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ji Dec 2015
I tremble at the thought
that you might get drunk
with too much of me,
and that my sweet-bitterness
that you once so craved
just start running stale;
that you'd wake up
with a hangover to
some other different ale.
//122915
Her
ji Oct 2014
Her
She wept
And wept
Then slept--
   She just wanted to rest.

She cut
And drank
Then jumped--
   Can't say 'twasn't the best.
ji Jul 2015
We could easily find ourselves falling in love for things unfamiliar. We think it's beautiful, our hearts taken away. But like travelers journeying to a new city, after some time, we get used to what it's like - not as pretty as we first arrived.

And it is in the nature of man to crave something beautiful and extraordinary, yet we still come back to where we have all began. To our home. Very familiar. Even uninteresting. But the solace it gives, no other place could cater. We come home bleary after toil - partly because of the stories we are to tell, and partly because we know it will always promptly accept us. It's the only place that whispers to our hearts, ever so gingerly inviting us to return. Patiently, patiently it waits for us to come back. To come home. Back to its arms, back to its warmth. Moreover, you long for it just as how you long for a lover's embrace - its security and reassurance.

*I may not be your only love through out future's time, but I wish I am your home.
ji May 2014
I am not a poet,
But I can rhyme
My thoughts are read,
    not heard
        and I write.

I wish that like a poet,
    I may drown my emotions
        in words like an ocean.

I'll throw my ship's anchor
    to the bottom
        along with my heart.

But I am not a poet,
Rather a mere sad lad
And the only thing I see
    to be finally free
        from self-abasement ensnaring me
            is to drown it, not in words,
                but in an ocean of blood.
ji May 2015
.  *I fell in love with a star, there suspended in the heavens. I fell in love with its light, its brights, its might. I gaze and catch glimpse of the galaxies. In its twinkle my heart sinks.

   I fell in love with a star; here I stare from afar. Can't barely touch it, can't barely feel it, can't barely cradle it. But as sure as the sun would rise at daybreak, I can see it. And each time -- oh, every single time! -- I am mesmerized.

   I fell in love with a star, who from above watches the earth. I know somehow it sees me, somehow it hears me, somehow it knows I exist. Somehow it guides me; to somewhere it leads me, and I cannot resist - to the sublime burning of its glory, I stand dazed.

   And I wish that would suffice my longing for it to once wrap me in its light and quench my craving for an embrace, even if it means burning myself upon seizing a fireball in the horizon, so be it. I wish it would, but it wouldn't.

   I fell in love with a star which I sometimes dread for its beauty that I cannot grasp. I want to feel it between my fingers and lingering on my lips. I'd invite it in my heart and open my chest. But all I can do is gape from afar -- the chastisement for loving a star.
ji Jul 2015
it'd cut through my sour, orange moments, as my blue sheets remind me of you. My pastel mug wouldn't remind me of tea, but your confectionary lips in lieu.

Contrarily, I'd destroy my like for maroon and I'd never have my eyes red. I'd hate every crimson flower, and disdain every green. And I'll stay away from cherries and tangerine.

But loving you is not a condition, but an overwhelming actuality. Loving you is blue. Like the subtle and unchanging hue of the skies, the tint of the ocean and its tides, I will forever love you.
ji Mar 2016
It makes the blades of grass
that tickle your sole
feel like a thousand razors;
the raindrops, like prickly thorns.

And what you'll bleed isn't blood,
but bloodstained words
that will blemish
no other sky but yours.
ji Nov 2015
I woke up this day
   and searched for you by my bedside.

I didn't find you there.

I found you in my chest--
   beating.
//110115
ji Feb 2017
On the claw of daybreak is a bridge, they say
     that extends to an everlasting sunrise foray,

     where every morning glory is at the cliff—
     whether they're climbing or descending is a riff—

     of muddied quagmires where a slew
     of sunflowers that on the talons of radiance either died or grew.
ji Nov 2014
Lily Willie, I am hungry
Do you have a cup of coffee--
A glass of milk, a butter cookie
Or a chocolate-dipped strawberry?

Lily Willie, I feel queasy,
But burgers are too greasy,
And pizzas are too cheesy
How about macaroni?

*Lily Willie, are you silly?
It's just a bite, a little candy
A slice of cake, nothing fancy
My head is numb, vision's hazy

I feel cold, but it's not snowy
My lips are purple, fingers chilly
My eyes are empty, so is my tummy
Lily Willie, I feel hungry.
No, skinny is not the new beautiful.

*thank you, andrea, for helping me construct this stanza
ji May 2016
Lost souls wandering on the shores of love,
     looking over the shipwreck,
     wanting to cross the waters,
     not wanting to get their feet wet.
The ocean is too icy for their salty tears,
and their eyes of pond too warm for the sweet, inviting waves.

Lost souls wandering on the shores of love,
     dying for a sip to quench their arid hearts,
     wanting to drown,
     not wanting to dive.
The trenches too shallow for their collapsing lungs,
and their breaths too deep for such a shoal sea.

Lost souls wandering on the shores of love,
     wanting to get a taste of the crashing waters,
     choosing to eternal be walkers and gazers
     and lost and trapped on the coarse, sandy shores
     and chafe their soles;
     and remain unfound,
     meandering souls.
//050715
ji Apr 2015
My ever fairest dear, Lucille
Where shall I find you, dear?
Where have you gone,
   my love?

To the vast seas, I have inquired
Yet have not I heard you--
The waves voice not
   your name.

To lullabies I have listened
Yet not one word describes
   just how lovely
     you are.

Many a dish I have tasted
Yet none compares to the
  taste of your sweet,
      sweet lips.

The temporal joy of the fair--
Far greater still the joy
  I feel when you
     are near.

The scent of popcorn I feast on--
More fragrant still the smell
   of your velvet
      red hair.

My dear Lucille, where have you gone?
Come home to me dear love,
   before my pulse
      is none.

And when it has stopped - my breathing
I will remember you
   To my faint heart's
      beating.
ji Jul 2015
Remember when your mom was all wrinkled brow and frowns as she kisses your scraped knee? And she tells you to be careful, don't get your skin scarred again. That's what we grow up to knowing: don't get ourselves hurt.

But then we fall in love. We give our hearts to somebody just to have it broken. Whether we count that as a privilege or not doesn't matter. 'Cause in the first place, we thought they would never crush it. But for some reason, he chooses another. For some reason, she gets tired. For some reason, people leave. But for some reason, we choose to stay. 'Cause in the first place, we never thought tears would come into play. Then we promise ourselves to never love once more. But like masochists craving for self-inflicted pain, we allow our hearts to again be taken away.
ji Jul 2015
Once there was a maiden who has a gardener as her wooer. And the maiden love him too.

The maiden is affluent in money called Memories. And the gardener has flower bounties called Feelings he gives daily to the maiden. Every morning the gardener would knock on the maiden's door and hand her the most beautiful picks of Feelings his garden has. Some days it's a posy of 'I love you's'; or a nosegay of 'I miss you's'. Other days it's a wreath of 'kisses' and 'hugs'. But he knew what she likes best - it's the bouquet of the four. And every time, the maiden would insist to pay him with a Memory, but sweetly he would shake his head no.

Until one morning, she heard no knock on the door nor there were flowers on her porch. She waited and waited, but nothing came and he never arrived.

Days became weeks, there were no signs of the gardener still. The Feelings he gave her started to wilt, but many remain abloom.

"I wish the next time he knocks, he would hand me a bouquet of 'I love you's' with a coupling of 'I miss you's'," *she whispered between sighs.
"It's not my favorite arrangement, but those I favor among all."

And the skies seem to hear her wish. There were three gentle knocks on the door. She smiled and stood in front of it, wishing that it's really him. And it was.

But he had no bouquets in hand. No posies nor nosegays nor wreaths.


"There is a new damsel in town, and to her I chose to give the Feelings, but she don't seem to care," he explained. "My Feelings piled up on her lawn but she never opened the door."

He paused.

Then earnestly,
"My garden is bare of flowers, and I ran out of Feelings to give you," he continued. "But if you would allow, could you hand me a little Memory so I can restore my garden and offer you bouquets of Feelings again?"

*Then she gave him every Memory she has.
Someday I know you will run out of feelings for me. And maybe someday - to have it again - you'll return and ask for a memory. In case, my dear, just say. And I will give it all away.
ji Oct 2014
"Why can't you love yourself?"

*"What's not to hate?"
ji Feb 2015
And it still hurts
when I am reminded
of how I treated you--
like my favorite pillow;
of how I sang
sad melodies at 2am,
and how you listened,
and how I thought
you really did.
to d, who used to call me 'gamby'
ji Aug 2015
His neck like napkins,
and her kisses are coffee;
she stained him love,
but stained him scanty.
ji Feb 2016
"You're quite narcissistic, I know.
And I only wish I'm the reflection you see,"
he paused, then whispered,
"fall in love with me."
//022616
ji Oct 2014
I can taste-- no, feel!--
The grease in my mouth
I've finished my meal
It didn't taste real.

I can feel-- no hear!--
The bellow of my arteries,
My gal bladder, my kidney--
Screaming in agony.

I can hear-- no, see!--
My stomach as it digest
The posion I've ingest'd
I say, it's killing me!

I can see-- no, smell!--
The nauseating smell of bane
It smells like oil, sugar, and salt--
Leaving stains in my vains.

I would've if I could've--
Stick a finger down my throat
If I could've I must've--
But I shouldn't!-- so I don't.

I am defiled not by smoke
Nor am I defiled with coke
But in every swallow-- a choke!
If I must die-- through stroke.

I want to gag,
Purge out every liter
I want to gag!--
Draw out melted butter.

Ew, I just ate fries
Ew, they're stomach lice
Ew, I hate my body--
Ew!-- magnificently.

Puke-- no! I feel disgusting
Puke-- no! I am disgusting
Grease, gah! Oh, please!
My lips want not your kiss.
ji Aug 2015
Sink in my heart and drown in yourself.
You are all that's in here.
081115
\o/
ji Nov 2015
\o/
I'm afraid of the day that you'll only hug me out of duty.
//111515
ji Aug 2015
My tears have made puddles, which then turned into oceans, until there's no more land. I didn't make a boat. I thought it would subside, but now I'm drowning in the rising tides.
ji Jul 2015
Once, it rained. I didn't understand why my mom hates it so much. As for me, I like the wet feet and drenched clothes, the raindrops kissing my head. Until one night, it rained so hard; the night was colder than any other. Then I started to understand why my mom dislikes it so. It didn't listen when I begged for it to stop...

for my pillow is soaked.
070515
ji Jan 2015
It's a different kind of sadness--
     something quite close to madness.

A tub of ice cream cannot still
     a putrid heart, a mind that's ill.
ji Jul 2015
I have always loved rains. The drizzle. The storm. The chilly air

Tonight it's a drizzle. I smile at the forlorn skies. And I'm reminded of the cold nights and your warm hugs and your kiss that burnt my cheek. And how the pitter-patter of raindrops on the roof has always lulled me to sleep. How I wake up to your good morning the next day, and how your I miss you was my cup of coffee.

But today was different. This morning it's a storm. It rained so much I woke up to a soaked pillow. It rained so much I can't look at the skies to smile. So it grinned to me with the cold air, that you are mine no more and you weren't mine at all. And then I realized, maybe I don't like rains afterall.
ji Apr 2017
his touch is boiling metal,
sweltering to delirium
that wherever his hands of red
take grazing, is swallowed
by the hell fire of his fingers

so once
he caught his lover
in his arms

so that the flames
frenzied upon all him
to hysteria
and incinerated
all
love
like wildfire.
what did i ruin what did i ruin what did i ruin what did i ruin what did i ruin what did i ruined our love ruined what did i ruin what did i ruin what did i ruined nothing what did i?
ji Jan 2014
Sometimes I wish when I close my eyes
And bid good night to the dark, vast skies:
My breath, dear moon, is yours to take
To sleep in peace and ne'er awake.
ji Oct 2016
read my body like a bible,
let your tongue be the bookmark
that browses my pages,
and embeds between my spine
right where it shouldn't;
say my name like a prayer,
and i'll worship the shrine
under your stomach
like a god— my god!
let me lick the statuette
ji Jul 2015
You are the grass of Spring, and loving you is like Fall. My heart is the leaves in golden blush, the hue of sunkissed skin in Summer; wrinkling, as if shy of the breeze, and softly toppling from boughs, avid to kiss the ground; and upon falling - shivering, as if caressed by the white dust of Winter.
Who would have thought loving could be so bemusing as this? Like the Sahara with snow, or getting seared in the heat of Alaska. It is only by loving that things don't go as to what they have been all along. Like seeing no sparkle in your eyes, but stolen auroras in all the skies. Beautiful. Rousing. Imspossibly possible.
ji Jun 2014
I can only trace the contour of your face
From this portrait of you I see
I counted the hundred thousand and one ways
But you just can't be one step closer to me.

I can only imagine the day-old perfume -
    Its scent lingering in my nose -
On your navy blue shirt you left in the room --
Quickly on the couch you slouched then shortly dozed.

I can only envisage you munching chips;
Your eyes as they squint when you smile;
When you sigh - the small partition on your lips --
    Why do you have to be away nineteen miles?

You listen to me with your eyes
And I hear you when you write
When I perpend on my demise --
    "Do not heed, they are all lies."

And at night when I gaze at the skies - starless;
When I see no rainbow after the rain;
I tell you I can't be any fearless
Even the blue skies can't take away the pain.

But you're a firefly inside the darkest cave
An oasis in a wasteland --
And in my solitude you'll say,
"Dude, I am just a text away."
For J.D.A.
ji Jul 2015
You have sunk deeply in my heart and more deeply still each day like sinking in a bottomless quicksand.

And I think I'll fall endlessly to your love like an airplane descending but never lands.
ji Dec 2015
Getting up on mornings without you is not waking,
just loveless man sleepwalking.
ji May 2016
Your words of tender, mellow slur
are furls and wisps of thin, streaming clouds;
       dancing ecstatic,
       swaying hypnotic,
       sailing on the somber oceans of the wind--
then nestling as mist
   at the doors of these still lake lips of mine,
   hankering to swallow and wallow the low-resting, quiet, ambrosial fog.
//051716
ji Aug 2015
The golden burn of dusk
   kisses my window panes and walls;
On table tops it rests,
   the moon and stars it calls.

Far above the horizon,
   the honey sun waves good-bye
With sighs of blues and purples,
   its glory's end is nigh.

The birds sing their last songs
   atop the birches' bough
And the sunset leave us thinking,
   "What do we really know?"
In another world it is rising,
   but right here it hides from view,
burying its face, so when morrow comes
   we can marvel its glory anew.
ji Dec 2015
"What would yours be?"* he asked.

"I'd love to heal any non-fatal wound, whether its mine or others'.
I'd like to heal mangled hearts. People say its wounds are fatal.
But they're not. They're just there,"
she said,
*"meant to ache forever."
120915
ji Aug 2015
I have a sweet tooth
   for chocolate
   chip cookies
   tonight.

And you told me--
   you have not
   even a
   bite.

But I say,
   darling,
   your lips
   are just as right.
//081915
ji Feb 2015
He sings love songs
     without the love
     for the song.

He amuses the crowd,
     the critical throng.

What they don't know
     is that after the show,
     he goes home
     with a wrinkled brow.
ji Feb 2015
She walks on velvet, swaying hips
Flashes a grin, the poise she keeps
And for her query:
     What makes you happy?
She waves her hand ever gently.

She walks in skin and bones collapsing
Flashes a grin, but near to fainting
With this she answers:
     Loose clothes and shivers
She eats her dinner in reverse.

Blood is her carpet, blades are her sash
She keeps on walking - feline
Fits the crown of purging - rash
'Til she gets to be the beauty queen.
ji Jun 2015
She was courtly,
Oh! Stately was she!

But woe to her! --
      the seller of love;
            seeker of empathy.

What more poorer than her a soul
         could be? --
                  A morsel of love for a penny.

What more colder
         than a night as hers--
                 To slumber in as if a hearse?

Oh, woe to her! --
      the seller of love;
           seeker of empathy.

And what more worse
       could a mishap be--
                Than feast in the banquet
                        of the ****** and the guilty?

How more cursed
        could a creature be--
                 Than thrive in another's lustful  
                          idolatry?

Oh, woe to her! --
      the seller of love;
            seeker of empathy.

She vends fondness
       she never can receive,
             forth with the saintdom
                      she ne'er can retrieve.

What other vying
         is greater than hers--
            To state the malison
                 of the welkin terse?

And she prays to the dimmest sky;
       to the starless horizon she cries,
           "Woe! -- woe is me! --
                     the seller of love;
                           seeker of empathy."
ji Jun 2015
My heart fell and sank deeply at the sight of you,
     like an anchor hurled into the sea.

And then you spoke and I'm reminded of the waves;

You're the sea and I'm a fish,
     the salty waters I long and crave.
You cast yourself in people's lives. Some swim, but you dive. Then you drown but don't die, and then you knew: even divers swim back ashore to survive.
ji Jan 2016
I am he
   who blistered and
   purpled his aching
   fingers, upon playing
   the saddest, dissonant
   melodies out of
   his old, untuned
   guitar, whose strings
   of somber used-to-be's
   he ceaselessly strummed
   and plucked under
   the dullest starless
   night sky; and
   sing of his
   weeping heart the
   poetry of melancholy
   notes half-composed.

It is me--
   the lone guitarist
   on broken avenue
   who never stopped
   playing his love
   song of rue
   since you left--
   whose only lyrics
   is your name
   and your words
   he dearly kept.
ji Apr 2016
is hidden in the lungs of a lover
who lost himself                          
in the war of keeping his love;  
in  his tears yet to stream his cheeks,  
over the carcass of the only dead soldier  
that is his own heart.                                    

And the coldest, most macabre ******
lies between the partition of the lips    
of the one who left-- willingly.    
No good-byes.                                
No apologies.          
Just plain frigid fingers          
that smell like heartbreak.        

This is the epic unwritten in history,
unseen in televised documentaries;
partly because of its gruesome morbidity,  
and partly of its awful simplicity.                
A traceless killing:                                          
no blood,                            
no stains,                            
no weapons,                      
just lies.                              
Seamless all from the start--                        
just one mangled heart.
ji Feb 2014
I'll stain my wrist cherry red,
I'll hang myself with angel hair [1]
I'll jump off a choco cliff
And smell bacon in the air.

Drown myself in sea of grease;
In lard or melted butter
Get lost in a Balck Forest,
Eat fondant rocks for dinner.

Stick Butterfinger down my throat
Until I can no longer breathe
Peel off my caramel skin
And run through a pile of wheat.

I'll fly my way to Sweetzerland
And then I will jump off the plane;
Railroad trip with Willie Wonka
Then get myself crushed by a train.

I'll put the gun on my temples,
Pull the trigger, out the whip cream
Roll on hot coal with Tootsie [2]
Up in the skies you'll see our steam.

I'll grate my fingers just like cheese
And dice my arms like tomatoes;
Chop the onions, hold your tears
Mash my head like potatoes.

I'd stuff myself just like turkey
A big, fat one on Thanksgiving
I'd eat to death ruthlessly
So full that I'll be choking.

Fillet myself, eat my own meat
Or not, 'cause that would be so gross
I'll poison myself instead
A drop on my wine - let's toast!

I'd overdoze on sedatives
Each pill the size of Jellybeans
Or cross the road with closed eyes
Or live in a garbage bin.

Get under attacked by hornets
As I steal their precious honey
Huge marshmallows in my mouth
Die playing Chubby Bunny.

Ride a ship on a raging sea
Of milk or strawberry smoothie
And I'll let my boat be wrecked
Then feed a whale with cookie.

Get free popcorn with your ticket
As you watch me die, sit back
Don't stand 'til it is over,
Enjoy the show and relax.

This is what you always wanted -
See me lying on my coffin
I'll make you watch in total dread
As I **** myself with muffins.

And when I die, donut tell her -
My sweetest darling - Baby Ruth
She might slap you out of shock,
You might lose not just one tooth.

From the grave, I'll send you Kisses
My dear old Cad, bury me [3]
Give this body a Reese's [4]
From food that is it's enemy.

I have here a cake for you
Open your mouth, gently chew,
Close your eyes and hold your breath,
Savor now the taste of death.
[1]Angel hair is a kind of pasta.
[2]Tootsie Roll
[3]Cadbury
[4]recess
__________

I've been killing myself lately.
I've been eating again.

***** anorexia. ***** EDNOS. ***** eating.






***** guilt.
ji Aug 2015
Love is climbing up a tree
and falling with a scraped knee.
But you don't mind the scars;
you still climb up with glee,
'cause love is having bruises,
but choosing not to see.
So, once again,
I'll climb
the tree.
081015
ji Jul 2015
They say I write for love for I am in love, and they love the works I wrote.

But I can't help but be a little peeved, though still I smile with the gratefulness it connotes.

I wonder when will they hear the reprimands my heart whispers. That I do not write for love because I am in love, but I write of love because of you.
ji Nov 2015
When you feel like I'm starting to slip away, ask these unmade sheets how many times I've said I never want to see you go over eyes that flood tears. They'd tell you. Perhaps the warmth of my skin has lingered on its fibers. Wrap it around your body; feel my embrace.

When you feel like I'm getting cold, place your ears on these walls of white and eavesdrop to every remnant echo of burning, unsaid "I love you." They'd tell you. Find solace in the whispers of my love, in every heartbeat these walls would reverberate.

I wish you don't, but when you feel like I've never truly loved you, read every word I wrote to every inch of my red notebook. They'd tell you. I left my heart there... every single tiny crumb.
//111515
ji Mar 2014
One, two, three I count on my hands
Four, five, six billion grains of sand
Seven, eight, nine hours passed away
Ten, eleven, twelve years of disarray.
I was waiting at McDonald's for my classmate to arrive for two long hours. And so I decided to compose a poem about time and waiting.
ji Jan 2014
Roses are red, violets are blue





















*Roses were red, violets were blue
Very succinct it may seem, but this tells a lot. The "roses are red, violets are blue" line is too hackneyed and obsolete, that's a fact. You won't write a poem using that as the first line, will you? 'Cause people might just not read your poem at all.

       But in this case, I took the risk. Because poems are meant to be contemplated upon than just be read. It is up to you on how you view this one.
ji Jul 2015
I want to hold your hand and feel its creases, the same that wrap around your pen. I want the immensity of your palm mantled on mine, its warmth that bruises my knuckles. I want to feel your fingers, and kiss the cold away its tips.

And if in every entanglement my touch could whisper, it would reassure,* "I love you. I'll forever hold your hand. I'll forever adore the solace I find in the tightness of your grip. I love you - and I am not letting go. So please don't."
ji Nov 2015
"You know what makes every story pretty?" he asked.

"What?"

"Unpredictability. One day, I don't even know how your hands feel; the next, they are all I ever want to hold."

"You know what makes unpredictability pretty?"

"What?" he asked.

*"That your every syncopated heartbeat is my love story."
//112415
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