insert bird poem

I feel like I am ruining a moment,
witnessing something I should not see.
I feel like an ink stain,
disrupting the story you have composed together.
I don't know what to do,
do I leave you alone,
do I stay or
do I go...

I wish I was brave enough to give you some grand gesture
But I can barely use words without shaking

Sometimes I want to be with the crowd laughing
Sometimes I'm afraid of how the laughs sound
Sometimes I flat out hate laughing
Sometimes I'm a giggling mess

I've been told I glare when I'm not trying to
I've been told I can look like a block of ice
I've been told I have a sick sense of humor
I've been told I should sleep more

I miss our Fridays.
They were the one time I didn't have to share you.
You said all the right things,
Did all the right things.
Why did it have to be fake, **** it?
You made it seem like you were trying,
Trying is something people don't do for me.
I'm not a girl people miss,
Guys ask to be with,
No one ever needs to see me,
Not someone who gets asked questions,
Has someone kiss her scars.
You tried.
You made it **** well seem like you tried.
You asked to see me,
You asked me questions,
You made me think you'd kiss my scars,
But I guess you forgot to miss me.

Made yourself a barbwire collar
Choking has always been what you're best at
Carve a smile into your face
Don't let them think you are a needy little brat

I play with fire

Feeling blades
Their weight
Their sharpness

I play with fire

Looking at food
Taking it in
Forcing it out

I play with fire

Taking off lids
Just to smell
To forget

I play with fire

Giving myself
Tarnished my image
No longer pure

I play with fire

Standing on cliffs
One step forward
Two steps...

I've played with fire...

you are like sandpaper
i never stood a chance
you wear me down
everyday
i trip over my attempts
to satisfy
your needs
your desire
for something that was
never me
i can't fulfill your fantasies
i'm not from a dream
i'm from a nightmare

Sometimes I wonder who actually cares
And then I laugh at myself bitterly
Because if I don't give a ****
I have no right
No right
To ask you to care
So I'll just hold my wax
Up to this candle
And melt away
Until I'm no longer recognizable

I want to go back
to the days when
I could show up
at your doorstep
and we'd mess
around a little
because I need a
distraction from
the chemicals
   in my bag and
the blade
   in my hand

I just had a memory
Of you skipping
Past me
In the streets of Brazil
At one in the morning

I just had a memory
Of you dancing
With me
In the streets of Brazil
At three in the morning

I just had a memory
Of you dipping me
Close to kissing me
In the streets of Brazil
At four in the morning

I inhale you deeply
You wake me up
And make me sleepy

My hands all over you
But it's okay cause
Yours are on me too

Arms and legs tangled
Look at us, together
Broken and mangled

As I first taste you
I decide to sample
Each piece, so new

You are wonderful
Idiosyncratic
My kind of wonderwall

The piano
The guitar
I've always been drawn to them
I remember
You had me up in your room
Wanting to show me
To strum for me
Introduce me to
The unknown
But I left you
For his piano
For his drums
While you tried
Desperately for me to
Listen to the cords that you played
When I finally looked back
When I decided to listen
You no longer wanted me to stay
As you took me home
I realized my mistake

With him, we exchanged pieces of our hearts,
But he was a fake from the start.

With him, he only wanted one thing,
And he took it away, with me breaking.

With him, I've always felt safe and secure,
But his feelings for me are a repressed blur.

With you...
There's so much I'd like to do...

When I grab at my neck
You are the only one
Who knows what it means
You know to say stop
To hold me
To hug me

Sometimes I listen to songs

About regret and lost love

From a guys perspective.

So I can pretend you're

Singing the words to me,

Your beautiful voice that's

Always off key.

Oh father,
Won't you see me?
I am your daughter,
And I've tried everything.
I know you never wanted
A little girl to love, to hold,
But please don't ignore me.
Just saying occasional hellos isn't
The same relationship you have with your son.
I just hope you can love me before my life is done.

I am shocked by the sight of you
How did you get here
You look the same
You look different
What did he do to you
You broken used little *****
And of course you go back
Just begging for more
Said you were ugly
Said you were dim
Just wanted your body
It's always about him
He tells you he needs you
And you pretend to believe that
Then he hits you
And you think you deserve it
Sends you away
Begging and cold
All you want is someone to hold
So here you are at four in the morning
You walking mistake
Finally come through the door
You look like ****
In fact you basically are
Only an idiot
Would let it progress this far
I'd say go to bed
But that's where you were
Begging for someone, anyone
Till he shoved you out his door
He is using you
And you him
So tell me, whose guiltier
**Of the greater sin

stomach twisted
this is what I do for you
can't eat, can't eat
must look how you want me to

there is pain in beauty
my mother always said
I agree with this acutely
the hurt fades for soon I shall be dead