Lately it seems
you're always
in my dreams
and that makes me
never want to sleep
because
I don'want to see you.
I don't want to see you,
even if it's only in my
dreams.
But is it really a
dream or rather
a nightmare?

I **** up
anything important
to me.
Is it
because
I'm scared?
I don't
want to
lose you.
I'm sorry
for not
being what
you needed.

Time to
move on
its been
too long.
Four years
is enough.
My heart
can't take
the pain
anymore.
It's over.

I'm extremely
happy to have
learned how to
keep my head
high and keep
looking forward
rather than
looking behind
me and seeing
your face
which is
far gone in
the past.

At one point
in my life
you were
the only
one I truly
trusted but,
now you are
the last one
I would ever
trust or even
utter a single
word to.

I do the
things I do
because it's nice
to feel wanted
for once in
my life,
even if it
is just for
a short time.

What I feel
will fade

at least I
hope.

Don't pick me flowers from a garden,
give me seeds to plant my own.

You find out who people really are
when it comes down to those
important moments....

I never realized how much you
did not care.

I hope you find who you are
                            what you are looking for
                            your happiness
                    and true love.

It's okay to ask for help
       it is more than okay
you are not weak
       you are strong.

It all makes sense now...
Why I have so many issues
with love...and being loved...
With men...and attention from them...
The past has been brought up a lot lately..
And it's driving me insane that...
I might just crash.

I'll never forget the time
you laughed at me
when I told you I was
stupid for scratching at my face viciously,

leaving me with a scab
under the bags of my right eye.

I stood there crying as you laughed.

Who knew that would be
the start of my anxiety attacks.

I often catch myself
worrying about me
                  that's how you know
                             I must be
                             ****** up.
It's okay though,
                 i'll be fine..
one day.

You love outer space
And all of its wonders..
If only you loved me as
much as you love the stars..

I do not think I have ever felt this alone
since middle school...
And that is also when I was in my darkest place..
which is what scares me the most.

You hurt me,
                     I forgive,
you hurt me,
                     I forgive,
you hurt me,
                     I forgive,
you hurt me,
                     .....

I may find it beautiful but,
you may find it unusual.

I'm dipping into my past pain
to distract myself from today's pain.

Your voice is a drug
that I can't get enough of.

--

Your voice is a drug
and I'm addicted.

Have you ever
just looked at
people in a
bookstore?
Not judging
them, just
looking,
and seeing
all the different
people buying
different books.
You don't have
to look a certain
way to read or
purchase a book.
You don't have
to look a certain
way in order to read
a certain genre,
just look like
you.

It takes 5 seconds to take a leap of faith and be fearless.
And then those 5 seconds change your outlook on life forever.

I'm such an embarrassment.
No one wants to be with me,
because clearly I'm not pretty
enough, thin enough, or good
enough for anyone.
Thanks for making me feel this way,
but don't worry, I'll get it over it, and
prove you wrong.

I know I'm not the prettiest flower in the garden, but you don't have to constantly remind me.

I hate the way
my voice sounds,
because sometimes
it comes off loud and
sometimes I give an attitude
when I honestly do not mean to.

But no one believes me.

I was raised in loudness.
Constant yelling, screaming , shouting , and rudeness.

I am coated with hatred.

Nothing calm, sweet and nice to be found, not even in the corners of my home.

I'm sorry.
I'm truly kind and caring,
only somewhat broken,
I promise.

You knew I was
innocent.
You saw it as an
opportunity to
use me.
You thought I
was easy, so
it didn't matter
if you hurt me.
You knew I had
feelings for you,
so you used that
to your
advantage.
All I wanted
was to be with you,
but all you wanted
was my body...

I want to learn
script, so maybe
I can feel as pretty
as my handwriting.

The new trend
Seems to be
Falling in love
With your best friend.

Why had she
kept trying...?
Was the question
she was constantly
asked.
She always laughed
and shook her head.
The answer was
obvious she thought.
You don't just give
up on the one you
love that easily...
because you're
still holding
onto the hope
that one day
they will
love you
again.

Don't *******                                I didn't                           Not wanting
look at                                            realize it                         to let
me.                                                 was you                          you control
                                                        t­ill I                                 my emotions
It's been                                         passed your                   anymore.
five months                                   rolled down
since you've                                  window.                  ­       Only I
broken me                                                               ­               can control
once again.                                    And you                         my emtions
                                                        a­lready knew
Five months                                  it was                               incompetent *******
since I've                                        me                   ­                 like you
seen your                                                             ­                   don't,
lying face.                                     staring me                        not anymore.
                                                       directly in
I thought                                       the face.
it was
going so                                         That's when
well                                                 anxiety  crept
                                                  ­       up on
but you                                           me once
ruined my                                      again
streak
            ­                                              oh but
five months                                     don't forget
down the                                         the anger
drain.                                               and sadness
                                                         that followed.
I saw                                              
you at                                              I wanted
the place                                         to scream,
where i                                            but I
least expected.                               held it
                                                         all back.

Maybe when I'm
Drunk and vulnerable
I'll confess it all.

Like how I love you
And the way you smile
When you tell me about
A good day you've had.

Or how I could never
Tell you I'm in love  
With you sober

Because I know you don't
Feel the same and I
Can't bare to take the pain.