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Jay M May 7
How can this be
"Happy birthday" to me
When anxiety and fear
Has been so near
And now finally upon me?

It feels as though there is something to flee
But what, I know not
Possibly just a passing thought
That this day was so ominous
The potential for darkness
But all that lingers is confusion
Were my anxieties but an illusion?

Wishes to me from those around
But I can only hear one sound
A heartbeat
Then the patter of feet
Upon the hardwood floor
A knocking at the door
"Happy birthday to you!"
Everywhere I turn
But it's anything but-

It feels as though I'm being suffocated
Drowned out and forced down
Into a seat
In front of a small burning heat
Just to listen to them sing
While I sweat a ring
Then extinguish it
Have a bit
Of the sweet below it

Smile for the camera
Watch them as they smother you
Tell you what to say and do
Some say the
Best things come in time
Say a little rhyme
Until the day comes to an end.

- Jay M
May 7th, 2020
I don't know why, but I've been fearing this day since Monday. It just felt so...ominous. Like something is going to happen. Now that it's upon me, I don't know what to do. I was given some gifts, sung happy birthday by some family and family friends (one of which played "Happy Birthday" on a silver trumpet at my doorstep), and now I'm just sitting on my couch, wondering if someone is going to just pop out of nowhere and scare me by shouting "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" from behind me. All I want is a peaceful day, maybe talk to some friends over the phone, and go for a nice walk.
Emma Apr 29
You feel the burning within, no?
The festering of your morality?
There is nothing so infinitesimal as the meaning of your existence.
But don’t despair, child.
Fear is a construct of your own mind.
Will you conquer it? Or will you die like a dog?
Better to leave this world covered in blood than in tears.
Smear your shame on a canvas and call it art
When we all know that you cannot capitalize on your suffering
But I ask, do not stop
Watching you walk the fine line between reason and madness is tantalizing

I know you hate me, love.
I can feel your anger seethe from your body and ooze out of every pore.
Your mind rots from the fermenting emotions inside.
You want to carve me open.
Watch wine spill on the floor, coating everything in a sickly shade of red.
Shatter the glasses and pierce your skin
Blood is so bright, a stark contrast to the black and white nature of our vision
Splatter the walls in red, just to have something organic decorating your walls
Show the world the artist you are
Paint your face in your medium
Pick up your brush
Tears in your eyes, blurring your view
Can you finish the task?
Will you survive outside of this world?
Can you escape your own decay?

But it is getting late.
The sun is setting on many things, and you don’t have much time.
You cannot **** me in any way that matters, so stop trying.
I will always be with you.
A guide. Mapping the void for you.
So do not fret, dear.
Your soul will be dealt with the hour is right.
No god can save you from the fate I have in store for you.
Bad Luck Feb 2013
The rain keeps falling
As dry as a drought.

                       “ Rain drops heavier than water,
                           When it’s laden with doubt.

He said,
                       “ The ground simply can’t hold it
                                     … So it must go without.

               ” You’ve never known water to stain,
                  But you’ve never felt this kind of rain.
                  It’s thicker than your skin.
                  It stains your clothes and what’s within.
                  It sounds like hammers as it pounds -
                 And yet, the ground won’t let it in.

          So it flows like a river that only gets bigger;
                     It like a force that knows no remorse.
                     Despite endless efforts to stop it -
                     It still runs like a faucet…
                                        With nowhere to drain. "

But if the ground holds no plants, is the water so vital?
Is the rain’s sole purpose this lifeless recital?
The ground stays so strong.
It holds fast, like pure stone
But can one stay so long when one’s so alone?
When one is forced to move,
               Will the ground or the rain?
And when the first one has gone,
               Will the other remain?

For now, they coexist,
Each facing a challenge it can’t resist -
Both unstoppable and immovable,
                              They hopelessly persist.
As complements, they combine
                        With the product of a flood.
But the water that’s collecting
                        Has the consistency of blood.

There’s a heart behind this water.
It pulses, instead of flowing.
So you turn to the only man you know,
             for parting words with danger growing.
And he says, as you leave:

               “ I wish you luck where you are going.
                   My son, you’ve only seen the rain . . .
                    . . . The winds are not yet blowing
"Bad Luck: In a Wakeful Contradiction" is now available on Amazon in paperback!

Serendipity Dec 2019
There is something
so ominous
her iridescence.
Steven Forrester Aug 2019
It's late
Or early
Depending on
Your perspective
Not doing great
A little too lonely
Reflecting on
My prerogative
I'm a comet
Falling from the stars
But the ground is far
I'm coming in hot
This impact is going to be hard
A little too dark?
Some times I can't believe
The **** that happens to me
The more I get hurt
The funnier it becomes
This hilarity
It's scaring me
I can't tell if this is real
I'm not sure
But I think.....
I think I'm forgetting how to feel.
Steven Forrester Jun 2019
You know
It's rare
When I feel like
I like myself
Because every time
I get excited
I get shot down
Crash and burn
And once again
Sadness ignited

You know
It's sad
To think so highly of myself
Only to be told
You're not good enough
You're too nice
Too mean
To distant
To clingy
So quiet
But oh so annoying
It's rough

You know
It's not easy
Having these conflicts
Deep inside
They never subside
Knowing what I want to say
But also knowing
I have no right to speak
But in my mind
I just can't hide
From you

You know
Your presence alone
Can lift me up
Out of this prison
In which I lock myself
Of course this is something
I can't tell you at present
So I suffer silently
So sure I was
Of this serendipity
I was wrong
Now an epitome
Of stupidity
I close my lips

You know
I don't know
What the future holds
I've spent so much time
On my own
My heart is screaming
For someone to hold
But alas
It seems I'll always be alone...
mal frost Jun 2019
a single bead
of cold sweat
my forehead
it's time.
trying some new things out
sankavi May 2019
he's the ominous boy I barely know
bright blue eyes
messy hair
never smiling
he's always just there

been hurt far too many times to count
does drugs to mask the pain

is it working though?
do you finally feel happy?
is killing your body fixing your soul?
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