be kind not because you decide

but be kind without conscious applied

Your love is a double-edged sword
It leaves me dwindling, dawdling, seeking more

Never enough is given much thought
Thinking it’s normal, to believe this lot

A good day or a bad day
It never stays the same
Moods shift and always change

Your affection is a moving target
Most days it feels likely half-hearted    

Nothing I see in you is stable
Watching your fist hover on the table

After the very last dramatic slam,
I’ve finally left and found who I am

Away from your toxic words I stranded
From flailing miles down, now I’ve landed

A precipice to take a lift
A lift to space a fall
A fall to risk it all
A risk taken too brisk
A leap of faith to take
A soul to die and drift

She appears to have.. sadness without an apparent meaning
An onlooker or two wouldn’t know the difference
Between a smile faked or a genuine one
Between a mile take without a good run

A change is hard to detect
And a compliment harder to deflect

Every hour is very much tough  
When thoughts pile and flood

It’s too much ruminating
Things such as hesitating

Clog up every single vein
Makes it hard to stay sane

It’s called anxiety
Don’t you see?

And a memory goodbye ruined her life
Enough tears shed to fill the bottles of wine

Drunk on wounded spirits in the basement wells
She couldn’t cope with easing out of those musty swells

By any means soon, even by a lended golden ladder
And a heart brushed cold beats the slightest sadder

Nights slipped away, in a tone-deaf passing of by  
The sun southed the horizon one too many times  

And the seasons erupted and shifted and growed
While ambition and inquisitive pathways slowed

Long enough to drop her face in those hands
That saved her from a million sinking sands

A longing to feel as light as a whisper
To flow as freely as a racing churned river

A gem of carelessness yearned to be attained
Wishing dazzling diamonds on her soul’s shattered panes

For a cup of sorrows to be done away with
Traded perhaps for a tall glass of cold bliss

And over and under the many years
A seed of delicate harmony appeared  

Within her soul, a long gone spirit was renewed
That babbled and brewed from a pocket of youth

That accompanied such anticipated  change
A hoped for and prayed for, delightful  exchange  

And somewhere without the here and now  
A faithful companion is smiling down  

From a sky with creamy clouds and dreamy blues
Who would have assumed the tests time pursued
Would ascend her tarnished soul back to you

What I always want
Never ceases to haunt

Inner traces left to begin
And certain longings dismissed

Always as it is, and never not the same
Thinking too much, what a shame