the curve of your neck
the tilt of your head
the shape of your lips
shiny eyes as tears are shed
shattered glass
in the corners of your eyes
glittering slivers
never-ending highs
the way you move
the form of your thighs
the flick of your wrists
whisper pretty lies
tongue tasting
liking what it finds
can't escape the friction
twisting in your binds
pleasure taking you
out of your mind
wanting it forever
but running out of time
all on your own
watching you sway
moving to the rhythm
you know i'll stay
lost in you
drinking you in
hope you remember
my lips on your skin
look at me
with suffocating green eyes
fingers interlaced
underneath ashen skies

and my darling,
i cannot wait to your face again
after so long
the lips
i wish to kiss
the hands
i wish to hold
the hair
i wish to muss
i will be back soon
i promise you

i promise
that i'll take care of you
i won't let you go
i'll look from your point of view
i'll play with your hair
and breathe in your air
if you're okay with being vulnerable
i'll let you cry next to me
if you don't think you're beautiful
i'll help you see
i'll lay beside you
while you fall asleep
tracing circles on your skin
i'll never feel
any regret
for letting you in
i'll draw pictures of you
anytime you want
i'll be your girl
the one you love to taunt
i'll put my arms around you
put my lips on yours
won't tell
what happens behind closed doors
it could be just you and i
i promise that i'll try
to make you happy

petals of glass
roses of gold
do you remember
your promises of old?
once was said "i'll love you forever"
that promise was what was holding me together

My eyes are tired
And I should sleep
But I've got too many
Promises to keep
Stay up with you
And write for the night
Out the window
Float fireflies
Like fairy lights
A heartburn need
I live to protect
An afraid little boy
Guard til death
Stay up with you
Cause you can't sleep
My eyes are tired
And I have promises to keep
You've grown so much
So many years
But you still have
Shimmery tears
I'll hold you while
You cry and sleep
Cause I have promises
I need to keep

She was standing in front of me.
I could reach out and touch her.
She refused to look at me.
“Please… Just tell me.”
I asked her.
She still didn’t turn, but I heard her sigh.
“Because.”
She said.
“Because you, are beautiful. You hold the stars in your hands, lightning in your head, the moon in your eyes, and all I want to do is to touch you. To hold you. But I always have to stand behind a fence, a wall of glass. You hold the stars in your hands.”
Her voice started to falter.
“And me?”
She asked, as she slowly turned around.
“I am poison.”
She said as I saw her violet eyes,  brimming with tears.
And she jumped.

bodies
shaking
and quaking
with love
so close
to too much
too close
to not enough
arms around me
only in my dreams
lips on mine
love bursting from the seams

Lucy was a girl
With a bright red coat
Dark obsidian curls
You should note
Laughter like bubbles
Floating in the air
Innocent
And unaware
Her kindness sweet
She was never alone
She had the sweetest dreams
Where she and Lucifer would meet
He would whisper in her ear
And welcomed her to his land of heat
But sweet young Lucy
Didn't know
Her left from right from wrong
Sweet young Lucy
Didn't know the Devil's song
So our sweet young Lucy
When her coat was spattered with red
Didn't know when it happened
That her parents were dead
She bubbled with joy
And giggled so sweet
When Lucifer said her name
"Someday you will be my queen," He said
"After you play the Orphan's Game."
"I will see that if you win
You will be the ruler of sin."
So Lucy laughed and said of course
"Sweet dreams!"
She said,
To her parents while they bled
Now clueless Lucy played his game
And lied the homeless to sleep
To the blind man, she said
"It's safe to cross the street."
Feeding starving cats
Poison made for rats
Shattered glass
In the elderly’s food
Helping in the nursing home
Going straight down
Not even chewed
Puppies in wells
Where darkness dwells
Blooms in the water
Scarlet red
Bits and pieces floating up
The sweetest bit is the head
The joyous sound
Of high pitched screams
An infant lost
Purposely
Watch their mouths
Cut off their tongue
Jump from the top
The highest rung
Anyone will listen to
That sweet soft voice
Just a few words
Then they’re her toys
“Please, sir,”
She said
“Do this for me”
Immune to any sense of dread
She played his game
And told his lies
And the game had been won
But even then
When she was done
The chaos had
Just begun
She didn't know
What she had wrought
And pain and lashings
The devil man brought
But not to his queen
For she was his Lady in Red
Sweet young Lucy
Would never be dead
Lucy played
His Orphan's Game
Eventually sweet young Lucy
Soon grew up
And Lucy one day
Fell in love
Of course, it was Satan's luck
The Lady in Red with the softest touch
It was a gory romance
The Queen of Sin
Let the devil man's
Emotions in
And since dear Lucy
Was all grown up
She gave in
To Lucifer's lust
And when I say
That blood was shed
Trust me
And Lucy's sweetness
Was not dead
Some call her darling
Or his Queen of Sin
Some call her Lucy
Or God, even
God was a woman
With a blood-stained coat
The devil man's wife
Swimming in her blood moat
Where the bodies of her parents
Would slowly float
And sometimes scratched
The bottom of the boat
Lucy has won
The Orphan's Game
Lucy had played
without shame
Lucy had let
The devil in
And she became
The Queen of Sin
He spoke to her
Voice sweet and soft
“You are my queen,”
A rotting stench his breath would waft
Hard polished lips
On a baby soft cheek
A twisted smile
A giggle at a shriek
“Oh, Lucifer,”
She would say
Dancing to the screams
She would sway
She’d sing him pretty songs
Tales of gore she would spin
Everyone in his land of flames
Would bow down to the Queen of Sin

"am i a real poet?"

                                                       " is there such thing?"

i like the quiet.
the kind of quiet
with the bubbling of the water
and the song of birds
and the sound of your pencil
as you draw your dreams.

It’s pouring outside.
Raindrops fall on my window.
Making small puddles

There were rainbow colors in the skies
=
She had clouds in her eyes
=
She saw things with colors no ones ever seen before
=
She had keys to every door.
=
All of them except for his heart
=
And it slowly tore her apart
=
It tore her to pieces
=
And now she is dreamless
=
And all of her colors are gone

Little hands
Soft and velveteen
Shiny eyelids
Tired and drooping
Long lashes
Looking down at the ground
A small mask
To fit his round face
With a childish print
Of his favorite hero
Shy and quiet
With delicate limbs
Putting on his large backpack
Almost home
Invulnerable
To the screams of the others
As lightning strikes
Beyond the fields of corn
Body jostled
As the bus bumps along
Dull jade eyes
Peering through the window
Staring at the rain
Behind the glass

i think you're really pretty
and you're so sweet
more than the cotton candy
i had at the pool
i think
that you're perfect
i think that you've got a lot of talent
you're my favorite thing to dream of
i think
that you're wonderful

my blood

my cheeks

roses
and their thorns
when i grasp them
with a closed fist.

my eyes
after i've cried

my heart
even when it's broken

my lips
when i bite them

my cherry
sucker.

your tongue
when you take it from me
and smile

Roses are red
Red as the sky
Red as the blood on my fingertips
Red is the color of my soul
Red as the sun
Red as the man on the street
Red as his eyes
Red as her dress
Red is the color of my tears
Red as the splatters across my vision
Red is the color of roses

is this a joke
you're kidding me
right?
you're lying
you don't
love me
right?
you're messing with me
you're trying to make your friends laugh
just another funny story to tell
right?
i don't understand
this is
fake
it has to be

Blood
In the ashes
Smeared
On white roses
"Paint them red,"
She said
"Or it's off with your head"
The Queen of Roses
Lying her her rose bed
Dripping blood
From a severed head
Slowly painting
The roses red

Oh, dear girl
How beautiful you are
How kind and colorful
I see your pain
I see the gashes underneath your clothes
The angry lines on your precious flesh
You burn your pain
Away into smoke
Crimson eyes
Not just from the tears
But from the blunt between your fingers
How I wish
To take your hurt
So you don’t grow up with faint white crosses
On your pretty limbs
You deserve to have your lovely smile
Displayed for all to see

red roses
and tulips
petals
in your hair
lips
on mine
a day
like this
something
in the air
fingers
on my waist
sweet
cherry taste
this love
of mine
bound
by crimson twine
blood drips
from tiny ******
sharp thorns
with ruby tips

My flesh burns,
Irritated by the rough carpet
I kick and scream
But they won't let go
Holding me down
My legs are raw
No one can hear me
Down in this old
stale ***** drenched room
Hacking away
Cutting my hair
With a thin blade
The handle thick
Sending blows to my head
What have I done
To deserve this?
My arms
Are bleeding
Skin
Is peeling
They won't let go
They won't
They won't
Blood
In a scratchy carpet
***** scented
Face down
Feet
Kicking blows
Into my ribs
Tears
Mix with blood
What have I done
To deserve this?

i often dream of

Running away with you,
Under the stars.
Next to you.
All we would need is the both of us.
Wind in my hair, your hands, too.
And dandelions fly like velvet fireflies.
You would braid my hair as I fall asleep.

would you run away with me?

Im kinda sad
It feels so bad
Im kinda lonely
I know im not lovely
I want to be happy
I want to be okay
I want to feel like
I want to see the next day

"poor boy,"
she said
the girl inside my head

"a broken toy,"
she claimed
the person inside my brain

"no,"
i told her
my voice almost a slur

"he's not yours"
i breathed
in which a response she seethed

"he'll always be nothing, if not mine"
she screeched
******* the life from me like a leech

"never"
i said with a final breath
taking her with me to our death

i hope you know i'm bleeding for you

Her tears fell to the ground
Splashing gently as they fell
Her dress pooled around her
Drowning in her tears
Held down by her fears
Her hair floating in the water
She sits there quietly
Alone
In her own
Sea
Of sorrow

I’ve got a secret.
That if I told, no one would keep it.
So if I tell you,
You’ve got to keep it, too.
You have to promise not to tell.
I keep my secret locked up in a well.
I keep it, but it’s ravaging my mind.
I don’t want to think about it but I do all the time.
There’s a storm, and it’s coming.
I want to stop but I have to keep running.
There are words that have left.
But at the same time have been kept.
I remember every single part.
It’s hidden in the darkest part of my heart.
A circle, it’s in.
The light is growing dim.
You never would have seen it coming.
My secret, it’s absolutely stunning.
The darkest corners of my mind are alive
With whispers of my secret.
I have a secret and it’s hidden deep.
I have a secret that I’m going to keep.

i saw you
and i felt
happy
so very happy
shakey
and smiles
and almost-but-not-quite tears
i saw you
and my dreams
got so much prettier.

bare skin
separating lips
eyes closing
gentle fingertips
hands reaching
parting thighs
tongue searching
rosy skies
fluttering lashes
arching back
hands through hair
walls begin to crack
curving neck
swaying hips
hands on waist
biting lips

Your birthday is soon
The air is ashen
Scented with burning leaves
I ride this shaking yellow chariot without you
Passing yellow-green crops and empty ditches
It’s rather lonely, really
You’ve finally gotten a car
Though you don’t like it all too well
It’s old and used
But there's no need to worry
It will take you where you need to go
Your birthday is soon
You’ll be an adult
If you could truly call eighteen years an adult
But I’m proud of you
You’ve grown so much
Even taller than me, now
Maybe someday, you’ll love yourself as much as I love you
I wish I could do the same for myself
Soon, it will be my birthday as well
I’ll be an adult
But you know I’m still a child
Small inside and immature
Thinking about the childhood ripped away from you
Of laughter and joyous grins
The large hands of a father that gently grip little fingers
The one we both deserved
Your birthday is soon
And we’re almost off to college
And though you don’t believe you have a future
I know you do
With your graphite-stained palms
You manifest entirely new worlds
I find it beautiful
And you take yourself for granted
Your birthday is soon
And as I write these words
This terrible jostling machine slows to a stop
Peeling my body from navy leather seats
I dig out my keys
I will head home
Just like I always have

She's like me.
But prettier.
With real cat ears
Instead of a headband.
Without acne
Or stretch marks
She gets close to people,
And she's not afraid to.

But she doesn't smile.
Or laugh.
She's silent.
Forever.

But she also doesn't cry
or fall apart.

Which do I want to be?

shadow blossoms
forming on my flesh
bruises on my ankles
blooming on my neck
blue green purple
yellow and black
a painful rainbow
all over my back
i can't help but hurt myself
with out you here to love me
i hurt myself
because you aren't here to touch me
i just climbed a tree
i took a bad fall
i'm tired of feeling too much
and feeling nothing at all
shadow blossoms
bloom on my arms
drawing blood
under the stars

she was
shadow cast
born of dark
eyes like jewels
and a starry night sky
night dew as her tears
moon dust in her lungs
the moths were her butterflies
fireflies, her halo
she was
shadow cast

she said she love you
and you gave her your heart
then she left and you fell apart
all you wanted was to have something real
but you left your smile on your face for her to steal
she not here to kiss the cuts on your skin
you should have known that you would never win.

you let his poison under your skin
because you were so desperate to let him in
so desperate for the taste of his lips
that you let him tear you till he covered you in rips
you miss the stories that he would spin
no one ever told you that love was a sin
watching your tears fall to the ground
hoping there soon will be enough to drown

She was running
The mist hid her face
The only thing visible
Was her pink hair
Bouncing with every step
She cursed herself for making that decision
Dying her hair the night before
She heard footsteps all around her
But she knew which ones were real
There was a man
Chasing after
His knife dripping
After slaughtering others
She was determined
To keep her blood off of that blade
Her boots were easy to run in
But the cold air ripped at her lungs
Her breath leaving clouds
She tripped
And fell
Into a rosebush
Pricking her bare flesh
Red beaded as she ran
She made her way
Out of the wood
And never saw the man
Again

you should have been there
to hold me back
keep me from jumping
keep me on track
top of the building
wind in my hair
made a mistake
breathing in the air
got what i deserved
knew it when i hit the ground
but it still hurt
because you weren't around
you should have been there
before i made the cut
before i ended it all
should've trusted my gut
the color red
staining my eyes
visions of you
right before my demise
you should have been there
before i took the pills
swallowed them whole
one of many kills
rejecting my own body
choking on my spit
it'll be over soon
should've known this was it

Steam and humidity
Fogs up the mirror
The musky scent of my shampoo fills the room
Waterdrops beat against my head
Sound softened by my scented hair
Music plays from across the room
Water skids down my flesh
I sit and think
About you
And wash away
Bad memories
I scrub
My skin
Until the hot water burns

And I am tired
Of feeling this way
Tired
As empty
But full
Of something
Something that makes me feel
Disgusting
I am sick
Of knowing
How close happiness is
For others
And knowing
That I'll never be

she remains silent.
she is silent when the world is screaming.
she is silent while her soul is dying.
she is silent while she burns.
she is silent while the people pass by.
she is silent as he watches.
she is silent as he does nothing.
she is silent while she loves him.
she is silent while he loves someone else

lay with me
while i fall asleep
you can have
my soul to keep
im so tired
dream with me
arms around you
we have things to see
keep me warm
and close you eyes
body against yours
starry night skies

I yearn to rest my eyes
Blanket them with my lids
Sleep deprived
I miss the night
I'm tired
And I know you are, too

Sleepy demon, close your eyes
Hell's too warm for you to rest
Soon someday you'll realize
That I've always tried my best
In my arms
Quiet and cool
The lights are dim
The clouds are wool
Stars on the ceiling
Sparkling above us
Your horns are pitch
Obsidian and onyx
Tired from fighting
Lashes charred from flames
Looking up from dark circles
Sleepy one, have no shame
My lips on your forehead
As I watch your aura lift
I love you, little demon
I will let you drift

Cut my throat and let me bleed.
Your silence, love, is killing me.
A bomb went off inside my head.
But sadly, love, I’m not dead.
Not yet. Not yet. (I’m not dead)
Get out of my head. (I’m almost dead)
I’m not dead. (Not yet. Not yet)
These shackles are cutting my skin.
I don’t want to let the darkness in.
They’re sharp, so sharp.
The shards of a broken heart.
Get out of my head.
I’m not dead yet.

Hold me close
The blood is flowing
I'm not dead yet
But I might be going
Paint the roses red
With the dripping from my head
I'm not dead yet (Not yet),
Slit my throat
And watch me bleed
Your absence, love, is killing me
A bomb went off inside my head
But sadly love
Sadly love
Sadly love
(I'm not dead yet)

My lungs are blue
My eyes are red
I've been smoking Smurfs
Every night before bed

"you're so beautiful,"
i told him.
he looked away
"i'm not"
he said
"you're one of the most beautiful people i've ever met,"
i said.
"no,
i'm ugly,"
he told me
"i swear, there's something about, that's just
absolutely beautiful."
i promised.
he looked up
angry tears in his eyes
"No. You don't get it. I'm hideous,"
he yelled.
"you're so beautiful to me"
i said softly as he walked away

Whisper
That you love me
With your arms
Circled around my waist
Softness in your eyes
While I fall asleep
In your embrace

my eyes
are drawn
to your lips
i want
to kiss
your hands
and touch
your fingertips
i want
my hands
to hold
your heart
and i want
you to
softly tear
me apart

the trees were lovely
an ocean blue
like your eyes
when I look at you
the sky was pink
a soft sunset
soft blushes
a flushing palette
your arms were around me
we laid in the grass
your lips on my neck
we let the clouds pass
dandelions
scattering
floating their way
into our dreams

there's something about you
that drives me insane
something about you
thats takes all the pain
something about you
soothing like rain
something about you
that lingers like a stain
there you are
in the back of my mind
every single second
every minute
all the time
waves crashing
against jagged rocks
im falling for you
i don't think i can stop

i did something stupid today
and i loved it