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320 · Apr 2018
Horrible Love Triangle
Haylin Apr 2018
Ok.. so here's the deal.
I like this guy but, he has a girlfriend and when you say it like that some people call it a love triangle.
All three of us fighting.
But only two of us are getting what we want.
One guess.. not me.
I always try to tell him but never get the chance.
So until i do the only thing i can do is be apart of this love triangle.
And hope one day im the one who gets what i want.
But all i can end with is be in this horrible love triangle...
Haylin Mar 2019
The night
had stuffed the dark

into every crevice
of the house

and his life
awoke to a big blue sky

holding a crocus
in the palm of its morning.

The world was springing
into being

all around him
as if existence had

changed its mind and
decided to stay.

A solitary oak
reached a gnarled hand

and snatched a cloud
( that happened to be passing by )

out of the air
just like that.

The cloud struggled
to break free.

The oak gave a hearty laugh
and let it go.

The cloud scurried away
fretfully looking over its shoulder.

"So, what kept ya?"
he asked spring.

Spring...just smiled.
320 · Apr 2018
High School Sterotype
Haylin Apr 2018
I do not see the hype
with High School Stereotype.
Why does it receive such attention?
It doesn't need the press's mention.

We all know of the smokers by the bike sheds,
Who have nothing but fluff in their heads.
Or the girls with skirts far too short
Who's think of *** as a  competitive sport.

The sport buffs, we've all seen,
Full of life and far too keen.
Always poised and ready to go,
Every muscle toned from head to toe.

Young student teachers are here,
Enthusiastic about Bill Shakespeare.
Attempting to teach thugs to spell,
Whilst shady Heads make their life hell.


But do not forget, those you call friend.
The ones who stay by you until the end.
Making you laugh, Keeping you sane
Through rough times they remain.
These companions fit no mould
Therefore their tale is never told.

For the greatest things in teen life
Do not need the media's strife
320 · May 2018
In Moments of My Life
Haylin May 2018
In moments of my life
I lie, I do admit.
I try and guard my heart
with my rancor and my wit.

In moments of my life
I gave a piece of myself, for nothing in turn.
There's always another woman
for who a man's heart will yearn.

In moments of my life
I doubt I will have a one and all;
one who understands me
when I cut and when I crawl.

In moments of my life
I try and run from my fate.
Yet as I've found, with growing dread,
I'm already too late.
319 · Aug 2018
RANDOM NOTE
Haylin Aug 2018
I care about popularity
I care about my looks
I care about the boy in the back of the class
Yet
I don't care about who I surround myself with
I don't care about my health, why eat more than 1 meal a day
I only care if the boy in the back of class likes me
Because,
I don't care about myself
I care about you. The one reading, it's You.
It's me,
Caring too much
Acting stupid for you
Starving for you
Just to look perfect enough so you know,
I'm here for you.



It's is such a selfless act of anxiety so discriminated.
This may be confusing so here's a summary!:  it's me saying that I change every aspect of myself,...for myself. But I don't do it for self-acceptance, it's so I can accept YOU accepting me. If I went to school with no makeup, I would think every word you tell me is a lie or that you only talk to me because you HAVE to. Because not even I can look at myself as normal human being when I'm makeupless without breaking down eternally.
319 · Feb 2020
Gardening 101
Haylin Feb 2020
your fingers planted seeds everywhere you touched me
you watered them by whispering into my ears
and flowers sprouted from my spine each time you kissed me
318 · Jan 2019
Sounds of Silence pt2
Haylin Jan 2019
There is a vision of the world in a better place
But it left in the dark cause other don't see it being the same way.

People turn to the wrongs of the world
And, not the more important things,
People are talking ******* and meaningless words
Because we are unable to love each other.

We refuse to listen to better information instead hear a stupid
And useless thing and write words that voices should never share.
This vision is being bypassed and ignored

When it's trying to reach out to us but it is left in the darkness.
We turn to the poisonous lights
Instead of seeing the warning it holds
We keep going towards it
315 · May 2018
Reality
Haylin May 2018
Reality
That stone cold word
That ***** out all your life

Reality
Is this world
With hunger, pain and strife

Reality
Is when you see
That beggar on the street

Reality
Is when you know
That you must admit defeat

Reality
Is death and loss
And not knowing what comes after

But Reality
Can be fun
And filled with joy and laughter

Reality
Is the time you spent
With everyone you love

Reality
Is lying down
And seeing the stars above

Reality
Is a perfect day
Where nothing seems amiss

Reality
Is your first love
Or marriage's sealing kiss

Reality
Is good and bad
Depending how you see it

Reality
Is what you want
If you just have the spirit
313 · Apr 2018
4Am
Haylin Apr 2018
4Am
But I thought that being older and being a teenager ment going out with friends and hanging out til 4am

But here I am

And it's 4am
And I am older

But the only thing I am doing is debating on weather or not I should take my own life.
312 · Aug 2018
Me
Haylin Aug 2018
Me
I do not know the feeling of popularity,
nor the feeling of being hated by all.
I'm just in the middle.
I'm me
310 · Apr 2018
Father
Haylin Apr 2018
Under my bed,
I lay silent.
Hes in the other room,
drunk and violent.
He storms down the hall,
and busts down the door.
Liquor in hand,
it was thrown to the floor.
He calls out my name,
and I remain quiet,
under my bed,
I lay silent.
This has nothing to do with me. If this is happening to you though please call the domestic abuse line. 1-800-799-7233
1-800-787-3224
310 · Apr 2018
The Abuse
Haylin Apr 2018
No one will believe you.
It hurts.
It's scars they can't see,
Marks they can't realize.

When you say
"I'm abused", they peer curiously at your undressed body.

"I don't see anything."
there is more than just physical abuse.
I have been abuse, but no one believes me :(
308 · Feb 2019
BELIEVE SOME LIES
Haylin Feb 2019
I faced the demon of lies who lives within my soul
Now there’s no way in hell I’d let your people go
I mortify my love in the fires of your pain
Burning eternally hot, did you spread my fame?
Blood red those evil eyes, sing a wicked lullaby
Relax, don’t cry, there’ll be time to pay when you die
Do you believe in sins redeemed, do you believe in dreams?

Let the sun beat down and shine on us
While we sing and dance, in god we trust
And when it rains which it eventually will
Let’s blame the devil for the rage we feel
Let every man, woman, boy, and girl
Find their place in this crazy world
And crazier yet before we die
Let’s take a chance and believe some lies
307 · May 2018
Just Another Suicide
Haylin May 2018
I fight the urge to slit my wrists every time I close my eyes.

Did you know that?

I'm so broken. No one wants me. I have good moments but oh my god I fantasize about bleeding to death on a cold night. Please god, I don't wan to fight this. I just want to die.
307 · Aug 2019
This is High School
Haylin Aug 2019
only the pretty girls can break the rules
they are the only ones who can protest against the dress code
"no spaghetti straps, no tank tops, no short dresses or skirts"
but they still do it
if you don't have a nice body, forget trying to do the same
only girls with **** bodies can do this
it gives people a show
if you are considered to not have a nice body,
you will be the one to get yelled at
while a girl ten feet away
has a dress so short, it's amazing you can't see anything private
now, supposedly, I have a nice body
because the things I'm wearing are against dress code
and no one has said anything yet
spaghetti strap, belly button showing, bra strap showing
do they just not care,
or am I considered one of the lucky ones?
am I the one with a nice body?
or does no one really give a **** anymore?
here, at this school, it's most likely the first one
it's just the way society is
I'm sorry
this is just the way it is
this is just the way high school is
good luck
Haylin Jan 2019
there's no white
black and so on
God gave us eyes
to see, yet we're
blinded, even with
that degree.
299 · Oct 2018
My father
Haylin Oct 2018
My father once told me,
To grow out my hair,
Then I'd be pretty like my mother,
And he would actually care.

He would blackmail me,
Put me down for my looks,
Said I had no friends,
But good that I read books.

He said these hurtful things,
Such a while ago,
But I remember them today,
The words never really go.

They stick with me,
Like I stuck with my long hair,
But I cut it, and tomorrow,
I hope he won't care.

It's true, I'm scared,
For what my father might say,
But at least, I know,
I'm safe for another day.
299 · Jun 2019
STORM ON THE HORIZON
Haylin Jun 2019
Summer days, so hot and sticky
I can't wait for you to come
and us to steal away together
into the midday sun.
Sitting at a café just passing the time.
Watching the people pass by in the heat
I play with the silverware,
waiting for you.
And so I sit until I see your dark,
handsome face breaks free from the crowd.
As I wait with a glass of Riesling
and phone in my hands.
You've made me wait,
and your eyes like sea green glass
tell me that a storm is brewing
just beyond my reach.
I have been waiting for it seems like
an eternity in the same café for you, always for you.
Could I have been so wrong
to love a man beyond my reach?
And with just a kiss on the cheek, you are gone.
299 · Aug 2018
All Facts
Haylin Aug 2018
I'll save the poems of deepest despair
for when you are dead or gone.
You are my only friend and someday
I might be your wife if you survive.
I'm committed to you for the long term.
Today I have logged out of all my
Social media accounts I won't return.
I don't want to see my nieces and
nephews grow up on Facebook
knowing I'll never see them in real life.
I don't want to deal with my Aunts
bouts of jealousy because she is being
mentally abused by her husband.
I don't want to feel a hacker looking
over my shoulder when I like a post.
I don't want to be reminded of all the
people who won't talk to me because
I don't have a job and think I'm the blame.
Facebook calls them friends.
Instagram calls them followers.
To me it's all the same they are fake.
I'm most likely fake to them too.
Honestly people it isn't an insult.
The hacker has won because I'm back
inside of my cave once again.
It's amazing how isolating social media is.
God won't answer my prayers for peace
but I don't believe he is mean at all.
Someday there won't be anymore
humans in my life that is a fact.
I doubt that I'll survive but then
again everyone has to die someday.
The feeling of wanting to die is
like crashing through a glass door.
Maybe I am more emotional
because I am going down to a
Lower dose of prednisone but
this doesn't make all that I wrote
any less true.
299 · Aug 2018
Of Popularity & Loneliness
Haylin Aug 2018
What she shows the world:

She is always the center of attention
Where she goes others follow
When she smiles they feel affection
When she leaves all feels hollow

She can dance the night away
And party till the dawn
She’ll never walk alone by day
Or wake lonesome in the morn

Whatever she wants she gets
And she does not seem to try
She lives life with no regrets
Simply watching the world fly by

The globe is in her hands
So many at her beck and call
All play into her demands
For they’ll catch her, should she fall

What she feels inside:

She is all alone in this world
Though crowds do often pass her by
Her life seems to have come unfurled
In a shambled mess she does lie

With no one to pick up the scraps
She lays broken and destitute
Fighting for air her lungs collapse
And her weak cries for help fall mute

Now pondering her life thus far
She realizes it was a waste
All that’s left is an ugly scar
Her deep shame, and a bitter taste

She often lays awake at night
Waiting for loneliness to end
As darkness parts for morning's light
Sleep, her only friend
Can one be both popular and alone?
294 · Apr 2018
A High School Crush
Haylin Apr 2018
I look at you with lust and love
and I don’t know what to think
it feels so wrong…
yet so right
to feel these feelings on felt

I look at you and every part of my body
pulses
warms
and grows tender to touch

I watch you and wonder ‘what would we be like together’
‘how great would we be together

I love everything you do
the way your clothes cling to your body
the way you lick your lips after you –
finish eating
the way you smile
just simply the way you are

I wish and hope you know my name
to hear you say it would be *******
when you look at me I blush and turn away

Oh how I love
Oh how I’m in love with you

if only you felt the same
if only you loved a girl
if only you loved this girl
293 · Jan 2019
World of Fantasy
Haylin Jan 2019
I live in a World of Fantasy,
So keep your reality away from me,
I see what I want,
I want what I see,
And that is all okay by me.
292 · Apr 2018
A Broken, Bleeding Heart
Haylin Apr 2018
the shards of my shattered blood line
piercing into my lungs
tearing it open

letting me bleed my sadness out.

i bleed slowly;
                       i bleed,
                                    i bleed.

your vibrant persona is too much for me to handle,
it feels choking at times.

but nonetheless i am attracted
like a moth to a flame.
i know it is dangerous,
i know it will only end in my execution,
but i go in anyway
orchestrating my own death.

i plummet into your aura,
i take it in.

and a small part of me believes
that you even had the smallest inch of care for me.

but you don't.
it's someone else it always is.

it's always the 'it's not you it's me' crap;
or the 'i don't feel the same' torture.

nonetheless it breaks me,
and i break in silence.

the saddest part is i thought i had a chance with you.

joker.

what a joke.

it can't happen,
it will never happen.
and that is all there is for me.

there is no yes or inbetween.
it is always no,
a resounding no.

but it's not your fault.
i know i am an ogre,
a monster with two minuscule eyes,
with my pores oozing acid,
and my mouth spewing fire.

my fiery temper restricts all suitors,
i know i cannot be tamed.

maybe that is why.

i am boundless and limitless and that may be intimidating.
but
but i am human,

and every human has that one boundary and
that one
limitation.

that was meant to be you,
meant to be you for me.

but you have someone else,
someone prettier and better.

so be happy, because that's all i want;

but for now,

i bleed slowly;
i bleed,
i bleed.
Warning: Boys are terrible
291 · Jul 2018
You Are My Light
Haylin Jul 2018
In a tunnel of dark
You are my light
In the shadows of evil
You are so bright
You guide me away
From pain and suffering
And lead me to a place
Of hope and loving
You made me feel special
When i gave up on hope
You tied me down
With your special rope
You cleansed me
Of all the hate
And turned me into
A clean slate
You are special
In every way
And not a week goes by
Where i dont think of you every day
My boyfriend wrote this
291 · Dec 2018
16 Minutes
Haylin Dec 2018
You've been offline for 16 minutes
I could have said it, but I didn't
I had it written, but I didn't send it
I'm kind of a coward, I'll admit it.

I couldn't fit it in a space that I thought you would read
I had a tendency to ramble when you listened
or pretended, and in the poems that you've never seen
it's just as bad,
I go careening through a bending path of bramble
tryna scramble to the point
but I lost you
neck deep in the prose that arose
around a metaphor packed to the brim
with condescending tid bits
where I use your words against you
but a heavy weight that sits
over it all, when I lost the only friend I can talk to

so let me spend the next half hour
showering over you
another lesson in epistemology
honestly I don't know how you could be
so dim to miss what I've put in to this

Do you not see how wrong you are

Does it bother you
To have every miss step
pounced on and deconstructed
I was talking down
just to knock it through your thick head
but I guess I ****** it
I'll just have to say it angrier now

Let me spend the next two months convincing you
whatever you had seen in me was through a lens
I didn't deserve to be seen through
All it took was losing you to see
I'm exactly where I should have ended up

I know that no apology
will unwind the web I spun. the web I sit on now
to watch what I've undone with my own hands.
Hands that even now subside in fear
of what I'd hear then in your voice
when you reply
to let it die

So I'll let it die
I'm sorry
289 · Mar 2019
Clock, I miss you
Haylin Mar 2019
Clock? Could you tell me,
if I could reverse time,
what day would I turn back to?

maybe the day I spotted a flower, blooming alone in a field
spacious silence for it to grow
ever so gentle movement in the breeze that spring day

or the day I met you
your smile shining brighter than the crowd
eyes like the rich soil from which you grew
if only you'd learn to
                                      outgrow
                                                      the spaces  
                                                        ­                between us

maybe then clock, I could recall why you left me for the fields of silence
Haylin Jan 2019
a day that never ends
fears, pressure and fake friends

playing with teenage hearts
seems just like playing cards

thousands of sleepless nights
and absolutely no rights

but where´s the education?
286 · Jan 2019
Guard Pledge of Allegiance
Haylin Jan 2019
I pledge allegiance
To my guard flag
In the band room at (your school's name) in America
And to the pole
For which it's on
One show flag
That costs a lot
Hopefully indestructible
And that it will move smoothly and surely for me
286 · Mar 2018
Stop & Think
Haylin Mar 2018
Do you stop and think about others?

Do you stop and think about others  feelings?

Do you stop and think about the hardship?

Well maybe you should

There people out there

Hurting

Suffering

And you don't stop and think about it

There kids being bullied and abused

Open your eyes

The world doesn't revolve around you

You may not be able to fix the problem

But the least you could do is be there

Sometimes just having someone there

To listen and comfort

Is all a person needs

So next time stop and think and say to your self

"Is my life really that bad."

Then maybe you'll understand
285 · Sep 2018
Girl Meets World
Haylin Sep 2018
The world is big. Some of us will never see most of it.
I’m only 15 and I’m not ready for the world.
If I could, I would stay here.
But I don’t think any of are ready. It’s a big place, it’s scary.
But this is our world, we choose what we do with it.
283 · Oct 2018
Father
Haylin Oct 2018
you know i still love you
but i will always hate you too
for so many reasons
leaving me alone at 6 on friday nights till 2am the next day
i never ate enough
you never noticed
i never did my homework and lied saying i did
you hardly checked
i hurt myself
you never noticed
but your my dad, i can't just only hate you
but i feel the need to
cause the pain you put me in
i will never forget
the phone calls that i have to initiate with a text
im sorry im a bad child
im so sorry im ****** up
and im sorry you don't know how to parent
im sorry i love my mom more than i'll ever love you
thanks for not being there for me now
or ever
you have gotten worse as the years went by
but i love you dad
you know i do
you just don't know how much i hate you
thanks for kinda raising me
you yelled
i cried
you drank
i cut
you left
i attempted suicide
you slept
i drank
you went out
i stayed up till you got home
im sorry but i feel the need to say goodbye
to the father i wished you were
so i finally accept the real father you are
282 · Apr 2018
More Than High School Love
Haylin Apr 2018
Couples come and go,
Because guys love women for show.

I can't forget the day we met,
It was the day my heart was set.

These feelings I have for you are ones I can not hide,
Because they come from the inside,
Your not like most girls who spread their legs wide,
You walk with something that is big known as pride.

You are one that I can't let go,
You have a heart as soft as dough and a smile as white as snow.

My love for you is no fun to hold inside,
It is as strong as an ocean's tide.
We were meant to make it all the way and to last so long.

I know when I say I love you,
It's true
I know this is real, even if we're still in high school.
281 · May 2018
Everyone Needs to Read This
Haylin May 2018
In the end one needs more courage to live than to **** himself.
A lot of you cared, just not enough, I guess. I just can't eat and I can't sleep. I'm not doing well in terms of being a functional human, you know? There comes a time when you look into the mirror and you realize that what you see is all that you will ever be. And then you accept it. Or you **** yourself. Or you stop looking in mirrors. I waste at least an hour every day lying in bed. Then I waste time pacing. I waste time thinking. I waste time being quiet and not saying anything because I'm afraid I'll stutter. And sometimes you stop and realize-some people are just not meant to be in this world. It's just too much for them. Once upon a time you had no clue why one self would want to even think about killing themselves, and now you know way to close and personally for comfort. Literally. People always ******* ask. Always ask "Why did she do it?"  Twenty aspirin, a little slit alongside the veins of the arm, maybe even a bad half hour standing on a roof: We've all had those. And somewhat more dangerous things, like putting a gun in your mouth. But you put it there, you taste it, it's cold and greasy, your finger is on the trigger, and you find that a whole world lies between this moment and the moment you've been planning, when you'll pull the trigger. That world defeats you. You put the gun back in the drawer. You'll have to find another way.
What was that moment like for her? The moment she lit the match. Had she already tried roofs and guns and aspirins? Or was it just an inspiration? I had an inspiration once. I woke up one morning and I knew that today I had to swallow fifty aspirin. It was my task: my job for the day. I lined them up on my desk and took them one by one, counting. But it's not the same as what she did. I could have stopped, at ten, or at thirty. And I could have done what I did do, which was go onto the street and faint. Fifty aspirin is a lot of aspirin, but going onto the street and fainting is like putting the gun back in the drawer. Ours was different because she just lit the match. Actually, it was only part of myself I wanted to ****: the part that she wanted to **** herself for, that dragged me into the suicide debate and made every window, kitchen implement, and subway station a rehearsal for tragedy. But in all reality..What's the big ******* deal? Lots of amazing people have committed suicide, and they turned out alright. But it was truly ironic, really - you want to die because you can't be bothered to go on living - but then you're expected to get all energetic and move furniture and stand on chairs and hoist ropes and do complicated knots and attach things to other things and kick stools from under you and mess around with hot baths and razor blades and extension cords and electrical appliances and weedkiller. Suicide was a complicated, demanding business, often involving visits to hardware shops. And if you've managed to drag yourself from the bed and go down the road to the garden center or the drug store, by then the worst is over. At that point you might as well just go to work, and I want to tell you about everything but I can't because I couldn't stand for you to have that look on your face all the time like I did. I just need you to look at me and think that I'm normal; that you're normal. I just really need that from you. You should want that from yourself.
If you read this and like it, give it a like for me?
If you understand, i'm sorry. Stay strong friend.
281 · Aug 2018
high school hierarchy
Haylin Aug 2018
I used to think there were types of people I just couldn't be.

I can't wear makeup because that's what all the popular girls on Instagram do

I can't dye my hair freaky colours because then people will think I listen to rock music when I really like jazz

I can't wear a pink dress today because I wore all black yesterday and people will think I spent too much time organising my looks, which I did, but they can't know that!

But you know what?

There are no types of people.

There is no "popular" and "unpopular".

Because the girl you think is popular goes home to her house and you don't know what happens there.

You don't know her life is good.

Maybe they only brag about the expensive clothes they wear because they're scared and have nothing to say too.

Maybe they spent ages trying to find themselves but got torn down by everyone around them too.

Maybe they hate being friends with the friends they have but don't have the confidence you have to make it alone or find people they actually like, because they will be judged and it's just hard.

But they're just people.

When you talk to them you might see that everything is a social construct.

Literally everything.

Popularity, expectations, grades, groups.

So break the rules. Wear what you like, do the makeup you want, talk to the people you want to talk to.

Does it really matter what people might think, if we will never truly know anyways?
Haylin Sep 2019
My life was fine and I was happy
And then you showed up
And everything went abrupt

You made me laugh until my face went numb
My problems you held like a forceful gun
I soon discovered an emotion I'd never felt
And you ripped it away from my fragile heart

My eyes once glowed like the stars beaming bright
But now they're filled with the sea spilling out
It's true you listened and that is no doubt
But you showed no remorse and simply threw me about

For so long I clung to you, scared of the world around
And now I'm sitting in my room unable to move about
In fear of being alone

I thought I was broke
And you would make me whole
But I didn't realize you tore me one by one
Into pieces, I lost, long ago with my smile

I cried every day
And forced you to keep me together
But little did I know that you couldn't find me either
Gave up on my life and lusted for me rather

I thought that it was love
But it was too late when I found out
That you were the one to hide my pieces
And wrote love on each end
To make me think that it was okay to be used over and over again
280 · Sep 2018
No Name
Haylin Sep 2018
you showed me
the kind of love
and kindness
I didn't know at the time
came from above
you were nothing less
than a gift from God
you were
and I wonder
how heart grew so big
he sent you to touch many
especially me
you gave your who life's time
to helping others
I watched you
go so out of your way
to give all you could
to so many strangers
you did it with joy
it wasn't a chore for you
how did your hear get so big
and looking back now
I don't think your heart problems
were caused by your diet
or genetics
it was because you gave
and gave and gave
and gave all that was in it
as much as a human heart
would possibly allow
and I know you didn't regret it
you were sincere
you were genuinely interested
in the lives of others
never considering what you
looked like to them
you just loved to give
and
when you called me your favorite
I know that you meant it
the bond that we shared
was truly one of a kind
the love you showered on me
was not of this world
dad
how did your heart get so big
279 · May 2018
A Suicide Mindset
Haylin May 2018
I didn't ask to be born.
Did I give you permission to have me?
I'm just not cut out for this, really...
I think about suicide constantly
Everyday I question my sanity
Am I okay? Stop starring at me!
You're only worsening my anxiety
They saw me crying.
I don't want them to think that I'm attention-seeking
Because I'm not:
I just have a lot of ****** up thoughts.
One day I'm calm and the next I feel forgot-
Ten: they told me when I grew up I'd be that number
Not someone who's chubby and refuses to go to slumber, part-ies
They were just never for me
But don't get me wrong I tried to participate
Just no one ever really included me unless it was a one-on-one standing
I get it, I'm a fill in.
That's always been my role
Someone who's just there
For when others couldn't be.
That's me.
The girl I'll hit up tomorrow because my other friend is busy
On a new note I'm about to be 15
My parents could kick me
out or disown me
Send me on my way
As if they never had known me
I'll eventually be on my own
That's the point of this right?
To witness someone's life and
Then toss them aside but say
That you'll be there until the end of time?
Right?
Wrong
I always feel that way when
I'm singing this song
Titled: strife
It makes me not want to go on
But it remains
Always in my veins
It tells me to stay
On the worst of days
It triggers me hard
I just want to go away
Just let me already
Why must I stay steady
Can't you tell I'm not sturdy
And just want to yell
At everybody
I'm in tears already
As I pull the cord on this bag
Helium fills my lungs
I no longer feel sad
I laugh continuously
As I'm  being poisoned
I'm mad; crazy
I forgot to write a note
Don't hate me
You all knew me in the past
For a time being
You had your chances with me
There was no right or wrong
I was just always singing a different song
So don't feel bad for my no longer going on
I was never meant to be here
Please. Stay strong.
279 · Mar 2018
Just remember
Haylin Mar 2018
I really don't give a **** anymore, Think what you want to think, Believe what you want to believe, But remember, I cared when no one else did.

If you start to miss me... Remember, I didn't walk away, you let go.

You see a true person's colors when you are no longer beneficial to their life.

One day you're gonna remember me and how much I loved you, Then you're gonna hate yourself for letting me go.
279 · Nov 2018
Sleep
Haylin Nov 2018
This time it's not the sadness that's keeping me awake at night
But it's the responsibility I have to face in the morning
277 · Oct 2018
Rant
Haylin Oct 2018
My life *****..
Im emotionally out of control
And thats the worst..
I ruin things ..
I hurt people..
I hurt myself..
I cant do anything right..
Everythings wrong..
I need time..
Away from here...
Maybe a new surrounding
Something different
Not the same routine
Everyday
Its wearing me out
Tearing me down
Im struggling to stay strong
Hold my head high
Sometimes
Love inst enough
Sometimes life inst enough
The fight isnt enough
Im
Slowly
Starting
To
Give
Up
.
~
Haylin Feb 2019
the number you wanted
you got it
so just smile and be thankful
you thought it would make you happy
but you find yourself striving even harder still
towards
more or less
272 · Aug 2018
School
Haylin Aug 2018
You're our second house,
Education is what you offered.
But we can't call you home;
For depression is a part of that offer.
269 · Mar 2018
Just Listen
Haylin Mar 2018
The worlds never truly silent
turn off your television and just listen
tires rolling over the iced streets outside
the buzzing of the street light
the pitter patter of a gutter next door
streaming water
as the water runs down the side of the curb
like children in a playground
it dances and laughs its way to the open drain
I lite my cigarette and blow a big cloud towards the stars
I hear the airplanes in the sky passing by
and a cat hisses at something in a dark corner
As I inhale again I can hear my lungs fill up with the toxic aroma
and I taste the smoke under my fingernails as a chew them off.
I hear the sound of feet and look across the street two young kids holding hands walking
I try to eavesdrop on their conversation but the cars passing bye blocks my attempt at spying on them. I can hear what their saying to each other as I see them both smiling "it's cold out here.. but your warm" I'm jealous almost and just as I think this my cigarette burns me and brings me back to the echo of the town. I toss the burnt end and here it land in a puddle I watch as it gets taken away down along the side of my house. were all a generation of the television society and left out brains on the couch as we stuff our faces full of potato chips and useless tv programs. When the real entertainment waits for us outside. where the music of the world is waiting to be heard. Instead we click our remotes and fall into a trance of law and order tv programs and violence upon violence school shootings and who the next mass ****** is a sick twisted form of entertainment. I guess listening to the world got so boring...... I guess I'm the only one who sees the world as a untamed orchestra waiting to be composed into a lovely sympathy. On mistro On you play for your little sounds are not useless I here you playing and strumming the world is perfectly in tune if you just listen.
268 · Nov 2018
7w
Haylin Nov 2018
7w
Country Music Is
The Most Honest
Music
268 · May 2018
Fuck
Haylin May 2018
Who Are you to judge me?
I'm just a normal HUMAN BEING!
My sexuality shouldn't matter!
264 · Nov 2018
Death, Not Sleep
Haylin Nov 2018
Someday,  

I'm going to cry myself to death,

not sleep.
262 · Sep 2018
The Bestfriend
Haylin Sep 2018
He is my bestfriend.

You are out of this world,
you are too good to be true,
but you are genuine, sincere and real.
You are a beautiful human,
i wouldn't get by without you.
I never want there to be a time where
you aren't in my life.
I fear that, i dread that.
You get me through everything,
my confidence used to be underground,
but you've built it so high its sailing above the clouds.
Not to throw myself a pity party,
but i have had a very rocky life at times.
although wonderful at times,
excruciating.
It now feels all okay.
You give me hope and make me see the bright side to things.
You have created this monster of a laugh inside me,
which only came out when i met you.
You have taught me how to be fun and be myself,
You have given me a different perspective on life,
because anything seems possible when you're around.
You appreciate me, respect me, listen to me and boost my ego.
I love every thing about you.
I wouldn't change your flaws even if i could.
There is no one like you.
Being away from you hurts,
because in my head i know i'm around people that are nothing compared to you.
I will choose you.
Always.
I sincerely have your best interest at heart.
I care for you more than i do myself.
I don't want to sound cliche,
but you really are the best thing that has ever happened to me.
You are honestly so incredible.
I would be nowhere near where i am today if i hadn't met you.
We have dedicated huge portions of our lives towards helping each others.
I knew from the moment i saw you in 6th grade,
that i wanted to get to know you.
I remember it like it was yesterday.
And that day was just the beginning for our friendship.

He is my bestfriend.
262 · Mar 2018
I listened
Haylin Mar 2018
I listened to my inner voice....
When I was filled with fear, when I learned at a young age that real monsters do exist and they are not like the ones in any story book I ever read. The monsters stole away any normal childhood that I could of or should of had.  Pain muted my words from flowing and poisoned my thoughts into growing... this is why I trusted no one.  
At the time I had no other choice... when I was
really the only friend I could totally depend on and count on
I listened to my inner voice...


I listened to my heart...
When all I could hear was a pounding in my ears, when all around me was like a crazy chaotic whirlwind screeching like a barred owl that would then break apart into tiny pieces and sink into a cold abyss forgotten by the sea.  I couldn’t forget the grief as it was real and still inside me. There was a brokenness about me my
heart was fragile and it balanced on the tip of my own desperation
but still I listened to my heart...
          
I listened to the words...
Slowly but surely I was able to come out from that darkened sea and was finally able to try and heal me. Words became my saving grace. I learned to not have muted lips and could give myself a fighting chance. I was able to tear down some of those protective walls to try again to live only in this moment without the armor and the hesitation. Writing became my new love... together we became an inseparable piece of one existence...
I felt so much better after I listened to the words ....
261 · Feb 2019
Color
Haylin Feb 2019
Color, one word, thousands of references
It is an illusion, science perhaps may explain it
But people have utterly transformed its definition over the past decades
Is it pride? Is it wealth you carry within you once you are born precious yet so fragile?

Define it for me
Release the inner load of prejudiced assumptions
Passed down from generation to generation
Do not be afraid to speak your mind
For you are enlightening me
Go on, define it for me

Red, orange, blue and green
Purple, pink, white and colors we've already seen
Came in touch with, and accepted for what they seem
Whom we do not hesitate adoring, whilst waiting for what more of them there is to see

Colors, beautiful bundles of joy
Billions of them undiscovered
Yet willing to view
And yet unwilling to embrace one another solely because our skin tone is a shade darker, or a shade lighter?

I'm sorry, I thought we loved the thought of not having to unlock our gates to gardens full of plain, dark pigmented red roses
There's got to be the lighter pigmented ones and the yet to blossom ones
The ones that are yet to be labeled
By humanity's impaired vision
259 · Jan 2019
SLEEPLESS KNIGHT
Haylin Jan 2019
Sleep tight, my love...
I know you're tired and sick.
I feel sorry I'm not there to relieve you.
I know you're strong
and you can handle yourself like you always do.
But baby you are like a princess to me.
And I am a knight
willing to risk his life
just for you to be alright.
But right now I can do nothing.
and that makes me feel sad.

It feels bad that I'm too far when you need a hug.
It feels bad when
you need food but I can't provide it.

Oh how I wish
I can be the knight
Whose always there
When you need him most.
But how can I do that
If you won't let me?
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