I hope you find who you are
                            what you are looking for
                            your happiness
                    and true love.

It's funny how I promote how it's
not good to be angry, because it really
only affects yourself,
But I do in fact get angry....
Except it's only at myself.

I know I'm not the prettiest flower in the garden, but you don't have to constantly remind me.

Your voice is a drug
that I can't get enough of.

--

Your voice is a drug
and I'm addicted.

I do not think I have ever felt this alone
since middle school...
And that is also when I was in my darkest place..
which is what scares me the most.

I want to learn
script, so maybe
I can feel as pretty
as my handwriting.

I'll never forget the time
you laughed at me
when I told you I was
stupid for scratching at my face viciously,

leaving me with a scab
under the bags of my right eye.

I stood there crying as you laughed.

Who knew that would be
the start of my anxiety attacks.

I may find it beautiful but,
you may find it unusual.

I'm dipping into my past pain
to distract myself from today's pain.

I hate the way
my voice sounds,
because sometimes
it comes off loud and
sometimes I give an attitude
when I honestly do not mean to.

But no one believes me.

I was raised in loudness.
Constant yelling, screaming , shouting , and rudeness.

I am coated with hatred.

Nothing calm, sweet and nice to be found, not even in the corners of my home.

I'm sorry.
I'm truly kind and caring,
only somewhat broken,
I promise.

Maybe when I'm
Drunk and vulnerable
I'll confess it all.

Like how I love you
And the way you smile
When you tell me about
A good day you've had.

Or how I could never
Tell you I'm in love  
With you sober

Because I know you don't
Feel the same and I
Can't bare to take the pain.

The new trend
Seems to be
Falling in love
With your best friend.

What I feel
will fade

at least I
hope.

Hi, I love you.
leave me alone.
                               I love you.
                              go away.
                                                    You are loved.
                                                   Bye.
                                                                              Love you always.
                                                                             Stop.
                                                                
                                                                                            I'm never going to stop loving you.
                                                                                            Please do.
                                                  
                                                                             I' will love you forever.
                                                                            Thank you.
                                                
                                                 I love you to the moon and back.
                                                Same for you.
                          
                               I love you more than anything.
                              The feeling is mutual.

I love you.
*I love you too, I always did.

You were the only one I wanted to call
The only one I wanted to talk to
But I couldn't.
I had to distance myself from you.
I can't always go to you.
I have to let you go,
So you can be happy.

I do the
things I do
because it's nice
to feel wanted
for once in
my life,
even if it
is just for
a short time.

Don't *******                                I didn't                           Not wanting
look at                                            realize it                         to let
me.                                                 was you                          you control
                                                        t­ill I                                 my emotions
It's been                                         passed your                   anymore.
five months                                   rolled down
since you've                                  window.                  ­       Only I
broken me                                                               ­               can control
once again.                                    And you                         my emtions
                                                        a­lready knew
Five months                                  it was                               incompetent *******
since I've                                        me                   ­                 like you
seen your                                                             ­                   don't,
lying face.                                     staring me                        not anymore.
                                                       directly in
I thought                                       the face.
it was
going so                                         That's when
well                                                 anxiety  crept
                                                  ­       up on
but you                                           me once
ruined my                                      again
streak
            ­                                              oh but
five months                                     don't forget
down the                                         the anger
drain.                                               and sadness
                                                         that followed.
I saw                                              
you at                                              I wanted
the place                                         to scream,
where i                                            but I
least expected.                               held it
                                                         all back.

Have you ever
just looked at
people in a
bookstore?
Not judging
them, just
looking,
and seeing
all the different
people buying
different books.
You don't have
to look a certain
way to read or
purchase a book.
You don't have
to look a certain
way in order to read
a certain genre,
just look like
you.

You knew I was
innocent.
You saw it as an
opportunity to
use me.
You thought I
was easy, so
it didn't matter
if you hurt me.
You knew I had
feelings for you,
so you used that
to your
advantage.
All I wanted
was to be with you,
but all you wanted
was my body...

I was no  longer
innocent.
I was no longer
considered a
*****.
You made me
feel like that
was a bad thing.
But being innocent
is one of the best
things you can be.
Don't lose it
because you're
told it's bad, lose
your innocence
when you want
to.
When you're
ready.

I don't know...
Is it so bad to
want a friendship
you once had back?
One that you miss so much,
that your heart aches?
One that you miss so much,
you get so anxious and begin to
to cry when you're alone in
your room at night?
One that you miss so much,
that when you see them
you can't breathe and can't help
but shake?
If that's that's the case,
then call me me a
******* criminal.

Looks like that dream I had came true...
I needed you
and you could not be bothered...

My walls are higher than I thought and I
                                    am not so sure
                                           that they will
                                                   actually come
                                                                  down this
                                                                              time.

You had called me
a word
I had never heard.
You called me
a word
I did not know
I could be.
You called me
a word
that made me fall,
that made me fall so
**** hard for over
four long straight
years.
All because of that
one foreign word
you had called me...
Beautiful.

Sadness fills my body
As I think about how
I could never have
A chance with
You.
Oh how I wish I
Could be yours one
Day.

Love,
You are enough.
Don't you ever think you are not.
That boy or girl you thought you were in love with, they don't decide if you're enough.
All that matters is that you are enough for you.
You will always be enough.
You are one of kind.
You are you.
Laugh uncontrollably, dance like no one's watching, smile as big as you can.
Live life knowing you're enough.
One day at a time, each day to its fullest.
I love you and God loves you.
You're not alone .

You love me
even when I'm
not worth loving.
You love me
knowing all that
I've done.
You love me
even though I
am a daisy and
not a rose.
You love me
when I'm not as
bright as the sun,
but as dark as
thunder clouds.
You love me
for me and I've
never been so
blessed.

When you get hurt...
emotionally...
it's not a physical
wound..
And some people
fail to realize that..
You can't just put a
bandage on your heart,
let it heal, and be okay
again... No.
It takes time for your
mind and heart to heal.
Sure there is maybe
some pain now and then
but, not as much as
there was in the beginning.
You're gonna
be okay.

I can't help
but smile
every time
I see you
smile, but
my heart
can't help
but ache.
It is as if
it is killing
me slowly
since it's
just another
reminder that
I cannot have
you.