The steel inside my forearm
Has bent beneath the tremendous heat
Of the forest fire burning in me

How it roars and screams a passionate plea
Not of agony but of fury
Both in might and out of sight

With hands outstretched
Over top the sea of burning trees
And temperatures boiling over uproariously

You’ll hear the howl of this wolverine
As it drowns out the earthly screams
Of a forest fire

Insurmountable and unquenchable by any stream

Is love a fancy or a feeling or a fascination?
You tell me
Although my mind is already made
And made up like the corners of my bed sheets

Your grandparents will tell you one thing, your parents another
And the youth amidst the feeling will tell you something else entirely

You know what I think?
Do you even care?
Will anyone even hear this little thing?
That love is a decision made every day
To let go, to hold on, to cut loose, and to cat's cradle string

The same old yarn or balers twine
Which you first used to tightly wind
The cord around your loving life

You picked your husband
You chose your wife
Now chose whether or not you'll live
An ever loving daily life

Walk slow
Think fast
Tilt your head
Slightly back

Focus in
Fade out
All the noise
From the crowd

Step back
Seek out
Breathe in
And out doubt

Process
This now
Focal point
Is how

The point of realization is a scary cliff to overlook
Higher than you've ever felt and lower than the lowest of lows
There is no telling which way you should venture
Or in which direction you should go
Because the fear is what makes the venture an adventure
And only at the bottom of the jump will you know
That the fear which you were feeling
Was only fear of the unknown

Occasionally, you may be impressed
Because someone else came close
Someone else seemingly understands what you hold most dear
Be it inside or out
But the mistake is to assume that because they seem
They are the same
When really, true life is all about graciousness and kindness
A willingness to mold and be molded
That way you will become, as they are also becoming

I wander alongside aimlessly
Floating down a path like a half of chaff
Wondering what it means to be
As tall as the ivory hickories
To be as weightless as the leaves  
Or lost within the present pause
Where I am more often than not
Considered to be me

As I stop myself and start again
In wonderment of what I find
Alone in this and thought amiss  
I disconnect myself from the moderneness
And find myself here standing out
Tall and alone amongst the trees
In place where I need not create
The peace of mind which I do seek

The warmth of these walls welcomes me back
It's been awhile since I've been
Alive and well and in this place
When all around me was a buzz
I found myself alone at last
In a memory's cool and calm embrace
In love I once was with this place and still I am
For she is far more welcoming to me
Than all of the others
Who never cared for anything beyond the smiles upon my passing face
That is why I'll always love this place
For the role she played in my former life
I simply cannot pass her by
Without returning her cool embrace

Some days I just don't have the words
So I ask him to provide for me
All the pros for my failing verse
And unfailingly he does this for me
Because he always simply is
As I will never ever be
Half as clever as my God can be

For whatever it is
You feel called to do
You choose what it is
But remember this
First consult your form of truth
And then do it for them
As do it for you

Can you truly dictate the direction in which you will walk?
Change the manner of your subconscious ways
And develop yourself into a new role?
What of your mind, what of your body?
Can you bend such things to a fuller health
And channel your will for the good of yourself?
Not to mention the collectiveness of this
You and your futures mutual souls
And for those of you who are yet apart
And wandering further down the path
Only wondering what the future holds
You can relax and know that it has been decided
Because the heart will want what it will want
It's inevitable

How foolish of me to think that I could understand
That I could even possibly comprehend whatever it is or whoever it was
Because clearly the struggle that I did undertake was something that I could not withstand
But even so and as I am
I cannot understand
Because I am just a mortal
I am just a man
But I wish I could
I wish you can

Like a spotlight on an empty stage
So the clouds part ways with their Ominous hopes
Separating themselves from truth
They wish to whisk my joy away
They wish to banish me to the darkest corners of a shadowy grey
To someplace where there is a more active role which they can play
And yet today is not such a day
For the shadowy clouds which I abhor have been whisked away
And hence forth they shall hang over my head no more
When the light of my life has pierced their veil and come to pass
I shall dance around the darkened clouds like a matador
Let not the darkness overhead **** the candor which self-pity abhors

That moment by a windowsill when you're looking through a shade

At a different world outside yourself and yet inside remains the same

Do not wonder about what could've been or worry about the other way

Instead let time and seasons pass, good memories come, and bad memories fade away

Gently
Softly
Almost sweetly

So the clouds are near to me
And to you as well

Although we are not at this time
Standing right here or there beside

How these clouds smile back as they roll by
And tell us both to our surprise
That we are watching and watched over

Since long before we each sought after
That distant star in the summer sky

We are by ourselves and each other
Mere reflections in such skyward eyes

Listen to the howling wind
Not a whisper in the voice of it
An embodiment of all the aimlessness
And the chaos which was once within
This heaving chest
And beating heart
Which is now outside
Cold and lying bitter still  
And howling like mother nature had tanned its hide
Listen to such a wind as this
And you will understand what it is
And what it means to be trapped inside such bitterness
As the howling wind does speak of it

I am thunder
I am lightning
I am a length of the Willow whip in the wind
Ever cracking in the air and striking
Precariously
That’s how I like to live
When I’m on point
And on the edge
No one can withstand the imminence
The ultimate outcome
When I assume this stance
Ask anyone of my dominance
And they’ll assure you of such prominence
Because when I unchained myself
The thunder rolls
And the strike looms
Ominously

The government has it's secrets
And so do I
We all are deep and in depth creatures
Capable of living both very public
And yet very private lives

And yet every once and awhile in time
I'm astounded by what is that I find
In my own life

That I've been trying and far more confident
In the standards which I set for myself
And now that I'm there without sense of self
I no longer wish nor want to comply

The strongest men are not made of steel
They’re not born of iron or lined with ore
No the strongest men will wait and endure  
For whatever they want
Until the world turns no more

No one sees me when I smile
Wider than my eyes can bear
Cooler than the coolest spring
Which you could find within this muggy summer air
Because when I grin
There is no sense of urgency or care
There is only me and my eyes which crease
Like folded paper flying through the humid air  
For my smile is this
Not because I wish to hide it
Or even because I overly care
But because my purest form happiness
Is only seen when not prepare
Alive and well in its natural state
Most often outside and always wide
Something you might see across my face
As a representation of what's inside*
(:

I say this with a glass of humility
That I've built worlds up and down these streets
And surrounded myself with all manner of things
Which I've pulled from inside of myself and out
And spread around
Like butter on my creative roll
With only this glass to wash it down
I am hungry for the here and not
The creation which keeps me wide awake
When all others have fallen asleep in my town
Even this very expression was kept on a shelf
Hence why...
I generally keep such things to myself
For a glass of humility is better than milk
At settling my mind and stomach down

A pendulum, rocking to the heartbeat of eternity
In time, in tune, in step with the world
Inside of the footprint of this city street

Like a whisper in the passing wind
Or a whistle nearby yet unseen
Striding forward with a massive force
Unstoppable as the former me

This is the essence of my own demise
And the love which grew too strong and too quickly
In order to keep my song alive

And yet through this I've become an entity
So I will rock for eternity, back and forth atop the hill
And also in the flatlands in the east
Where the whispers were first heard to me

If I could ask one thing of you
Make one wish
It would be that one day you would see this sight
Exactly as it is
Just like this
Standing atop this former mountain
Looking down into the valley of change
For miles and miles
Just to witness it
To view this world
Not as it once was or could’ve been
But for the beauty of the fading mist
For the aching, moaning, weeping wood
Which cries out for eyes
Which slowly degrades as the hilltop fades
Beneath the last few rays of light
As the day succumbs to the edge of night
Know that all that I want for you is to see
What it is, what it was
And what I suspect that it means
At least to my eyes and the likes of me
From this hilltop I wish you could see

How patient are the arms of the trees
To hold out and hold on
To the weight of the weighed winters snow
In place of their own
Their children, their leaves
Which have long since left left for the distant ground
Having moved on to another town
How they’re holding on and beholden now
How kind are these?
Such winter trees

As the sky looks back to return my surprise
With almost longing and lingering eyes
I am enchanted now by what I see
Just beyond the clouds within the sky  
Not a nebula of precarious height
But a collective unit (almost) organized
How they absolutely are and alive
How the creator created them all to burn
In such a particular direction and light
Would you repaint the picture that is my life?
To better reflect the collectedness
And the calmness found in this cold night

These trees are older than myself
And only half of them see the sun
As it sets beyond the distant ground
They're taller than me and I am tall
They've been reaching for the sky for far too long
Long before I could even crawl
My only brother's are these trees
And yet I've never acknowledge them as they are
As tall and faithful
As my slowly falling family
The kind of trees which stand to be
Such are these looming trees to me

I am the rolled up sleeves before it's socially acceptable.  Before 3:00.
I am the rooftop climber and the moonlight gazer.  Swinging in the bitter wind.
I am the patient one.  The tag along.  Often kind but on my own.
And always off in my own mind.
Completely different.  And yet the same.
I am one.  *One of a certain kind.

She is everything I wish to be mine
I can attest to the aptitude of her body
Like the wave of her hair as she passes by
But I've yet to confirm the hope within
That being her true lovelliness of mind

When I work I work
What I say I say
What I do I do
And unlike you
When I must work
I work ahead at what I said I would do

Know not the rigidness of my eyes
Or the scent of my skin
As once did the picture on my face imply
For I am blameless in such regards
And rightfully so
For I have dedicated my entire self
My entire life
To the upholding of such high regards
For a person who I do not yet know  
That to me
Is more pure than the new fallen of snow

Did you know that when it rains
It secretly rains on us all?
Buildings or not
No state or county line alive
Can divide those underneath from which it falls
The glorious sky
The bellowing sky
Which opens up its eyes every morning
Just to look and see that we are yet still alive
And even though that same old sky
Which connects us though cannot love
It’s only because of such blessings from above
That we can learn to live and love at all

I feel so tired
I can barely breathe
My chest is concave
Like the narrow dell
Soaking up the rain
And pulling in the leaves

And though I’m not hollow
I am not whole
And though I’m weary
It is not my soul
Which cries aloud
Unto the the trees

Except for your sound
The sound that is
Of when you sing
And walk beneath
This canvas of leaves
Free as your feet

But the soles of my shoes
And the lids of my eyes
Are now heavy
As my head it lulls
And wants to roll
Back to the ground

So my pillow now
Is underneath
The hooded wood
And as the world
Slowly closes round
It’s you I see

Within the leaves
Beneath the trees

Your song is like a clover field
Lucky
Peaceful
Always at ease
Rolling like the streamless hills
Your body right here next to me

Within the grass
And on the wind
Ever is your voice to be
And even when I’m not in sight
To see your jawline ever slight
As you sing a clover field to sleep

I know your voice
As I know your eyes
And the way much like your song implies
That you are peaceful and at ease
Like a field of clover
You’re lucky to me

I need coffee
Before this coldness leaves my feet
Or the snowflakes fall any freer onto the city streets
I need such coffee inside of me
Because without it’s joy and prolonged warmth
I cannot be alive and well
Let alone this representation of me
So do not question before I wake
Just pour the coffee for goodness sake
And if I must make it myself
I will with a vengeance, a sleep induced will
Though once I’m awake I’ll wonder still
What dependency is this which I’ve built
The need to mix my water mixed with beans
Perhaps not the coffee, but it is the caffeine
Which gets me out and wakes me up
So that I might not feel asleep
As I am driving these winter roads
Saying dearest coffee would you please
Wake me so that I can feel at ease

Whatever that song would look like...
I swear that you could see it in my eyes
Reflected here
Right now
Within this moment
Where I am alive

You reap what you sow
Or so I’ve heard
You get what you deserve
Or so it’s been said
Well whatever it is that I certainly want
I can't speak about it
I can't even think about it inside my head
Because how could it be
Or even come true for me
As it is?
Having sown something else
Beneath a much different tree
And as it is so you see
Never once indifferency  
And the only one who could've planted it
Was me

When a child hears a storm rolling
Or an old dog howls in the dead of night
And the thunder is crashing
The lightning is striking
And the heavy rain spouts outside are unfolding

That is when I
At the age fifteen
Would look to be out in the thunderous storm
Instead of inside beneath the crown molding

Such storms were the reasons why I would be smiling
But also a reason why I would get scoldings

“You’ll get struck by lighting”
Said my mother to me
And then the voice of my sister would sound out with glee
Screaming “With Mom and Dad gone, you better not die on me!”

But I didn’t care
Because out there I was free
To jump high in the storm
And even flip dangerously
Because I was a storm jumper
Destined to be

What fire is this?
Within your eyes
Like a ball of light
Gently caressing the ominous skies

Are you an omen to match my sign?
Or mere bones to cast in an empty cask?

I only ask because so many heads
Have turned away from this overcast
Just because of your fire

That hopeful passion
Which pulls each sailor slowly on
To survive another night until the dawn

To wonder if this your purposful fire
Is meant to bring us back
To the very thing which we ought to desire

Away from the devouring grave of the sea
To a house made of stone on the inland maybe?

Where are bodies would find the true solace of earth
And just might be at peace far away from the sea

Perhaps Saint Elmo
That is exactly where you wish us to be?

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like
And who I would be
If I dug out a grave six foot deep
And buried my bad habits there underneath
Once the freedom of topsoil was beneath my feet
Above that habitual grave who then would I be?

Whatever your heart wants most in life...

The kind of things that you do not get
Which might just depress or even make sad

Whatever your heart can desire like this
It couldn’t possibly have

Which is why in the first place
Your blasted, bloomin, beggin heart
Most definitely wants but cannot have
Whatever it is it’s desires so bad

And you don’t have to quote me when I say that
Just go ahead and trace one of your heart-strings back
To the unwinding thing which you couldn’t have

They ask me if I’m with anyone…
If I’ve found anyone in my place of need?
Or if by chance she happened to walk on by
Down the other side of the same street
Just right past me?

To which I have always and often replied
Feigning a smile of effortless ease
That they shouldn’t worry about such things
Because my love life will stroll at whatever pace
And down whatever street that it does please

Behind every dusty picture frame
And written on every window pane
Within this empty house of mine
You will find
The quiet little secrets which I left inside
Before I moved back to the city
To a place where I needed to be
In order to continue my life of ease

What can I say
When things are this way?
Not much I’m afraid
Make a comparison to the difference, be it night or day…
Cheesy
Tell you that it will not always be this way…
Untrue
Because only we as a race can say
And determine what it means
To be loved and to love
At least in this, this certain way
So what can I say?
When things are this way
Just be wise and be true
When you question that way

I cannot see outside of me
Just as I cannot see the other side of the other screen
Or the person who might admire my words
Or just how they might even appear to be

But this is fine and alright with me
Because foresight flows most equally
Both to and from the truth within
Until such truth is know to me

And just as I might never see
The person who reads my poetry
There is something refreshing inside of me
Like an inherent truth reminding me

That only the readers who I let see
Will ever get a chance to be
Within that certain sight in question
First and foremost, as it appeared to me

You want to know a secret about me?
I'll share it with you and only you
Some days I wake up on this earth
And question nearly everything
That I'm trying to do, that I'm trying to be
Every feeble minded song that I sing
Which's created by another set of strings
I question it, I question me
Not to try and fully understand what I see
But because I'm constantly redefining the self
And trying to better understand this man
This amalgamation known as me

When your lover limps away
Into the dark of that good night
Which makes you question your memory of the light
There is only one thing to do or say
To try and minimize that loss
Which is to say nothing at all
But to move away to another town
Where just around every waking corner
There isn’t a different memory to be found
Of her, of Maggie
That's why on the plane ticket now
I can see from the boarding pass
That for Seattle we're bound
To begin again without the blackbird
To a place far away
Where hopefully we won't have to say
Bye bye to someone like her again
At least in that specific way

How quickly the feeble minded forget
About the trials and struggles once offset
By those who have a servants heart

And in handling such people
Who slander you and tear your tedious work apart

The honest response to all of this
Is that this could indeed be considered an art

To kindly withhold with each remark
When you are parted from the comfort of their kind words
Which tend to play out on the stage

How quickly do the others forget
About everything, that is except for their own parts

As if anything you say or do could impact me
Dear innocent girl
You keep your puddles
And I’ll be happy
Especially if you ever decide to swim with me in the sea

You shake me like a spiderweb
Reverberate the edges of my mind
Until the very essence of you spreads
And you are attached
To every corner of every structure
Which I've slowly built up inside of my head