my hands
ache
hoping
for something truly real.
i hate waiting
with doubt
and hopefulness
mixing in my head
making a deadly poison
i want
to feel something
soft like a feather
or course like sand
something
running
through the cracks in my hands.
i want
to feel
something real.

you have my heart
you don't need to ask
you keep my tears
inside of your flask
i plant kisses
on your cheek
so long as i
dont feel weak
but i never do
whenever i'm
with you

My heart says "Hello."
My heart wants to say "I love you"
My heart whispers
"It's nice to see you again"
My heart is crying
But it still sings for you
"How lovely you are, my one and only"
It says "Stay"
"Stay, for I have no one else"

Memories I never made flashing in my mind.
All of the pain, from a past life.
A life I never lived.
A life in which I sinned.
But at least I wasn’t alone.

i think
your neck
is a delicacy
soft
smooth
bitter
and sweet.

i deserve nothing
but i want something so bad

you took my wrist
in your hand
and traced my cuts
with your thumb
you caressed them
and kissed them
and spoke
few words
but you said
never
again

There's a tear in my soul
And the stuffing's falling out
Surprised you're not surprised
I was never real
Eyes of glass
Heart of gold
My flesh is made from silicone
Imperfect, blemishes and wrong
Hands are cold
Warm as stone
I was never real
Yet I still feel alone
I need this lie
To bleed itself out
And cut through this flesh
Of silicone

Dance with me
Beneath the stars
Each one
A piece of stardust
That will always be ours
Arms around me
Lightning bugs take flight
With each step
Love so bright
Lips on my skin
Pillow soft touch
I know this is real
This is love

When night  comes
And my common sense goes
I start to think
Unusual things
I start to feel
Strange feeling
I begin to love you
A little bit more
And it's awfully strange
But it happens every night
And I can't really tight
I hope that you
Will be in my dreams
Yes, these strange night emotions
Bursting at the seams

i am night-locked
this sudden darkness makes me wonder
if the sun is blocked
or is it some sort of punishment
whatever it is
i don't mind
some people forget
the sun blinds
i prefer
the cool night
and to hang out
with the fireflies
mountains whisper
to me a secret bliss
and my cheeks
the moonlight likes to kiss
dewdrops
and dusky roses
night-lock
is awfully lovely
when you have
firefly friends
and flowers
in your hair
and perfume
on the wind.

When the inky sky holds the sun
She'll pull him closer
The stars dancing in her hair
I'll slowly forget you
Even though I promised never to
I have to
So it doesn't hurt
At twilight
My thoughts
Turn to black velvet sky
Vast and star-lit
The night will kiss the sun
And say
I love you
Her eyes will shine
With her galaxy tears
And say goodbye
My memories fade
And I whisper goodbye
As you slowly disappear
From my mind

I open my eyes.
I’m drowning.
Dark water surrounds me,
I can feel them.
I see nothing but water but I can feel them watching me.
Laughing at me.
I can’t breathe.
My lungs burn.
I can feel their gaze on my skin.
I can’t do it.
I have to breathe.
It goes dark as the water fills my lungs.

It's late at night
And I hope you're okay
I wanna see you
Don't want to wait another day
I'm sorry you don't think that you look okay
Wish I could tell you I could look at you all day
Wish I could take you somewhere far away
And maybe there we would stay
Hold me close
And don't let go
And that's how I'll know
That you love me so
Arms round my sides
Pull me in
Softness as
You place your lips on my skin
The world to me
I hope you know
Darling never
Will I let go

a taste of honey
dew drops run down my bare flesh
lips touch in night wind

I wish I could create
Something meaningful

let's die and stay dead

no one else gets to love you
no one else gets to touch you
darling, i'll do that to you

i'll wanna taste you so ******* bad
don't ask me what for
i just wanna love you
remember more and more

when we used to be bad
used to be brave
but honey don't worry that's okay

baby you're mine
darling i'm yours
i love you so ******* much
don't ask what for

no one else gets to have a taste of you

i can't sleep
but i don't want to

I'm
Not
G O O D   E N O U G H

you know that i love you
now what

Once upon a time
You told me that
I have oceans in my eyes
That you wanted to drown in them
Weren't telling lies
Daisy without a stem
Dreaming of oceans
To tell the truth
Lying in the sand
I'm too attached to you
Petals in the wind
Salty breeze
Heartstrings have sinned
Didn't even say please
Soft lips
Touching my skin
Best choice of my life
Letting  you in
Modies moving
Dancing shadows
Hold me close
Don't let go

floating
in numbers
1010101010
like an ocean
full of dark
arms around her knees
code slips from her eyes
silence from her lips
1010101010
her hair floats around her
nothing changes
everything is the same
yet her tears keep coming
that's the thing with hope
hope of escape
it keeps breaking your heart
over
and over
and 0ver
1nd ove1
a0d 1ve0
101 0101

walking with you
in the october air
colored leaves
swirling around us
the taste of pumpkin spice
and whipped cream
lingers on your lips
autumn hums
her pretty song
a hand in mine
stepping on leaves
i don't think
i'll ever leave

it's
odd
i suppose
but all i really want to do
when you're around
is hold your hand

Oh moon,
So pale
In the black velvet sky
With sparkling gems
To make wishes on
To accompany you,
Oh lovely moon,
How bright you shine
Gently on
This summer's night
The crickets sing
Me a lullaby
As I fall asleep
In the moon's arms
Her light cradling me
As my heavy lids droop

I could look at you
All day
Your pretty blue eyes
Dark curly hair
And that dripping-with-sweetness smile
The way you trace your lips with your pencil
All I ever wanted
In one body

Sometimes I feel like the world is shutting me out.

It hurts

Dear Pale Boy,
I’ll sit beside you
In the rushing tide
A foamy white and blue
Feet in the sand
Stormy grey sky
Holding your hand
While you ask me why
Someone like you
Could ever be loved
I’ll respond with a kiss
And a gentle touch
Your goose down hair
Soft and white
Twirled between my fingers
While you hold on tight
Pale smooth hands
And rose dusted cheeks
Swaying palm leaves
Distant mountain peaks
Rain drops on your nose
Your jacket keeps us warm
Waiting for grey clouds to pass
I’ll hold you in the storm

i love pangolins

my favorite animal

but their almost extinct

the most heavily trafficked animal

they're pretty cute

you can find out how to help at

https://www.savepangolins.org/conservation/

i have
a sort of darkness
not in me, of course.
i feel like, it follows me.
when i am walking
i have to turn around.
when i am
washing
and water rushes down my flesh
i want to open my eyes
despite the promise of burning.
paranoia,
follows me.
like
an invisible shadow.
but
when you are here,
or you fill my thoughts
you are like
a sort of sun
that chases away the shadow.
you make me smile,
when i walk alone
in anticipation
of seeing you.
and when
water runs on my flesh.
you make me feel safe.

forever waiting I shall be.
for my love to come to me.
there is a pain in my soul.
the time collects in a crystal bowl.
waiting forever, shall I be.
i shall wait until the end of the sea.
till the sky fades away.
till the flowers turn to gray.
for my love, forever, I shall wait.

i like
peach: the color
peach: the flavor
peach: the scent

i often wonder
if perfection
is attainable
in simple things
like a rose
although it has thorns.
like the neon frogs
despite its poison.
like the sun
despite it's blinding beauty.
in you,
although all you've ever done is hurt me

petals
in the wind
floating gently
to their final destination
bloodred scarlet
already started
to wither
in the gentle
wind.

sparks
fly
from an explosion
sparks
turn to flames
petals turn to ash.

ashes
in the wind
floating gently
to rest
upon
a crimson
bloodred
flower.

He’s coming for you
And he’s coming for me.
He’s coming by air, by land or by sea.
Hide if  you must, he’ll find you too.
You can hold your breath until your face turns blue.
But he will still be coming.
You can run and run as fast as you can.
You can move to a very distant land.
You could make yourself an army, an army of man.
But he’s still coming.
You could try to go back to a different time,
You could try to go crazy, or lose your mind.
No matter what you do, no matter where you hide.
He’s still coming.

i feel like
uncertainty
is pinching my flesh.
pinching my elbows
my ears
on my neck
my ankles
my stomach
my nose
my toes
this
uncertainty
won't leave me alone.

"pinky promise"
they both said
fingers interlocking
"i'll love you forever"
two young kids
with starry eyes
holding each other
scared of dark
brave with each other
"don't let go"
words whispered
fingers interlocked

t
e
l
l

m
e

i

m
e
a
n

s
o
m
e
t
h
i
n
g

Let me go

It hurts

To be in your rose bush

The thorns

Are drawing blood into my throat

And it bubbles out of my mouth

But I can't see it

Because your beautiful roses

Are blinding me

i think you're awfully poetic
when you look at me and smile

Sunday, 10:03 pm

You broke your word
Now my heart bleeds like my salty eyes
And like the dark in the inky sky
Do you even still...

Love me?

Monday, 9:36 p.m.

Cast the stars
Upon an ocean of ink
Twinkling
And fizzling out
Or lighting on fire
Like memories
Of mistakes

Wednesday, 9:12 p.m.

I hope
that I'm pretty
I really
feel ******
and I wish
that you were here
with me.

My fragile bones
feel likes stones
aching
and bending
and crying beneath my skin.

I'm lonely
and cold
and I just think
I could make you
so
happy.

The poor boy
Had his heart
Taken away from him
His mother
Didn't approve
His lover
Wasn't his
She taunted him
His mother
Would beat him
"Brat!"
She called him
His not-his lover
Would cheat him
Of happiness
"****!"
She called him
Til he fell onto his knees
And wept
And said
"I can't take this anymore"

his eyes
perhaps like the creek
greyish-blue with bits of moss
reflections from the sky
lips like roses
pink and soft
wanting them to press into my skin
once again
like it used to be
elegant hands
one in mine
hair soft
hands running through it
caramel and gold
shining in the sun
a smile
like the sun
lighting up my life
the prettiest boy i've ever seen
inside and out

i think you are pretty
when you ask
if your face is crooked.
i like your freckles
and your dandelion-soft hair.
i think you are quite pretty,
for a boy.
"Am I ugly?"
You ask me.
"I think you are cute,"
I say.
"Tell me the truth,"
you tell me,
although I have never lied to you.

you're so pretty it hurts
or maybe its the fact that i'll never be yours