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Chris Feb 2019
I suffered, so I don't let others suffer,
I was ***** so I don't ****,
I was abandoned, so I don't abandon,
I wasn't loved, so I love you,whoever you are.
I was betrayed, I don't betray.
I wasn't killed, so I **** the filth instead.
What an interesting turn of events.
Mnyeh
Feb 2019 · 244
Violence
Chris Feb 2019
The difference:
The stupid turn to violence, because they know nothing else.
The desperate turn to violence, because they tried everyyhing else.
I turned to violence, because I was born deranged with a ****** up frontal lobe.
This I think makes me an Idol for the stupid and the desperate.
From a point of view of a deranged criminal, not personal experience, not too far from it, I am non-violent because I get some often enough.
Feb 2019 · 296
Rocks
Chris Feb 2019
Not a builder.sculptor.mason etc.
The only thing they're good for then is
bashing someone in the head.
Really,really, really hard.
Somehow, all things you cannot comprehend,
are good at least for this.
Or eating, or jamming up your lower parts.
Be creative.
With courage and stupidity there are no borders.
Just tall buildings.
Feb 2019 · 311
Pieces
Chris Feb 2019
Some pieces  of you and me,
Only crows will get to see.
Feb 2019 · 138
Token
Chris Feb 2019
all the wrong words have been spoken,
strikes landed, and left scars open.
I wear it as a charm, a token.

I'm nobody, I am broken.
Feb 2019 · 233
Liar
Chris Feb 2019
I'm an *******,and a liar,
but I set your soul on fire.
I'm a cheater, beater, awful man,
And you'd fall for me again.
Feb 2019 · 405
Feelings
Chris Feb 2019
Feelings are like ****.
I tried to flush them, gin, Jack, ***,
but **** is **** and with enough liquid it doesn't sink.
It  comes to the surface.
Feb 2019 · 215
Master
Chris Feb 2019
I am no one's master,
Or ever wanna be.
I am free, and you are free.

So take caution if you
follow me.
You are still on your own road,
but still,
I will give you a hand when I ascend,
And I will call you over if you stray.
But you don't have to fall with me.
You chose your own way.
Feb 2019 · 274
Mad
Chris Feb 2019
Mad
I say I like it.
Being mad.
Tried to be normal once, didn't go well.
It's the answer.
To all of you.
Nothing helped me, Noone helped me,
No support or understanding.
I've gone insane and I am a better person for it.
What's stopping you?
Feb 2019 · 225
Sad
Chris Feb 2019
Sad
That crying child.
It's me, but I don't cry.
A man grown, It's unseemly.
That bitter man.
It's me, but I still smile.
I hide the ugly misery.
That rotten corpse.
It's me, but I'm alive,
Still kicking and screaming,
But I will taste no victory.
Feb 2019 · 993
Truth
Chris Feb 2019
She's ugly but I want her.
The truth is , we all know a gal like that.
And the truth is a lot like that gal.
Feb 2019 · 413
Vicious
Chris Feb 2019
A vicious *******, in the dark, alone.
Soon a supper, perhaps.
Nice tasting ***** around the bones,
First, a need to chew through that.

A vicious *******, in the cafe, beside you,
Near the window, near the door,
Wants to put something inside you,
leave you bleeding on the floor.

A vicious ******* in the office,
Near the cube, near the booth,
Offering to bring you coffee,
Stick his **** in, break the tooth.

Vicious bastars all of them,
Waiting, polishing their guns,
Some are family, some are friends,
All are close, and you should run.
A pesimistic outlook on life where you're surrounded by people who mean to use you on every step.
Feb 2019 · 209
I am a loser
Chris Feb 2019
A killer that has never killed,
Got close but I never did.
A player that don't play the game,
An arrow without bow and aim,
A ****** who can't get laid ,
I'm a *****, but I don't get paid,
A momma's boy that got abused,
A gambler who's got nothing to lose,
A beggar, king most often fool,
I play chess, don't know the rules,
Gotta gun that don't have bullets in,
I'm a sinner but I can't sin,
I play and play but I can't win,
I indulge my every whim,
I done **** and I feel fine,
Didn't have ***** to cross the line,
Kick the head and let him bleed,
Go get ****** and do some ****,
Now I got a job and wife,
It's boring and I hate my life.
I'm a loser with nothing to lose,
I'm a fool  who works for fools.
A mock rap song about my ****** life.
Feb 2019 · 120
Total, Utter Shit
Chris Feb 2019
My life is misery,
If I get it my way my loved ones suffer.
If I don't I'll make them suffer.
Feb 2019 · 295
PG
Chris Feb 2019
PG
Why do we need PG?
It's an ******* reality.
What will a child see?
*** and violence on TV?
There's *** and violence plenty more,
In schools, in alleys behind the store.
So let your children know the ropes,
So that you don't raise a corpse.
Let your children see ******* and killing, because it's natural. And kids, go, ****, don't wait until marriage, married *** ***** ***.
Jan 2019 · 271
Love letter to Satan
Chris Jan 2019
I write as I cry as I drink as I am,
A broken little man with sad dreams in his head,
The fingers that choke me still open the clam,
To find no pearls in but still leave it dead.

I love as I sleep as I **** as I want,
A sad little boy trapped in old man's skin,
The hands that awoke me still clumsy and blunt,
Dig my eyes out before I begin.

I dream as I yearn as I fail as I try,
A bitter young man with blood on his mind,
The hands that are on me want you to die,
While gasping for air desperate and blind.

I come as I am as you were as we'll be,
With gray in my heart and blond in my hair,
I was who I was, and now that's no more Me,
The blood still runs but brain can't be repaired.

I scream as I stay as I do as we bleed,
Whith heart that of *Bundy and the brain of Baudlaire,
So you will forgive me, aggression and greed,
Satan, have pity on my long despair.
* Bundy- refers to the serial killer Ted Bundy
Jan 2019 · 197
Hall of Hearts
Chris Jan 2019
A kiss before sleep, a sweet song and rest,
as it should be as it always is,
With sweet fingers of fate, the head is undressed,
To bare the dreams that lie beneath.

A river will call to run and to hide,
But her sweet voice is calming and warm,
Sleep sweetest child, soon you will die,
Wake up a man with heart full of storm.

The trail on the floor will guide you to Him,
As many a boy, since and before,
To room full of life yet ****** and dim,
Follow my child the trail on the floor.

The hall of hearts will take you in,
It gives something pretty  in return,
It covers with marble your  pale white skin,
And leaves you to rot in its endless room.

A circle you exit, you never escape,
It will beat, and beat and give no rest,
You will be strong and you will be safe,
And you'll live your life with a hole in your chest.
A reflection on the abuse I endured and may not have survived as a child, heavy with metaphore, don't try to understand, you'll go mad as I did. :)
Jan 2019 · 188
The river
Chris Jan 2019
Repeat, repeat, repeat, the river flows,
following the beat.
The drum, the drum the flesh of life,
The skin over it breath of light,
Repeat, repeat, repeat, the river flows still,
following the beat.
The crash the bass the rhythm calls,
It's beating still withing the walls.
Retreat, retreat , retreat, the river dries,
when you're beneath.
The gun, the sword the gleam of knife,
They call and yearn for beat of life.
Go down go down go down, the river flows over,
The child will drown.
The face the smell the pain of want,
The world comes close and comes undone
The heart will beat, bleed drop for drop,
The heart will die, the river stop.
Jan 2019 · 226
Forget
Chris Jan 2019
Whether you forget them or black birds come an take them,
Whether you forget or they steal it away,
The dreams that kept you going,
Singing and not knowing,
The sun that's always glowing,
And the light of day,
You better forget them or they will fly away.
Jan 2019 · 191
A Dirty Secret
Chris Jan 2019
There's a secret that I keep,
I don't keep it well.
I already told everyone, I mutter when I sleep.
But there's simply too much to tell.

Everyone knows, even my shame,
She also knows and doesn't care,
Everyone hates, but hearing her name,
Makes me wish to bite and tear.

All have heard, and they so think,
They know how deep it goes to rot,
Mouths say words and eyes don't blink,
But understand, they don't.

It's not the secret that I'm obsessed,
It's not the secret, alone, as such,
It's not the secret that I'm depressed,
The secret is: how deep, how much.
Jan 2019 · 338
Beauty
Chris Jan 2019
I won't say much, but what I know,
is that beauty always is.

Simply this. Near only this.

I don't know much but what I want,
the blind man can also see.

It's not the looks, it's not the touch, It's to be free.

I do wish to have it all, but what I get,
still is a bliss.

Beauty is. Beauty is.
Jan 2019 · 248
Lust
Chris Jan 2019
Turn my water into wine,
Blindly, follow, be obsessed,
I pray for beauty to be mine,
I wish for you to be undressed.

Turn my body inside out,
Crawl and beg, but it's your time,
It's your thighs,your wet pink mouth,
It's my altar, it's your shrine.

Turn my water into dust,
I grind my teeth on marble stairs,
That open my way to lust,
Away from dreams that breed despair.
Chris Jan 2019
Sweet is the song in my heart,
That sings with angelic voices of
your beauty that makes my nights bright
That makes the sun rise in the morning

Translation:

I got high and thought my heart was singing,
I had *** dreams that you were in so naturally when
I woke up with morningwood, I helped myself to your picture
and wanked myeslf all morning.
Jan 2019 · 972
Banal
Chris Jan 2019
I AM RUDE .
I'm the rudest ******* you'll ever see.
The sailors and bus drivers, in all their glory,
aren't as half as rude as me.

I AM SARCASTIC,
I am not being sarcastic at all,
I mean you're doing sooo great figuring me out,
It's not painful to watch at all.

I AM INSANE,
The maddest horse in the senate,
Or was it the Caesar I cant remember,
I'm crazy **** it!

I AM SHALLOW,
If I had to spit or swallow,
I'd do both and say I had *** twice.
Just to feel nice.

I AM NOT A GOOD PERSON,
I am not a person at all,
I am a mirror of bad parenting
Lustful, petty and banal.
Jan 2019 · 253
The Golden Watch
Chris Jan 2019
My watch is made of iron,
Her watch is made of gold,

Now truth be told if they were sold,
Her would fetch a hefty price,
But when telling time, it's the gears inside,
That count and they're always steel, of course.

My gun is made of iron,
His gun is made of gold,

Now, to tell the truth if I could choose,
I'd take his rather, to be real,
But when killing a man you must understand,
The bullet is what seals the deal.

So even with all the advantage,
That gold gives to fat rich swines,
I'm prepared to take my chances with killing men, and telling time.
Jan 2019 · 232
The Wishing Well
Chris Jan 2019
I'd love if I could tell,
That I wish you well,

But, (and there's always butts)

Any wish I have to pay for,
I reserve to myself.
Jan 2019 · 228
Et Tu, Brute?
Chris Jan 2019
Crooked liars every last,
stinking
one of them,
Snakes in the grass!
To hell I send!

I lasted too long to
feel so wrong,
I smiled too much
to shed
a tear,
I don't want I don't belong!
I don't know fear!

I drank too much to be,
at home,
alone with everyone,
I cry! I crawl, I scream!
The filthy deed is done!

**** homini lupus est!
A carnivorous pest!

Sons and daughters
****** and paupers!

Ad cineram nihil est!
All the claims have been refuted!
Beware the snake, Beware the traitor!
Et tu, Brute?
*First Latin phrase= A man to a man is a wolf
*Second Latin phrase= From ashes comes nothing
*Third Latin phrase=  Even you, Brutus (alleged Caesar's last words)
Jan 2019 · 394
Coffee
Chris Jan 2019
Death likes its coffee the way it likes me: cold.bitter.
As if there weren't enough bitterness in life.
Every minute counts and every step cuts deeper,
In the end the nightfall is as sharp as a knife.

And the days are falling sleepy,slow,
And the leaves are bleeding gray,
Everything that's now, will be long ago,
Everything that blooms will be blown away.

The tables will be occupied by worms.
And the candle fades with the morning light,
And form once white dress a stench so vile returns,
It's the smell of blood for maggot's delight.

Greasy curtains roast in sunlight,
As the day is swallowed by late summer's heat,
It's the only thing remaining to roam in the twilight,
To wallow in the victory of its own defeat.

But my room's as cold as ever.
Eternally shrouded in the coat of dark,
Which eye will soothe forever and ever,
but the foot dare not set, dare not leave a mark.

And so the bones are gathered by the wall ,
Around table surrounded by the pale,
As I await my last and final call,
When the reaper's taxi will be taking me away.

I won't wait much longer, and I'll calmly go,
Let me write a poem and smoke the cigar,
Maybe nail a note to the dusty door,
And sit by the window in the Reaper's car.

I will leave my sadness and sarcasm behind,
and the days I spent in fear and maybe in the end,
The cup of cold coffee that I had to grind,
And grab a glass of whiskey with lady Death instead.
Jan 2019 · 179
Until The Last Drop
Chris Jan 2019
It tears and chokes like brine,
Memories of snuffed freedom and love,
A perfect picture of an ex world.

The eye followed the hand,
and blindly met it's end.

An open wound is bleeding,
Without flesh to go back to,
Without the sink to fall into.

The hand followed the soul,
In to the ancient dream, far over the wall.

On the alter of the crushed dreams,
The drowned man's well,
To my own funeral.

But if nothing else the heart is beating still,
It has always done, and it always will.

Despair will conquer all,
Because it has become powerful,
We brought it the sacrifices:

The deaf blind and the blind cripples all!
The ones who lost their innocent soul.

This is the price!
This is the place!
This is the Sacrifice!

Fight now, ****, spill, until your last breath,
Laugh til the last drop of blood into the face of DEATH!

This is what DEATH is!
This is where it leads!
This is the sacrifice!
Give it what it needs!
Jan 2019 · 960
New Babylon
Chris Jan 2019
Exalted will be the son of Man,
Who today has let Death die,
Breathe in the spirit of spiritless air,
Eternal will be our finite lives.

The ***** of Babylon be praised,
Her ******-like beauty is the bliss of skies,
I am lust incarnate the child that she raised,
Human blood and hatred, love that's free from lies.

Gomorrah O Ancient! From Ashes arise,
And reclaim the glow of flesh and desire,
***** the Glorious with ****-wanting eyes,
Evermore lighting the ***** on fire.

Blood of John's beheading is baptismal oil!
The Cross of fallen Peter will glow brightly today,
Faceless ones that living, taint the mortal soil,
Life will be your punishment, Death will be your way!

Like a phoenix Glorious Babylon stands tall,
Existing without being built back up on bones,
Universe will judge and be the only law,
The free Men of the world will tear Jehovah's throne!
Jan 2019 · 294
The Last War
Chris Jan 2019
It is the war, and everlasting,
Its purpose depraved and disgusting,
And the light the stars are casting,
is a shadow of before,
It leaves all mankind in scattered ruins
and defies all righteous doings,
and there is no victor returning,
from this last of wars.

Nine hells will unleash the flame,
while we fight and die in vain,
nothing ever is the same,
no matter how it turns.
And the mushroom cloud is rising
a sign of a new dividing,
after it there´s no more hiding,
everything will burn.

Skinned and bare and chests cut open,
left to crows and half way rotten,
soon discarded and forgotten,
it´s the end it seems.
And the casualties are many,
But all that will be left to bury,
in this endless cemetery,
Is our hopes and dreams
Jan 2019 · 299
The Gate
Chris Jan 2019
Born out of chaos, the chaos that sleeps,
Crept out of the Nameless Mists,
Spawn of void and boundless deeps,
Knows and sees all that can exist.

He knows, knows all he knows and sees,
He sees all and broods and waits,
He stands guard and holds the keys,
He knows the gate, he is the gate.

He's as great as space is vast.
By the unnameable's dreams he's brought,
The present, the future and the past,
All are one in Yog-Sototh.
Dedicated to one of the most awesome creations of the great H.P.L :)
Jan 2019 · 221
Memento
Chris Jan 2019
When one loses the direction,
Or goes a safe way of ignorance,
When the forest thickens
with the trees as reminders.

and as the ravens look down.
There is pity in their wings
the gods of yore have forgotten
the words of eternity.

The rain clouds laugh with thunder,
As the drops of life turn to vapor,
Eyes fill with glimmer, of tears
And the voice calls for me to remember

As we fall!
as we rise!
As we choose the way we die!
As we crave
As we gain
as we drink to dull the pain!

As we cut our way through life
As we bask ourselves in glory
quod vivimus, quod amamus
Memento morri memento morri
.
*Latin phrase means :  As we live, as we love, remember death(or be reminded of death)
Jan 2019 · 179
Depression
Chris Jan 2019
To cry for help in an empty room,
To slit a wrist with a notebook page,
To try to chase away the gloom,
To try and try, but things don't change.

To live and die not knowing why,
Happiness you never felt,
Lets only your wishes slide,
Into drainpipes of contempt,

To laugh at your own demise,
To let irony build a wall,
To make sarcasm as sharp as lies.
To let hate warm up your soul.

To **** the one for he feels better,
To **** yourself because you're worse,
To not know why you're doomed to shatter,
To truly hate the universe.

To live and die, not knowing when,
The laughter will turn into screams,
And fill your heart with a calming sense,
When my nightmares are your dreams.
Jan 2019 · 232
Dreaming II (nightmare)
Chris Jan 2019
Velvet river slowly flowing,
As the autumn wind is blowing,
Just a glimpse of life it's showing,
Is taking you away,

Tired trees who's solemn sleeping,
Reminds a human soul of weeping,
And a brave, brave paw of rabbit leaping,
will make you into prey.

The green lanes of sunshine winding,
Golden light of city blinding,
The feeling of so gently sliding,
Is marking your own grave.

The rush and rumor ever stirring,
In the cauldron, reassuring,
That flame under you is burning,
Wherever you choose to stray.
This one is about the ugly side of being free.
Jan 2019 · 203
Dreaming
Chris Jan 2019
Wandering and loudly dreaming,
Think I better than believing,
Any stray path, so deceiving,
No matter how brightly clear,

Walking further calm and breathing,
Air so sweet and smoke misleading,
Never shall it spark the meaning,
That so often comes with fear.


Paradise is where I'm striding,
Whether downpour or sun be shining,
And I don't find myself denying,
The cost of my freedoms gleam,

To hell, to fire or to battle,
Towards the snake's tail that rattles,
When the mirror finally shatters,
You too will know, it's just a dream.
Jan 2019 · 1.1k
Carnivore
Chris Jan 2019
Skin is but a thin, thin leaf,
Flesh is meat, and meat is good,
Bone is hard, but bone is sweet,
Under that, who knows, who could?

Blood is sour, blood is blue,
Veins are stringy, tasty too,
Heart's a muscle, not the soul,
And I don't mind even lungs at all.


Nerves are tender, tender things,
Pluck them, and make for spicy meal,
Play them as they were guitar strings,
And see how gourmet that soup would feel.

Eyes, oh eyes, exquisite blue,
(Brown and green as well will do,)
Look if what they see is true,
Look before I eat them too.
About human tendency to destroy others and enjoy.I am no different.
Jan 2019 · 698
Requiem
Chris Jan 2019
I tried to assemble
The pieces of Osiris
But all the stars aligned so
That i should fail again

I tried to revive the
Body of Lazarus
but the tomb had swallowed
The words of the messiah.

Long rang the bell
My soul had come to bitter end
Desperate chants
blood does glimmer on their hands
Hammers dance on nails
They urge the dead to stay contained
Slayer eats the slain
Til the end of time til last of days

I struggle to awaken
I'm morally brain dead
But all the ****** effort
sticks me to the ground

The burden of Atlas
Lays on my two shoulders
if I drop my sky
will anyone notice

Long live the king
The reaper hand in hand with me
choir commence to sing
heaven weeps for apathy
Hades take away
All the strife and all the pain
Pie Jesu Domine
dona eis requiem
.
Pie Jesu Domine, dona eis requiem- Merciful Lord Jesus grant them eternal rest
-This one is about futile attempts to right the wrongs and getting crushed in the process.
also
*Osiris- Egyptian god of the dead/underworld
*Lazarus-The dude revived by Jesus
*Hades-Greek god of the underworld
*Atlas- Titan cursed to carry the heavens on his shoulders lest they fall down
Jan 2019 · 272
Fire
Chris Jan 2019
Life will sometimes feel uncanny,
Weird and void of understanding,
Life will sometimes let me tell,
Be loveless, and will hurt like hell.

Love will sometimes feel so forceful,
Leaving you to face the cold,
In that time to be remorseful,
Is to really hate your soul.

Life will sometimes feel like falling,
To the endless pit that's calling,
All those who betrayed their wrath,
Downwards surely strays their path,

Love will sometimes be disgusting,
You will sacrifice your dream,
For someone who is neither lasting,
Nor are fully who they seem.

Life will sometimes feel unchanging,
And all the joy in it like fading,
But no matter where you turn,
Wrath should always brightly burn.
Jan 2019 · 559
Death And I
Chris Jan 2019
One morning, down a lonely path,
Wandered two friends, Me, and Death.
One morning while the sun did rise,
Walked the path my friend and I.

An came we across a man,
Whose life was sad, whose life was cruel,
And came we to understand,
Man was but a poor, poor fool.

And came we across a horse,
Whose riding days have long since passed,
And came we on our morning course,
To shame the first and pity the last.

To all things this might be true.
You shame me, I pity you.

And came we across a crow,
While the sun behind did shine,
And blackened it the early glow,
Yet it's darkness was divine,

And came we across a sheep,
In its curly coat ov wool,
And as is likely to repeat,
Sheep was also but a fool.

To all things this I might say,
You block the path, I fly away.

And time to choose came all too soon,
Which ov them to take with us,
On our lonely path to noon,
Whose time here did really pass?

In the end we chose the man,
Or rather HE, he makes the rules,
He told me, as only death can:
I never learned to pity fools.

After him, He chose the sheep,
Grim reaper swung his fingers forth
And as blood ran, no man did weep,
Said He: cries are but for human sort.


His mercy did end to receive,
Neither white sheep nor the fool.
Neither stupid nor naive,
Are free from His grip cold and cruel.

To all things this must be true,
We're only sheep, both me and you.

One morning, down a lonely path,
Wandered two friends, Me, and Death,
As soon as the noon light shows,
Death will walk this path alone.
Jan 2019 · 330
Black As Night
Chris Jan 2019
As I turn my head and look,
beyond the thin white curtain of the day,
The sun shines fair, but the road i took,
Through days it goes, *noir du jais.

And the hands got lost in waves by night,
The dawn revealed they could've prayed,
Another glance, that dreadful sight,
A glimpse of life, noir du jais.

Breath of sea salt the Wind will spread,
And his songs sing, What I dare not say,
Through clouds and cold, deep blue and dead,
lies lost hope, noir du jais.

And the leaves get blown beyond return,
The wind still hums the tune death plays,
On this grave still fire burns,
Undying flame, noir du jais.
* noir du jais- correct me if I am wrong but I have seen this translated as- jet black
Jan 2019 · 395
The Grave
Chris Jan 2019
I found a pretty apple tree and dug myself a grave,
In it I've left my body, words and a sad mind,
All those things in life to whom I were a slave,
All will in the end be gladly left behind.

On every face I see, the same old tired smile,
That always hides a riddle, a story or a myth,
Always full of secrets, always full of lies,
That turn around the smoke o'er the fire pits.

Through rainy eyes I see the dawning of the day,
I admire sun in its morning glory,
I feel its healing beams carrying me away,
And the final darkness- the end of my story.

I picked a snow white flower, and saw in it my death,
In every petal written the end to my pain,
I've crossed this cursed field the path to my last breath,
My soul thus has left me in the light of day.
I found a pretty apple tree and dug myself a grave.

— The End —