Lately it seems
you're always
in my dreams
and that makes me
never want to sleep
because
I don'want to see you.
I don't want to see you,
even if it's only in my
dreams.
But is it really a
dream or rather
a nightmare?

I **** up
anything important
to me.
Is it
because
I'm scared?
I don't
want to
lose you.
I'm sorry
for not
being what
you needed.

Time to
move on
its been
too long.
Four years
is enough.
My heart
can't take
the pain
anymore.
It's over.

I'm extremely
happy to have
learned how to
keep my head
high and keep
looking forward
rather than
looking behind
me and seeing
your face
which is
far gone in
the past.

At one point
in my life
you were
the only
one I truly
trusted but,
now you are
the last one
I would ever
trust or even
utter a single
word to.

It's funny how I promote how it's
not good to be angry, because it really
only affects yourself,
But I do in fact get angry....
Except it's only at myself.

You find out who people really are
when it comes down to those
important moments....

I never realized how much you
did not care.

It's okay to ask for help
       it is more than okay
you are not weak
       you are strong.

It all makes sense now...
Why I have so many issues
with love...and being loved...
With men...and attention from them...
The past has been brought up a lot lately..
And it's driving me insane that...
I might just crash.

Why had she
kept trying...?
Was the question
she was constantly
asked.
She always laughed
and shook her head.
The answer was
obvious she thought.
You don't just give
up on the one you
love that easily...
because you're
still holding
onto the hope
that one day
they will
love you
again.

Do not go
searching  to find home
in someone else, you
must find it in yourself
first.

I was once a fully bloomed daisy.
But then every time you hurt me
You ripped out a petal
Till I was left with with none
And you were finally done with me.

And there I was..
Left empty and alone.

I'll never forget the time
you laughed at me
when I told you I was
stupid for scratching at my face viciously,

leaving me with a scab
under the bags of my right eye.

I stood there crying as you laughed.

Who knew that would be
the start of my anxiety attacks.

I do not think I have ever felt this alone
since middle school...
And that is also when I was in my darkest place..
which is what scares me the most.

You hurt me,
                     I forgive,
you hurt me,
                     I forgive,
you hurt me,
                     I forgive,
you hurt me,
                     .....

I may find it beautiful but,
you may find it unusual.

I hope you find who you are
                            what you are looking for
                            your happiness
                    and true love.

Your voice is a drug
that I can't get enough of.

--

Your voice is a drug
and I'm addicted.

Have you ever
just looked at
people in a
bookstore?
Not judging
them, just
looking,
and seeing
all the different
people buying
different books.
You don't have
to look a certain
way to read or
purchase a book.
You don't have
to look a certain
way in order to read
a certain genre,
just look like
you.

I'm such an embarrassment.
No one wants to be with me,
because clearly I'm not pretty
enough, thin enough, or good
enough for anyone.
Thanks for making me feel this way,
but don't worry, I'll get it over it, and
prove you wrong.

You knew I was
innocent.
You saw it as an
opportunity to
use me.
You thought I
was easy, so
it didn't matter
if you hurt me.
You knew I had
feelings for you,
so you used that
to your
advantage.
All I wanted
was to be with you,
but all you wanted
was my body...

I want to learn
script, so maybe
I can feel as pretty
as my handwriting.

I hate the way
my voice sounds,
because sometimes
it comes off loud and
sometimes I give an attitude
when I honestly do not mean to.

But no one believes me.

I was raised in loudness.
Constant yelling, screaming , shouting , and rudeness.

I am coated with hatred.

Nothing calm, sweet and nice to be found, not even in the corners of my home.

I'm sorry.
I'm truly kind and caring,
only somewhat broken,
I promise.

hand holding
is such a
beautiful thing,
two different
hands intertwined
to make one.

I do the
things I do
because it's nice
to feel wanted
for once in
my life,
even if it
is just for
a short time.

I'm dipping into my past pain
to distract myself from today's pain.

I don't know...
Is it so bad to
want a friendship
you once had back?
One that you miss so much,
that your heart aches?
One that you miss so much,
you get so anxious and begin to
to cry when you're alone in
your room at night?
One that you miss so much,
that when you see them
you can't breathe and can't help
but shake?
If that's that's the case,
then call me me a
******* criminal.

Looks like that dream I had came true...
I needed you
and you could not be bothered...

Maybe that's what
I should do.
Step back and
let distance take
its toll.

I don't have
time to have
my heart broken
again.

I'm falling in
love with you
and I don't
know how to
stop.

I was no  longer
innocent.
I was no longer
considered a
*****.
You made me
feel like that
was a bad thing.
But being innocent
is one of the best
things you can be.
Don't lose it
because you're
told it's bad, lose
your innocence
when you want
to.
When you're
ready.

Don't *******                                I didn't                           Not wanting
look at                                            realize it                         to let
me.                                                 was you                          you control
                                                        t­ill I                                 my emotions
It's been                                         passed your                   anymore.
five months                                   rolled down
since you've                                  window.                  ­       Only I
broken me                                                               ­               can control
once again.                                    And you                         my emtions
                                                        a­lready knew
Five months                                  it was                               incompetent *******
since I've                                        me                   ­                 like you
seen your                                                             ­                   don't,
lying face.                                     staring me                        not anymore.
                                                       directly in
I thought                                       the face.
it was
going so                                         That's when
well                                                 anxiety  crept
                                                  ­       up on
but you                                           me once
ruined my                                      again
streak
            ­                                              oh but
five months                                     don't forget
down the                                         the anger
drain.                                               and sadness
                                                         that followed.
I saw                                              
you at                                              I wanted
the place                                         to scream,
where i                                            but I
least expected.                               held it
                                                         all back.

Maybe when I'm
Drunk and vulnerable
I'll confess it all.

Like how I love you
And the way you smile
When you tell me about
A good day you've had.

Or how I could never
Tell you I'm in love  
With you sober

Because I know you don't
Feel the same and I
Can't bare to take the pain.

I am becoming confused on what happened between us.
You told me you were leaving and did not want to pursue a relationship, because of it.
I was not ready for a relationship at the time anyway, so maybe it was for the best.
But you're going to be out soon... and now you don't want me,
Because apparently, "I was not about it".....

You're hiding who you are
and I hope you realize
that once you show everyone
the real you, they will love you
even more.