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Cana Mar 2019
I have a set of words,
I don’t know how to say.
They’ve been lost and jumbled,
Scattered to the tides, stolen by ginger mermaids
I have to catch them, before the elements.
Should even one of those fragile blades
Wash upon your shore.
Then the wall would be thickest,
A Medieval palisade.
I was looking to stumble. Through.
Cana Mar 2018
Three.
   “It’s too high” I wailed.
   “Jump” she said from the crystal pool.
   “I can’t I’m scared.”
   “I’m here” she cooed “I’ll catch you.”
I did and she did.  

Seven
   “I don’t want to” I kicked
   “Go” she said from the cars window.
   “No, it’s lame”
   “I’ll be here when you’re finished”
I went and she was

Sixteen
   “I can’t” I frustrated
   “ It’s easy” she said from over my shoulder
   “No, it’s stupid”
   “I’ll help, let me show you”
I tried and she taught

Twenty One
   “I want to” I planned
   “You can” she said from inside the phone
   “But, it’s so far”
   “I’m a call away, I’m proud of you”
I went and she was.

Twenty Five
   “I’m scared” she said
   “It will be fine” I reassured from the hospital chair
   “But it isn’t good”
   “Im here for you, the meds will work”
She believed and they didn’t

Twenty Seven
   “It’s over” she whispered
   “I know” I sobbed from the foot of the bed
   “It’s my time to leave”
   “It’s been a rough two years, you can rest now”
She did and I crumbled

Thirty Two
   “I’m hurting” I thought
   “....”
   “I have to be strong”
   “....”
So I try because she watches
Tomorrow is the day she left. It’s hitting me today though. I can only hope that means tomorrow will be easier. This is the first time I’ve written about her and it’s not an easy write. I miss you mom.
Cana Jul 2018
Sitting, baking, smoking, faking
Smiles, glances, eyebrows, advances
Cigarettes, ****, flying, skied
Leaving, time, behind, I'm
Sweat, sweet, dalliance, discreet
Screamed, moaned, words, intoned

Sleep
So how was your Sunday night!?
Cana Mar 2018
My second favourite sentence is.
“I’m going to get coffee”
My favourite sentence is
“Would you like some too”
Notes
None
Cana Sep 2018
The Silhouetted buildings peak
through the clouds, obscured
across the river, a city shivers
on a cold New York morning.
Just a little pitter patter of thoughts
Cana Feb 2018
Everytime I hit the front page
I am saddened by the tortured souls
Who populate its halls

I will not write sad poetry
I will endeavor to brighten these corridors
Feel free to join me.
Seriously though. It’s depressing people.
Cana Feb 2018
I walk by a garden that’s not mine.
Not everyday, but less than I’d want.
It has a flower blossoming right by the gate.

It’s petals are green.  They sparkle with dew.
Bright and glowing at all times of the night and day.

It’s face is fire. Crackling and warm, a beacon to lost souls and small animals. Warming pieces of people that were unknowingly frozen.

It’s stem is lithe. Twisting, gently curving its way up to the sun. Strong enough to hold its head up and not bow to the wind.

It’s roots, enigma. I do not know how deep they go. But I’d be willing to try find find a *** big enough to hold them all stretched out.

I’d wish to have such perfection in my garden.
I’ve tried placing beauty in it, to no avail.
I once even planted a pretty **** with thorns and spikes. It didn’t last either.
Perhaps my land is salted.
I do not care to make a note
Cana Feb 2018
I won’t. I’ll try.
But ultimately it won’t happen.
I’ll sit here with good intentions
I’ll feel optimistic and chipper.
And then I’ll forget

In the end my goal is to improve
But just like many other projects
It’ll end up on the curb.

But I’ll certainly try.
So let’s make this day one.
Perhaps we’ll get to a “good enough” number.
Cana Mar 2018
One syllable,
three measly letters
And lifetimes of happiness.

The greatest smiles are come from it
The happiest tear is shed
It’s utterance can make you JUMP and LEAP and TWIRL and SPIN or...
Or burst hearts sealed in lead.

And lifetimes of happiness
Three measly letters
One syllable.
Yes.
For Mon fille and the laugh lines he got when his boy said yes.
Cana Jan 2020
It’s suffocating.
I used to read you through rose tinted sunnies.
Now all I see are black and white scratchings
It’s you for sure, my heart can tell
But your colour is gone.
Yawn.
Cana Feb 2018
As far as I can see, elocution and declamation
Thee this and thou that
Whence and wheresoever
Isthmus and anemone
Vitriolic and Diatribe
Bloviate and aplomb

But feeling has no discrimination.
Rococo words are not needed
Simply put is just as good
Too much icing makes a cake too sweet.

Bon appetit
Cana Dec 2018
I got lost in a slew of plans.
Let's go here, let's do that.
You can come too, wait you can't.
Ok fine, i'm sure it'll be ok

It wasn't
Too many plans.
Overlapping
Cana Mar 2018
I met an unfriendly parrot
I can’t blame him really. He lived in a cage
He stood there and squawked
Screaming displeasure at all who passed.
Staring balefully at sunburnt tourists
Asking if polly wants a *******
He doesn’t want a ****** single one.

I did find out what he liked.
Completely by accident.
Turns out he likes songs,
Click songs, because
“The white people cannot say Qongqothwane”
He lives in Bahamas and he is quite lovely. I stood there looking the fool and singing to him for 15 minutes.
Cana Jun 2021
It's a little quiet
One day it'll be an all grown up big quiet
But for now, it sneaks around in the brushes
Avoiding predators and spreading anxiety.
The birds hush as it passes,
The wind stops bothering the leaves,
The cats lie flat against the ground
and the dogs bare their teeth at empty spaces.
Then at the behest of some mysterious conductor
The world burst forth into life with renewed vigour,
The little quiet passes and successfully survives the day
Tomorrow It'll be a little bigger until
Who knows why I even bother
Cana Sep 2020
The questions don’t stop.
The incessant babbling of a panicked boss
The bone churning boredom of paint drying with the sympathetic tears that accompany a slowly dying animal.
I need a drink, rather several, rather all!
Maybe, for bonus points, we can throw in a crippling drug addiction that could, maybe, allow for a grasp on the slick walls of the pit. But we both know it won’t.

I need to escape, to get away from this horrid existence. But I don’t dare. Yellow bellied sluggard.
Thank god for cowardice, or I’d be the main course at the feast of the maggot king.
This too shall pass, I hope. Not gonna do anything stupid. Don’t get the wrong idea. Just needed to scream in silence.
Rum
Cana Feb 2018
***
it’s the famed drink of pirates.
It’s a poor substitute for sedatives
Once again my trusty friend has failed in his task
Is the pain stronger?
Can the mind no longer be deadened by such
Does it take a narcotic of higher potency?
Is there such a substance?
It doesn’t help anymore.
She
Cana Feb 2018
She
She calls.
She waves at me.
Her French manicure frothing
Come she whispers.
Come with me to adventure.
Come with me to danger.  

Eventually I’ll go.
Despite all the corpses littering her depths
I wait for my hair to be pulled in and tied.
My sails to be hoisted and set
And my nose to be pointed
Towards the next port.
It’s a work in progress. I’ve just woken up. Also if the sea is feminine and a boat is feminine then is this poem about lesbian love?!
Cana Jun 2018
Spoilt little *****
Demanding this and demanding that.
Take advantage of a situation.
Make the unexpected the norm.
Care the alms, care the hand,
for arms and hands are what you'll lose.
Benevolence and generosity
are treated as weaknesses, flawed characters being nice.
Smiles are kind, faces glowing, eyes, testing.
Be clear of your intent of kindness.
Once off, no expectations.
I'm ******* angry at this horse ****!
Note to self
Cana Feb 2018
I missed a day yesterday.
Wasn’t feeling very positive
So I went day drinking.
If I’m honest I’m not feeling up to it today either.
So instead of being morose I’ll just leave this here.
Until another day.
Sorry
Cana Mar 2018
We find it in the bottom of a cup
In a wine glass or beer mug
Imbibing all manner of spirits
Until the blackness takes hold.

Or in a person who eases our spirit
A phone call, a message.
Acknowledging our existence
And letting us know we’re loved

Some people find it in lines on a mirror
Or in a needle that leaves scars
It’s smoked off of a spoon
Or rolled in some paper

Other people cut, pain to ease pain
Slicing away bits of anxiety and flesh
Leaving thin long reminders of
Feelings best forgotten

Some find it in poetry, vomiting feelings
Onto a pristine white page until
It’s full and stained in emotion  
An artwork of agony

A few seek moments alone to
Close their eyes and meditate.
Counting breaths and clearing imagination
Getting lost in the maze of their minds

Some brave individuals
Listen to blues and sorrow
Their anxieties leaking from their eyes
And out of their noses.

Me. Maybe I do them all
Maybe I don’t.
Cana Apr 2018
Get on up
It's spring time in the city
Count your eggs
Cana Apr 2018
Spring time morning sun
Warming my back,
I got lost in the pages of hello poetry
A gargoyle perched on a step
Unmoving, hesitantly... statuesque

A northern mockingbird took rest on my foot
A moments respite from beating wing
And gravity defying flight
My poor heart jumped at his sudden touch
And my foot ****** up and away
Those unexpected scratchings
My coffee cup flying

The mockingbird was no better
All grace and glide destroyed
Frantic scrabble of feathered pinions
Escape from this simulacrum come to life.

Now, From his new purchase he examines me
Suspicious eyes, blaming.
An oddity such as me. And I him.

Needless to say, we both barely survived the encounter.
I almost died from fright. So did he though. So we’re even.
Fort Lauderdale birds. Eish
Cana Apr 2018
I was sat so still
A bird landed on my foot
Whose fright was bigger?
***
Cana Feb 2018
Its Friday night in the ramshackle city
The sweaty bodies writhing to to soco beat
Drugs, Drink and Debauchery and Cigarettes
Let go.
Cana May 2018
To get lost on a shelf.
A journey, couch potato tourist,
Book upon book, fantastical and fact
An expergefactor for the literary senses.

A sofa that swallows you whole
with an old fashioned friend,
stirring bourbon thoughts and
swirling orange twists

A wall of books,
novels and tomes.
Hemingway nestled next to Palahniuk.
Generational angst and
Alphabetical Chaos!
Dreams
Cana Jan 2019
Surprisingly the dusted air
does not bring a gritty mouth?
It seeps sandy, into the recesses of skyscrapers,
gives bright blue pools a poxy composure.
Its probably why the buildings aren't white
but not why my teeth aren't

It's accompanied by muted roars,
a cacophony of humanity in the near and far.
Indians eating Ethiopian,
Pakistanis driving Chinese cars,
Arabs shopping at Bloomingdales,
Filipinos Filipinoing.

A city that embodies the glittering gold
of empty flats and abandoned offices,
the cushion covered loungers
and the overwhelming urge to jump
from the 26th floor balcony.

A squinted eye admires the Burjes.
A shielded glance is spared for the Mosques.
Their brilliance is solar, my sunglasses game is weak
and my neck is starting to get sore.
Its quite the marvel
Cana Apr 2018
The fight, dear one.
Is not in the day
surrounded by faces
You’ll forget anyway.

The fight, my dude
Is in the stillness of night
When your thoughts run free
No distractions in sight

The fight, my friend
Is not at your work
To ****** the eunuchs
Sway the unswayable Turk.

The fight, little one
Is inside your mind
With thoughts of not good enough
Dispel them, be kind.

The fight, old girl
Is not in your home
Where your husband is wallowing
In chairs of black styrofoam

The fight, my sister
Is for the light in you
It’s always burned so bright
Stop worrying, let it shine through!
Be strong little one, set your goals, work towards them with blind ambition, do not let the world around you destroy your light.
Cana Feb 2018
THE NIGHT has a thousand eyes,
  And the day but one;
Yet the light of the bright world dies
  With the dying sun.

The mind has a thousand eyes,         
  And the heart but one;
Yet the light of a whole life dies
  When love is done.
Written by Francis William Bourdillon
Not written by me, couldn’t find it on the site.
Putting it here until I have it inked onto my back
Cana Feb 2018
A spherical furnace lights the world
His great love mimics his efforts at night
Orbs daytime warmth doth flowers unfurl
Her pale lunar grace cradles lovers in flight

An embrace that is mythed in the ages of men
Portents of great things from dessert to fen
Their coupling is spied with shielded eye
Until she leaves his bright daytime sky
Its like trying to describe the love affair between the sun and the moon.
Two celestials destined to be forever apart.
One who has naught but consistency and a passion that extinguishes even sight.
The other has a sky full of diamonds watching her wax and wane through the darkness.

Their meetings are rare, but celebrated around the globe.
Entire populations stand in awe with shielded eyes to see these two great lovers entwined in the heavens.
For brief moments her radiance is all that can challenge his, until she moves on to dally amongst those more distant.
Leaving him once again to burn brightly in an empty sky
Cana Jun 2018
I bought a perfect pineapple
It screamed of being sweet.
It’s burnt orange blush,
It pale green spiked leaves.
To try and preserve such beauty,
Would bear sour fruit.
To fight for its posterity when it will not fight too.

So I lopped off it’s head
Carefully removed its fruit and
Casually discarded its core
And satisfied my craving
Done before you begin. Safe.
Live for the day. Trust no one with your heart. Seize what happiness you can make for yourself.
Cana Oct 2019
It’s a strange muse, this murderous blue.
So many drawn to her splendor
So many drawn to their death
I ran out of words to describe her beauty. But needed to remember how dangerous beauty can be
Cana Jul 2018
I sat beneath the tree of me
its sheltering boughs spread wide.
Catching the afternoon sunlight on
hoary green leaves.

I sat beneath the tree of me
it's twisted, gnarled trunk stood strong,
Scarred by initials crossed out.
It's gooey sap ebbing and flowing to
the erratic beat of my own heart

I sat beneath the tree of me
thirty two rings, some thick, more lean.
A centre core, a maypole of happiness and
not

I sat beneath the tree of me
cradled by roots dug deep.
wispy wind wiggling my hair
comfort in all of me

I sit beneath my ageing tree
on a blanket far too large.
"You're welcome" I'd say to passersby
to sit with me a while.
My meditation place, on a green hillock surrounded by more little green hillocks.
Cana Sep 2020
An empire, built on Extreme empathy.
Welcomes in the parasite of its own demise
Feeds the anarchy with the cornerstones of its ethics.
Tears down it’s moral walls so as not to offend it’s destruction
Lies with blank smiling eyes, eviscerated in the street.
Good thing, good thing we were so woke.
Cana Feb 2023
They're gathering
Theses shadowed dwellers
from places that hurt the eye, to peer into

They twist and writhe in my throat,
stabbing their sharpness into my brain
merciless, unfeeling.

What banishes such indomitable spirits?
sleep? postpones their march
Cana Mar 2018
This I write to you
From the deepest sea
Where the gentle swell
rolls the boat softly

For it is here I am left
To contemplate my life
And the choices I’ve made
That extol my strife

I made them then
What’s done is done
They’re mine to own
Each and every one.

But I am the product of
These decisions of mine
And I’d do them again
Time after time

And so, this I write to you
From the deepest sea
Where the gentle swell
rolls the boat softly

And all I can say is I’m sorry.
To me.
I am literally in the middle of the sea. With nothing but my thoughts to entertain and torture me.
Cana Dec 2018
Today I'm filled with muted optimism
Something not often seen skulking around my peripheral.
Some retail therapy and a ***** free day.

I write you blinded, literally, consumerism blaring,
shining RED in my eye. My new shoes and sparkly
chemical incentives sitting comfortably on my feet
and in the back of my skull respectively

you know? Just above my nape.

The weekend is over.
That person has left, incised from delicate parts
where hurt feels more justified than starving children and
diseased refugees, "oh so woe is me" avoided.

We shouldn't have gone skiing together, the snow was far from ready.
The passengers leapt from the derailing train, terrified of sludgy wet slopes.

This time around I won't let them come so close. Stiff arm, no more than three. No more poems for you, or freedom for me.
I felt like putting my rambling brain onto a screen. Its not meant to make sense, my brain rarely does.
Cana Mar 2018
A lock, enthralled by a fist.
A mouth, enamoured by a neck.  
A picture, on this Friday wall.
Goodnight and definitely good morning.
Cana Feb 2018
There’s a place we should not go
Where white snow falls and foxes dive in, head first.
The trains that go there do not stop.
Their brakes are cracked useless things.
Their fuel is limitless. The lever is set to full speed.
It’s not an easy train to disembark from.
Not for want or for not wanting.
I’m of the latter currently. Though I knew boarding this train would send me there. I got on anyways.
Now I’ll just enjoy the ride. Have a little ski, perhaps even become a fox.
Let’s just say the weekend was rough, raucous and completely unforgettable.
Cana Apr 2019
The blue and white woven thread
Sits comfortably close
tasseled ends exotic
clinging seductively
Falling too easily.
Who needs pants?
Cana Mar 2018
Cotton filled mouth
Cotton filled head
Lids drooping South
Eyes filled with lead

Coffee’s too sweet
Lights are too bright
My sleeps incomplete
My head’s dynamite

I’ll sip and I’ll stare
Between here and there.
And pull on my smoke
Coz it’s just one big joke
Cana Mar 2018
At one point in time
When all is said and done
The only things that remain
Are the ashes of good intentions

It is a general rule that
People maintain an underlying
Need for gratification
A facade of “I don’t”

No ***** given

This is false
We’re all liars inside
To your friends, families
Selves.

To look in the mirror
Whether model or mould
Is a painful reminder
Of this stark reality.
Writing in this state of mind is a dangerous thing. And doesn’t make sense. Don’t misbehave and write people :D
Cana Apr 2018
“I do not weep, do you”
I almost did today.
Hearing a voice I hadn’t in a while

I have four

One wrapped in guilt and shame
Though it should not be.
It’s a free voice now, one that speaks with delight
Where there once was pain.

One that is shrouded in the depths
Buried and hopefully never to be heard again
A voice that changed mine
For better or worse I do not know

One that is logic and tempered steel
A firm and conscientious whisper
Where fire and chaos fight to control
My eager and reckless heart

One that is beauty and love.
It makes me burst and fills me
To the point of tears for
Not having heard it in months

These are my angels and demons.
My queens and tyrants.
My sins and sanctuaries
Meh. I didn’t edit or anything.
Just put it down and set it up
Cana Jun 2018
Theres a girl I know
That walks the shore
her hair, stranded gold.
Her eyes are emeralds
drenched in sunlight.
Her nose of noble mould

She's clumsy but she's grace
She doesn't like her heels
She can take her bra off with shirt in place
She gives me magical feels

Her smile is pure adrenaline
Her legs are silken cloth
The junction drives my mind insane
Her, blazing fire. Me, awestruck moth

I thought I'd loved, in my past
In fact, I knew I had
I've cradled my blood soaked heart
In hands of molten sand

But looking at my fruity girl
Drives all that bunk away
She makes me smile and dance and twirl
She makes me happy, Everyday.
Cana Feb 2023
I don’t like this sit.
It sits in strange ways.
Left cheek tingles, right cheeks numb
foots gone drowsy, other ones fast asleep
The stand brings a stumble, a drunken lurch
My feet rouse quickly, but not my ***.
Cana Feb 2018
I don’t like writing this.

I have no desire to recant the red dress
The storm, the torrid blend of passion, anger and shame
Yet it haunts me at ungodly hours.

Let me sleep *****.
I can tick the bucket list.
Check the Facebook quiz
“One point for if you’ve ever loved”

Have you tasted ashes?
It’s ******* awful.
Day 2
Cana Mar 2018
My favourite place is in the breeze
Or in between the sea and sand.
My cup of coffee close at hand
The cooing doves a gentle tease

Another place I like to go
Is up amidst the mountain snow.
A cup of schnapps to warm my heart
And make a man feel mighty smart

Where’s your place?
where do you hide?
A quite space?
Or a love that died?

Choose to write a beautiful thing
Something sweet, sweet as sin!
You’re all awesome and loved. Whether you realise it or not. I want to know in the comments where you write.
Cana Apr 2020
Who welcomed you into dreams
Of church fairs and rugby games?
Who asked you to sit there
At the table like we were still friends?
Who asked you to toast with us
to the future and couples and tequila shots?
Who? I’ll cut them out too
Stupid dreams
Cana Feb 2018
I do not write as much as I should.
Instead I read, absorb, admire, appreciate.

I do not write as much as I should.
But I would like to.
Cana Feb 2018
I swam the sea
Manmade fish with rubber fins and glass eyes
It wasn’t difficult to breath
Quite the contrary
I witnessed wonders of man & mother
Bejewelled sealife amongst statues of stone
Sunken artistry, seaplanes and Poseidon
A lady of rock, the Ocean Atlas
Holding up the sky from beneath the waves.
The Bahama Mama casting a gentle eye over her domain
Tomorrow maybe more.
Went snorkelling amongst the statues of Clifton heritage park. Followed By *** on jaws beach.
You
Cana Mar 2020
You
Your pale white countenance
Developing perfect pools of black

Your comfort euphoric
Your presence detrimental

You're insomnia
You're Lust
You're Impotence

Your face numbing effusiveness
Congesting rhinal highways.

You're too much
You're too little
You're too Dangerous
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