I       f       a       w       I       t       a       y
          a       p       h                h      b      o
            l        a       e                 i       o      u
              l        r        n                n      u
                         t                            k      t

I can't recall a time I've ever been more alone.

Forget medication
Forget alcohol
Forget cigarettes
Music is enough
To make me remember
To help me forget

You have no right to say my name
If you think that that's all there is to me

Are you afraid?
Do you not at all care?
Are you merely flattered?
Do you even want to love me?

I hate the word love
I hate how it's used
Tied to lust
Tied to abuse

I hate the word love
I hate how it's used
Tied to pain
Tied to you

To father,
                you don't exist.
Mother,
              thinks you're a no good *****.
From brother,
                        you get the bulk of the hits.
Ex-boyfriend,
                       pretends you have an open door.
And you,
                stab,
                        starve,
                             and shrink.

I remember

the first time

you ran your thumb

over the scar

on my lower back.

You called me beautiful.

I love the way the rain feels on my skin
Washing away everything I've painted on it
Leaving me totally raw

I wish I was badass
            people took me seriously
            I wore contacts, not glasses
            I actually had that piercing
            my tattoos were cooler
            my scars were sexier

If you love me,
Fight for me.

Don't passively consent
To each endless torrent.

Rather than let me walk away,
If you want me to, ask me to stay.

For I've worn my heart on my sleeve,
Now I feel it's time for me to leave.

here I am
a glistening sweat
panting hot
from your touch
your hard touch
i feel you can protect me
i feel you can hurt me
and i drink it in
all of it
off of you
so hello erotica
you work of art
making me cry
cry
cry out
in sweet, fierce pain
i want more
this raw art form
to be experienced
shall we call it love
shall we call it desire
shall we call it nothing
i need it
need you
etched in me, your name
you are in my heart
you are in me
you are my breath
this is ragged breathing
our passion
one
and
one
bonds
i can't escape
your rough embrace
push me
hold me
love me
**** me

He thinks I'm crazy
When I stop while we're in the supermarket
Because I love this song
I choreograph
And he starts to laugh
At my spontaneity
Yes I might be crazy
Even more so lately

Three days without sleep
I can't breathe
I can't weep

here I am
a glistening sweat
panting hot
from your touch
your hard touch
i feel you can protect me
i feel you can hurt me
and i drink it in
all of it
off of you
so hello erotica
you work of art
making me cry
cry
cry out
in sweet, fierce pain
i want more
this raw art form
to be experienced
shall we call it love
shall we call it desire
shall we call it nothing
i need it
need you
etched in me, your name
you are in my heart
you are in me
you are my breath
this is ragged breathing
our passion
one
and
one
bonds
i can't escape
your rough embrace
push me
hold me
love me
**** me

She wakes up late
With only 4 hours of sleep again
She wears only black and white
Hoping to fade away like an old memory
She starts to be sick
Why is she like this
Nothing is wrong yet
So why is she trying to cough up herself
She heads to school a cloud brewing
Over her head hatred lies
Her life it's pursuing
Can't eat all day
Lies and says she's okay
Accepts hugs
That's proof that something really is wrong
Her openly seeking physical affection
Completely out of the norm
She sees him a few times today
The boy she craves in passing through halls
And caught a brief glimpse of the girl he loves
Rarely seen nowadays
Then she sits in class with a boy she doesn't understand
The boy she truly needs was there too, all along
Never far when it matters
He gives her all she needs
She loves him so much
Come the 4th hour in
Somehow she turns around
Pain for laughter
An unknown comfort found

You picked up a guitar one day,
Fooling around.
I never knew you could play.
The song you played was my favorite song,
Though you had no way of knowing.
You were so beautiful,
Just being yourself
For once.

That was
The first and the last time
You ever played
For me.

That was the moment
I realized
I was
In love
With you.
I still am.

She was delicious
Something else
I never knew how girls could taste
She's still beautiful
Those moments we shared

She refuses to admit
Our chemistry
She's straight
I am too
But I'm not ashamed
Of the confusion
In our shared past

Not ashamed to admit
A girl was
My first,
Second, and
Third kiss

She wakes up late
With only 4 hours of sleep again
She wears only black and white
Hoping to fade away like an old memory
She starts to be sick
Why is she like this
Nothing is wrong yet
So why is she trying to cough up herself
She heads to school a cloud brewing
Over her head hatred lies
Her life it's pursuing
Can't eat all day
Lies and says she's okay
Accepts hugs
That's proof that something really is wrong
Her openly seeking physical affection
She sees him a few times today
The boy she wants in passing through halls
And caught a brief glimpse of the girl he loves
Rarely seen nowadays
Then she sits in class with a boy she doesn't understand
The boy she needs was there too all along
Never far when it matters
He gives her what she needs
She loves him so much
Come the 4th hour in
Somehow she turns around
Pain for laughter
Unknown comfort found

Bloodshot eyes
Incapable of thoughts
What made me think
I could handle all this

I want.
I want.
I want.

to hold your hands

to kiss your lips

to run my hands through your hair

to lick your face

to bite your lip

to learn the taste, the feel of your tongue

to move my hands down your chest, down your body

to pleasure you, hard in my hands, make you come

to toy with you deliciously within my mouth

to have you inside of me, fully


I want to not want these things.
I want to already have them.

You are the only one who knows it all, everything I carry.
                 The only one.
    You are the only one who I can be at ease with, completely.
                 The only one.
    You are the only one who showed me what beauty truly is.
                 The only one.
    You are the only one who could save my life.
                 The only one.
    You are the only one who understands.
                 The only one.
And she is the only one you want.

I remember when i couldn't stand you

the    other       day
                 she     asked     me
         what           is                the               cure
                                       i            simply    smiled
                               and      turned    away
      because   i    didn't                  know    how                to    tel­l             her
    that
                                               i
                                               don't
                                               know

******* down your throat.
that's all it takes.
nobody has to know...

so fat, disgusting,
look at you.
i wish i weighed nothing.
how can you ever be considered pretty...*
...if i still just look like me

Your laugh
Your smile
Your face
A joke
You never did mean
The lies that you spoke

Thank you all for today-
The points, the taunts, the shouts-
I talk funny is what you're all about.
You laugh when I speak,
Feels like strikes to the cheek.
Makes me want to be silent.

Until he pipes up,
And says it's cute.

I am waiting
For you to have enough
To be done with me
Like everyone else

I feel my humanity is melting into a shallow puddle.

I am starving.
For so many, many things.
I am dying.
For absolutely nothing.

Sometimes,
I
Just
Wonder,
Where
Exactly
Did
I
Go
Wrong?