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Fenchurch Oct 7
I’m not going to sit and wait
For these feelings to dissipate
I have to quit looking for you
Because I know that we’re through
Any chance of you and me
Has drifted away along with the waves of the sea
A Yorks Sep 25
Maybe I'm bitter,
But finally I can see,
That I was to blame.
Have you ever experienced the revelation
That: you will never, really, Know anything?

At that moment I diminished into the sunset,
With it's deepening colours,
Into a soothing blackness,
A darkness from which anything could come,
Chaos/Stars.
Every instance became a gift,
So that I could indulge in this anarchic relief,
Relenting,
Euphoric,
To my Lack of Control.



My Psyche enjoys this Bellyrub,
Intimate comfort,
Love of Everything & Nothing,
By my own design,
Bathing, surrounded by the candles of my Contradictions,
Burning from both ends.
A country-boy born in the city;
The introverted extrovert;
A dependant independent.



A pattern emerges from this chaos,
In the shape of me,
Tied down but free,
Wondering: What's the next thing I'll 'see'.
This poem was written through an exercise I like to do with friends. I basically ask a friend to give me three words that I then take and turn into a poem. It's an interesting exercise as everyone gives different words for different reasons. I like this exercise as it pushes you on trains of thought that you might not otherwise travel down.
The words given in this instance were: Bellyrub, Country-boy and Chaos.
My friend, in this case was speaking directly to me so this is why it takes on such a personal tone.

Enjoy..
larni Aug 19
you never really realise
how much someone means to you
until you almost lose them
for good
Little Green Jun 16
Long ago
They had me think
That life
Was a straight line

A set of steps
That someone made
School, job
Marry, child

Now the possibilities
In this glorious world
Have exploded
In my mind

Many ways
To live on Earth
Many ways
To use our time

One day
We will be nothing
But the history
Of human-kind

So, each moment
We get to live
I find
Stupendously sublime
Chicken May 31
There is
A special place in my guts for you
And it twists
And it turns
And it churns

In rises and falls
It starts up and it stalls
Round and around
For each process it yearns.
Realisation through doing make up, circa 2010.
YH May 26
life is beautiful
but it is also sad
of all the good things
there is also the bad
and it feels as though the bad is always embracing the good
that there is more bad than there is good in this world

and when the mind is overloaded with the negative
sometimes the drowning can't be stopped

the world starts to understand
that the happiest people may just be the saddest
and it fills me with grief
as it is anything but untrue
true to the point it hurts me

my secret was being revealed

it strips me off my feigned confidence
and leaves me with an empty shell
empty of love
of all the good things in life

i am sad for myself
who have turned out this way

and in the end i only have myself to hold
but i do not like me
not now
not ever

so tell me

how shall i live?

— Y.H.

my own personal epiphany,
gentle fervor.
i'm asking
how do i appreciate the good
if the bad never goes away

it is my mind that i have no control over
it is just me all along

(c) Y.H.
RELAPSE


The time when it feels like life is throwing you fire

That moment when you decide to temporary mentally retire

In hopes to repair and recover

Before you got to get your thoughts together

A timer ticking, with less than four days.

Then you realise 2 days have slipped in a foggy haze

Another 12 hours disappear in a blink while I’m stuck in this maze

Mind jammed on repeat, running same old relays

Life on the brink, Useless skits stuck on replay.


Disaster strikes it’s second hit,

With the bowel empty, out of ****,

tired and wired

In some serious need.

Next door possesses my ****,

clock strikes 2am,

no hope for the action called- boomerang

thoughts doing laps- thinking-

Why did I leave it there for so long?

Drug-enduced thoughts shift the blame,

How could they do me so wrong?


By not returning Billson after borrowing,

Leads to plan B’s decease.

The creation of black death to ease the worrying.

Now in search for some other sweet release.

Should have prepared a stash of sleepers

But I’ve used them all up,

Option C – A pill with effects like ******,

Zanexe don’t stand a chance anymore,

Immune to those dowsers, always needing a top-up.

The familiar stench of the chemicals on my skin,

Reminds me of all the times I swore I hated this sin.

Yet here I am again, where on earth do I begin?

Perhaps when I had my first lapse,

6 days ago, 2 points and didn’t collapse.

Which fertilised the seed planted by an addict

1 month off a year clean…

I was truly recovering

Then hell froze over turning my skies unclear,

That tickle got me thoughtful with the unspoken words - ‘I gotta have more’.

For of cause tomorrow I know I will be sore,

With that familiar dismantling pain,

For I have walked this road before.



For it I search, an act previously well-rehearsed

Found and purchase ordered,

I reach into my purse,

And as easy as that, transaction recorded.




- LetterGoddess
La Chrymal Apr 23
“you asked me for help, to fix you, to fight against your addiction

i asked you to do things, you promised me that you’ll do them

but promises aren’t meant to last, so here i am, stuck with more excuses

i weep at the loneliest night, thinking that i’m selfish & not letting you do things you love–“

but oh child, it is not your responsibility to fix him.

it is not.
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