The illusion of control
ripples in front of my reflection.
The water reflects the state of the soul:
Shifting and changing
with a mere drop
causing faces
to distort.

There is a comfort in knowing
that the waters will calm
once more.

returned to the same desk,
the same grindstone, the same thoughts,
cyclical patterns of thought and action,
but which comes first?

the will slips, the cracks widen,
and it all floods in, easier to understand,
caught within the same ropes,
you spun from woes of a broken past,

and they were meant to help climb out,
but the grease that bounds the threads,
cannot be grasped by those unresolved,
to the reality they crave most,

I'll return from my exile,
back on country roads
lodging in this foreign space,
another one of my "abodes".
I'll apologize for their trouble,
while the true abode
and your essence residing still
will have turned to rubble,
four walls and the roof,
embraced you in the flesh,
when even to me
they were aloof.
The bed and the pillows,
clasped you to sleep
gold brown hair all set free
years later,
it will have been buried
with your essence residing still
in the abode's dead debris.

I wonder
What it is like
To be still.

It must be lovely
Not always shifting in your skin
And mind as well.

Is it even possible
To have that in this time?
Who can tell?

I don't know
But I hope one day
I will - you know, be still...

Faded daydream
like continuous clockwork constantly
reaffirming itself in cycles of limitations.
Who is talking
which one is speaking?
The actor of many characters that
have become so real.


The awareness cuts through
and
shows it's not you.
But the patterns still remain,
a flickering between
an old life and the new.

Sea of rubber, storm of rock
Ponder endless, mudslide thoughts
Never,
      never,
           never        
stops
    Until I
cannot see

Batter, torment, carry, pour
Solid things are shifting shores
    Until
I cannot hear

Sighs are monsters, out from under
Mud is made of every mutter
Thunder fades into more thunder
    Avalanche demands

All of what you thought was peace
deserts to deserts underseas
the grains of sand
climb past  your knees

    and now i cannot think

I used to hide from walls of rock
  or shrink into a corner;
    
    at least
cement
    is solid set

the earth shifts
feet cling to ceiling
knives dance in my chest
up is down
but down is not up
silver drips off of my fingers
a sheen falling up
or was it down?

a deer is on the ceiling
or is she on the floor?
she whispers
"you cannot be what you wish to be
if you do not first wish"
the earth shifts
her coat gleams
her eyes shatter and repair
the earth collapses

she is gone

i put my fingers to my lips
all i taste is metal

I want to be a greeter to the new seasons
to allow the new love, new sunrises and sunsets
the moon looks different from here
I gave away the old shirts and kissed the new lips and let the old worries stay awhile
change is the only thing we're promised
I made my old bed in a new room and danced in the kitchen in my same socks
I welcomed the softer skin and sugar-coated voice, the life that changed when I stopped looking back
everything shifts and I adjust
it's me, a new me, the same me
somehow different
somehow just as marvelous

I tried to assemble
The pieces of Osiris
But all the stars aligned so
That i should fail again

I tried to revive the
Body of Lazarus
but the tomb had swallowed
The words of the messiah.

Long rang the bell
My soul had come to bitter end
Desperate chants
blood does glimmer on their hands
Hammers dance on nails
They urge the dead to stay contained
Slayer eats the slain
Til the end of time til last of days

I struggle to awaken
I'm morally brain dead
But all the ****** effort
sticks me to the ground

The burden of Atlas
Lays on my two shoulders
if I drop my sky
will anyone notice

Long live the king
The reaper hand in hand with me
choir commence to sing
heaven weeps for apathy
Hades take away
All the strife and all the pain
Pie Jesu Domine
dona eis requiem.