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R Daniel Jun 2014
The lights are off. The dark shades me from the world. No one can see me. The light, does it exist? Do I exist? I wish to be invisible, but is it worth it? I want to be loved, to be liked, and most importantly to be missed. I cower under these covers and they are my fort. What I cannot see will not hurt me, but sadly, we do not need eyes to feel pain. We do not need a heart to feel pain. It is natural: a chaos that festers from birth and then kills us.
A chapter from my journal
R Daniel May 2014
Tears taste bitter against your cold bed.
I miss the warmth of your chest, where I use to rest my head.                               Cornered and alone, this bed is all I have now.                                                                I moan.

So I lay here in a position so awkward to describe. My legs are crossed and my arms open wide. My hair in tangles and my eyes blood-red.

I gaze at the tattered walls and the dilapidated windows.
Is this the place we once called home?
Now this place feels like history, a place to see the ruins, Rome?        
Or a past life or a distant memory.

Whenever I trudge past these walls and lie flat on this bed, emotions that I once knew greet me and remind me not to forget.
So I sit up, arms wrapped around my knees, and my head bowed to my chest. I weep. I regret.

Tick-tock. Tick-tock.
Time passes as I waste my tears, my breath, my luck.

Huh, I’m still alive. I'm still breathing.
Just a few more tears, then I'll chuck.
You will always be in our hearts
R Daniel Apr 2015
You caught my eye
A guy of my dreams or wishes
It's funny how things seemed so different...
What I thought was a ****** encounter
Turned out to be affection and laughter
The smile on your face and those big brown eyes
You're like a teddy bear in disguise
I wish I could be with you
Lay my head on your chest
But dreams can never come true
Maybe you would be my best
And I thought you were someone new
We even joked about something borrowed, something blue
But sadly, your kindness turned into lies
Your lies into the truth
I wish you would've been honest with me
And told me I wasn't for you...
R Daniel Jun 2014
Those angel eyes, they tell it well.
They speak of how we met in hell.
Your luscious lips, and those **** eyes.
A glimpse of heaven shining through the skies.
My favorite laugh is yours and mine.
After red wine, your cheeks are lovely and divine.
The summer breeze, the pale blue sky.
The day you told me that you loved me,
I almost died.
The golden day, my dearest memory.
When you held my hand and we floated through that field.
We said I do. Our hearts combined.
As the moon shined...
On your angel eyes,
And
I see them well.
I promise to love you until...
The end.
Inspired by Lana del Rey's new album Ultraviolence
R Daniel Dec 2014
Around this time of the year,
when the moon rises with the sun,
when I pretend that my breath is a cloud of smoke,
when fewer and fewer people leave their homes...
Around this time is when violence ends and forgiveness begins,
when people stand up for what they believe in,
when people speak their minds...
Around this time, I surround myself with the kindest people,
to fill the loneliness of my heart,
when I ponder and ponder,
how I became me,
and why I am where I stand,
I am filled with a myriad of emotions.
sadness. joy. regret. love.
I reminisce about these moments,
so that I may never forget,
that no matter where life takes us,
or what fate we await,
whether it be an adventure or a mission,
to fight for life,
to stop the killings...
And as we stand in the eye of the storm,
I remind myself,
that our life is an unbreakable force that pulls us together.
even during these darkest times,
I know that the light is just at the end of this tunnel.
BL
R Daniel May 2014
BL
I fell for
His freckles.
His corny smile.
His monkey ears.
Which magnified his tender heart.
He was kind, oh, so very kind.
His heart was an open book.
It told no secrets to share or
Regrets to ponder on.

Everybody loved him.

And he loved everyone and everything.
except for me…

But I loved him anyways.
R Daniel May 2014
I know it’s in me, this word called hate.
It creeps and crawls. It dwells within the
tip of my heart and it blackens my soul.

I can feel it.
Claws out, it tears at my thoughts and it slashes my dreams.
It needs to get out.
I weep in pain, in agony, and in fear of this word called hate.
It is a babe without a heartbeat.
It is a mother without children.
It is a friend with no one to call friend.
It is a lover in need of love.
It is the monster we call ourselves.

This hate is in me.

My trust broken.
My senses numb.
My life stolen before me.
My almost lover lost.

Hate.

Rage.

Fury.

This darkness is all I see. It has a form, whatever it maybe. It differs from each person. It is what we don’t want it to be.
R Daniel May 2014
You and I stand
While I’m
Grasping a whiskey bottle in hand
A cigarette in between your fingers
A beret in your hair
The puff of smoke lingers
With this, we swear
To fill our empty hearts
In times of sin
To calm our nerves
Before we lose or win
To light the fire
During peace or danger
To love ourselves
Even the strangers
This is our vow
Our reminder to care
to fight, to love, and to share
Till the smoke in our lungs
**** us and our livers fail
Then we are left alone to die, to be hung.
R Daniel Jun 2014
I wish I could sing the pain away.
I wish that hugs and kisses healed wounds.
I wish that shooting stars could grant wishes and erase our scars.
I wish that good things would happen to good people.
I wish that cancer was a crab and not an incurable disease.
I wish a broken heart could be fixed.
I wish we all knew the mysteries of this world.
I wish that life was fair.
I wish wishes came true...
I wish I could be with you.
R Daniel Jun 2014
As I sit on this desk,
I'm in hurry...
To finish studying.
To finish this test.
To prepare for tonight.
To prepare for tomorrow.
This cycle never ends.
And I begin to worry.
I fear for my life.
I am aging.
I am changing.
I am growing.
But I look up to see little people in bright yellow and marvel red.
I see children.
They smile.
They have energy.
They are curious.
They have hope.
Oh, how glad I am to see these tiny moments.
I love to watch the future grow
And reminisce about those days.
As an adult,
I am their future.
But soon, they will be my future.
From youth to elderly,
We will revert back to our original figures,
To our old selves.
Where we sleep all day.
Where we have no cares about our schedule.
Where we can only fix the past and try our best to create a better future.
That's what this cycle of life is all about.
To think that I figured this out in a library...
I guess it's true what they say about books.
They are more than words.
They are the stories of our elderly,
the desires of our youth,
and the lessons learned of our fathers.
We are one.
I have nothing to fear.
I have no worries.
My future is in their hands.
A generation filled with hope.
R Daniel Jun 2014
I'm happy.
I tell myself.
I'm beautiful.
I tell myself.
But am I really?
When I look into the mirror,
I see me.
This mangy creature.
It's no wonder I'm alone.
Who could love someone like me?
I cry in the shower.
I live off the crumbs on my bed.
I am grotesque.
I'm beyond overweight.
The worst part is I have believed all these lies that I've been fed.
By society
By my peers
By my family
By my friends
And by me...
I have become my own worst enemy.
So I will look in the mirror.
And believe I am lovely.
And believe I am strong.
Because no one's opinion matters the most but my own.
R Daniel Nov 2014
Dark skies.
Possibly rain.
Only one thing on my mind remains.
This view
This life
Me...
How long before it gets old?
Till it grows mold?
Birds chirping.
I see no sun.
Only a book.
Not filled with words of wisdom
Or lyrics of poetry,
But an itinerary.
A schedule to follow.
A routine.
That's what how I live life.
How morbidly boring.
R Daniel May 2014
That which is true surpasses time because it cannot be destroyed.
Just like our words...
They might torture, cage, and even ****** us.
But the one thing they cannot take is our soul.
Death will come,
but our words will never die.
Our soul will live on and resonate in others.
The words that we have spoken can never be taken.
Our soul will always be free.
R Daniel May 2014
Summer.
is a time of Happiness.
When Smiles.
and Laughter.
come with Old friends.
and New.
where Joy.
can be experienced by crying at Weddings.
and cuddles and story-telling during Bonfires.
where Fireworks bring devious pranks and silly danger.
when the beautiful Flowers bloom.
and the Beach is calling your name.
a time when the Water feels good on your feet.
and the Sun warms your skin.
a time when Love is in the air.
and Strangers become lovers.
where Home is a destination.
and Adventure is the key motivation.
R Daniel May 2014
The fog is sweet. It envelopes my being, and it calms my nerves. Its obscurity awakens my senses. Always on my toes, I am alert. This mist, it refreshes my soul. Once more, I am young in search of danger. The fog, it draws me in. I cannot fight it and I won’t. It beckons my name, and it knows who I am. The shroud opens. I enter it, the fog. It swallows me whole. I will never return. For in this abyss, I feel alive. I crave life and life craves me.
R Daniel Jun 2014
Romantically, it is when we lie in a pool of passion where dreams flood our souls and engulf our hearts. It is the ****** of all infatuations when lust changes into love.
In reality, it is much simpler.
It is when we reveal the rips on our jeans, the crumbs on our floor, that weird freckle on our backs, the shirts we have stolen, the keys we have lost, the dust on our shelves, the journals we wrote, the letters we never sent, the stories from our past, and the lives we thought we deserved.
Intimacy is the privilege to witness someone in their most vulnerable state, to accept all their blemishes, and somehow remain in utter bliss.
That my friend is intimacy.
R Daniel May 2014
it's unbelievable
this world we live in
is filled with people
is filled with experiences
we are constantly growing
learning
loving
crying
struggling
but most importantly living
this world challenges us
it makes us believe that there is a tomorrow
that hope exists
these people
these moments
we cherish them
we write them down
we create stories of them
they move us forward
and they give us strength
sometimes we forget
but somehow
we always remember
this world
with its people
and these tiny moments
because
once was small
now is infinite
just like our lives
anything is possible if we choose to live
R Daniel Aug 2014
I can't fall asleep.
I keep thinking about the way you weep.
Crying in front of her grave.
With your hair down, you look just like her.
Letting those tears fall that you tried to save.
2 years since we've met have been a blur.
I think we were meant to meet.
To help each other to beat.
The demons and the monsters that creep.
Inside the crooks of our mind.
Together, we vow to take that leap.
To help each other find.
The life in the sunshine.
The life that we want to call mine.
Stay with me until I bleed.
Promise me this deed.
I never want you to be in front of my grave.
Or writing about the love that you crave.
Because love will always be there for you.
Those who care will always remain true.
When the time comes that I die: laugh, drink, and move on.
Leave my grave, I know you are sad, but don't cry for me, be strong.
My best friend wrote a sad poem about her mom. I wrote this to make her feel better, but it made her cry.
R Daniel May 2014
All we see is love.

In our eyes our own demise.

Drunk on old songs.

Stripping down our hearts.

Becoming one with all our scars.

Stay with me tonight.

Wasting our youth in the moonlight.

— The End —