
has clinched my heart
since the first day you
ever said her name again,
would pull so tightly
I'd be in just as much
danger of dying
as you are.

You would run your
fingertips around
the rim of your blackened eye,
you would say,
"It's so beautiful,
how did she know that
purple is my favorite color?"

You would show it to the world,
proud, happy, relieved, that
you can finally put down
your razor blade, because
this time, she loves you enough
to carve her name into your skin
so that you don't have to.

I am so fucking tired of watching her use you.
MisterMistyEyed Feb 2016

wrists and blades
made mates for life
swallowing painkillers
against self induced pain
mutilated skin
but no one can see
the wounds
that were carved inside of me

Criticism is always welcome!
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